Money to spend on who and what I want, and to come home from a long day at work and not have a kid screaming at me for something
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The thing I think is better than having kids is…not having kids! What could be better than that for people who don’t want kids!
I keep seeing posts where there’s something lighthearted like the men you’ve posted and parents in the comments saying ‘well I have kids and money’ or ‘I have kids and travel’ or whatever and I’m like, yeah, you travel/have money/go out/do yoga/whatever but you do it all as a parent and I don’t want to be a parent!
But when they say travel they mean they've booked an all inclusive fortnight at a family resort in Alcudia, not a month backpacking round Thailand
Right in the middle of August and spend 2 weeks surrounded by screaming kids. Peeing in the pool and coughing all over the buffet food and barely leaving hotel complex. Until they do it all over again next yearBut when they say travel they mean they've booked an all inclusive fortnight at a family resort in Alcudia, not a month backpacking round Thailand
Then you ask them if they want a camel or an alligator for a pet, they say of course not! I'm like well that's how I feel about kids and dogs. No thank you.
Exactly! People keep saying stuff like but kids don’t change your life, you can still do XYZ, you can still go on holiday, you can still work, you can still blah blah blah and don’t seem to understand there’s nothing, no guarantee, no amount of money, no genie that could grant me three wishes that would give me the perfect child, that would make me want to be a parent. Like I don’t want to live in Alaska, I don’t want to be a maths teacher, I don’t want to do salsa dancing and I don’t want to get my lip pierced, all that is fine but I HAVE to have children
but they’ll feel differently when it’s their own little alligator and it’s in their house 24/7, i’m sure. you don’t know true love until you’ve looked into it’s little eyes
I’ve never once heard my real life friends or associates ever say they have plenty of money/holidays/life quality AND kids . Unless you’re super rich there will always be compromises when it comes to funding things. That’s why it’s always triggering for me when people say things like “all a child needs is love”. Or they have them knowing they can’t give their child an amazing lifestyle. Unfortunately I grew up with very little money, in a very small house that was way too small for our family size. Lining up for free school meals etc. All my friends were better off and it still effects me now mentally as an adult. The just having “love” wasn’t really cutting it when it was winter and freezing and we could never afford to go on holiday or have nice things or things to look forward to. But people don’t ever want to hear that truth as they convince themselves their kids are happy with bare minimum because they’ve forced them into that situation. Even our own family try to talk us into the fact that “real life” is having kids and struggling and making ends meet. No thanks…
. Unless you’re super rich there will always be compromises when it comes to funding things. That’s why it’s always triggering for me when people say things like “all a child needs is love”. Or they have them knowing they can’t give their child an amazing lifestyle. Unfortunately I grew up with very little money, in a very small house that was way too small for our family size. Lining up for free school meals etc. All my friends were better off and it still effects me now mentally as an adult. The just having “love” wasn’t really cutting it when it was winter and freezing and we could never afford to go on holiday or have nice things or things to look forward to. But people don’t ever want to hear that truth as they convince themselves their kids are happy with bare minimum because they’ve forced them into that situation. Even our own family try to talk us into the fact that “real life” is having kids and struggling and making ends meet. No thanks… 
I agree. People roll their eyes when I say this, but my mum brought me up on her own and we didn’t have much at all. She worked 60 hours a week, but it all went on bills and childcare for me. We never went on holiday, never went on days out and never had much really. Growing up in the 00’s you’d see all the other kids with all their holidays to Florida & laptops and nice stuff etc and it was difficult. Even food wise we were limited as my mum just didn’t have much money.I’ve never once heard my real life friends or associates ever say they have plenty of money/holidays/life quality AND kids
I think it was more the constant worry about having no money that really affected me as a child, I always knew we were low on money and it played on my mind. Now as an adult I’m so strict with my finances and I actually feel a bit rubbish when I treat myself, as if I’m not allowed to do that.
You can also add the fact that people are literally stuck in one place due to the kids.
Forget moving abroad just because you want to. Or quitting your crappy job for another one in a different city. It costs so much money and time to rearrange your life around your kid that you have to eventually settle.
So many women divorce and resent their husbands when they realise that they had to compromise but not their partners.
How many women leave their kids to party with their friends in comparison to their husbands? How many women leave work early to pick up the kids in comparison to their husbands? How many women come back from work and help with the kids homework instead of their own work in comparison to their husbands?
Forget moving abroad just because you want to. Or quitting your crappy job for another one in a different city. It costs so much money and time to rearrange your life around your kid that you have to eventually settle.
So many women divorce and resent their husbands when they realise that they had to compromise but not their partners.
How many women leave their kids to party with their friends in comparison to their husbands? How many women leave work early to pick up the kids in comparison to their husbands? How many women come back from work and help with the kids homework instead of their own work in comparison to their husbands?
Yeah my SIL is always like 'remember when you were in Florida as a kid and it was XYZ' and I'm like no, I don't! I didn't get to go until I was well in my thirties! Absolutely no holidays or fun of any kind when I was a kid. But she can't comprehend someone could have grown up differently. In fact she has just come back from Florida now with her kids, courtesy of her parents who paid for everything... Easy for her to have kids when she can drop them off for free childcare whenever she wants, and get money and free holidays. I would have zero help, time or money from anyone if I had one.
Omg does she think everyone went on holiday to florida as kids?! How out of touch!
Unfortunately all my friends went to Florida too back in the 90s/early 2000s too
stayed in villas and had massive hire cars. Came back with loads of cool designer clothes. we could never afford to go anywhere and it really effected me. So as childfree adults we can go wherever we want, whenever we want, within reason & if we save up. I could never give that up to have kids and go back to my childhood of doing without.
I'm aware that this is none of my business (which is why I'll never express my opinion to the person concerned ) but a close friend went head first into having a child when she was scraping by working 50 hour weeks with her husband being unemployed because he was "not inspired to finish his post-grad degree". I don't think people who grew up well off understand what a crappy feeling it is for the parents and the children to go without. We were always scraping by but my school had a lot of wealthy students and even though I didn't resent my parents for not having money, I also didn't really understand why some people were having these shared experiences and I was left out. When I was older of course I was grasping the situation better but I would never want my hypothetical child to feel lesser than. I may not want to be a parent, ever, but even if I did, I wouldn't do it unless I knew I had a reliable financial situation for any kind of unexpected twist, and a partner who was taking his role in the family seriously. It's foolish to have kids when you know you can't afford them. I saw an article some time ago about a low income family of 8, complaining because council housing wasn't offering them a house large enough to accommodate them Condoms exist, duck's sake. I'd understand if it was an unplanned situation like quintuplets etc. but all the kids had a couple years apart as well. Mind boggles.
Edited for typo.
) but a close friend went head first into having a child when she was scraping by working 50 hour weeks with her husband being unemployed because he was "not inspired to finish his post-grad degree". I don't think people who grew up well off understand what a crappy feeling it is for the parents and the children to go without. We were always scraping by but my school had a lot of wealthy students and even though I didn't resent my parents for not having money, I also didn't really understand why some people were having these shared experiences and I was left out. When I was older of course I was grasping the situation better but I would never want my hypothetical child to feel lesser than. I may not want to be a parent, ever, but even if I did, I wouldn't do it unless I knew I had a reliable financial situation for any kind of unexpected twist, and a partner who was taking his role in the family seriously. It's foolish to have kids when you know you can't afford them. I saw an article some time ago about a low income family of 8, complaining because council housing wasn't offering them a house large enough to accommodate them Condoms exist, duck's sake. I'd understand if it was an unplanned situation like quintuplets etc. but all the kids had a couple years apart as well. Mind boggles.Edited for typo.
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People (parents) look at me like I'm nuts when I say that I hate the concept of Santa and if I had kids, I would never introduce it to them but this one of the reasons why. Telling kids a fat man in a suit brings them presents if they're good is a bit tit when you consider that little johnny who is a complete fucker and bullies everyone will be rocking about with a new ipad, a bike, trainers and a trip to legoland, while little susie, who is an absolute delight got a doll and some new pjs. I appreciate every family does it differently but there will be kids who either are losing the 'magic' sooner than others or are wondering what they did wrong when the above situation happens.I'm aware that this is none of my business (which is why I'll never express my opinion to the person concerned
Edited for typo.
My sister worries me a bit as she is desperate to have a baby and found they have fertility issues after 3 years of trying but they are notoriously bad with money and their mortgage has just gone up £400 a month which I think they can afford but not much room for fun stuff. I just think her bringing a baby into this with her being the main breadwinner is not a great idea. Her husband took a 50% pay cut after moving jobs so is bearly hitting the £20k mark.
I obviously can’t say anything but I do feel for my poor parents who will no doubt be bailing them out and providing free babysitting if they do conceive.
I obviously can’t say anything but I do feel for my poor parents who will no doubt be bailing them out and providing free babysitting if they do conceive.
I had a bit of a fall out with my sister the other day. My parents were away on holiday so she didn't have them to help her out. My partner was staying with me for the weekend though the rest of the week, I was either on my own or working.
She text me on the Saturday asking if I could take my nephew to his swimming lesson on Sunday as my BIL was working and she had the baby to look after. I explained my partner was staying and we weren't sure what plans we had but if she was really stuck then I'd help out. She text back saying she'd ask MIL. I checked the next day that she definitely didn't need me and she said she was sorted.
I had 2 days off work on Monday and Tuesday, and I had to take my grandad to a hospital appt as mum was away. I text her on Tuesday letting her know I was still alive as I hadn't heard from her, thinking she might suggest meeting up. I didn't like to put her on the spot by asking as she can be funny about things like that and what I didn't know was that BIL was off work anyway. Worked flat out the next 3 days and was laid up all weekend with a sickness bug. I heard nothing from her even though I'd posted in the family what's app that I was ill.
Yesterday I got a snotty text saying she was disappointed in me for not being in touch, not caring how her and the kids were, how she was managing etc. How it was a massive struggle on her own without our parents etc. How she has more to think about with all the kids and a house to run than whether I'm ok. I get that it's a struggle having kids and a house to run but she was being a total martyr about it! It was like because I'm childfree I couldn't possibly understand how stressful life is and I was living it up sipping champagne while she was struggling.
She text me on the Saturday asking if I could take my nephew to his swimming lesson on Sunday as my BIL was working and she had the baby to look after. I explained my partner was staying and we weren't sure what plans we had but if she was really stuck then I'd help out. She text back saying she'd ask MIL. I checked the next day that she definitely didn't need me and she said she was sorted.
I had 2 days off work on Monday and Tuesday, and I had to take my grandad to a hospital appt as mum was away. I text her on Tuesday letting her know I was still alive as I hadn't heard from her, thinking she might suggest meeting up. I didn't like to put her on the spot by asking as she can be funny about things like that and what I didn't know was that BIL was off work anyway. Worked flat out the next 3 days and was laid up all weekend with a sickness bug. I heard nothing from her even though I'd posted in the family what's app that I was ill.
Yesterday I got a snotty text saying she was disappointed in me for not being in touch, not caring how her and the kids were, how she was managing etc. How it was a massive struggle on her own without our parents etc. How she has more to think about with all the kids and a house to run than whether I'm ok. I get that it's a struggle having kids and a house to run but she was being a total martyr about it! It was like because I'm childfree I couldn't possibly understand how stressful life is and I was living it up sipping champagne while she was struggling.
nah duck her she's being unreasonable sorry.
1. She never messaged you. Not when you text her on tuesday and not when you messaged to say you were ill. AND you helped out with grandad, no message to ask how he was I don't suspect?
2. Sorry to say this but if she can't cope without your parents for one week then she shouldn't have had the kids in the first place. All of this is a problem of her own making. ETA: and the fathers obviously but wasn't sure if that was implied
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I find this absolutely bizarre! I agree with above, if you can't manage having kids without your parents' help why on earth would you have them? Parents aren't going to be around forever and god forbid something happened to them anyway?
I'm a very happy mother of two - but I love reading this thread.
"Especially the cone head ones that just stare at you in the supermarket" had me spit my tea everywhere hahaaa
"Especially the cone head ones that just stare at you in the supermarket" had me spit my tea everywhere hahaaa
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