I've just spend the day with my four year old niece and I need to lay down and recover. How people manage to do this on the daily, I have no idea
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I knew there was a reason I get on so well with my business partner. He became a grandfather recently and he and his wife are just back from a visit to meet the new arrival for the first time. 'So how was it?' I asked. 'Well, it's a baby. When it's old enough to drive a quad bike I'll be a bit more interested.'
My friend has five kids, ranging in age now from 12-19. When they were younger I used to come out of her house after a couple of hours absolutely exhausted, and they were lovely kids. Well behaved and no hassle.
Saw this post on Reddit today. I would guess that there are a lot of parents that regret having children but it's taboo to talk about it.
www.reddit.com
Reddit - Dive into anything
www.reddit.com
Jesus that breaks my heart though and this is exactly what I worry would happen to meSaw this post on Reddit today. I would guess that there are a lot of parents that regret having children but it's taboo to talk about it.
Reddit - Dive into anything
I don’t hate kids but don’t like them particularly either, but when her child said ‘what’s wrong with daddy?’ That was so upsetting 
today my bf was telling me about having to rebook a holiday again bc of COVID with a friend, and that friend has just found out they’re having a baby. I said will he still go even though he’ll have a baby when you get to go on this holiday and my bf said ‘yes, I kind of assume we’ll be in the same position then’ and I darent ask him to repeat himself (he was in the other room) but every time my bf mentions kids or whatever it fills me with unease and fear…I get scared im pregnant even when we do nothing penetrative! There is no way I can have a kid when I feel like that
What a mess that situation is. I feel sorry for the child most of all; they're not daft, being sent outside to play = mum and dad are fighting again.
I can't see the dad hauling himself into therapy to deal with the regret, most likely he'll walk away, hit the 'life reset' button and fix himself up with a younger woman who doesn't want kids.
I can't see the dad hauling himself into therapy to deal with the regret, most likely he'll walk away, hit the 'life reset' button and fix himself up with a younger woman who doesn't want kids.
I have found my people! 
I’m so fed up of people telling me I’d be a great Mum. It’s lovely of them to say as it must mean I have nice qualities but I have never wanted children of my own and that has never wavered for a single moment.
Pregnancy bellies freak me out - a friend kept trying to get me to feel hers and got offended when I said I really didn’t want to.
People assume I’m going to be lonely without kids - err why? It’s not like I don’t have friends or a life just because I haven’t pushed something the size of a watermelon out of my fanny.
Even if I did want kids I know I’d have to think long and hard about it because we have a long history of mental health issues on both sides of the family and I couldn’t bring a kid into that in good conscience if it meant they’d have to go through what I’ve been through / various members of my family have.
Plus I like my lie ins too much! And being able to do things on a whim! And being able to go out for dinner reservations that aren’t at half past five so they can get home for bedtime! And peace and quiet! Grown up time! Disposable income! No nappies!
I’m so fed up of people telling me I’d be a great Mum. It’s lovely of them to say as it must mean I have nice qualities but I have never wanted children of my own and that has never wavered for a single moment.
Pregnancy bellies freak me out - a friend kept trying to get me to feel hers and got offended when I said I really didn’t want to.
People assume I’m going to be lonely without kids - err why? It’s not like I don’t have friends or a life just because I haven’t pushed something the size of a watermelon out of my fanny.
Even if I did want kids I know I’d have to think long and hard about it because we have a long history of mental health issues on both sides of the family and I couldn’t bring a kid into that in good conscience if it meant they’d have to go through what I’ve been through / various members of my family have.
Plus I like my lie ins too much! And being able to do things on a whim! And being able to go out for dinner reservations that aren’t at half past five so they can get home for bedtime! And peace and quiet! Grown up time! Disposable income! No nappies!
The number of comments calling them both horrible people on that post. Guaranteed a good number of them are the same people who assure you "Its different when its your own baby."Saw this post on Reddit today. I would guess that there are a lot of parents that regret having children but it's taboo to talk about it.
Reddit - Dive into anything
The possible lasting effects on the child too. The kid may not remember much of what happened (or they may which can be an even bigger issue) but it can easily affect their confidence and future attachment styles which can transfer to adulthood if not dealt with properly
Honestly, my main reason for not wanting kids is my mental health. There’s talk of how some conditions may have genetic roots, but even without that I just can’t see myself guaranteeing a fully dependent person the stability and unconditional love they need in their most important years and beyond. It’s obviously normal for parents to mess up but as someone who’s experienced the effects of parents messing up, I just wouldn’t want to pass that on to another child
And all inclusive adults only holidaysTHIS!
We've just booked a holiday in an adults only hotel. It's during term-time anyway, but we didn't want to take the risk of being by the pool and hearing, "Mum! Mum! Mummy! Watch me dive! Watch me dive, mum! Mum? Mummy!" (though I don't think the parents like it that much eitherAnd all inclusive adults only holidays
). We stayed in an adult's only hotel a couple of years ago and wondered why we hadn't considered it before, it was amazing!
We've done it a few times now, and honestly I would not go anywhere else.We've just booked a holiday in an adults only hotel. It's during term-time anyway, but we didn't want to take the risk of being by the pool and hearing, "Mum! Mum! Mummy! Watch me dive! Watch me dive, mum! Mum? Mummy!" (though I don't think the parents like it that much either
This will make me sound awful but I feel like if my bf decided kids really were non negotiable, even though I’ve said I’ll let him go I’ll still give him both barrels before he leaves…when we went on our first date I literally couldn’t give a tit if he wanted kids or not, I didn’t go out with him thinking ooh maybe we’ll have kids one day and maybe it’s because I’m not sure I want them that I’m not bothered but if he changed his mind or said to me he didn’t know if he wanted them I wouldn’t leave him over it? Like I’ve said before on this thread, if you got with me just so you could look at me as the future mother of your children then you can duck off…I’d stay with you if you changed your mind, so why can’t you stay with me if I change mine??
I don’t even think that makes sense haha just trying to organise my thoughts
I don’t even think that makes sense haha just trying to organise my thoughts
Playing Devils advocate here, if you expect him to stay with you and be childless against his desires, why is it not okay for him to leave to get what he wants? You expect to get what you want, no children, so I personally see it as the same. I feel unless you are adamant in the early days kids or no kids is a deal breaker, then you have to expect people to change their views on the relationship if their views on the matter change too. I know someone who never wanted kids ever, then in her 40s has had two.
I am very lucky, my partner and I never mentioned kids at the beginning but we have always talked about having them in the future. We even have names, but the reality is very different and we have agreed at the moment not to have them and that if one of us says no that's the end of it. But we have agreed that so if I want kids and he doesn't I know where I stand and I committed to that a long time ago.
No I get that and I wouldn’t expect him to stay, I’ve already told him I’ll let him go but I’d just remind him on the way out that I’d stay with him if he changed his mind about wanting kids
oh god I’m nasty aren’t i 
I think because we do have this mismatch atm I’m just feeling v defensive and resentful
I think this is a tough one and I can see it from both sides. While I tried to avoid people who wanted children when I was dating, some people just aren't sure, and then you can't really rule people out based on 'not sures' (well I don't think so anyway). If you're not sure then eventually you do change your mind to be sure one way or another, equally even some of us here saying 'no thanks' could change our minds in the future, it might be unlikely but it is possible. What I personally don't understand, and would find pretty hurtful I think, is if my partner said he's decided to leave me in order to pursue some future child that may or may not even happen (might not be fertile, might not meet someone else to have a child with, etc etc). The idea of giving up someone you claim to love in the 'here and now' who definitely exists etc to go off chasing what is ultimately a hypothetical at the early stage seems totally crazy to me. Ultimately though I do think it is fair enough if someone leaves you for that reason, I would rather be left than spend years with someone trying to persuade me to have children I don't want, but I think it would feel really bad to know you've been left for someone that doesn't exist yet.
Just reading the Reddit post someone posted above, that really is harrowing. I feel so sorry for the poor child. Quite baffling to think people in their late 30s didn't seem to have any grasp on how hard being a parent must be - to me it seems like the hardest thing in the world. Even more so if you didn't really want to do it.
You’ve worded it better than me
this is what I was trying to say, surely he dated me because I’m here now, and it’s me he wants to know, not a fictional/not yet existing person. I love him for him, not his fictional children. We’ve been together 5 years and we asked the question on the first date and I said yeah I guess but to be honest it’s not something I’ve ever thought like OMG YES I DEFINITELY WANT KIDS, I just said it bc it’s what you say isn’t it
I doubt he kept seeing me based on just that though.I think a lot of it is generally down to future plans/lifestyle too (I’d argue kids will impact your lifestyle a lot, some people straight up seem to make kids their lifestyle), and some people just seem to really want to have kids as part of the expected life experience and what not.You’ve worded it better than me
We’ve been together 5 years and we asked the question on the first date and I said yeah I guess but to be honest it’s not something I’ve ever thought like OMG YES I DEFINITELY WANT KIDS, I just said it bc it’s what you say isn’t it
It seems common to have relationships where you genuinely love the person and they love you, but then they realise that there’s something that the two cannot agree on and compromise may not be possible. It’s talked a lot more in the context of sex (the relationship advice Reddit seems to have had an increase in people finding out their partner is asexual for example) but I can see it happening in family-building context too, a lot of people are just less likely to talk about it.
He’s not the only one who would be missing out on something, I really really want to get married, to me that’s more important than kids and that is what I imagine doing rather than having kids, but he doesn’t want to get married
So I’m also missing out on something but I’ve decided I can live with not getting married. So if he did decide that kids were non negotiable then I’d also be angry and upset from that point of view that I’ve decided to stay with him knowing I might never get married, but he’d be leaving because I don’t want kids. Hmm maybe we really shouldn’t be together 
we’ve survived lockdown, but I’ve really been thinking about the big stuff recently, I feel like I’m changing and our relationship is changing too which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but why is life so complicated??- Status