I think most men honestly don’t think about it much, and much more than women, can be swayed in either direction to an extent. (Don’t tell me about exceptions you know, I don’t care. I’m generalising, and I think this is true on the whole. It’s not expected to be their whole identity.)
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There are men out there that dont. When my husband and I met 15 years ago we had plans for a family and both wanted children. We sat down and agreed just a couple of years ago that wasnt actually for us. I have a high chance of post natal psychosis, lack of sleep is a massive trigger for my mania ( all parents tell me how exhausted they are) that would be too damaging for me, the other reasons are due our realistic approach that the world currently isnt one I want to bring a child into.Just coming to have a moan about online dating and being CFBC. Literally every guy has “wants kids someday” in their profile! It’s soul destroying. As if the online dating pool wasn’t slim enoughthere HAS to be decent guys that do not want children, surely!
I was emotionally abused as a child, not through my mums fault she is a product of her own upbringing and traumas in life.
I just could not have a child and be unable to cater for all their needs. My mum was successful, I was well clothed, educated, fed, warm had all my physical needs me but none if my emotional needs were and it has damaged me severely and I have severe mental health problems including PTSD.. So first hand I know you have to be a strong and stable and secure. People tell me oh but you would get so much support from mental health services you would be monitored etc, you have good friends and family etc. But that might the case now but a child is for life I have a whole lot of love to give and I would be a great mum but have chosen to be a great aunt and godmother instead.
Of course my situation is different to most people who choose to have children but I dont think very many people logically assess their abilities and finances. Before birth control and all the other advantages and support systems we have now many children were born when they couldn't be afforded and they weren't in the right mental space or stage in their life. But these are choices now in the majority of cases rather being in a situation you would not escape or prepare for at all.
Sorry for the ramble my point alongside this is dont give up there men out their with the same mentality and life plan as you. And some men will grow older and change their views naturally
I suspect most of that is them copying and pasting things that they think appeal to women, rather than it actually being a life goal.Just coming to have a moan about online dating and being CFBC. Literally every guy has “wants kids someday” in their profile! It’s soul destroying. As if the online dating pool wasn’t slim enough
That's a good point I didnt think about that. Knowing most women want kids and then making it a selling point.
I have a chronic illness and know i wouldnt have the energy to take care of a child. I also know i would worry far too much about a child (I worry enough about my cats let alone a child) Plus the idea of potty training a child makes me feel 
Definitely. And knowing it will barely change their lives if they do, for the most part.
I like to flit off to London for the day on a whim and buy myself a nice handbag. I like flitting off to places such as Majorca for the day (yep did that last month lol) or just off to the Cotswolds or wherever and being completely selfish with my earnings (I do donate to charity regularly also lol) but I like my life this way. Couldn't jolly off with kids!
I'm autistic and my mum (single mum) had absolute HELL bringing me up because I had undiagnosed autism and severe mental health problems from age 10 until I was about 18. The thought that I could have a child that puts me through the same I put my mum through sends a chill through my spine, as well as not wanting to bring a child into the world that could potentially have the same 'problems', it just seems cruel. This has made me realise I would honestly rather not have children. I do love most children (although some can be a right pain in the a**e) but I like to be able to hand them back after a while!
I've had a similar situation recently during a work meeting where a colleague jokingly said " How do you afford such a life?" after seeing my living room.
I said "I don't have kids". You should have seen her face. It was as if someone slapped her with a double decker bus.
I dont think its ever appropriate to say things like that. Im astounded that people think its acceptable to ask 'how do you afford that'
I have kids but we do probably have a higher income than most of my peers/work colleagues. Id be really embarrassed if someone asked me something like that
I have kids but we do probably have a higher income than most of my peers/work colleagues. Id be really embarrassed if someone asked me something like that
I think sometimes it can be healthy to discuss money as otherwise resentments can brew etc.I dont think its ever appropriate to say things like that. Im astounded that people think its acceptable to ask 'how do you afford that'
I have kids but we do probably have a higher income than most of my peers/work colleagues. Id be really embarrassed if someone asked me something like that
I am quite lucky my friends and I are quite open about gifts from family/money etc.
Whereas my sister moans about one of her friends a lot as she seems to have it all and doesn't struggle for money at all and it leads to them witching about each other etc.
To a work colleague though? On a zoom meeting? I think that is so bizarre.
Friends and family sure I can see what youre saying but not in a professional work environment
Yeh true.To a work colleague though? On a zoom meeting? I think that is so bizarre.
Friends and family sure I can see what youre saying but not in a professional work environment
Work colleagues are a bit different.
I have a colleague who openly asks the cost of everything. She is VERY money orientated. If you don't know her it is quite off putting at first but after 12 years I'm used to her haha
It is bizarre. While I was planning my wedding, when it was about half a year away my partner and I went on a holiday we had planned, a fairly nice one, not cheap. A work colleague commented outright "Aren't you getting married soon - seems a bit financially irresponsible." I felt so awkward, they knew literally nothing about my personal finances. The only thing I could respond with was the truth "Yes - we can afford it" cue the vaguely judgemental looks ...To a work colleague though? On a zoom meeting? I think that is so bizarre.
Friends and family sure I can see what youre saying but not in a professional work environment
I’m getting married in October. We are going to Florida for our honeymoon, we’ve also recently started the process of buying our “forever home” and I’m currently in Majorca as I type! And yep I’ve had a few “aren’t you getting married soon?” Comments when they’ve seen everything I’ve got on
I wouldn’t do it if I couldn’t!But i find the intention comes from resentment unfortunately. We are all victims to envy it is how we deal with that envy. It is ok to envy what others have but no wish them to not have it or lose it.
The person in particular who is the worst has and old car, I just invested in a newer one but still 10 years, I go on holidays he complains he cant, he even comments on people buying lunch and says he doesn't understand how people can afford a fiver a day.
He had a big wedding, we had a couple of friends at the registry office and went to a restaurant after. I'm not one to waste 10,000 on one wedding day, but that's just me and my choices. Although this person also criticised me for that too.
Ironically this person earns more money than any of us in the office and more than me.
It's up to him how he spends it. He decided to have a baby to save a failing marriage, that of course didnt work they have divorced and he is dealing with the cost of repercussions.
I empathise with him but he needs to change his perspective and worry about his own life choices
I totally agree. I'm part of the tiny wedding fan club haha. Did it with 16 guests 8 years ago before covid made it cool lol
Totally agree envy is natural some people just get a lot more hung up on it than others.
I have a friend who is resentful of my life, she doesn't have kids yet but there are always little digs. Yet she spends money like there is no end and then witches at my designer handbags and how she can never afford one. Why do people have to bring others down to make themselves feel better.
I see this all the time on here that Brits love going to Florida. Can someone explain this to me the American? Also congrats!!
Growing up I was much poorer than my friends and I didn’t count anyone else’s money as my business. It turned out my parents were spending cash on things aside from me
So yeah, no fond childhood memories over here that I’m looking to recreate for somebody else!!I'm not the OP but many British people go to Florida specifically to Orlando for the theme parks, Disney etc. That or Miami and the Florida keys. We tend to chase the heat and sun given how unfortunate or own weather is.I see this all the time on here that Brits love going to Florida. Can someone explain this to me the American? Also congrats!!
Growing up I was much poorer than my friends and I didn’t count anyone else’s money as my business. It turned out my parents were spending cash on things aside from me
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