I also think most people don't give it that much thought. They just assume it's something that will happen in future maybe and then they have a unplanned pregnancy and that's itI think a lot of men (and women too) think they want kids until they’re shown another way or until they’re shown the reality of kids!
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Exactly this. I always just assumed I would too and then I worked with children for a while and I realised, I don’t have to have kids!
I am really glad we are as a society (hopefully) moving towards women not having kids if they don't want to.
I have always wanted kids but I have always wanted to adopt not have biological children. The adoption process is long so I would be ready to take that on and I would have made the choice to do that. I will know what that my life is changing and I would be in a place where I am ready to take that responsibility on.
I don't think a lot of people really make the choice to take on the responsibility. It just happens to them accidentally or they don't really think of having children as a whole human being that you have to guide towards adulthood with the least amount of damage possible. I'm not saying that's true for everyone but whenever I've asked my friends who have kids why they had them they never really know how to answer the question
I always joke that I wasn’t that keen on kids even when I was one myself!
That's exactly what I say!I always joke that I wasn’t that keen on kids even when I was one myself!
I've found my people. I can't stand children. I don't have any sort of maternal instinct at all. People told me it'll come in my late 20s and in my 30s but I'm there now and still don't have it!
I've got a new niece and honestly don't feel the joy others do when she does 'funny' or cute things. Babies just don't interest me.. Sure, I guess she is cute but 5 mins is all I need with her. I'm starting to feel like I'm just a cold person
Bf knows I don't want children but I think he is hoping I'll change my mind one day...
I've got a new niece and honestly don't feel the joy others do when she does 'funny' or cute things. Babies just don't interest me.. Sure, I guess she is cute but 5 mins is all I need with her. I'm starting to feel like I'm just a cold person
Bf knows I don't want children but I think he is hoping I'll change my mind one day...
I don’t think your cold honestly. Some people just don’t like kids. It’s such a myth that women we have some bizarre ache for children and we’re abnormal if we don’t but honestly, babies are boring, toddlers are annoying, and I hate imaginary play. I like kids but these are still truthsI've found my people. I can't stand children. I don't have any sort of maternal instinct at all. People told me it'll come in my late 20s and in my 30s but I'm there now and still don't have it!
I've got a new niece and honestly don't feel the joy others do when she does 'funny' or cute things. Babies just don't interest me.. Sure, I guess she is cute but 5 mins is all I need with her. I'm starting to feel like I'm just a cold person
Bf knows I don't want children but I think he is hoping I'll change my mind one day...
I’d rather deal with a teenager Thanks!I don’t think your cold honestly. Some people just don’t like kids. It’s such a myth that women we have some bizarre ache for children and we’re abnormal if we don’t but honestly, babies are boring, toddlers are annoying, and I hate imaginary play. I like kids but these are still truths
The rest of my family are like "look look, she's smiling. Come see! It's soooo cute". And I'm like ermm.. OK.. So I walk over and smile.
I can't even fake it any more.
Me when they’re like ‘omg look it’s so cute!’Thanks!
The rest of my family are like "look look, she's smiling. Come see! It's soooo cute". And I'm like ermm.. OK.. So I walk over and smile.
I’m like “oh cute” and then they start crying and I’m like
byeeeeeeeee
byeeeeeeeee
I don't mind babies but I'm not bothered about rushing to see them when they're born. My mum's friend's daughter has just had a baby and mum went to visit (haven't seen her since we were kids so didn't think I'd be missed) But I was missed and now she's bringing the baby to my house on Friday for me to see 
I thought I'd got out of it, but they're seeking me out!
I thought I'd got out of it, but they're seeking me out!Yeah that is what winds me up!! why do people feel the need to do an Olympic torch tour with their new baby?!I don't mind babies but I'm not bothered about rushing to see them when they're born. My mum's friend's daughter has just had a baby and mum went to visit (haven't seen her since we were kids so didn't think I'd be missed) But I was missed and now she's bringing the baby to my house on Friday for me to see
Maybe I’m wrong here but I think many people need to realise that no one besides maybe their mum cares about their life anywhere near as much as they themselves do. Not their kid, not their wedding, not their degree. Nothing. I’m happy for you but it doesn’t have an impact on my life so mention it in passing and we can move the duck on.
I once had a friend discuss her wedding for 45 minutes. The wedding was over 2 years away so she had no business discussing it anyway but honestly!!! 5 minutes in I was sat there like “does she legit think people care? Cause no one bleeping cares? We’re nodding politely right now”
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Same!I’m like “oh cute” and then they start crying and I’m like
byeeeeeeeee
Lots of things are cute, I don't want them living with me and have 24/7/365/to my death responsibility for them though! Just look on YouTube and there's "cute' or 'funny' videos of kids, dogs, cats, seals, whatever you like and you have no responsibilities for it.
Ha. We have nieces and nephews. They are no longer toddlers, a bit older now. One of the nieces still acts like a little twit (god do I sound like Ms Trunchbull). She pulls silly faces, acts like an attention seeking brat as her sibling is naturally funny and garners a lot of attention. She has acted like this since she was of school age. I was hoping she would grow out of it but she seems to get worse as she gets older... she doesn't seem to know how to act "normally." I have wondered if she is on the spectrum.I've found my people. I can't stand children. I don't have any sort of maternal instinct at all. People told me it'll come in my late 20s and in my 30s but I'm there now and still don't have it!
I've got a new niece and honestly don't feel the joy others do when she does 'funny' or cute things. Babies just don't interest me.. Sure, I guess she is cute but 5 mins is all I need with her. I'm starting to feel like I'm just a cold person
Bf knows I don't want children but I think he is hoping I'll change my mind one day...
I did have a pang of worry with the pandemic, thinking, "omg who will look after me when I am old?" How selfish is that. There is no guarantee a kid will be there for you. In fact, I am an example. I have a good relationship with my parents but I moved overseas years ago and it is my home now. I do worry about when they get old and their care though.
My mums been dropping more and more “grandchild” comments lately. I’m 33 now and I think she’s realising it ain’t gonna happen. Does she think I’ve forgotten how often she used to tell me growing up that kids ruin your life Can’t back track now mum!
(I love my mum, we have a great relationship, but she honestly used to say that all the time)
Can’t back track now mum!(I love my mum, we have a great relationship, but she honestly used to say that all the time)
A little short read on maybe why we don't all feel the 'urge'...
...even though everyone tells us it's all biological.
...even though everyone tells us it's all biological.
I’m genuinely intrigued as to why and how there has been such a shift in the way people see and treat children?
-children are so worshipped these days, they get handmade cakes, balloon arches, stacks of gifts, holidays and big days out for all birthdays.
-Parents are always so focused on meeting their children’s needs and making their child is happy all the time, they don’t allow their children to be disappointed.
-it’s all so focused on giving their children the world, theatre trips, luxury holidays, expensive days out etc
-in schools, when child misbehaves on the regular, instead of being punished, the teachers are kind and understanding and they bend over backwards to give the child what they want and they give them special treatment…
-out and about, kids are just misbehaving, climbing things they shouldn’t and no one seems to say a thing?
I just don’t get it. I was born in 95 and I was never the centre of attention, never allowed to do what I wanted and I never felt like my feelings were the most important thing. I got an Asda cake and a tea party for my birthday, I was made to be seen and not heard in public and if I misbehaved I got took home for a smack and when I was bad at school, the teachers despised me and punished me heavily for it.
the world has gone mad. I know this isn’t all kids, but there’s so many kids treated like this now.
-children are so worshipped these days, they get handmade cakes, balloon arches, stacks of gifts, holidays and big days out for all birthdays.
-Parents are always so focused on meeting their children’s needs and making their child is happy all the time, they don’t allow their children to be disappointed.
-it’s all so focused on giving their children the world, theatre trips, luxury holidays, expensive days out etc
-in schools, when child misbehaves on the regular, instead of being punished, the teachers are kind and understanding and they bend over backwards to give the child what they want and they give them special treatment…
-out and about, kids are just misbehaving, climbing things they shouldn’t and no one seems to say a thing?
I just don’t get it. I was born in 95 and I was never the centre of attention, never allowed to do what I wanted and I never felt like my feelings were the most important thing. I got an Asda cake and a tea party for my birthday, I was made to be seen and not heard in public and if I misbehaved I got took home for a smack and when I was bad at school, the teachers despised me and punished me heavily for it.
the world has gone mad. I know this isn’t all kids, but there’s so many kids treated like this now.
Speaking as someone with professional experience in education, social care and amplifying children's voices I have to say I think the model of teachers being kind and understanding is far better than my memories in school (I was born in the 80s) of how 'naughty' children were treated. Most of the time, children misbehaving are not doing it for the sake of being little shits - there may be stuff going on at home, they may be emotionally unregulated, they may have mental health issues. Behaviour is communication. These behaviours need addressing and to open a dialogue with the child and "despising" a child or "punishing them heavily" for it isn't going to help. The 'special' treatment children receive is not a green card to act like a twit, it is a network of people trying to unpick what is going on and make modifications to help the child be a better learner and grow up well. Sadly in our underfunded state schools, teacher and teaching assistant time is often focused on the children that need more support to the detriment of other children in the class but that is not and never is the fault of the child that this is the system they are part of. One of the reasons my husband left teaching and now works to support "naughty" children in other ways was the fact all children cannot be supported in the ways that make them thrive.
Agree with this whole heartedly. Misbehaviour is almost always about an unmet need. If you dont make an effort to meet your kids needs, you shouldnt be a parent.
Meeting a kids needs isnt permissive. The whole my parents ignored me and lm fine is incredibly damaging. Ive grown up to be a complete people pleaser because I was only ever praised or interacted with when doing exactly what my parents asked me. I am not assertive in anyway and can be a bit of a doormat, especially in a work environment.
I do agree that kids get too much material wise, far too many £££ spent and spectacles made of every little event but its never too much to be emotionally there for your kid.
Being a parent isnt about controlling your kid and them doing absolutely everything you ask of them. Your kid is a person too and deserves to be treated as such.
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