Body Image Issues & ED Support Thread

[Smell_my_cheese]

You're in the right place!
Your story at the start is quite similar to mine. Losing a lot of weight in a short space of time ect I then gained it all back and more once I got into a crappy relationship. Then also joined slimming world and lost weight after having a child.

You're not being stupid and you don't need to get over yourself.
I'd 100% say you have an issue there

You also don't sound ridiculous! Especially not to us here!

I don't have much advice. I've gone the opposite direction in that I gained a loooot of weight back from constant comfort eating, lost the weight with slimming world and I've gained some back since then.
Whilst my partner isn't into exercise ect. He is slim. And doesn't understand the obsession with weight and food ect.

Is there some counselling you can look into?
Some areas offer counselling for EDs

Thank you for replying and for being so kind! It’s troubling how many people have issues after Slimming World. I hope you are in a good place atm.
Tbh I’ve not looked into counselling or anything like that because I didn’t think I would be taken seriously. It’s very recently that I’ve even considered my behaviour towards food and weight is not how all women behave.

All my family members would always comment on my weight and whether I was bigger/smaller than other female family members. I don’t think a day has ever passed where I’ve not worried about how I look and what I’ve eaten since I was about 7. I just want to live and enjoy my life and not be constantly pinching the flab on my body and wishing I was smaller.

 

[Carapop]

It’s hard because for a lot of us, this way of thinking is so ingrained and deep-rooted.

I’ve tried so many tines to change the way I think, it’s only this time it’s ”clicked”.
I think it’s because I’ve been feeling a lot of feminist rage recently, so I thought “why do I hold myself up to these insane standards that I don’t even agree with?”

Good on you for calling out your friend, in what sounds like a really kind and reasonable way.

I’m wishing you all the best for tomorrow @Carapop , and onwards. You got this X

Thank you my darling. I love love love the idea of turning the mirror on it all, so that self care and respect and value can also be a massive fuck you to the patriarchy… what could I have done, who could I have been, if this disorder hadn’t consumed my every waking moment for the last two decades. If you’re a reader I really recommend The Beauty Myth… here are a snippets I think worth sharing. I actually am going to put this on my hospital reading list now. You thought you were just sharing a supportive comment, but you’ve been inspiring

“A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history; a quietly mad population is a tractable one.”

“Whatever is deeply, essentially female--the life in a woman's expression, the feel of her flesh, the shape of her breasts, the transformations after childbirth of her skin--is being reclassified as ugly, and ugliness as disease. These qualities are about an intensification of female power, which explains why they are being recast as a diminution of power. At least a third of a woman's life is marked with aging; about a third of her body is made of fat. Both symbols are being transformed into operable condition--so that women will only feel healthy if we are two thirds of the women we could be. How can an "ideal" be about women if it is defined as how much of a female sexual characteristic does not exist on the woman's body, and how much of a female life does not show on her face?”
― Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth

 

[Agent Cooper]

I called the helpline, and the woman I spoke to was so kind with her advice and non-judgemental. I was so embarrassed to still be dealing with these issues and kept crying, but she was so patient.

I really hope everyone else is doing as ok as can be.

Hi Sideboard Bob! I don’t have much time now but I just wanted to say that you are not alone, so many of us struggle or used to struggle with something similar. I’m so proud of you reaching out to get the support, I know it’s not easy Hope you are doing better, please report back tomorrow and tell us how you are feeling, and I will try to reply properly soon.

 

[Carapop]

Oh gosh it is so funny you post that today. I was just scolding my friend for complaining about her tummy when she is so fit and very healthy, it’s just a tummy, and it will help insulate her for winter. And she pointed out the irony of my saying that. I’m starting inpatient treatment for anorexia tomorrow. Why can’t we ever treat ourselves with the same kindness, compassion and god Damn logic!?

 

[Queenbee22]

Thank you both so much for answering me, it’s really lovely to have people to talk to! Although I am sorry you both struggle too.

my therapist tried to make me see my BDD voice as a little bully to tell off and that worked for a while, maybe you may find that helpful?

mine isn’t necessarily weight based, I just don’t view myself like I see everyone else. I feel different and put so much pressure on myself to look ‘acceptable’. I don’t feel normal if that makes sense? I feel like in the real world there must be something very wrong with me because I don’t look like everyone else in my mind x

 

[zetta buttons]

Oh gosh it is so funny you post that today. I was just scolding my friend for complaining about her tummy when she is so fit and very healthy, it’s just a tummy, and it will help insulate her for winter. And she pointed out the irony of my saying that. I’m starting inpatient treatment for anorexia tomorrow. Why can’t we ever treat ourselves with the same kindness, compassion and god Damn logic!?

Good luck for tomorrow .

Been thinking of people here. Things aren’t great. Work’s been shit and the really bad habits are back. I can’t even talk on the phone to my mum because my mind is too preoccupied. Wife is 50/50 angry and worried. I’m on my own until 7 or 8 so behaviours run rampant. I have no energy or desire to curb them because they are making the work situation better. I know where this ends. I don’t care atm.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I’m so sorry the AD made you feel like that. We hear about side effects but when those physical side effects combine, add to psychological ones and potentially exacerbate the initial condition, it’s just heartbreaking.

I hope the break from them gives you some respite from those thoughts and a discussion about a new way forward helps.

I forget about this thread () but my thoughts are always here. We need to remember we are never alone in feeling this way about food, even though at times it can feel that way.

Thank you. You’ve explained so clearly why it went so wrong!

It has given me a respite from thinking that way though, thankfully.

That’s such a good point. I don’t know about anyone else, but I often beat myself up for thinking that way, “you should be able to snap out of this by now, get over it” etc. But I would NEVER think that about anyone else going through the same.
So, it does help to not feel as alone, althigugh I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone

 

[Agent Cooper]

Sending you loads of love. For me knowing that my thoughts and feelings are irrational makes me feel worse! I think give myself a doubly hard time! Dealing with the intrusive thoughts is hard enough but then I give myself an extra kicking for having the intrusive thoughts and not being “normal” Is anything causing your struggle today? For me 90% of the time I have these feelings it’s because something else is going on. Something bad will happen or I’m stressed about something and I instantly feel fat.

I want to write more about my story but I’m struggling a lot myself at the moment and I don’t really have the mental capacity to do so. I’d like to be more active on this thread but I feel guilty if I post and then don’t respond for days. Does anyone else give themselves a hard time over EVERYTHING??

Eating disorders are truly shit and lonely. Sending you all loads of love xx

Thank you, you are so kind! I’m not in a very good place right now, lost my job due to the pandemic and haven’t been able to get another one for a while. I study full time so finding something that works with my schedule is almost impossible. It bothers me so much. It also leads me to compare myself to people my age who do have a job, and then I go from general comparisons to body comparisons and it makes me feel terrible. I feel like such a failure even though I have little control over the situation.

And please don’t feel any pressure to post when you are not feeling it! I know what you mean about not having the mental capacity, I get it too so I just lurk for days before going back to posting. On this thread, we are here for each other anyway x

 

[Queenbee22]

Hi everyone

I hope this is the right place to post, I am struggling!
I have Body Dysmorphia which I was diagnosed with a few months ago. I had CBT and got a good handle of it but I’ve had a major loss in my life and a free fall into terrible depression which has made it come back again.
I saw a guy I speak to on instagram yesterday, he always calls me beautiful on there and today he’s very quiet and seems a bit off. My worst fear with BDD is that people will see me in person and be repulsed, like I’m nothing like my photos. Does that make sense?
I truly believe there is nothing attractive about me at all and I’m not worthy of a man because of this.
Can anyone relate? Would love to chat about it if so
thank you x

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’ve struggled with an ED for most of my life. I’ve been in and out of recovery, and I’m finally getting somewhere with the recovery process. I’ve actually started to open up about it a bit more on my YouTube channel and in a podcast I’ve started this year. I chose to do this because I’m older (by which I mean over 25) and I found there were loads of fab and inspirational YouTubers out there, but I couldn’t really relate as they are mostly much younger or haven’t struggled for as long (since they haven’t been alive as long as I have!). I wanted to show people you can recover at any age, no matter how long you’ve been unwell for. I won’t link directly to either, but you can find my YouTube through @CazLovesCakes and my podcast through @edpodcaz I am in recovery, not fully recovered, but try my best to avoid being triggering. I thought I’d mention these in case anyone might find them helpful or comforting in some way; none of us needs to struggle alone.

I’m a bit busy right now but I will try to find time to check your channel during the weekend! How brave of you to open up to your audience, it’s so important for many people (myself included) to know they are not alone.

I’m sorry. I know how deflating that can feel. As for tips, like others have shared here, so much of it is in our heads…not saying it’s not real, it’s our perception vs reality, and the reality may be that you’re at the right weight for you. Also, another place to explore may be weight training to help tone and firm, as it seems you’re being sensible with diet and more restrictions may make you feel more deprived and worse. I’m not sure how old you are (you don’t need to share) but I’m sure you know as we age, we lose muscle mass and our metabolism slows. Have you tried resistance/weight training? Stress and lack of sleep also triggers cortisol release which tells our bodies to hang on to fat. I don’t have solutions as I’m a work in progress lol but just sharing some things which may help. P.S. love your username, I’m watching the series with my teen. It was HUGE when I was younger, but I wasn’t allowed to watch it

Thank you so much for your kind words and tips! The thing is, I’m in my 20s so technically it should be easy for me to lose a lot of weight quickly…but it isn’t! I can think of 3 possible reasons: 1) I eat too much (unlikely, I’ve cut out pretty much all unhealthy food and eat very little) 2) I’m prone to gaining extra weight (hard to tell, I’ve been within the healthy BMI range my whole life 3) I have some sort of hormonal imbalance (can’t tell as I’ve never had my hormones checked for that) I know I should look into weight training but the very idea of it doesn’t seem very attractive. I used to go to the gym when I was a teen and it was such a stressful experience altogether that I now try to avoid the gym at all costs But I will look into my options. Thanks again!

P.S. I love Twin Peaks too (no surprise here) I wasn’t even born yet when it first aired so I watched it years later. Great show that stands the test of time, and Agent Cooper is damn fine x

hi all, i can already feel that today is going to be hard. i’ve been working out quite a bit recently and my body, i must say, looking bangin. however these past two days i’ve not worked out because i’m just so. tired. I’ve recently gone full time at work and still at university (i have less than a week left) so i think my body is under a bit of stress and is just saying no.
i am choosing to rest today, truly - no steps no yoga no nothing - the fitness watch is off. going to have breakfast before my usual allowed time because i am literally so hungry. there’s some guilt because i’m going on holiday in just over two weeks but i guess today will just be a baggy jumper and avoid mirrors kinda day

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. You deserve some rest from all this working out. Enjoy your upcoming holiday!
All this healthy lifestyle thing is only good for you as long as it’s a personal choice and not an obsession. I have mild orthorexia so I learned it the hard way.



Sorry for my novels, don’t want to make this thread a one man show haha! How is everyone on here doing today?

 

[Lazarus]

I’m so sorry the AD made you feel like that. We hear about side effects but when those physical side effects combine, add to psychological ones and potentially exacerbate the initial condition, it’s just heartbreaking.

I hope the break from them gives you some respite from those thoughts and a discussion about a new way forward helps.

I forget about this thread () but my thoughts are always here. We need to remember we are never alone in feeling this way about food, even though at times it can feel that way.

Sending big love ZB xx it’s a tough old slog.

 

[Agent Cooper]

I have no words of advice with the clothes but just to say I'm with you.
I wear jumpers and hoodies even in 30 degree heat because I feel so uncomfortable wearing just a Tshirt.

If you don't eat enough and especially if you're burning the calories off too, your body won't do much in response because it starts to store fat instead

Ugh I’m sorry you struggle with this too! Feeling like that honestly stinks.

I have a feeling you are totally right about not eating enough and storing fat. I guess I need to sort out my eating habits, most of the time I’m so busy I don’t have time to cook or buy healthy food so I prefer to skip meals instead of eating what I think is unhealthy. Thank you x

 

[Agent Cooper]

It’s been quiet on here. How is everyone finding this year?

Spoiler: Weight talk

I’m not proud to say my New Year resolution was to lose weight, I just feel so unfit and disgusting. What makes it even harder is the fact that I actually suck at losing weight, I can never lose more than 8-9lbs no matter what I do. The only time I was truly slim was when I was on meds, but that’s just because I was sick all of the time. Today I thought I might order myself some new clothes for the upcoming season and was triggered big time when I flicked through some catalogs. The girls there look like real life Barbie dolls, airbrushed or not. I know I will never look like this. Realistically, nothing in my life would change if I did, but it still made me so upset.

 

[or JusRollWithIt]

How is everyone doing today? Hope this week is treating you kind

TW for the text behind the spoiler x

Debbie Downer here. I measured myself today after 2,5 months of hardcore dieting and sports and I’m so upset by my results. I lost less than an inch in my waist and hips! I find it hard to believe and very discouraging.

Has anyone else had the same problem? I can’t lose weight no matter what I eat. I’ve already cut out quick carbs, bread and sweets as well as products high in fat like cream or mayonnaise. I had dinner with my extended family this weekend and actually had a breakdown seeing how everyone was eating their food with ketchup and mayo while I restrict as much as I can and still feel fat. I have a healthy BMI but I just know I can look better and more toned, especially considering I’m quite tall. Any tips? I really don’t like the idea of seeing a doctor for weight loss/ED because these issues seem so personal to me and I am not comfortable sharing them with anyone else.

I’m sorry. I know how deflating that can feel. As for tips, like others have shared here, so much of it is in our heads…not saying it’s not real, it’s our perception vs reality, and the reality may be that you’re at the right weight for you. Also, another place to explore may be weight training to help tone and firm, as it seems you’re being sensible with diet and more restrictions may make you feel more deprived and worse. I’m not sure how old you are (you don’t need to share) but I’m sure you know as we age, we lose muscle mass and our metabolism slows. Have you tried resistance/weight training? Stress and lack of sleep also triggers cortisol release which tells our bodies to hang on to fat. I don’t have solutions as I’m a work in progress lol but just sharing some things which may help. P.S. love your username, I’m watching the series with my teen. It was HUGE when I was younger, but I wasn’t allowed to watch it

 

[Sideboard Bob]

have stayed away and from F&D because I don’t want to be the one to be tiptoed around.

Spoiler: Off topic

Ah I just realised what you mean about that thread

Your response was so graceful, I didn’t know what to say. I don’t think anyone feels they need to tiptoe around you, but I do get it.

But the fact that it was asked, totally innocently, if anyone minds triggering topics, made it hard for anyone to answer honestly if they did mind. I had to bite my tongue because I wanted to say, “well yes, you know it’s hard for other people and there’s a whole other thread for that topic so maybe that would be better?”.

Thankfully you and others responded in a more thoughtful and mature way. I know it’s more a “me problem” than a “them problem” though.

But you’re missed there, it’s meant to be a non-triggering space for everyone x

 

[Agent Cooper]

How is everyone finding this week? This thread has been a bit quiet, I hope you are all okay

@CazLovesCakes: I checked your Youtube channel and I really enjoyed your content! I like the way you narrate and you have such a lovely voice. So happy to see in recovery and living your best life enjoying food

 

[zetta buttons]

I’m glad you get those moments of clarity. Because I think sometimes you blame yourself too much.
I know we have to be careful to not blame anything negative about ourselves on a mental illness*, and use it as an excuse. But I feel like I “know” you well enough to know that you don’t do that.

As you’ve pointed out, it really takes over. At the times when I’ve been at my worst with EDs I’ve felt like my mind was completely empty apart from the illness; and during a different time I felt like I was possessed (I know that sounds dramatic but I never knew how else to describe it). So when all that’s going on, it’s near impossible to be socially “normal”.

And like you said, some people just don’t understand that. But really its like it’s not your own thoughts and mind, because the illness can take that much of a hold.

*on tattle we see a lot of people who do seem to use mental health as a shield. But I honestly don’t think that applies to anyone on this thread. All I see is people really trying to get through each day, and caring so much about those around them.

I’ll reply more later but the BIB resonates so much. Thank you for being here and your insight . I hope things are ok. Is the appointment soon?

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Hi Sideboard Bob! I don’t have much time now but I just wanted to say that you are not alone, so many of us struggle or used to struggle with something similar. I’m so proud of you reaching out to get the support, I know it’s not easy Hope you are doing better, please report back tomorrow and tell us how you are feeling, and I will try to reply properly soon.

Thank you for your sweet words AC!
I wish you didn’t know what it’s like, but it helps that other people understand. You’re so right that it’s not easy, I was shaking before I made that phone call.

Please don’t worry about replying I really hope YOU are doing ok though.

To be honest I don’t know how I’ll be tomorrow, but hopefully in a couple of weeks I’ll be off these nightmare antidepressants and be able to try another kind that doesn’t send me spiralling.

 

[WhatABore]

Hi all, how are we doing? 🤍

Summer is almost here and I’m struggling with lighter clothing. Everyone is wearing crop tops and mini skirts but there is no way I could dress like this and feel confident/comfortable. Whenever I wear something like that, I just end up comparing myself to other women and feel bad about myself. I eat so little, exercise so much and see absolutely no result. I know comparison is the thief of joy and all that…but it doesn’t help me much. Any words of advice?

I’m sorry to hear you had these negative thoughts during your holiday I am glad you were able to get your mind off them though, well done! Swimming is actually lots of fun and very good for your body and your mind. It counts as exercise, too, and you absolutely don’t have to go to the gym unless you really want to x

I have no words of advice with the clothes but just to say I'm with you.
I wear jumpers and hoodies even in 30 degree heat because I feel so uncomfortable wearing just a Tshirt.

If you don't eat enough and especially if you're burning the calories off too, your body won't do much in response because it starts to store fat instead

 

[tiktokscandals22]

I’ve had disordered eating since I was a child. When I was a teenager I got into the habit of binging and purging, however now I still have major self esteem issues but still occasionally binge/purge.
I went Vegetarian in October and started to be more aware of what I put in my body and it really helped. I also got a partner who has helped so much and makes me feel so much better about my body however i’m so worried that if anything goes wrong between us i will get bad again and relapse worse than i’ve ever had before.
He is currently the source of my happiness and positive body image, and i know it’s unhealthy but without him, my ED would 100% be back.
Is anyone else in a similiar boat?