Childfree by choice #5

[HoGi]

Do they do a lobotomy at the same time as giving birth?

Traffic was horrendous on my journey home today do to a car accident closing one lane of the main road through the town centre.

The road leading towards the accident a car was just stopped with its hazards on. There was a mum helping her kid have a piss on the side of a main road for all to see. So she has stopped in traffic that was already crawling and fucked so her kid could have a wee.

I understand she don't want piss in her Chelsea tractor but pull over in a more suitable area? Plan before your journey?

 

[Millais]

I saw a post on LinkedIn that really bugged me. It was this woman saying something along the lines of "I don't care how much you love your pet, your hamster isn't going to grow up and become a contributing member of society. We need better maternity leave etc etc"

It really annoyed me because what does one thing have to do with the other? Yes, lack of maternity leave is a problem. But why do you want to tit all over people who are childfree and love their pets, to make your point? It falls into the same bucket of "You never know really love until you become a mother " and it does my head in.

What if your kid is severely disabled and unable to ‘contribute’ ie sit at a desk in an office park on the outskirts of a mid-sized town in order to pay the crippling mortgage on the wonky new build and buy LOL Dolls for Hyphen-May? Do those parents not deserve maternity leave?

 

[ElectricDreams]

This! I think it's so weird to see a thread called 'child free by choice' and think 'oh I have kids but that thread is for me'

I think every parent who contributes to this thread thinks they're going to be the one to change or minds with their success story!

 

[rosemarina]

Or worse, they think they’re a cool mom, you know? Not like those others.

 

[Anne1448]

I think every parent who contributes to this thread thinks they're going to be the one to change or minds with their success story!

They are like "My husband and I don't have sex anymore. I'm always tired. My child ruined my life and I can't see my friends anymore but why don't you want kids? "

 

[Gem_woody]

I appreciated the regret story for the brutal honesty, as it's quite rare to see. Sounds horrible but I kind of enjoy hearing how hard it is because it reaffirms my choices and makes me appreciate my peaceful life/freedom even more

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I appreciated the regret story for the brutal honesty, as it's quite rare to see. Sounds horrible but I kind of enjoy hearing how hard it is because it reaffirms my choices and makes me appreciate my peaceful life/freedom even more

You’d love Reddit then! Many stories and even subs about parental regret. Some are so sad though like one woman who was childfree, her husband said he was then she had a baby to keep her husband because he decided he wasn’t childfree and he left her at 7 months pregnant because he decided he was actually childfree after all. Now she resents her child because being a parent is hard and not what she wanted which is sad for her and her child.

 

[Jane Porcupine]

I appreciated the regret story for the brutal honesty, as it's quite rare to see. Sounds horrible but I kind of enjoy hearing how hard it is because it reaffirms my choices and makes me appreciate my peaceful life/freedom even more

Those stories are not hard to find though. I still don't think that this thread is the right place for them.

I just read it and thought, 'And?...'

 

[Gem_woody]

Those stories are not hard to find though. I still don't think that this thread is the right place for them.

I just read it and thought, 'And?...'

Yeah my first thought was 'sucks to be you ' and I agree that parents shouldn't be on this thread. Is that gatekeeping?

 

[pinkmug]

I don't think it's gatekeeping, it's a thread with a clear topic: being child-free. As others have pointed out, we don't go on parent or pregnancy threads listing reasons why they should reconsider. It was interesting to hear the honest regret story but I also don't want this thread to become the regular place where unhappy parents come to unload and clear their conscience

I'm still not over the person who had the audacity to write she didn't want kids yet she was pregnant now and we'd never know love like that and she was going to be a cool mum Okay love.

 

[LaBlonde]

I don't think it's gatekeeping, it's a thread with a clear topic: being child-free. As others have pointed out, we don't go on parent or pregnancy threads listing reasons why they should reconsider. It was interesting to hear the honest regret story but I also don't want this thread to become the regular place where unhappy parents come to unload and clear their conscience

I'm still not over the person who had the audacity to write she didn't want kids yet she was pregnant now and we'd never know love like that and she was going to be a cool mum Okay love.

absolutely this. it was an honest post, but i absolutely don’t want to open the floodgates for that sort of thing here. ultimately, as sad and candid as it was, any post which even involves the words “i have a child” shouldn’t be here tbh. i wouldn’t dream of going to the new baby thread and telling them how awful it all sounds to me - and if i did i would expect and deserve to be called out, so i don’t get why someone with children would think this thread would have a receptive audience.

was that the lady who said having a child would change nothing about her life? yep, good luck with that 🫡

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Yeah my first thought was 'sucks to be you ' and I agree that parents shouldn't be on this thread. Is that gatekeeping?

It definitely shouldn't predominate, though I feel empathy for anyone in that situation.

One of the things which put me off having children was that I had 2 unhappy siblings. That predominated the first half of my life with all the strain it put on my family, I don't want the second half to be like that again! I'd feel a bit helpless if I had an unhappy child.

 

[HeyBabes]

absolutely this. it was an honest post, but i absolutely don’t want to open the floodgates for that sort of thing here. ultimately, as sad and candid as it was, any post which even involves the words “i have a child” shouldn’t be here tbh. i wouldn’t dream of going to the new baby thread and telling them how awful it all sounds to me - and if i did i would expect and deserve to be called out, so i don’t get why someone with children would think this thread would have a receptive audience.

was that the lady who said having a child would change nothing about her life? yep, good luck with that 🫡

I hope that lady comes back in a years time to tell us how her life is exactly the same as it was when she was childfree (sarcasm)

 

[Pebbleybeach]

absolutely this. it was an honest post, but i absolutely don’t want to open the floodgates for that sort of thing here. ultimately, as sad and candid as it was, any post which even involves the words “i have a child” shouldn’t be here tbh. i wouldn’t dream of going to the new baby thread and telling them how awful it all sounds to me - and if i did i would expect and deserve to be called out, so i don’t get why someone with children would think this thread would have a receptive audience.

was that the lady who said having a child would change nothing about her life? yep, good luck with that 🫡

If a child changes nothing about your life I feel sorry for the child to be honest. It should change your life eg having to do child centred activities, spending time playing etc.

 

[LaBlonde]

If a child changes nothing about your life I feel sorry for the child to be honest. It should change your life eg having to do child centred activities, spending time playing etc.

exactly. children should change your life. a lot of people thrive with that. they really should become the centrepoint of what you do - so many people seem to be in denial about that and i see so many posts on the i regret having kids fb page and reddit which is people going “i didn’t know it would be so hard”. i mean, yeah, if only someone had told you.

all of those things are just further entries on the list of why i don’t want kids. i’m the centrepoint of my own life and i don’t want to change that. pretending you can have kids without doing so is only going to give you (and the poor child) a nasty wake up call later.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

exactly. children should change your life. a lot of people thrive with that. they really should become the centrepoint of what you do - so many people seem to be in denial about that and i see so many posts on the i regret having kids fb page and reddit which is people going “i didn’t know it would be so hard”. i mean, yeah, if only someone had told you.

all of those things are just further entries on the list of why i don’t want kids. i’m the centrepoint of my own life and i don’t want to change that. pretending you can have kids without doing so is only going to give you (and the poor child) a nasty wake up call later.

I agree. I see so many posts about people saying they didn’t realise things about being a parents. A recent one was going out to dinner for her husband. It was very difficult for lots of reasons and she didn’t realise it would be before she had a child and because of that and many other reasons she resents the child.

I’ve obviously never had a child but just a quick 1 minute think about dinner with my husband vs dinner with my husband and our child and and I can tell you how hard it would be and how it would be different. I think people do realise, they just block it out because it’s what they want. Like I realise McDonald’s isn’t healthy but I block it out because I want it

People tell me I can have children and nothing about my life will change and that’s blatantly not true. On Sunday we slept until 2pm then ate a roast dinner in bed while watching horror films. A baby/toddler/child would change that!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

You have to consider your child when you make decisions, therefore they change your life.

even having a cat has slightly changed my life as I have to take into consideration his care when I go on holiday. Luckily I have family who will stay over and see to him, but I still have to think about the logistics of it all before I just book somewhere.

 

[HeyBabes]

You have to consider your child when you make decisions, therefore they change your life.

even having a cat has slightly changed my life as I have to take into consideration his care when I go on holiday. Luckily I have family who will stay over and see to him, but I still have to think about the logistics of it all before I just book somewhere.

And the cost as well, I knew cats would be expensive but oh my god, I had to get the cat who only eats special food, and I get him toys as a treat, and the price of a cattery for when I go on holiday. I wouldn’t get rid of him for the world though. Now imagine how much the cost of a child would be

 

[shadowcat5]

You have to consider your child when you make decisions, therefore they change your life.

even having a cat has slightly changed my life as I have to take into consideration his care when I go on holiday. Luckily I have family who will stay over and see to him, but I still have to think about the logistics of it all before I just book somewhere.

This is genuinely why I wouldn't get a pet. My parents have a dog whom I love but the worry and organisation is a big no from me. They can't go out for too long because it's not fair, there's always some kind of consideration regarding who will be home for the dog. I couldn't do it.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

And the cost as well, I knew cats would be expensive but oh my god, I had to get the cat who only eats special food, and I get him toys as a treat, and the price of a cattery for when I go on holiday. I wouldn’t get rid of him for the world though. Now imagine how much the cost of a child would be

I’m lucky that my cat will only eat one brand of dry food and it’s not an expensive one either but he does have an automatic feeder & a water fountain and those weren’t cheap!

I’ve always said we are financially comfortable as a couple, but if we added kids then I don’t think we would be!

This is genuinely why I wouldn't get a pet. My parents have a dog whom I love but the worry and organisation is a big no from me. They can't go out for too long because it's not fair, there's always some kind of consideration regarding who will be home for the dog. I couldn't do it.

I think having a dog is totally different to having a cat, so I wouldn’t compare.

I literally never worry about my cat because I know he’s fine. He can be left up to 24 hours (he has a feeder & water fountain) and he will be fine and when I’m away my mum stays so I’m not worried because I know he’s well looked after.

I do have to consider the cat when I do longer trips away as I have to see if my mum is happy staying with him, but I wouldn’t say he’s stopped me doing anything.

I can understand why a dog would be a worry and a bit more of a struggle though. With the cat we can still jump in the car and head out on spontaneous trips, which I think would be harder with a dog.