Childfree by choice #5

[mediocrehouseplant]

I have one brother and although my sister-in-law has two siblings and 3 nephews, they're in another country a very long flight away. They're planning on kids, thank goodness as my mum seems to accept that it's never happening for me. I like kids in small doses, I could never handle having any myself.

My SIL is the high earner so they've already decided on my brother being the stay-at-home parent, if the need arises. I like to think my SIL would kick him up the arse if he was as lax as some of the dads mentioned here - and I'd be right behind her!

 

[GirlOnTheTrain]

Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?

I think it’s the opposite for me, I have siblings that are all quite a bit older than me, so I was an aunty by the time I was 12 or 13. Even then I remember that thinking that having kids wasn’t for me. It also showed me first hand what an unrelenting slog having kids could be…and this was way before the sugar-coated, filtered world of social media we live in now. So I guess they did me a favour really!

 

[Tangent Tiger]

I had horrible siblings and that definitely fluenced me with not having children. There are so many different influences about your decision to not have children however you can't say it's one thing, down to that.

 

[rosemarina]

I read this awful post on Mums net the other day, this woman who had two kids under two and one was a baby. She had norovirus so was in the bathroom all night and on the Saturday, she asked her husband to stay home from playing football to help and he said no…he just left her, vomiting etc, looking after a baby and a toddler on her own as she had nobody else to help that day. It’s not even just the game itself, this guy went to the drinks afterwards - he was gone for seven whole hours. I could never

I don’t understand why these women don’t issue an absolutely world-ending bollocking to these men. I can only think that they must be entirely financially dependent on them to feel they have no choice but to put up with them. If that was my husband, you’d hear me from France. How bleeping dare these men.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I don’t understand why these women don’t issue an absolutely world-ending bollocking to these men. I can only think that they must be entirely financially dependent on them to feel they have no choice but to put up with them. If that was my husband, you’d hear me from France. How bleeping dare these men.

In today’s society many can’t survive without the man’s wage and many can’t without both their wages. Many people stay together because the cannot afford to split.

 

[rosemarina]

Yet another reason not to have children. It’s such a huge risk for women if you don’t bring in your own money.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I don’t understand why these women don’t issue an absolutely world-ending bollocking to these men. I can only think that they must be entirely financially dependent on them to feel they have no choice but to put up with them. If that was my husband, you’d hear me from France. How bleeping dare these men.

They don’t want to create ‘and atmosphere’ for the kids, don’t want to argue for the kids and/or don’t want to risk breaking up the relationship - loads of mumsnet threads about staying until the kids are older/staying because it’s best for the kids etc. So they stay quiet and ‘keep the peace’. I couldn’t cope!

 

[Anne1448]

A lot of women who are the main caregivers usually can't leave their partners as their sacrifice for the children took their wages.

It's common to hear about incredibly smart women who have to abandon their career and accept a part-time job because they want to focus on the children. In the meantime, their husbands are having promotions after promotions.

When the children leave the nest their resentment is turned towards the husband.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Yet another reason not to have children. It’s such a huge risk for women if you don’t bring in your own money.

I recommend The Feminine Mistake by Leslie Bennetts about exactly what can go wrong if you are a SAHM with none of your own money coming in. It focuses a lot on successful Ivy League-educated American women who left their very well paid professional careers, but does discuss the rest of the social spectrum. I don't think it is helpful to tell women that "your husband will trade you in for someone much younger!" but if the marriage lasts, you still run the risk of divorce, disability, unemployment and so on

Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?

I'm one of twins and we have an older sister who has children. I don't want biological children and my twin will most likely not be able to have any because of endometriosis. I don't particularly think it's affected my decision although I grew up with the knowledge that my mother had a difficult birh (obviously a multiple birth is harder), later in my early teens I discovered an aunt had had several miscarriages and my grandmoher had had a hysterectomy for medical reasons caused by giving birth to three children. I think that put me off a little lol

 

[Sheeeet]

Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?

I'm an only child, I feel my personality type has more to do with the decision. Part of it being self aware enough to know it's not for me, partly being logically focused rather than emotional, partly being confident enough to not do what everyone else is doing - which is true for many aspects of my life.

 

[Princesst]

I have always found the idea of the addition of children into a 2 person relationship so weird. I can’t see how it’d ever work well or people expect things to be simple/the same/happy after. I just end up feeling bad for my female friends who have kids AND their partners because honestly from the outside it always looks crap for everyone involved . No winners. There’s so much dysfunction with it all and both my husband and I grew up in dysfunction so I couldn’t imagine willingly throwing ourselves into the high potential for that again.

 

[rosemarina]

@Princesst, I feel exactly the same way. You're with somebody you love; you have a great time together. Why ruin it?

 

[shadowcat5]

I don’t understand why these women don’t issue an absolutely world-ending bollocking to these men. I can only think that they must be entirely financially dependent on them to feel they have no choice but to put up with them. If that was my husband, you’d hear me from France. How bleeping dare these men.

^all of this everyday.

I also think it's just sad that there is clearly no love in these relationships. How on god's earth could you treat someone you love like that?!
In fact I would go as far as to say that he doesn't love his kids either because that is selfish beyond any kind of measure and I will say it, neglectful. Leaving your kid with someone who is sick with norovirus and who obviously can't care for them is fucked up.

 

[rosemarina]

I’m in the hairdresser. I can hear weird noises behind me. A child is playing something out loud on his iPad, FFS. Whatever happened to having bleeping headphones, especially in adult spaces?

 

[shadowcat5]

I’m in the hairdresser. I can hear weird noises behind me. A child is playing something out loud on his iPad, FFS. Whatever happened to having bleeping headphones, especially in adult spaces?

especially when the hairdressers costs a small fortune and it's supposed to be a nice experience. I paid £95 to have mine cut and dyed once.

 

[Blond3g1rl]

I’m in the hairdresser. I can hear weird noises behind me. A child is playing something out loud on his iPad, FFS. Whatever happened to having bleeping headphones, especially in adult spaces?

This is one of my biggest annoyances!

 

[mdizzl3]

Are any of you only children? Do you guys think being an only child vs having siblings influenced your decision?

I was an only child until 10, then I had a younger brother. I HATED having a toddler sibling and I’m pretty sure that’s what cemented my childfree decision. Screaming and running around from 7am every morning when I wanted a lie in, weekends spent doing boring tit like zoos and walks, family “holidays” were awful because my parents always went for small self-catering houses where I had to share a room, so no lie-ins, and everything revolved around him. We hated each other, fought all the time and only started getting on once he turned 18. My teen years I wished I could be an only child again! Couldn’t wait to go to uni and lived in my own places ever since.

I was actually really excited for a sibling when my mum was pregnant but hated the reality. I didn’t enjoy having to look after him or walk him to school etc, just found him super spoilt and annoying and the whole time remember thinking “I wasn’t this much of a brat 10 years ago!”

 

[Millais]

I just overheard a woman saying to her friend “We put the kids’ trees up at the weekend” KIDS’ TREES?! Could you really be arsed?!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I’m in the hairdresser. I can hear weird noises behind me. A child is playing something out loud on his iPad, FFS. Whatever happened to having bleeping headphones, especially in adult spaces?

I was on a train in first class a week or so ago and someone was just letting their child play Disney movies at full volume. Another passenger encouraged them and got talking about what movies their own child liked, it seems everyone thought it was acceptable to do this (in first class, where people have often paid extra so they can work or nap etc. which is what I had done) because children can't be expected to amuse themselves for five minutes

 

[Mycatoliver]

I was a teacher for 8 years and that confirmed I never want children