Childfree by Choice #2

[mcfeez]

Another match on bumble that doesn’t have on his profile that he has a 2 year old daughter. He told me his relationship with his ex was complicated and I asked “you don’t have a child, do you?”View attachment 899991

that instantly got my back up. He seems a bit defensive he’s only 32, anyway! I tried to make a joke about how you can disclose you have children but you don’t want anymore. My bio says I don’t want kids.

View attachment 899988

Just from personal experience, some people with kids (particularly men), don't realise how much of a deal breaker children are for people who say they don't want them.

He totally saw the option to include his having a daughter on his profile!

 

[AshMay]

This feels so minor but have to have a moan
One of my childfree friends I see all the time and always did stuff with got a dog (was meant to be temporary at first) and now they always have to make sure someone's looking after it or they can't stay out for long or whatever. They insist it hasn't changed anything but sometimes it's like they have a child lmao, puts a dampener on what used to be the fun part of not being tied down

 

[BelleAmie]

Another match on bumble that doesn’t have on his profile that he has a 2 year old daughter. He told me his relationship with his ex was complicated and I asked “you don’t have a child, do you?”View attachment 899991

that instantly got my back up. He seems a bit defensive he’s only 32, anyway! I tried to make a joke about how you can disclose you have children but you don’t want anymore. My bio says I don’t want kids.

View attachment 899988

Oh he can duck right off with that - “she’s my heart and I don’t put my heart on the line for people I don’t know”?! Wtf is that?!
It’s not even about not wanting children at this point, the point is that he lied right at the beginning which is whether you want children or not.
Sorry, this rant is probably more related to dating apps rather than being child free but wow, this has really wound me up!

 

[Traveler001]

Oh he can duck right off with that - “she’s my heart and I don’t put my heart on the line for people I don’t know”?! Wtf is that?!
It’s not even about not wanting children at this point, the point is that he lied right at the beginning which is whether you want children or not.
Sorry, this rant is probably more related to dating apps rather than being child free but wow, this has really wound me up!

She's his heart but he can't be arsed to tick a box that he has kids so he can match with someone who will give a tit about his kid... OK. If I had a kid I'd want to be with someone who enjoys spending time with kids and who would accept them as part of their life, not someone who has chosen not to have kids, which could be for a number of reasons, including reasons which would make them unsuitable to live with my child 50% of the time! What a twonk.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I’ve not replied to him. I showed a friend she was said I was arguing with him?! Am I?
So, he claims he didn’t see the option to select that he has got children… but, he’ll have seen women’s profiles that have it on theirs?! Now that I would argue with him about. We have only been chatting for 24 hours, glad I found out now. His attitude towards it all just seems a bit off.

 

[Sheabutter]

He scares me a little bit. 24 hours is not a lot of time and he’s already heavily invested. You don’t owe him anything. He sounds like a prick. Lying by omission is a thing!

 

[Eureka]

I’ve not replied to him. I showed a friend she was said I was arguing with him?! Am I?
So, he claims he didn’t see the option to select that he has got children… but, he’ll have seen women’s profiles that have it on theirs?! Now that I would argue with him about. We have only been chatting for 24 hours, glad I found out now. His attitude towards it all just seems a bit off. View attachment 900537

Block and ignore. Seriously don’t start second guessing yourself over this. You don’t have to be polite and accommodating to someone you don’t know especially when they lied. A lie of omission is still a lie. He has had no respect for your position and very quickly glossed over the bit of your profile that said not interested in kids. You don’t owe him tit. Just be glad you found out now before you got invested in him.

 

[aidil]

He’s quite aggressive in his tone too! He’s giving me major red flags already. I don’t understand why some men can’t understand that this is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. Having a child is a pretty major thing(!) and you would definitely end up having to be involved with her if it did get serious.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

He’s quite aggressive in his tone too! He’s giving me major red flags already. I don’t understand why some men can’t understand that this is a dealbreaker for a lot of women. Having a child is a pretty major thing(!) and you would definitely end up having to be involved with her if it did get serious.

Yes, the “don’t just duck it off cos I have a daughter”. Erm hello. You’ve already told me she will always come first (which I understand) but my profile says I don’t want kids! So why should I accept yours!!
I’m not even going to reply to him because I think he could get nasty. I’ll unmatch him.


Reading that back, “why should I accept yours” sounds so harsh

 

[Greencatfysh]

Most men on dating apps I came across in my experience aren’t hugely fussed about what women want (relationship/commitment/kids). They just want a shag and some fun and then see if it turns into something serious. I bet he didn’t even read your profile I would just explain that as your profile says you definitely don’t want kids so it’s not an option to date someone who does.

The issue is people with kids can’t fathom how anyone wouldn’t want to be around them. I’m sure he thinks the right girl will fall in love with him and then just accept all his baggage

 

[ElectricDreams]

Reason 281763997 not to have kids... You think they're going to love sledging and playing in the snow. Then when they're exactly at the furthest point from home they decide they've had enough and start crying uncontrollably, snot everywhere and make you feel terrible for putting them through this horrendous ordeal. And of course cry all the way back home on the sledge that you physically can't pull any quicker! Those Kodak moments of kids having fun in the snow are just a myth as far as I'm concerned!

 

[mrsbucket]

This feels so minor but have to have a moan
One of my childfree friends I see all the time and always did stuff with got a dog (was meant to be temporary at first) and now they always have to make sure someone's looking after it or they can't stay out for long or whatever. They insist it hasn't changed anything but sometimes it's like they have a child lmao, puts a dampener on what used to be the fun part of not being tied down

Haha I totally get this

I have a dog and it is a little bit like having a kid. I can't leave the poor little sod home alone for longer than a couple of hours so I'm always leaving nights out early or faffing about arranging a dog sitter I'd still never have kids though. At least the dogs needs are pretty uncomplicated!

 

[SqualorVictoria]

I’ve not replied to him. I showed a friend she was said I was arguing with him?! Am I?
So, he claims he didn’t see the option to select that he has got children… but, he’ll have seen women’s profiles that have it on theirs?! Now that I would argue with him about. We have only been chatting for 24 hours, glad I found out now. His attitude towards it all just seems a bit off. View attachment 900537

Your friend is a tool, I'm sorry. This guy is being way too intense. He should just take the hint and move on.

Also, I'd imagine even for people that do want kids that someone with kids from a former relationship might still be a deal breaker. Even if I wanted kids it would still be a hard pass from me. Imagine having to impress the little tyke and then always having the ex in the picture. No thanks

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Most men on dating apps I came across in my experience aren’t hugely fussed about what women want (relationship/commitment/kids). They just want a shag and some fun and then see if it turns into something serious. I bet he didn’t even read your profile I would just explain that as your profile says you definitely don’t want kids so it’s not an option to date someone who does.

The issue is people with kids can’t fathom how anyone wouldn’t want to be around them. I’m sure he thinks the right girl will fall in love with him and then just accept all his baggage

I replied to him with what you said above and he message back saying “it could have been something casual” !!!

 

[hiya_hun]

I’ve not replied to him. I showed a friend she was said I was arguing with him?! Am I?
So, he claims he didn’t see the option to select that he has got children… but, he’ll have seen women’s profiles that have it on theirs?! Now that I would argue with him about. We have only been chatting for 24 hours, glad I found out now. His attitude towards it all just seems a bit off. View attachment 900537

Run for the hills

 

[Greencatfysh]

I replied to him with what you said above and he message back saying “it could have been something casual” !!!

Men are SO transparent

 

[Anne1448]

Wow the amount of red flags from this guy :

- he lied about having a child until YOU asked him which means that he would have never brought it up on his own

- he said that the relationship with his ex is complicated but if you get into a relationship with him you'll have to deal with the ex too

- he claims that he didn't see the option to tick " I have children" but he could read yours which said that you do not have nor want children and yet he still contacted you

- he said "just don't duck it off" but what is the "it" about? Because you barely talked for less than 24 hours and don't have a relationship yet

- he came back saying that "it could have been casual" which means that he only wanted you for sex even though he is a freaking father with a child who needs stability

This man brought more red flags than a trip to North Korea. He is gaslighting you and trying to guilt trip you.

This is why I thank God everyday that I'm not straight

 

[CheshireLove]

I replied to him with what you said above and he message back saying “it could have been something casual” !!!

There it is. He just wants a shag. What a grim little man.

Men love to bang on about not wanting to date women with children but get nasty when women don’t want to date men with kids.

“Everyone’s got a past.” Sounds like a tit bloke who is annoyed his child is an inconvenience to getting a quick shag.

 

[judgejohndeed]

Men who lie about having kids makes you wonder if they have a wife or something, doesn't it? 'Oh sorry I didn't mention my wife, but you never actually asked.' Nope, nope, big old nope.

 

[SqualorVictoria]

A friend sent me this, thought you all would appreciate it