Someone I know was complaining about this recently - elderly parents, young children, working full time and her own health and marriage are failing (her word) and she said she was upset about something her colleague said because it made her feel like she’d made the wrong choices. Her colleague had said to her she should’ve had her children younger because then they’d be old enough to take on some of the care and how she sends her early teens children to do some of the care for her parents and her husbands parent and it takes a lot of the pressure off of her.I was thinking this morning how difficult it must be to balance small children with ageing parents who need help - must be utterly exhausting
Couldn’t agree more. I don’t have children (obv or I wouldn’t be on this subI was thinking this morning how difficult it must be to balance small children with ageing parents who need help - must be utterly exhausting
Yes, my friend had children in her 40s. Her father died suddenly so she had all that to sort as her brother never helps out and her mother has dementia and is in a home. My friend is in a terrible place.I was thinking this morning how difficult it must be to balance small children with ageing parents who need help - must be utterly exhausting
That is such a horrible, unnecessary and unhelpful thing to say. I have said this before and it's probably been discussed a lot on here but the mindset of having children so that they can help you in later life is disgusting! What if the child is born with additional needs? What if they have a serious long term illness? Or on the flip side, what if they are just a general little shit and cause you nothing but stress and worry? Why do people assume that because you have kids, they are going to be good and help you out? I know so many people who have had kids that have moved hundreds of miles away, if not to the other side of the world, and they see them once a year if they are lucky. That is their choice to make in their life.Her colleague had said to her she should’ve had her children younger because then they’d be old enough to take on some of the care and how she sends her early teens children to do some of the care for her parents and her husbands parent and it takes a lot of the pressure off of her.
We've just started the process of applying for an Irish passport and are seriously looking at moving to Spain in the next couple of years, the grief I know I am going to get off my parents is making us keep it secret for now. They are late 70s but with my family genetics will probably go on for another 20 years, am I meant to put my life on hold just in case my dad needs his iphone updating or the Sky box sorting?, I'm like on call IT support most of the time. My brother lives an hour away from them and in typical man style does absolutely nothing to support. Its such a hard decision and the feeling of guilt is huge but they chose to have children, you can then force them to be your carers!That is such a horrible, unnecessary and unhelpful thing to say. I have said this before and it's probably been discussed a lot on here but the mindset of having children so that they can help you in later life is disgusting! What if the child is born with additional needs? What if they have a serious long term illness? Or on the flip side, what if they are just a general little shit and cause you nothing but stress and worry? Why do people assume that because you have kids, they are going to be good and help you out? I know so many people who have had kids that have moved hundreds of miles away, if not to the other side of the world, and they see them once a year if they are lucky. That is their choice to make in their life.
This always annoys me when people say having them younger is better. Not really, you'll just end up being a grandparent alot earlier.Someone I know was complaining about this recently - elderly parents, young children, working full time and her own health and marriage are failing (her word) and she said she was upset about something her colleague said because it made her feel like she’d made the wrong choices. Her colleague had said to her she should’ve had her children younger because then they’d be old enough to take on some of the care and how she sends her early teens children to do some of the care for her parents and her husbands parent and it takes a lot of the pressure off of her.
Not nice to her colleagues or her teens! Also having teens and elderly parents could be harder than having young children and elderly parents, there’s no way of knowing, it’s all a gamble. You could have drug taking thug teens and elderly parents who cannot help themselves in any way or really ‘good’ toddlers and sprightly elderly parents who do everything for themselves or anything in between, saying ‘you should’ve done it my way’ isn’t helpful@orangehead that's not very nice of your friend's colleague!
I’m late 20s. All my friends have recently had children (first or second) or are expecting/planning except for a friend who lives abroad with a high flyer career. I make my views very clear but during a chat at work a few weeks ago I got the ‘oh it’s much easier to have them now and then your parents can help out too’ what, my parents who spend 4 months of the year travelling to far flung places plus other commitments?The worst for me is when people say you should have started having kids early so the kids would be at an age now where they can look after any more babies you haveAt this point what are we actually having kids for? I've seen 12 year olds burdened with younger siblings, essentially raising them, while the mums want to live the youth they missed whilst they were having the kids!
I can’t even get mine to look after my dog for a few hours if I have to go out to a work meeting they are so busy with retirement activities like WI, bowls etc. I could never have relied on them for any childcare nor would I have even considered it knowing how active they are.I’m late 20s. All my friends have recently had children (first or second) or are expecting/planning except for a friend who lives abroad with a high flyer career. I make my views very clear but during a chat at work a few weeks ago I got the ‘oh it’s much easier to have them now and then your parents can help out too’ what, my parents who spend 4 months of the year travelling to far flung places plus other commitments?
This is very much a thing and is referred to as “sister-momming” (an Americanism) - because of course it’ll only ever fall to the female children to take that role of caring for their younger siblings (for the record I obviously think it shouldn’t fall to any child, but it is just typical)The worst for me is when people say you should have started having kids early so the kids would be at an age now where they can look after any more babies you haveAt this point what are we actually having kids for? I've seen 12 year olds burdened with younger siblings, essentially raising them, while the mums want to live the youth they missed whilst they were having the kids!
Why on earth would people expect their parents to essentially raise their own kids for them? Why even have them if you’re going to palm them off on people.I’m late 20s. All my friends have recently had children (first or second) or are expecting/planning except for a friend who lives abroad with a high flyer career. I make my views very clear but during a chat at work a few weeks ago I got the ‘oh it’s much easier to have them now and then your parents can help out too’ what, my parents who spend 4 months of the year travelling to far flung places plus other commitments?
Similarly to this as well, loads of parents have been so awful to their children that they're really asking for too much to be looked after. People have kids with unrealistic expectations of their children and themselves & that's one of the many, many reasons I've never wanted any. You don't know how things will turn out. I've probably said it on here before but every single liar/thief/mugger/burglar/rapist/murderer was once someone's cute little baby. And there's no guarantee that all those old people left abandoned in care homes were in any way wonderful when they were somebody's parent. Cynical, I knowWhy do people assume that because you have kids, they are going to be good and help you out? I know so many people who have had kids that have moved hundreds of miles away, if not to the other side of the world, and they see them once a year if they are lucky. That is their choice to make in their life.
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