DCICassieStuart
VIP Member
I'll just leave this here.....
- Notice
CollateralDamage
New member
I’ve been reading this thread and I just wanted to put my 2pence in.
I do have a child. I had my child when I was 16. And if I could go back in time I would change everything. The biggest regret was having a child and I have felt that way since I gave birth. Actually, since I was pregnant. What a waste of my life, it did not make me ‘grow up’ in the standard terms ; in fact it crippled me in depression, anxiety and debt. It made me backwards in my approach to life, some what lazy. I was in and out (at the beginning) of bad relationships and made horrific choices.
I sit here now, and my child is about to leave home and make it on their own and I feel every bit of elation. I’m working in a crappy job but I have applied for higher education through college with a promise position in uni. I’m so damn excited to be alone. To be free. Child can make it on their own, they have everything they need and for the first time in my life so have I.
And the funny thing is? I get parent shamed. Yes. You read that right. Because I’m still young, don’t want any more kids. But because people in my circle are just having or have young ones, then I’m ‘lucky’ because I get to lay in. I get to come and go. I get to spend money on what I want. I don’t know what it’s like to have sleepless nights at this age. I don’t understand how lucky I am that my child is old enough now and moving out. They have years to go. And it’s been done so passively aggressively. Lucky? I’ve had 16 years of fighting the urge to scream from the rooftop I didn’t want a child. That I’ve had to live with someone you can’t just change, something that suffocates your life and sucks out your soul. That is suffering. Not being 30+ with a 4 year old by choice that you thought would be the sunlight in your half arsed marriage that didn’t fix it, instead has kept you up all night not just with screams of wanting fed, but from invading thoughts about whether this was the right choice for you. But at least now I get to wake up and not pretend.
Ok. I am so sorry. That got so deep. But I felt relief writing that.
ElectricDreams
VIP Member
But no one will ever question you about why you don't want cats or suggest you're weird for not wanting them. Childfree people get this all the time and a thread like this is a space where we can vent and share our experiences.I don’t get why people would have a ‘child free’ thread. You don’t have kids, you don’t maybe like or want them so why do you feel the need to discuss it with others? I don’t like cats, And don’t plan on ever having any but I wouldn’t join an online forum to discuss why I don’t want any every day?No hate, just a bit curious about why the need for this forum. The same with the child free Reddit forum.
Traveler001
VIP Member
The type of ‘wouldn’t change it for the world’ statements I don’t get are ‘I had the worst pregnancy, I was sick the whole time, my hair fell out, my teeth fell out, I became diabetic. Then I had an 84 hour labour 23 stitches, 3 tears, a prolapse and side effects from the drugs. I struggled to breastfeed and had to stop because of lots of reasons including bleeding nipped and blocked ducts so I feel guilty and like a failure. I hate being a mum, I have no money, the house is a mess, I’ve had to give up all my hobbies and haven’t showered for three days, I hate my toddler, he’s so annoying and I can’t wait for him to grow up. And my husband left so now I’m a single parent with no time to date. I wouldn’t change anything though, he’s my world. When are you having one? What do you mean, you’re not? But it’s magical! Your life won’t be complete until you’ve had children, they’re a blessing!’.
judgejohndeed
VIP Member
You could say that about literally anything
wanting/having kids is the norm, I know very few people in real life who don’t like or want kids so it’s nice to talk to like minded people on here?
Saddlesoap
VIP Member
Tyla73
VIP Member
I follow these threads with great interest.
Yesterday was pay day in my office and I took myself off to H&M to get a couple of things I'd had my eye on. A younger colleague commented that I'm 'always shopping' to which I smiled sweetly and replied "that's the joy of being a middle aged, child free professional".
Yesterday was pay day in my office and I took myself off to H&M to get a couple of things I'd had my eye on. A younger colleague commented that I'm 'always shopping' to which I smiled sweetly and replied "that's the joy of being a middle aged, child free professional".
TaylorMomsen
Chatty Member
I went out with my friend who has now given birth the other week and her two friends who both have kids, I'd mentally prepared myself for the questions about if I wanted kids, and then presure when I said we don't want any
Well, the question got asked and when I said no it's not for us, they all said:
Well, the question got asked and when I said no it's not for us, they all said:
- you'll have so much time to do fun things!
- you'll be loaded
- all the lie ins
- not having to move house to be in a good school area
- being able to go on holiday at anytime
- being able to go out last minute without finding childcare
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
So I had my job interview and there were no questions that tried to probe about my reproductive intentions (or lack of) 
I decided not to raise it either due to some wise people on this thread, but did ask the panel outright if they had any questions about me or reservations they felt had not been covered.
I got the job!
I decided not to raise it either due to some wise people on this thread, but did ask the panel outright if they had any questions about me or reservations they felt had not been covered.I got the job!
I hate the implication that because I'm over 30 and childfree, I must fall into the dubious category of CAREER WOMAN. I've just spent the weekend with my partner's family and all they asked me about was my career. I know they mean well, but just because I'm not popping out babies it doesn't necessarily follow that my work is my entire world.
I truly only work to live. My work is not that interesting or all-consuming and I'm perfectly happy with that.
It's the expectation that we must overachieve in other ways to somehow compensate for not having children. Ma'am, some of us just wanna chill.
I truly only work to live. My work is not that interesting or all-consuming and I'm perfectly happy with that.
It's the expectation that we must overachieve in other ways to somehow compensate for not having children. Ma'am, some of us just wanna chill.
Rippedjeanmaybe
VIP Member
Denial of what? The majority of us posting on here are 100% grateful to not have children, if we weren’t then we would have had them wouldn’t we!
Sheeeet
VIP Member
I've just seen the best reaction to the Pope news
whoareyouu
VIP Member
I don’t get why people would have a ‘child free’ thread. You don’t have kids, you don’t maybe like or want them so why do you feel the need to discuss it with others? I don’t like cats, And don’t plan on ever having any but I wouldn’t join an online forum to discuss why I don’t want any every day?
Why comment then?
My childfree aunt always reminds me that life has its seasons and the 'baby-making years' don't last forever. In another decade when their kids are older and independent, those mum friends will often dip back into your life (not to mention, after divorces/separations). In the meantime, always stay open to making new friends!
I've also come to realise how many of the terrible choices women make during their childbearing years are predicated on their desire for a family - relationships, location, career etc. Once they've had the kids, it's like they return to their senses and then have to pick up the pieces of their fractured lives. Just an observation that has honestly reaffirmed my feminist leanings.
I've also come to realise how many of the terrible choices women make during their childbearing years are predicated on their desire for a family - relationships, location, career etc. Once they've had the kids, it's like they return to their senses and then have to pick up the pieces of their fractured lives. Just an observation that has honestly reaffirmed my feminist leanings.
TaylorMomsen
Chatty Member
I don't get why people would have a 'pregnancy' or 'I have kids' thread. You got pregnant, you want / have kids, so why do you feel the need to discuss it with others?I don’t get why people would have a ‘child free’ thread. You don’t have kids, you don’t maybe like or want them so why do you feel the need to discuss it with others? I don’t like cats, And don’t plan on ever having any but I wouldn’t join an online forum to discuss why I don’t want any every day?
Rippedjeanmaybe
VIP Member
Watching shows like super nanny is enough birth control for me 
Itsmedoctortea
VIP Member
Ok so this is a new one...... 'Well any kids yet' awkward silence and me making this face 
'No' another awkward silence 'Well you better hurry because when you do, you don't want them thinking you are their granny' I just walked away absolutely mortified.
I mean come on, how fucking rude!!!!!!!
'No' another awkward silence 'Well you better hurry because when you do, you don't want them thinking you are their granny' I just walked away absolutely mortified.I mean come on, how fucking rude!!!!!!!