Anyone else dealing with a depressed spouse?

[Pontiac_Bandit]

I'm going home tonight. Panicking at not only being alone but seeing what he's taken from the house. I'll be home alone until Friday when I go to the office, and then have friends busying me for the weekend. I am dreading this bit.

Order a takeaway, put on some lamps/fairy lights, get into your comfiest clothes and under a blanket on the sofa and watch a comfort programme on TV and if he's taken anything you feel he shouldn't have, make a list and then get in touch tomorrow about splitting belongings/assets fairly and needing to discuss it before anything else is removed. Friday will come around quickly and then work/friends will keep your mind occupied and give you some purpose and a sense of yourself back

 

[PsychoKitty]

Just wanted to drop a little update because I got such lovely messages on here.

He wants to divorce. He's been feeding me the same self absorbed, self pitying stuff which I told him I didn't want to hear any more - so he sent me a letter today saying all the things he thinks I've done wrong, he's filed the paperwork and wants to get the house on the market (doesn't want to give me half but legally has no choice).

Thanks to everyone that was so lovely over Christmas. I'm not quite sure how to do this next part but have no choice in the matter so I'll figure it out. Didn't think I'd be starting again at almost 40 but there you go n

 

[Jojoo]

Just wanted to drop a little update because I got such lovely messages on here.

He wants to divorce. He's been feeding me the same self absorbed, self pitying stuff which I told him I didn't want to hear any more - so he sent me a letter today saying all the things he thinks I've done wrong, he's filed the paperwork and wants to get the house on the market (doesn't want to give me half but legally has no choice).

Thanks to everyone that was so lovely over Christmas. I'm not quite sure how to do this next part but have no choice in the matter so I'll figure it out. Didn't think I'd be starting again at almost 40 but there you go n

You haven’t done anything wrong and that’s such petty thing for him to do I’m sorry about that!
I saw my solicitor today actually, divorce is hard and scary but you will get through it!!! If it’s just a house and no kids it should be straight forward enough.
I hope you’re able to keep your self busy as it really does help. You don’t need a man like that, you will be so much better off also the fact it’s all happened quickly I know it’s more of a shock but it will easier in the long run, like ripping off a band aid!

 

[PsychoKitty]

You haven’t done anything wrong and that’s such petty thing for him to do I’m sorry about that!
I saw my solicitor today actually, divorce is hard and scary but you will get through it!!! If it’s just a house and no kids it should be straight forward enough.
I hope you’re able to keep your self busy as it really does help. You don’t need a man like that, you will be so much better off also the fact it’s all happened quickly I know it’s more of a shock but it will easier in the long run, like ripping off a band aid!

Thank you. He's not at all the man I married and I'm really grieving that man. But not whoever this new person is.

Flitting between busy and just nothing... My friends have been amazing but all have their own lives, and I do need to get used to being alone. I have my little cats who help. Been signed off work since last Thursday but going back on Monday to try to get into some sort of a routine x

 

[blueblue]

You're not alone, we're all here just inside your phone x

 

[BarryEvansHun]

Just wanted to drop a little update because I got such lovely messages on here.

He wants to divorce. He's been feeding me the same self absorbed, self pitying stuff which I told him I didn't want to hear any more - so he sent me a letter today saying all the things he thinks I've done wrong, he's filed the paperwork and wants to get the house on the market (doesn't want to give me half but legally has no choice).

Thanks to everyone that was so lovely over Christmas. I'm not quite sure how to do this next part but have no choice in the matter so I'll figure it out. Didn't think I'd be starting again at almost 40 but there you go n

Wow. What a total wanker. duck the letter.
I am going through a horrible break up at the moment myself. I am totally ignoring him and making out he doesn’t exist and that nothing he does or has done has affected me. Only replying via email over finances, in HR text. Blocked on everything else.
I am finding I drift into missing the man he once was and the future we could have had. It really makes me feel upset. So I have done so writing and written a page of all the things that was good about being with him and a page of all the bad. The bad is 2 pages long compared to the 5 lines of good. I’ve realised all the good I wrote about being with him - is actually all things I can give myself. I don’t need him.
Another thing that helps is radical acceptance. I speak out loud and accept that I am single now, that we are over. That I am going to be fine. That this is not an ending, but a beginning to my new life.
Cry and rant as much as you like at home or with friends / family. But do not give him a single inch of it to his face. Make out you do not care, be as cold as ice. He does not deserve it! He does not deserve you! These men don’t want us, but want us pining over them. Well they and their fragile egos can get fucked!

 

[Megansnarkle]

Just wanted to drop a little update because I got such lovely messages on here.

He wants to divorce. He's been feeding me the same self absorbed, self pitying stuff which I told him I didn't want to hear any more - so he sent me a letter today saying all the things he thinks I've done wrong, he's filed the paperwork and wants to get the house on the market (doesn't want to give me half but legally has no choice).

Thanks to everyone that was so lovely over Christmas. I'm not quite sure how to do this next part but have no choice in the matter so I'll figure it out. Didn't think I'd be starting again at almost 40 but there you go n

Sorry to hear this but it sounds like it'll be for the best in the end. Remember it's not just half the house you're owed!

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Just wanted to drop a little update because I got such lovely messages on here.

He wants to divorce. He's been feeding me the same self absorbed, self pitying stuff which I told him I didn't want to hear any more - so he sent me a letter today saying all the things he thinks I've done wrong, he's filed the paperwork and wants to get the house on the market (doesn't want to give me half but legally has no choice).

Thanks to everyone that was so lovely over Christmas. I'm not quite sure how to do this next part but have no choice in the matter so I'll figure it out. Didn't think I'd be starting again at almost 40 but there you go n

What a knobhead - let him have his petty little midlife crisis, he's not the man you married and you're better off without this selfish self-absorbed arse that's replaced him. You're going to be absolutely fine, it'll just take time to get over the shock

 

[PsychoKitty]

Thanks all. So tit that so many of us are in the same boat x

 

[Kaye1976]

Just checking in to see how everyone is coping?

 

[PsychoKitty]

Hey @Kaye1976, thanks for checking in.

Getting on with life as best as possible. Had an email from him yesterday where he obviously thinks he's calling the shots re divorce, house etc. My solicitor doesn't see a reason to reply but I will have to to some point just about some practical stuff (clothes etc).

Some days are still quite dark but working through them.

Oh, and looks like the other woman is coming out the woodwork - she's 16 years younger than him and he's her boss. What an absolute sad cliché!

 

[Kaye1976]

It is such a sad cliche and will always end in tears sit back and wait for the entertainment when it does happen his time will come.

Keep correspondence short and polite to let him know your in control of your life and your emotions x

 

[Pontiac_Bandit]

Hey @Kaye1976, thanks for checking in.

Getting on with life as best as possible. Had an email from him yesterday where he obviously thinks he's calling the shots re divorce, house etc. My solicitor doesn't see a reason to reply but I will have to to some point just about some practical stuff (clothes etc).

Some days are still quite dark but working through them.

Oh, and looks like the other woman is coming out the woodwork - she's 16 years younger than him and he's her boss. What an absolute sad cliché!

What a pathetic knobhead - I hope his midlife crisis comes back to bite him on the bum! Well done for taking each day at a time and getting through it - I'm sure your solicitor will act in your best interests and use your husband's affair against him if possible. Hang in there, hopefully you'll be rid of him soon and can move on with your head held high