Childfree by Choice #3

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Caffeine Fiend

Caffeine Fiend

I do think it totally depends on your personality and who you are.

Id never pretend that having kids is 100% joyous because it's not, its tiring and expensive 🤣. My kids are little people and I enjoy spending time with them, theyre funny and interesting to me (not to others I imagine 🤣) I enjoy sharing experiences with them. I also love I have a relationship with them that is nothing like what I had with my parents who clearly should have been child free 😕

Babies - just hard work, you get nothing back. They need a lot of input with no reward. Now I have children and not babies its definitely more on my level.

However yes I can totally see the appeal in being CF. Id never dream of telling someone their life hasnt started or not fulfilling because they dont have kids. 🤯🤯🤯 its such an odd take on things.

The majority of my close friends are CF and Id never dream of criticising that choice. I also dont chat to them about my kids unless they ask, why would they be interested in them? Do talk about my dogs though 😍
 
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JoeBloggs

JoeBloggs

milkywaymelon said:
This may be an unpopular opinion but I don't see how having a child makes your life better.

All I see from my friends and my sister's experiences is that they are a serious drain on your money and time. You can no longer put yourself and your needs first in your own life. Like I would be depressed coming home from work to deal with children and taxi them around to various activities and birthday parties. It sparks no joy in me. It sparks dread. I don't understand why people do it.
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It’s certainly not an unpopular opinion here and I don’t actually think it is in real life but you can’t exactly say you regret having your kids so people make out it adds to their life.

I cannot see why, it literally takes everything from you; money, sleep, your body, time and for what exactly, a kid who says I love you once in a while? No thanks. Yeah okay maybe it nice to see a kid grow up, but the negatives don’t put weight that for me.

I also think a lot of people have kids to solve problems either with themselves or their relationship, again I only think it would make think worse. I love my relationship and am not prepared to add a baby to make us hate each other.
 
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judgejohndeed

judgejohndeed

I'm really not bothered that other people want to have kids, like I know my own Mum grew up always wanting her 'own family' so she focused on that ahead of things like e.g. a career, but what annoys me is that while I can recognise and accept people want or prioritise different things, people with kids can never seem to do the same? I would never ask someone why they had kids but I'm always being asked when I'm going to have them or why I don't want them as a follow up, I find it really intrusive and rude.

I'm a bit fed up this week with a comment a colleague made. Someone raised my PhD in a conversation, a colleague then basically remarked how '[she] could have done a PhD, but [she] had a family in her 20s whereas [judgejohndeed] doesn't have one'. Why am I in competition with someone for something I don't want?! If you wanted a PhD you could've done it before you had your kids, or do it part time, do it when they're grown, whatever. But why is it that something I've done is being compared to and minimised against having children? I would never say to someone 'oh well you have 4 kids but no PhD'. To me it now just seems like she's annoyed that she didn't do a PhD and had kids instead, whereas if I wanted to I'm still young enough to have them AND have the PhD? But I also kind of resent even being forced to think like that, if that makes sense, because I'm really not arsed if others want kids at all so I dunno why they're so bothered when others don't want them. Tell me you're jealous/regretful/both without telling me.
 
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A

Anne1448

milkywaymelon said:
This may be an unpopular opinion but I don't see how having a child makes your life better.

All I see from my friends and my sister's experiences is that they are a serious drain on your money and time. You can no longer put yourself and your needs first in your own life. Like I would be depressed coming home from work to deal with children and taxi them around to various activities and birthday parties. It sparks no joy in me. It sparks dread. I don't understand why people do it.
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Thank you! I don't see the appeal either.

Also, I know a lot of really nice people who have the worst children ever. They gave them to best education, the nicest environment yet the children are monsters. They can't even cut ties with them otherwise everybody else would call the parents horrible names.

It's like an abusive relationship where people convince themselves that it will get better.
 
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Blond3g1rl

Blond3g1rl

Having children gives you a different life. It is not necessarily a better life.
 
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Rippedjeanmaybe

Rippedjeanmaybe

Anne1448 said:
Thank you! I don't see the appeal either.

Also, I know a lot of really nice people who have the worst children ever. They gave them to best education, the nicest environment yet the children are monsters. They can't even cut ties with them otherwise everybody else would call the parents horrible names.

It's like an abusive relationship where people convince themselves that it will get better.
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So many people try to give their children the world and they try too hard to be the child’s friend, rather than a parent. I think this often raises self entitled ungrateful brats who just expect more more more (not always obviously).

Then on the flip side you get people like me who’s mother didn’t really put their needs first and I literally bend over backwards now to please her. It’s crazy!
 
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Rippedjeanmaybe

Rippedjeanmaybe

A lot of people at the moment that are really struggling financially seem to have children. Obviously there are others that don’t have children that are struggling, but they do seem the majority.

My mum volunteers in a food bank and it’s been mainly people with children coming in.

I am comfortable financially, but I don’t think I would be as much if I had kids.
 
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xxAprilxx

xxAprilxx

I popped to my local coffee shop on my lunch break and there was a baby in there crawling around all over the floor!! The parents were just sat watching. Why on earth would you let your baby do that!? Firstly - germs!! Secondly - someone might trip and spill hot coffee on it!!! Of course, everyone but the parents would get the blame if this happened.
I really feel for people working in hospitality and having to put up with these kind of people the entire day!
 
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