Body Image Issues & ED Support Thread

[Sideboard Bob]

I hope everyone’s doing ok?

For the last few weeks I’ve been making a point to not body-shame myself, even in my mind. Because I never body-shame anyone else, and I realised I was being a hypocrite.

It takes a lot of effort but it’s really worth trying. I’ve realised that so many of the negative thoughts I have about myself are from the media and society, and that’s by design, women are made to feel crap about ourselves in order to sell us “fixes”.

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you for replying and for being so kind! It’s troubling how many people have issues after Slimming World. I hope you are in a good place atm.
Tbh I’ve not looked into counselling or anything like that because I didn’t think I would be taken seriously. It’s very recently that I’ve even considered my behaviour towards food and weight is not how all women behave.

All my family members would always comment on my weight and whether I was bigger/smaller than other female family members. I don’t think a day has ever passed where I’ve not worried about how I look and what I’ve eaten since I was about 7. I just want to live and enjoy my life and not be constantly pinching the flab on my body and wishing I was smaller.

I'm exactly the same
Doesn't feel like I'll ever get past it tbh.

If you do some googling, you may be able to find some in your area. And you 100% will be taken seriously!

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’m struggling today. I know my perception of my body is distorted by my issues, but it’s still so difficult.

 

[instanonsense]

I need to go to work but I just need to say hello to everyone and post this. It sums up what’s going on atm.

I feel you! I hope you have a good day at work. I keep trying to post what’s going on with me and to respond to posts but my mental capacity to do so is lacking. Head is full of calories etc. It’s exhausting. I want it to stop. I’m in hell.

Sending everyone a big hug. Remember you’re not alone xx

 

[Lazarus]

@Sideboard Bob
Hey Sidey B, how are you doing? I’m kinda in the throes of this atm, looked for a thread on here and seen it’s been a while since it’s been posted on. Hope you’re ok.xxx

 

[CazLovesCakes]

I’ve struggled with an ED for most of my life. I’ve been in and out of recovery, and I’m finally getting somewhere with the recovery process. I’ve actually started to open up about it a bit more on my YouTube channel and in a podcast I’ve started this year. I chose to do this because I’m older (by which I mean over 25) and I found there were loads of fab and inspirational YouTubers out there, but I couldn’t really relate as they are mostly much younger or haven’t struggled for as long (since they haven’t been alive as long as I have!). I wanted to show people you can recover at any age, no matter how long you’ve been unwell for. I won’t link directly to either, but you can find my YouTube through @CazLovesCakes and my podcast through @edpodcaz I am in recovery, not fully recovered, but try my best to avoid being triggering. I thought I’d mention these in case anyone might find them helpful or comforting in some way; none of us needs to struggle alone.

 

[Agent Cooper]

Does anyone else find this or am I being too sensitive?

You are definitely not being too sensitive. I find being on the Internet (not just Tattle) hard, I always end up stumbling upon something that triggers me, but then there is BDD on top of my ED so it’s never-ending. I don’t think I will ever be able to have a positive view of myself and my body. It’s such a shame that we are stuck in a society that often values looks over personality traits.

Having to live with an ED sucks so much and I share your feelings completely, hang in there

 

[CazLovesCakes]

Thank you so much. I still have my struggles but am so much better than I was a year ago. The weight gain is hard to cope with, but you gain so much more than just that - I have my personality back. It can be so hard to change ingrained behaviours, but it’s clear from other posts here how hard many are trying x

 

[WhatABore]

Hi, I searched out a thread on body image and was so glad to find one.
I’m not sure if I need a trigger warning (I don’t think I do) but I am very sorry if I’m mistaken.

I am so tired of obsessing over every bit of food that goes into my mouth. I’m ruining any enjoyment in my life.

I was bullied at secondary school because I was overweight. This resulted in me dieting and losing a lot of weight in a short space of time. I then gained weight again after an abusive relationship and kept gaining after my children. After my second child I joined Slimming World and managed to lost 4.5 stone over 9 months. I thought the plan was great at the time, but I think now all it’s done is given me disordered eating. I’ll skip meals if I’ve eaten ‘syn heavy food’ and I obsess over everything I put into my mouth.

I’ve been through another awful relationship but now have a really lovely partner. The only issue is that he is heavily into exercise and equally obsesses over food. I am terrified of putting on any weight incase he decides I’m too fat. And I panic if I’ve not exercised as much as him. It’s so unhealthy.

I am frightened to step onto the scales and when I do brave it, I shake and almost make myself sick.

I don’t know whether I’m just being stupid and need to get over myself or if I’ve got an issue that needs dealing with. For what it’s worth, my BMI is in the healthy range and I’m a size 12.

Sorry it’s such a long message but I have no one I can talk to about this as I am aware I sound obsessive and ridiculous.

You're in the right place!
Your story at the start is quite similar to mine. Losing a lot of weight in a short space of time ect I then gained it all back and more once I got into a crappy relationship. Then also joined slimming world and lost weight after having a child.

You're not being stupid and you don't need to get over yourself.
I'd 100% say you have an issue there

You also don't sound ridiculous! Especially not to us here!

I don't have much advice. I've gone the opposite direction in that I gained a loooot of weight back from constant comfort eating, lost the weight with slimming world and I've gained some back since then.
Whilst my partner isn't into exercise ect. He is slim. And doesn't understand the obsession with weight and food ect.

Is there some counselling you can look into?
Some areas offer counselling for EDs

 

[soymilk]

How is everyone doing today? Hope this week is treating you kind

TW for the text behind the spoiler x

Debbie Downer here. I measured myself today after 2,5 months of hardcore dieting and sports and I’m so upset by my results. I lost less than an inch in my waist and hips! I find it hard to believe and very discouraging.

Has anyone else had the same problem? I can’t lose weight no matter what I eat. I’ve already cut out quick carbs, bread and sweets as well as products high in fat like cream or mayonnaise. I had dinner with my extended family this weekend and actually had a breakdown seeing how everyone was eating their food with ketchup and mayo while I restrict as much as I can and still feel fat. I have a healthy BMI but I just know I can look better and more toned, especially considering I’m quite tall. Any tips? I really don’t like the idea of seeing a doctor for weight loss/ED because these issues seem so personal to me and I am not comfortable sharing them with anyone else.

I relate so much to what you're saying about dieting and exercising but feeling like you're not making progress - it's exactly how I feel atm. Tbh, I really feel a lot of it for me is hormonal, I get really bad bloating and I have cysts on my ovaries (which make it really difficult to shift belly weight). I am doing 100+ sit ups on top of my exercise like 5x a week and I see nothing. I've stopped complaining about it to my bf because honestly I think it makes him sad to see me find myself so repulsive. The only reason I don't cry about it more is bc I literally won't allow myself too! Sending you and everyone else going through this the biggest hug

 

[July9696]

Nice to see this. Wondering if anyone can relate to me..
I’ve been in recovery ten years and don’t struggle with calories or food much anymore but still struggle with the idea of not being thin and have never allowed myself to gain weight above a certain set point a few pounds into the ‘healthy’ range cos i identify too much with looking thin (as in, it takes up most of my identity, sad I know). In the early years of recovery it never came up but never wouldve thought id still be here 10 years on!

 

[zetta buttons]

Just letting off steam, no need to reply.

Spoiler: Big old rant

I just need to let off some steam and needed to write down my thoughts.
I’ve been injured for almost three months so can’t run or exercise like normal and this is sending me off it. I have been in this situation before but ran through it(which ended in a very expensive course of treatment). The lack of control and constant pain is turning me into a horrid person. I am spending all my free time calculating stuff on MFP, working out how little I can eat. I go a few days eating 500/600 calories and then am so hungry, eat a huge pot of fat free yoghurt or healthy ice cream (because that’s ok isn’t it). I’m such a fucking mess. I’m 42. I have no idea how to be an adult about this, my wife is struggling at work and I’m being the biggest self- indulgent idiot with all this shite. It needs to stop. I need to stop. I can’t. I can’t focus on anything but food. All I think about at work is is how calories the members are eating or how many I am burning. This is horrendous.

Apologies.

 

[Smell_my_cheese]

Hi, I searched out a thread on body image and was so glad to find one.
I’m not sure if I need a trigger warning (I don’t think I do) but I am very sorry if I’m mistaken.

I am so tired of obsessing over every bit of food that goes into my mouth. I’m ruining any enjoyment in my life.

I was bullied at secondary school because I was overweight. This resulted in me dieting and losing a lot of weight in a short space of time. I then gained weight again after an abusive relationship and kept gaining after my children. After my second child I joined Slimming World and managed to lost 4.5 stone over 9 months. I thought the plan was great at the time, but I think now all it’s done is given me disordered eating. I’ll skip meals if I’ve eaten ‘syn heavy food’ and I obsess over everything I put into my mouth.

I’ve been through another awful relationship but now have a really lovely partner. The only issue is that he is heavily into exercise and equally obsesses over food. I am terrified of putting on any weight incase he decides I’m too fat. And I panic if I’ve not exercised as much as him. It’s so unhealthy.

I am frightened to step onto the scales and when I do brave it, I shake and almost make myself sick.

I don’t know whether I’m just being stupid and need to get over myself or if I’ve got an issue that needs dealing with. For what it’s worth, my BMI is in the healthy range and I’m a size 12.

Sorry it’s such a long message but I have no one I can talk to about this as I am aware I sound obsessive and ridiculous.

 

[WhatABore]

Thank you for your response, I think it’s just the pressure of it all to be honest, the permanence of the photos, all the eyes on you and the fact that I used to be very slim and I’m chasing that goal because I feel like I felt happier then - in reality I was probably quite miserable but you forget that part!

That's a big thing!

I always look back at when I was smaller and wish I was there.
But then like you say, I was miserable.
My brain never stopped thinking about weight. I panicked at the thought of gaining 1lb.
My head was full constantly.

It still is now but no where near as much.
But I still look back and wish I was there now

 

[zetta buttons]

I’m so sorry things are hard for you again

When you speak about these issues ZB, it really shows that it is an illness, and not your own way of thinking. Because you can look at it all rationally, objectively and understand what’s happening, but it still affects you. It’s not fair.

I had to stop taking the antidepressants, because they just made things worse, I was feeling triggered by my own body, and constantly on edge that I was going to engage in harmful behaviours again. So now I’m just trying to hang in there until I see the psychiatrist in a couple of weeks to see what he suggests.

I really hope things get better again for you soon. That goes for everyone here too.

I’m so sorry the AD made you feel like that. We hear about side effects but when those physical side effects combine, add to psychological ones and potentially exacerbate the initial condition, it’s just heartbreaking.

I hope the break from them gives you some respite from those thoughts and a discussion about a new way forward helps.

I forget about this thread () but my thoughts are always here. We need to remember we are never alone in feeling this way about food, even though at times it can feel that way.

 

[Puppys]

This thread is for everyone who has body image issues and/or eating disorders. I want this to be a safe place for all posters so please use trigger warnings for potentially triggering posts and try not to include or at least blur out numbers, sizes etc. This is not a substitute for professional advice but we can use this thread to get things off our chest and share our experiences.

Everyone is welcome here whether diagnosed or not

Love this

it's been so comforting for me reading all of your posts, I've resonated with so many things that have been said. I've been fighting this for so long and although I'm physically better, mentally I'm all over the place atm - I've just been away for the weekend with a group of girls and everytime a pic was sent into the group chat I couldn't bare to open it because I knew I was going to see myself as a "fat mess". I feel ridiculous even typing that, a part of me knows that's not true but still, it's a thought that is embedded in my brain and I can't shift it!
Hoping everyone has a nice day and is kind to themselves

Please don't feel ridiculous

Last night wasn’t as disastrous as it could have been so I am taking that as a win.

Mostly, I just feel so tired of the constant voice in my head. My wife wants me to delete MFP (which I do periodically just to reinstall the next morning) but what she doesn’t understand is that I know all the numbers anyway and am permanently counting and adding and working out how much to run/walk/swim. On another thread, I got so angry when people were giving the wrong calorie values for foods. I ended up correcting them and looked like, in all honesty, a huge twat. My body image is much better and I am learning not to want to look how I used to but this endless dialogue is exhausting.

I see people on Instagram say they have recovered. But how? Like the poster above, I see those who are in pseudo recovery and that is so dangerous. It leads people up the garden path, allows us to think that we can be well again.

Can we?

Don't think you can ever fully recover just get better its like anything isnt it once its a problem its always a problem thats just my opinion but I do believe with support it can improve

 

[megsmagoo]

First of all, hi and huge congratulations on your engagement! I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with weight thoughts though. You can’t always control what you think so please do not be hard on yourself, it will only make you feel worse. Have you tried figuring out why you feel like you should be a certain size on your wedding day? Is it social media pressure, something that other people (friends, coworkers etc) tell you or something else? You say you used to cope well with triggering thoughts. Are there any coping techniques/strategies that worked for you in the past?


Hi there Unfortunately, I can’t help with Fortisips much as I’ve never been on them, but I just wanted to express my support. Could you perhaps discuss your issues with your health professional? I am not a doctor, but I guess drinking 1 a day is still better than drinking none. Maybe you could go gradually from 1 to 1,5 to 2 drinks until you finally manage to drink all 4 in one day?I struggle with guilt myself, but according to Google, 1 Fortisip is about 300 Kcal so not that much? Especially since it’s essentially a meal replacement. I hope you find something that works for you soon! 🤍

Hi Bobbleowl! I was so heartbroken after reading your post, you have been through a lot and I’m sorry! Bullying is always so horrible, some kids are just extremely cruel. I can unfortunately relate to having no self-confidence. From what you have written, it sounds like you could benefit from counseling and/or joining a support group. Have you ever had therapy before? A good therapist can make you feel heard and understood which is very comforting in itself. It sounds like you struggle with a lot of guilt that prevents you from enjoying your life and feeling confident.

Thank you for your response, I think it’s just the pressure of it all to be honest, the permanence of the photos, all the eyes on you and the fact that I used to be very slim and I’m chasing that goal because I feel like I felt happier then - in reality I was probably quite miserable but you forget that part!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

The problem isn’t with our bodies as such it’s our heads. We can get to x weight, x size etc but it won’t be enough. We need to work on our brains not bodies!!! Easier said than done I know! I’ve put on a lot of weight recently as I’m struggling with a bulimia phase and I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable in my body. The bulimia is masking feelings/life I don’t want to deal with. If I wasn’t in a bulimia phase I’d probably be going through a period of restriction and I know that when I’ve been in that phase previously I’ve never been small enough despite being very unwell. This is very, very messed up but I’m missing the numbness that comes with being underweight.

I’m almost 40 and I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 13. You name the eating disorder and I’ve probably been there and got the T-shirt! I hate myself so much. I hate myself for having an eating disorder but I have an eating disorder because I hate myself. It’s a vicious circle. I have children and I hope to god I’ve not messed them up.

I have to agree with you.

Spoiler: Long mention about bingeing and being smaller

When I was at my worst (brought on by a hugely stressful job), everyone at work knew that if they tried to talk to me about it, because of my nature at the time, I would brush it off so I just got smaller and smaller and smaller. It was as though I was goading everyone to see how far I could go.

Since then I got bigger (from bingeing) and now seem to have settled back down to a stable situation. People have now admitted that a) I looked awful and b) they were scared to help.

The thing is, when I feel triggered now, I want to look like that again. But I have to remember I was never happy then either. Body checking, trying on all my clothes to look for tiny differences in fit, always hungry, miserable and exercising from 3am in the morning. I have to remember whatever size I am it is never good enough. It was never enough.

To those who are struggling now, I completely empathise. Today was my wife’s birthday and I promised her that it would be the first one in (I have no idea… 15 years, maybe 17) that I would eat a nice meal, cake, not restricted the whole day, run too much or eaten the rest of the cake secretly. It is shameful that the last however many birthdays have been ruined by my ED.

When you talk about the cutting out of food and exercising hard for 2.5 months, what would you say to a family member or friend who said that to you? You would tell them not to worry, that you understood that they may not be happy with how they looked but that cutting out things was going to make them even more unhappy. Now here is the rub. Sometimes all this cutting out of things may actually be making you feel a bit better (IYKWIM). If it is then that is a bigger problem. You don’t need to say it. We don’t need to know. But we are here if you need it.

I am so sorry for the long post. It has been a challenging day to stay on track.

 

[megsmagoo]

Spoiler: Spoiler

I’ve recently just got engaged and the feeling that I just not eat at all is so strong, I’m terrified of being overweight on my wedding day it makes me feel sick. I’ve been coping well with triggering thoughts but recently it’s become so overwhelming. I put on weight during recovery and haven’t lost it and I’m trying to do everything I can to lose it sorry just needed to vent because this is the most triggered I’ve felt in years

 

[Agent Cooper]

Sorry for the long post guys, I want to reply to everyone properly!

I relate so much to what you're saying about dieting and exercising but feeling like you're not making progress - it's exactly how I feel atm. Tbh, I really feel a lot of it for me is hormonal, I get really bad bloating and I have cysts on my ovaries (which make it really difficult to shift belly weight). I am doing 100+ sit ups on top of my exercise like 5x a week and I see nothing. I've stopped complaining about it to my bf because honestly I think it makes him sad to see me find myself so repulsive. The only reason I don't cry about it more is bc I literally won't allow myself too! Sending you and everyone else going through this the biggest hug

I could have written this myself! Belly weight is exactly what I struggle with, belly weight and hips. And breasts if we are being honest. I guess you could say I’m quite…proportional due to having an ‘hourglass’ shaped figure (whatever this means, I’m not very comfortable with body classifications) but I still hate the way I look. I would take a stick-straight figure over mine anyday. But I’ve gotta work with what I have Anyway, I don’t know if I ever get over the whole ED thing, but I try to distract myself as much as possible. Thank you so much for reaching out to me, a huge hug back to you You’re lovely!

I’m almost 40 and I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 13. You name the eating disorder and I’ve probably been there and got the T-shirt! I hate myself so much. I hate myself for having an eating disorder but I have an eating disorder because I hate myself. It’s a vicious circle. I have children and I hope to god I’ve not messed them up.

This sounds so tough. I’m really sorry you struggle so much You are so strong for living with an ED for so many years and still being there for your children and everyone else. I agree completely with your ideas (working on our brains not bodies), but, as you’ve said yourself, easier said then done…CBT helped me learn a lot about myself and I know where every single one of my issues (including ED) stems from, but this knowledge alone is not enough. For now I just try not to think about food much and focus on something else as much as possible.

Sending you so much love and I hope you feel better soon! You sound like an amazing person TBH x

When you talk about the cutting out of food and exercising hard for 2.5 months, what would you say to a family member or friend who said that to you? You would tell them not to worry, that you understood that they may not be happy with how they looked but that cutting out things was going to make them even more unhappy. Now here is the rub. Sometimes all this cutting out of things may actually be making you feel a bit better (IYKWIM). If it is then that is a bigger problem. You don’t need to say it. We don’t need to know. But we are here if you need it.

I don’t even know what to say, you seem to be reading my mind…I guess all ED sufferers think more or less the same. Should make us feel united but it’s just so sad. I am drowning myself in work to take my mind off things and it seems to be working. I’ve noticed that the busier I am, the better I feel about myself…most of the time.

Happy belated birthday to your wife! Hope you were able to spend a nice day with her despite all the struggles. A big thank you and a big hug