Hi everyone only just found this thread and glad I have!! A lot of my friends have children, some on their second. And I’m the odd one out now.. but I’m bored of it? Bored of having no one who wants to make plans, or if we do they bring their kid along.. any advice?
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Get new friends. Honestly, get friends who don’t want kids. Friends with kids will always put the kids first and it’s all they want to talk about.
This is something I’ve found really tricky as I get older so I’m genuinely interested to know…how do you (or anyone else here!) go about making child free friends? I do find that as you get into your 30s/40s most people have ‘established’ friendship groups and don’t seem to want to branch out..but I’d love to be proved wrong!
I feel the same!This is something I’ve found really tricky as I get older so I’m genuinely interested to know…how do you (or anyone else here!) go about making child free friends? I do find that as you get into your 30s/40s most people have ‘established’ friendship groups and don’t seem to want to branch out..but I’d love to be proved wrong!
I joined a few ladies social groups locally and met my closest friends. One I’ve known 5 years now since I moved to the area and the others just over a year. They came to my wedding two months ago!This is something I’ve found really tricky as I get older so I’m genuinely interested to know…how do you (or anyone else here!) go about making child free friends? I do find that as you get into your 30s/40s most people have ‘established’ friendship groups and don’t seem to want to branch out..but I’d love to be proved wrong!
Outside of these I have three other long terms friends but none live locally.
The one I met 5 years ago has had baby, but baby never comes out with us as we were both very anti baby when we met.
So I mainly make friends through work (I’ve had 6 jobs in 7 years!) or through classes/clubs. I made a really good friend through a Saturday college course I did. I’m lucky in that all my close school friends are childfree, as I guess similar people gravitate towards each other - I’m not really friends with many mumsy/“famalam” types that live in the same street as their mum (*cough* SIL *cough*), nearly all my friends live in London and are pretty independent. I guess I’m technically the most mumsy one because I live in the suburbs 
This weekend, 2 of my closest friends who had babies in 2021 have been separately talking to me about problems with their husbands. I dont mind being a listening ear but it's like I'm their marriage therapist or something 
. Both husbands are not doing enough parenting and think the mum should do the housework as well as all childcare. One of the husbands has also been texting another woman.. 
This just confirms to me that relationships go down the drain when you have a baby and I would never want that for myself! It's really sad.
These two friends dont know eachother but i felt quite unfortunate that both got pregnant at around the same time. I've only seen these friends a handful of times since they had babies and I find conversation flow really sucks now. I'll be talking about something and suddenly realise I'm not being listened to because mum has to give the baby some attention for whatever reason..
feels like there's no point even talking about my life!
. Both husbands are not doing enough parenting and think the mum should do the housework as well as all childcare. One of the husbands has also been texting another woman.. This just confirms to me that relationships go down the drain when you have a baby and I would never want that for myself! It's really sad.
These two friends dont know eachother but i felt quite unfortunate that both got pregnant at around the same time. I've only seen these friends a handful of times since they had babies and I find conversation flow really sucks now. I'll be talking about something and suddenly realise I'm not being listened to because mum has to give the baby some attention for whatever reason..
feels like there's no point even talking about my life!Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?
Yes I am an only child. As a kid I was pretty independent and happy to play alone. I also wasn't keen on kids my own age when I was little, I found them annoying
. I know plenty of childfree people that also have siblings though.
I have a couple of siblings and we've always been really close. I think that has kind of influenced my decision in the sense that I used to think I could probably be persuaded to have one child, but I really don't want to do pregnancy/birth/mat leave twice or more (and now, not even once, ha) and I wouldn't want to have an only child as it sounds like it must be really lonely (not saying that's the wrong or right choice for everyone btw, I know loads of people who aren't close with their siblings, just saying for me with my siblings being my best friends it isn't something I'd want to do)
I’d say about 50% of my friends from uni and college are without children, whether or not this is deliberate or they are having fertility issues I don’t know but it seems more common now for people to remain child free. A lot of them have good careers and can up sticks and travel so I’d like to think the tide is turning where not having a child is more normal.
I’m not. I have two elder half brothers on my mum’s side & two elder half sisters on my dad’s side, but they are all 7, 10 & 11 years older than me and I didn’t spend time with them when I was growing up as they were that much older. I did pretty much spend most of my childhood on my own and amusing myself and I wasn’t great socially because of that.
Only one of my half siblings now has a child despite them all being almost 40 and I do not see the half sister that has the child. My husband has an older sister, but she has no children. I think this has helped influence our decision because we have no children in our immediate families.
We’d have no real support if we had kids as no one else has them and we’d be the only ones with them so we would be shattering the family peace a little!
This is exactly one of the reasons why I don’t want children - things will always fall on the mother the vast majority of the time, despite the husband/partner saying before & during pregnancy how much they’ll help.. doesn’t transpire once baby is here. Have witnessed it so many times with friends; even when children are a bit older & in nursery / school, it’ll be mum who’s called to pick them up if they’re sick, then mum who has to take leave to look after them, mum who takes them to their appointments, birthday parties etc. And then it just breeds resentment in the relationship.This weekend, 2 of my closest friends who had babies in 2021 have been separately talking to me about problems with their husbands. I dont mind being a listening ear but it's like I'm their marriage therapist or something
This just confirms to me that relationships go down the drain when you have a baby and I would never want that for myself! It's really sad.
These two friends dont know eachother but i felt quite unfortunate that both got pregnant at around the same time. I've only seen these friends a handful of times since they had babies and I find conversation flow really sucks now. I'll be talking about something and suddenly realise I'm not being listened to because mum has to give the baby some attention for whatever reason..
I’m the eldest of a big family and I think it’s influenced my decision.. I can remember things like screaming babies during the night, having to share a room with siblings with quite an age gap, money being tight. It just always seemed stressful, exhausting & expensive to me so from a youngish age I was like hell no that’s not for me!
I’m an only child and so is my husband. We enjoy being alone and amusing ourselves. We’re also pretty selfish and while I know I could look after a child I don’t want to.
I have brothers and sisters and I love being part of a big family.
I read this awful post on Mums net the other day, this woman who had two kids under two and one was a baby. She had norovirus so was in the bathroom all night and on the Saturday, she asked her husband to stay home from playing football to help and he said no…he just left her, vomiting etc, looking after a baby and a toddler on her own as she had nobody else to help that day. It’s not even just the game itself, this guy went to the drinks afterwards - he was gone for seven whole hours. I could never
That’s exactly the stuff I mean. It’s all well and good them saying oh we’ll be a team, I’ll pull my weight but honestly the vast majority of the time they don’t. I’ve seen it so many times with friends- they’re having to cancel their plans if child is sick, fellas who miraculously sleep through and never ever seem to hear the baby, the list goes on. I just know I’d be simmering with resentment if it were me.I read this awful post on Mums net the other day, this woman who had two kids under two and one was a baby. She had norovirus so was in the bathroom all night and on the Saturday, she asked her husband to stay home from playing football to help and he said no…he just left her, vomiting etc, looking after a baby and a toddler on her own as she had nobody else to help that day. It’s not even just the game itself, this guy went to the drinks afterwards - he was gone for seven whole hours. I could never
Having siblings didn't affect my decision. Working with kids did! When I was a childminder I realised how boring and lonely it is staying at home with kids all day and how hard it is constantly having to find things to do with them to keep them entertained and your sanity intact! I felt lucky I could give them back at the end of the day and have my evenings completely to myself.
I like kids. I still work with them. But they try my patience despite 20 years experience and there is no way I would want it 24/7.
I like kids. I still work with them. But they try my patience despite 20 years experience and there is no way I would want it 24/7.
My brother in law is great with the kids but his life has barely changed since they were born. He still plays football, goes to the match, has nights out/stag dos etc, while my sister has the kids all the time. It's rare she has a girls night out (her girlfriends are all married to her husbands mates so they must all be the same) If my sister goes out he goes to his mums with the kids so she can help him out.I read this awful post on Mums net the other day, this woman who had two kids under two and one was a baby. She had norovirus so was in the bathroom all night and on the Saturday, she asked her husband to stay home from playing football to help and he said no…he just left her, vomiting etc, looking after a baby and a toddler on her own as she had nobody else to help that day. It’s not even just the game itself, this guy went to the drinks afterwards - he was gone for seven whole hours. I could never
i work with a few new and newish mums and they honestly talk like their husbands are a bonus child. they do nothing. all i hear all day is he’s not good on his own with the baby, he can’t soothe the baby like i can, he was out all day saturday with the lads and didn’t come home until 2am, i haven’t been out since 2018, i have to lay out the baby’s whole outfit otherwise he can’t dress the baby, i’m trying to get him to do “daddy daycare” for an hour while i go for a costa. sometimes i’m like “and you CHOSE to have a baby with this person”. it just always seems to me like the women’s life completely changes whereas the man continues on completely as normal.
Regarding making child free friends, I met a few of mine at the gym! My mum friends don’t have time to go 
any activity like that really… maybe even local walking/ running clubs even if you’re not one for the gym! Most independently run fitness groups have Xmas nights out… great time to see who you vibe with!
any activity like that really… maybe even local walking/ running clubs even if you’re not one for the gym! Most independently run fitness groups have Xmas nights out… great time to see who you vibe with!- Status