Child neglect in plain sight
Ashley James #22 Welcome to the world Baby Thumb, earning money is job number one
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Well we all know my thoughts on that
She's so incredibly short sighted posting that. My heart absolutely breaks for Alfie, he's going to read that one day. I didn't have the birth I wanted or thought I would have but at the end of the day who does really. All that matters is that my son is alive and healthy. Not everyone is that fortunate to take their baby home at the end of pregnancy and Trashley would do well to remember that.
How can she seriously question why women are expected to stay silent about their negative birth stories when she herself silenced women against bringing a negative story to the conversation!? 'Please no negative stories'. Make it make sense you hypocritical bully.
I’ve had traumatic births, births I haven’t quite processed and births I have PTSD from. But I would never favour any of my children based on the birth. I treat and love my kids the same and so grateful they’re here safely. The trauma is for me to deal with and not their fault.
Anyone who does that does not love that child and needs some serious therapy.
Anyone who does that does not love that child and needs some serious therapy.
But Alfie was just the practice child, the first pancake, the one she never wanted. First he's male (how dare he) and secondly his birth traumatised her.
He was always practice for the real thing. Poor pancake Alf.
Exactly this. If anything, I felt so much guilt and upset about how my youngest’s life began that I tried extra hard to get things right with him, compared to his big brother who had a ‘textbook’ birth and wasn’t without me for a single moment.
Does this sound like a mother recovering from a traumatic birth? 
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Alfie who?
Christ she's a bleeping awful human being isn't she? Poor Alf.
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I've just looked at the gender reveal with Alf and the disappointment in her face was so obvious!
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I've just looked at the gender reveal with Alf and the disappointment in her face was so obvious!
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"The day I finally got my positive birth story"
No. Go away. You're not entitled to a 'positive' birth story! Why does this wording sound so entitled?
She needs to talk to someone before she makes this worse (if that's even possible). She's going to break Alfie's precious heart when he reads all the things she's written about him.
No. Go away. You're not entitled to a 'positive' birth story! Why does this wording sound so entitled?
She needs to talk to someone before she makes this worse (if that's even possible). She's going to break Alfie's precious heart when he reads all the things she's written about him.
Pretty sure the tables will turn in a few months. C-section scar issues, Ada becoming "difficult", still suffering from being "stitched up wrong"...it'll all lead to birth trauma 2.0Does this sound like a mother recovering from a traumatic birth?
She'll also be sharing her breast reduction surgery in a year! To get back to "the old me"
These bleeping instamums are morons. Having children to me is like changing of the seasons in your life, you need to go with the flow, accept the changes and enjoy the now
It’s not for me to judge what a person finds traumatic, what they should be able to process etc but I do get the impression that Ash’s trauma isn’t just from the actual birth but what Alf’s birth brought with it. The shock of the huge life shift, loss of independence, feeling regret, facing her inadequacies etc She made such a big thing of breastfeeding because in her mind it meant she was successfully providing for Alf. She went downhill around 6 months because he was needing more than just fed and changed, moving around more; she realised how out of her depth she was. She attached the trauma to the birth because then it’s someone else’s fault, not her own naivety. You can never know until you’re there how life changing a baby is, it’s understandable and common, i’d have no problem if she admitted that, but “I’ve done my research, it’s instinct’ Ash could never So it’s “birth trauma”.
May be way off the mark but rings true to me.
May be way off the mark but rings true to me.
She’s had a debrief with Illy (mixing.up.motherhood) who is reputed to be fantastic! I honestly don’t think anyone will change Ash’s outlook on birth if that session with Illy didn’t.
(I haven’t ever spoken with Illy myself but I hope to one day, because she does have an exceptional reputation)
The one I have most trauma with is the one I probably worry about too much. I can’t let him out of my sight..not even with grandparents. I understand that guilt so much
I could never discard him the way she has with Alf because of the birth. As someone has said - the trauma is so much more deeper than the birth. It’s motherhood as a whole which imo is totally different. She needs help!This is it exactly.
She would benefit hugely from some skilled counselling and trauma therapy.
I don’t say that flippantly like “oh she needs to go to therapy” - I say it as someone 3 years deep into trauma therapy and a year of expert psychiatric care, and who still cannot say out loud what happened at my son’s birth, and still cannot even *think* the words of how serious it was for me.
Sometimes things happen in life and our brains (and bodies) simply cannot cope with processing them. They become a traumatic memory and we are trapped by them.
Ada’s birth won’t ‘heal’ Ashley. It will just serve as a constant comparison to Alf’s, and so a constant reminder of how ‘wrong’ (in Ash’s mind) Alf’s was.
The healing will only come if she actively seeks to heal.
I know I’m only repeating what others have said here but Ada’s birth story just winds me up no end. I have 2 children, 2 years 9 months apart, totally chalk and cheese, 2 very different birth experiences (one traumatic and lengthy, the other short and blissful). My youngest, despite a blissful birth experience, is far harder now she is 18 months old, my eldest was a challenging newborn but much easier after a year and now a very easygoing 4 year old. Despite the varying challenges between them, I would NEVER blatantly “prefer” one over the other. Birth experiences are just that, a birth experience, you can’t control it, but it bears no relation to how that child will be as they grow and learn. also, when a second child is born, the eldest NEEDS your love and attention more than ever. Being palmed off to other caregivers whilst you dote on your newborn is NOT the one! When my second was born she spent so much time sleeping in her Moses basket / pram while I lapped up the 1:1 attention with my eldest. My youngest barely needed my attention in the early months, just the odd breastfeed, change and cuddle, it was a damn sight easier then than it is juggling 2 now! I didn’t jet off on flights leaving my eldest scared, insecure and abandoned FFS. I just can’t understand her mentality at all.
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