Anyone else planning on asking for divorce as soon lockdown is over?

[Twinkle2910]

this makes me feel sad because you shouldn’t be feeling like this. I know it is cliche but life is really far too short to be stuck with the wrong person or in an unhappy relationship just because of convenience or circumstance - I always wonder how I will feel when I'm much older looking back on my life and am constantly worried that I will have huge regrets and wish I had just acted on something. You really do have the opportunity to change how you are feeling
From another angle too - my sister who is 38 recently got engaged (after being with another partner for a long long time) and we have also just found out she is expecting! Totally unexpected but amazing news. She broke up with her ex when they were 35 and I can honestly say I've never seen her so happy. She didn't want to date either but actually met some amazing people following the split.
You have to do what is right for you, but I always think better to be single and happy than unhappy in a relationship.
xx

Thank you for responding to this. I am so pleased for your sister that’s amazing news.
I do think once lock down is over he and I will be having a discussion about all this because I cannot live like this and I know deep down I deserve to be loved and treated like I am loved and not like a slave xx

 

[Meringue22]

Gaming seems to he such a huge issue!! I had no idea other people were dealing with this obsession too

 

[TruffleTrifle]

Thank you for responding to this. I am so pleased for your sister that’s amazing news.
I do think once lock down is over he and I will be having a discussion about all this because I cannot live like this and I know deep down I deserve to be loved and treated like I am loved and not like a slave xx

You deserve love and to be treated with respect. Good luck xx

 

[Dizzy]

Just echoing what the others have said about life being too short to settle and that everyone deserves to be happy. I was 43 with 2 kids when I left my ex and don’t get me wrong, it’s been bloody awful at times and without a doubt the most challenging, frightening thing I’ve ever done but things do come good again. After a long bumpy road I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been and with someone who is without doubt the love of my life. Divorce is hard but you’ll be surprised at how strong you are. Please keep talking here if it helps

 

[Bumblebee]

I’m still working but my husband is at home all day now. He walks the dog for an hour and then watches tv all day! Like literally all day.
I’ve had a WFH day today and I woke up at 6.30 to get a start before everyone got up.
Nice peace and quiet. Say with my laptop working. He comes down at 8 and turn the tv on. Goes outside for a cigarette so I turn the tv off. He comes back in and turns it on.
dd comes down has breakfast and starts school work she asks him to turn the tv down. She’s two rooms away but can still hear the tv.
he starts complaining as I say I can’t walk the dog at 10 as I have work that needs doing by 12 so will go in thr afternoon. He takes dog out in a sulk With dd. Leaving the tv on.
I tune it off. The second he walks through the door he turns the tv on. Before he’s washed his hands and put anti bac gel on!!
Tv is still on and was on throughout dinner.

I come home from work and walk through the door. I don’t get hi love how’s your day been or even a hello. It’s what’s for dinner. I don’t bloody know. You’ve been in all day. 52yr old man, 18yr old man (who’s working online courses for his uni course) and 14yr old dd who is having online lessons from school. I’ve been at work all day and yet I’m supposed to do the shopping either on my one day off or on my way home from work.
he doesn’t drive but could walk to the supermarket and shop and I could pick him up on the way home.
I knew he was lazy before this but the fact he was the first person to volunteer to be furloughed despite us only just moving into a new house a few months ago and now just sat doing nothing all day.
he will clean but it’s what I call a Surface clean
Ie he will vacuum but doesn’t pull the sofas out or do the stairs. Or upstairs! He will clean the bathroom but it’s a quick wipe over the bath and sink but never the tiles. I could go on and on.
I think it’s respect and I’ve lost that for him.

 

[tskiry56]

I feel the same about my relationship. Been with my husband for 9 years,married for 4 and have a 19 month old. The relationship went down hill when I was pregnant and something happened when I was 3 weeks pp that I can't forgive him for. We where having problems at Christmas, I was moaning all the time and he would leave me to go on his games but I promised to try and not moan and shout, this lasted until March and I lost it as he still hadn't bothered to try. I told him I'd had enough and he then said he would try but I feel it's too late. He should have tried because he wanted to not because his hand has been forced.

I told him I don't love him and that I want to have sex with other people(might be wrong of me to say that ) I've only ever been with him. He says we cant break up because he likes our house,he wants our son to have his family in this home but should I sacrifice my own happiness for that? The idea of moving out,money etc scares me.

He is insisting that we can have seperate lives but still live together and pretend things are ok to our families.

You should never sacrifice your own happiness because he likes your house etc. Also saying he wants your son to grow up in your home.
Saying things like that messes with your emotions and makes you feel guilty.
You only get one life do what makes you happy and what's best for you and your son.

 

[Lolly505]

I'm not married and never have been but I'm going to weigh in with a child's perspective here. My parents divorced when I was around 5 or 6 and my first reaction when they told us was just 'okay, I get it ' I never understood that stereotype of the kid thinking it's their fault - because even at that age, it felt really clear to me that my parents didn't really like each other.

Now I can't speak for every child but chances are, if there's animosity in your relationship with each other, your kids will feel it. The 'happy home' facade only really works if you're actually happy. While there will be an adjustment period, I imagine most kids would rather have to split time between two houses where things are comfortable (or at least have the option to) rather than be stuck in one environment where they're not.

 

[Instawhut!]

I genuinely feel relieved to read this thread, i am so sorry for all you lovely people having a rubbish time/or have gone through hard times, but you are not alone, i feel exactly the same. Im a key worker 40hrs a week still do all the cooking cleaning and dog walking my oh of almost 11 years doesnt lift a finger all day long. Either gaming or watching tv. Hes like a 15 year old in a 32 yr old body. Im 30 this year and ive realised that life is too short. Im terrified to be on my own and i will have to get financial help from family and take a second job to pay the bills. But i cannot stand being made to feel like i am not good enough any longer. Sorry for ranting but feel much better and so grateful to see people living better lives x

 

[tskiry56]

I genuinely feel relieved to read this thread, i am so sorry for all you lovely people having a rubbish time/or have gone through hard times, but you are not alone, i feel exactly the same. Im a key worker 40hrs a week still do all the cooking cleaning and dog walking my oh of almost 11 years doesnt lift a finger all day long. Either gaming or watching tv. Hes like a 15 year old in a 32 yr old body. Im 30 this year and ive realised that life is too short. Im terrified to be on my own and i will have to get financial help from family and take a second job to pay the bills. But i cannot stand being made to feel like i am not good enough any longer. Sorry for ranting but feel much better and so grateful to see people living better lives x

Firstly thank you for all your hard work as a key worker.
I can understand how you feel. For a long time I wanted to leave my ex partner.. but was scared about being on my own. He was very immature and a male chauvinist.
There was a final catalyst which resulted in me realising that I couldn't continue the life i was living. ( Years of domestic violence)
Hopefully you find the courage to leave and be happy.

 

[Instawhut!]

Firstly thank you for all your hard work as a key worker.
I can understand how you feel. For a long time I wanted to leave my ex partner.. but was scared about being on my own. He was very immature and a male chauvinist.
There was a final catalyst which resulted in me realising that I couldn't continue the life i was living. ( Years of domestic violence)
Hopefully you find the courage to leave and be happy.

Thankyou! I absolutely love my job and im so grateful to be doing what i love and having some swnse of normality. I have a plan for when all this is over, and he has been warned and has chosen to do nothing. I have lots of supportive friends and family around me. So sorry to hear that you suffered through domestic violence and glad you are doing okay now

 

[tskiry56]

Thankyou! I absolutely love my job and im so grateful to be doing what i love and having some swnse of normality. I have a plan for when all this is over, and he has been warned and has chosen to do nothing. I have lots of supportive friends and family around me. So sorry to hear that you suffered through domestic violence and glad you are doing okay now

Fingers crossed your plan works out, if anything with all the uncertainty in life at the moment you would think he would change.
But I learnt you cannot change someone who can't see they need to change.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

This thread is a testament to how strong, brave and vibrant women are! My friend recently broke up wth her partner of 6 years at aged 30 because she knew that it she ended up marrying him she would be miserable even though on paper it was a good match. I was (and still am) in awe of her.

 

[BlabberMerchant]

Walking away from my marraige was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done, it left me hundreds of miles from my family and friends I grew up with and absolutely skint.....but 5 years on i can honestly say that it was the best decision I ever made. Its hard but it gets easier xoxo

 

[Abcd123]

I love this thank you. I have spoken with OH and have called it a day. We are still living in the same house (due to lockdown) but that's it now. Scary times but feel oddly free xxx

Congratulations! Huge big first step. I've always said it's better to be single than with the wrong person. And if you don't want to be single, I doubt you will be for long as you'll find somebody who ticks all your boxes. Was OH suprised? Did he feel the same? X

 

[Lurker4751]

Congratulations! Huge big first step. I've always said it's better to be single than with the wrong person. And if you don't want to be single, I doubt you will be for long as you'll find somebody who ticks all your boxes. Was OH suprised? Did he feel the same? X

Thank you he was quite surprised but did the whole 'everything's your fault, you're controlling, I've been on tinder anyway' standard narcissistic emotional abuse stuff which just confirmed my decision more than ever! I think he was surprised that I was strong enough to stand my ground and be the one to call it a day. I honestly feel so free, I have been keeping so busy learning lots of new skills and trying things during lockdown (painting, bread baking, knitting, foraging on walks etc- I promise im 30 ) which has been great and am just genuinely feeling like a huge weight has been lifted. Not looking for anyone right now, I'm enjoying just being me and falling back in love with myself! Thank you for your kind words xxx

 

[Essexgal]

I'm 43, have 2 young kids, been married almost 8 years and it's both our second marriages. He's been a secret alcoholic for most of our marriage. I found out last year. I get hardly any help from him in all aspects including doing everything for the kids.

He's not been working since end of last year. He constantly puts me down, accuses me of seeing other men, like I have time to!! Bombards me with texts saying I'm not trying , why am I always angry, when I'm actually shattered.

He disappears, and I don't know where he is or who with. No support from him when I get my cancer scare earlier this year.

We've had marriage counselling twice. He didn't want to hear or follow advice that was given. He blames me for not letting go of the past. But it's the current situation that is bad.

And now with lockdown, he's been going out every single day. I don't know where. It can be for 10 hours he's gone. I'm left with the kids, as usual, but doing home schooling plus the endless house work.

He'll starts arguements in front of the kids. I actually called the police because he wouldn't stop taunting me and now social services are involved.

I'm fed up and am filing for a divorce.

 

[Abcd123]

Thank you he was quite surprised but did the whole 'everything's your fault, you're controlling, I've been on tinder anyway' standard narcissistic emotional abuse stuff which just confirmed my decision more than ever! I think he was surprised that I was strong enough to stand my ground and be the one to call it a day. I honestly feel so free, I have been keeping so busy learning lots of new skills and trying things during lockdown (painting, bread baking, knitting, foraging on walks etc- I promise im 30 ) which has been great and am just genuinely feeling like a huge weight has been lifted. Not looking for anyone right now, I'm enjoying just being me and falling back in love with myself! Thank you for your kind words xxx

This makes my.heart happy. Bloody well go you!!! Especially after him saying he's been on tinder!! Cheeky so-in so!!! Love that you've spent 6 weeks learning all.of those new hobbies!

I'm 43, have 2 young kids, been married almost 8 years and it's both our second marriages. He's been a secret alcoholic for most of our marriage. I found out last year. I get hardly any help from him in all aspects including doing everything for the kids.

He's not been working since end of last year. He constantly puts me down, accuses me of seeing other men, like I have time to!! Bombards me with texts saying I'm not trying , why am I always angry, when I'm actually shattered.

He disappears, and I don't know where he is or who with. No support from him when I get my cancer scare earlier this year.

We've had marriage counselling twice. He didn't want to hear or follow advice that was given. He blames me for not letting go of the past. But it's the current situation that is bad.

And now with lockdown, he's been going out every single day. I don't know where. It can be for 10 hours he's gone. I'm left with the kids, as usual, but doing home schooling plus the endless house work.

He'll starts arguements in front of the kids. I actually called the police because he wouldn't stop taunting me and now social services are involved.

I'm fed up and am filing for a divorce.

Gosh this is a lot to deal with. Leaving you for 10 hrs a day during a lockdown isn't good. Sounds like you've made up your mind and you sound like an incredibly strong woman. You've got this xx

 

[Youtubegossip]

This makes my.heart happy. Bloody well go you!!! Especially after him saying he's been on tinder!! Cheeky so-in so!!! Love that you've spent 6 weeks learning all.of those new hobbies!


Gosh this is a lot to deal with. Leaving you for 10 hrs a day during a lockdown isn't good. Sounds like you've made up your mind and you sound like an incredibly strong woman. You've got this xx

Well done ladies!
Him leaving for 10 hours a day and not saying where is potentially putting you all at risk how selfish

I’m sure you are both going to do great after all of this

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

I don't know why I'm writing this I'm just fed up. Been with my partner 8 years. No proposal or kids.

For some reason, he's increasingly become 'aggressive' and I write it like that because in no way (I think, anyway) he means it on an aggressive part. Mostly is just him trying to mess about. Which I know sounds ridiculous I'm complaining about this when there is so much domestic violence happening, but please bear with me.

So he started this thing of just slapping me round the face for no reason. Sometimes it's hard (not full on slap) sometimes it's just a touch of the face. He also comes up behind me too aggressively and sometimes I don't like it if I'm in the middle of doing something like sorting the dishwasher out or something. And he would be groping me and slapping my bum, but not in a nice way in a real hard aggressive way that I simply just don't like. No matter how much I tell him I don't like it, or it hurts he carries on. It literally feels sometimes like he's going to pull my boob off. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I can't get out of his grip. The slapping we started off as a joke thing but now it just seems constant. So far he's done it 3 times and it's 11am.

We argued real bad about this a few weeks ago. I asked him if there's any reason he has all this pent up aggression. He said he didn't realise how he was being and thinks lockdown has got to him a bit. Fast forward to now it's just the same. I'm fed up with it. I am a bit of a wimp too and have a low pain threshold so sometimes it just hurts. It has got worse since lockdown began. Maybe he's bored, frustrated I don't know.

I feel ridiculous sometimes complaining about this, he's not a bad person or aggressive natured. I just can't fathom why he's started being over the top, but my problem is he just won't stop it. I don't think he intentionally wants to hurt me. When we argued I said I was feeling a little neglected as most the contact we has was him'messing' about grabbing me and doing whatever, and I was missing the lovey hugs from behind,the unexpected little hugs and kisses. Doesn't seem to have taken what I said on board and respected that.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I don't know why I'm writing this I'm just fed up. Been with my partner 8 years. No proposal or kids.

For some reason, he's increasingly become 'aggressive' and I write it like that because in no way (I think, anyway) he means it on an aggressive part. Mostly is just him trying to mess about. Which I know sounds ridiculous I'm complaining about this when there is so much domestic violence happening, but please bear with me.

So he started this thing of just slapping me round the face for no reason. Sometimes it's hard (not full on slap) sometimes it's just a touch of the face. He also comes up behind me too aggressively and sometimes I don't like it if I'm in the middle of doing something like sorting the dishwasher out or something. And he would be groping me and slapping my bum, but not in a nice way in a real hard aggressive way that I simply just don't like. No matter how much I tell him I don't like it, or it hurts he carries on. It literally feels sometimes like he's going to pull my boob off. It makes me feel uncomfortable when I can't get out of his grip. The slapping we started off as a joke thing but now it just seems constant. So far he's done it 3 times and it's 11am.

We argued real bad about this a few weeks ago. I asked him if there's any reason he has all this pent up aggression. He said he didn't realise how he was being and thinks lockdown has got to him a bit. Fast forward to now it's just the same. I'm fed up with it. I am a bit of a wimp too and have a low pain threshold so sometimes it just hurts. It has got worse since lockdown began. Maybe he's bored, frustrated I don't know.

I feel ridiculous sometimes complaining about this, he's not a bad person or aggressive natured. I just can't fathom why he's started being over the top, but my problem is he just won't stop it. I don't think he intentionally wants to hurt me. When we argued I said I was feeling a little neglected as most the contact we has was him'messing' about grabbing me and doing whatever, and I was missing the lovey hugs from behind,the unexpected little hugs and kisses. Doesn't seem to have taken what I said on board and respected that.

I’m sorry this is happening. It doesn’t matter that he isn’t normally aggressive by nature or a “bad person” (I hate this phrase— it muddies the water heavily, it’s hard to define the word ‘bad’) this is abusive behaviour and it needs to STOP in all forms. You have told him you don’t like it and asked for him to modify the behaviour to the way you’d like to be treated - hugs, kisses etc are fine but this is not and it sounds like he has ignored you.

I hope you find the strength to tell him that it’s abuse, you’re not willing to tolerate it and there will be consequences if it doesn’t stop. I know it’s easy for me to say because it’s not my relationship, but I wouldn’t tolerate this for a minute. It’s behaviour that will likely only escalate.