Alfie Deyes #5 What a ducking moron!

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Imagine turning up to this event Mini put on and witnessing all these fecking bloggers posing around this car like absolute arseholes, would love a time lapse of them making fools of themselves.
 
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So pathetic. As if North Face is gonna collab with that Futures Elf shit.
What to do with 4 hours in Amsterdam while it’s raining, well, same thing as you’d do if it wasn’t raining, explore Amsterdam, experience some local culture. If you’re really desperate for something to do go to a coffee shop, and I don’t mean the kind he goes to in Brighton.

Kind of want to see what Alfie would be like stoned, I’m think the Alfistotle bollocks would go into overdrive.
 
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Kind of want to see what Alfie would be like stoned, I’m think the Alfistotle bollocks would go into overdrive.
I wanna see him lick a pissy toilet seat and see those teeth chatter.
 
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Is he trolling us!?
Wtf is wrong with this lad

Kind of want to see what Alfie would be like stoned, I’m think the Alfistotle bollocks would go into overdrive
The lad went to hospital for heartburn... heartburn
He can jazz it up all he wants he went to the frigging hospital from indigestion

He would get stoned and ring mummy because he got scared that he might die
 
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I know he said in January his New Years Resolution was to essentially dress badly, I didn’t think he would take it this far. I suppose it is the only thing he has ever committed to. But he just looks embarrassing the way he dresses, it’s not even like he looks edgy with his mismatched awful clothing, he just looks like a bellend.

Hospital for heartburn? What a twat.
 
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Hospital for heartburn? What a twat.
Tell me you remember the doctors appointments and hospital scans he went for they made such a big deal of it, mummy went to hold his hand, Zoe was an anxious mess.
FUCKING HEARTBURN!!!!!!
So Alfie was supposed to avoid chocolate, tomatoes and coffee.
What did Alfie do, feck all except for shake his pills like he had an actual condition.

Her you go Alfie
This is a good one to use, and if you ever knock Zoe up you can share in between the pizza binges
 
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Oh yeah, I remember all that bullshit. He made so much out of him having indigestion, most people just take some Gavisgon and carry on, Alfie acts like he is dying. His acid reflux/heartburn bollocks, that he does absolutely nothing to help himself with it. Eats and drinks everything that makes it worse.
 
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Tells us he shouldn’t eat chocolate before bed. Lays in bed eating chocolate bar. Fucking nob. Waste of nhs resources
 
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you would have thought meeting the girl dying of cancer the other year (who I believe has since sadly died) would give him some perspective. Half of his vlogs are him moaning about the tiniest complaint. Owwww I have a ulcer. Owww I have a cold. Oww my heart burn. Must be infuriating for his fans who have genuine illnesses or reasons to complain.
 
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Oh dear God I've pissed myself in the bed laughing. I was trying to read tattle to fall asleep because it's 3am here and now and this has sent me into maniacal laughter.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the way you've worded these tales of old.
 
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Just watching Tom syndicates from yesterday. Who lives on fast food and energy drinks. Right after he’d eaten a load of greasy bacon and a coffee. Says he wonders if he’s had a heart attack cus his chest hurts.

Do you have to be especially fucking dumb to be a youtuber?
 
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Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head there.
Too dumb to hold down proper job = become a Youtuber.
 
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Update on the 'super cool' ramp that we all forgot existed;
You guys called it, it is in fact his paid for "friends" that ended up re-oiling the whole thing while he sits back and makes videos about how SUPER busy he is guyzz
 
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Update on the 'super cool' ramp that we all forgot existed;
You guys called it, it is in fact his paid for "friends" that ended up re-oiling the whole thing while he sits back and makes videos about how SUPER busy he is guyzz
I hope Morgan is getting paid for this, he is on the list of employees for A to Z isn’t he.

I don’t mind Morgan, he seems kind of chilled and doesn’t act like a total bellend all the time.
 
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