Alcoholism

[Gembo]

So my mum, who’s the ‘parent’ I’ve talked about a bit on this thread. She posted a video on Facebook tonight about when a husband cheats on his wife, and it wasn’t like this funny skit like I expected, it was quite solemn and serious and now I literally feel sick because why would she share something like that if she couldn’t relate to it in some way? I know this isn’t strictly alcohol related although I’m sure she posted after a few drinks and may possibly be deleted in the morning. But I’m shaking and didn’t know where to post. Feels like part of my world that I’ve always known could be falling apart. My step dad is like a father to me and helped raise me, he’s grandad to my kids, and if he’s done that then despite all my mums faults and difficulties, I’ve lost all respect for him. I hope it turns out to be nothing, but I don’t think it will. What on earth is going on. No point even trying to contact anyone at this time. Hate social media.

I’m so sorry, that’s so worrying and I can see why you would be upset. Do you feel you can ask your mum about it today? X

 

[Definitelyme]

Thank you.
Min 300ml is a lot isn’t it? Every single day.
I constantly live in this flux of making plans to leave to thinking it’s not that bad
I feel I’m at breaking point

I don’t know a lot about spirits but if a normal shot of vodka is 20mls (and I guess that’s what is in a vodka and coke for eg) then that 300ml would be like 15 drinks so that seems like quite a bit. But as said above, the amount itself isn’t so important I don’t think. Even if it was one drink a day, if they can’t live without it and it’s affecting their life and relationships, it’s a problem.

You sound very unhappy Has he tried to seek any help? You need to put yourself first. If more days for you are bad than good in the relationship, is it worth staying? One good day a week doesn’t negate 6 bad ones

 

[petitspois]

For anybody struggling, there is a forum called brighteye, its supportive and for anybody . You dont have to be a hardcore alcoholic.

I just had a quick look and it does look good actually, thank you. I do have the Watership Down song in my head now though.

 

[Definitelyme]

100%!!! Something happened again and all my pent up emotions came out, i told my husband his inflated ego will get to him. That what any other woman excepts as normal is a treat for me. That he lives his life as a bloody Brian Adams song, everything i do i do it for you, as he always say, but his actions contradicts everything. i also tore his wedding vows up in front of him and threw it in his face. i am working on adrenaline and might regret posting on here, but i am tires and f&ck all the cross addictions. i am fed up

Dont regret talking to us, it’s important to let these things out to someone. I hope you are feeling better this morning x

 

[lozzapalozza]

Whoa, that’s incredible!!

Luckily my own mum is sober(I believe) at the minute, and her depression is under control, but when she has been at her worst I have definitely thought what life is this for her? And she’d be happier no longer here. Always on tenterhooks that tomorrow may be the day it all comes crashing down again, but after reading your story I’m also feeling very lucky for the “good times” she has among the bad.

Cherish the good days, those are the days you can think about and smile. That’s what I do now, I feel like now all the good memories of before she got ill and the good moments in between come flooding back and the bad times I’ve forgotten almost, the day she died I told her/myself that I forgive her and it helped so much. That’s so good to hear about her depression, it’s such a horrible disease. It’s very true, sometimes you feel them being alive is best for you but not for them? It’s so hard to do but try not to think too much into the future. Be present in the here and now, YOU cannot change a person and you cannot change the future and what happens, what ever is meant to happen will happen and you will deal with it and you will be so much stronger.

Thank you (and everyone who has replied).
It's my eldest child's dad. We haven't been in a relationship for many, many years but he has had a relationship with our child over the years.
He's been through rehab twice but unfortunately relapsed. He's currently in hospital with severe liver failure and Covid and his wife has been told that CPR is unlikely to be successful if he deteriorates. If he responds well to Covid treatment, his liver damage is severe and won't improve from this point.
My son asked me if I could give him a time frame. He's autistic which complicates things because I need to be accurate with anything I say. I have told him I don't have the answers but this adds an extra element of fear to things for him. He's been struggling lately as it is and hasn't taken the news well.

What an incredible mother and person you are. Please don’t forget about your own health and feelings, you come first too. I wish there was something helpful I could advise in regards to your son, I can’t imagine what that’s like. He’s so lucky to have you!

 

[Annie101]

We had a lady on here who had a problem with alcohol who had a fake persona, nothing she said was true.

all revealed all the thread same sex flirting

 

[Definitelyme]

I don’t come here often as I find it too hard but I don’t know where else to go.

My partner (soon to be husband) has issues. He says he will stop and he is the most amazing man sober. Our relationship is amazing. He had his first day back at work after a days holiday and it was long and stressful so he brought a bottle home which we agreed to share (I didn’t want to but it was easier than letting him have it all). Come the end of the bottle and he’s desperate, anything: he was going to get in the car.

He is a complete Jekyll and Hyde. He’s been known to drink all my tipples as they last for ages and he’s started on my gin which he hates. I’m the one who made it worse, I’m the one who should be supporting him but frankly after 12 years I’m in self preservation mode. I have to walk away from him in this mood.

I don’t want to leave, but I’m stuck in knowing what to do. He had an awful childhood and he seems to be sort of dealing with it lately so it is coming to a head. He won’t take therapy, he’s on a low does of anxiety medication but won’t go back. He wanted to come off it but know he needs to stop the drink first. I’m so exhausted

I’m so sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now. But you have to believe that you are NOT the one who has made it worse. The alcoholic is the one in charge of what they drink, nobody else. Would he consider seeking help? AA?
For yourself, a lot of people have found Al Anon a really helpful resource.

 

[Raininvain]

The post was about those affected by a loved ones alcoholism.



It sounds as though he may be willing to accept some more help, if he talks openly and tries to change. I don’t think it’s easy for all alcoholics to go it alone, many need great support to change. Would he consider AA?

Thanks for that. My mistake.x

 

[CosmicCreepers]

I think you know deep down if you are drinking too much. When you are conscious it's easy to persuade yourself that you don't have a problem. When you are asleep your subconscious takes over and hence the dreams occur bringing your worries to the fore.

I drank too much for years, off to a late start thankfully.

I worked in an industry in the 80s and 90s where drinking was rife. It was part of the job. The trouble was that even when I stopped working I carried on boozing. I knew I drank over the Government guidelines, but hey who doesn't? I thought I drank like a typical fun woman of my age and lifestyle.

It was only when I went on a couple of holidays with women who I thought would be "like me" that I realised that I had gone well past the point of no return. They were all politely amazed and said I must have hollow legs with the amount I could take on board without getting tipsy. Because I always did a lot of sport and remained fit looking and mainly drank at home, it wasn't obvious I was a drinker. It dawned on me that I was not typical and that I must do something about it.

I decided I must cut down and tried all kinds of carefully contrived strategies: drinking at the weekends only, drinking only when I went out, drinking a glass of water between every glass, trying low alcoholic wine, drinking only very expensive wine and even drinking alcohol I didn't like that much. None of it worked. I could always work out a way to drink. The thing is I like being drunk. I am completely incapable of drinking moderately. I had one last glorious swansong boozy episode with my friends, where I ended up falling over and not even remembering how I got home and then gave up. That was two years ago.

My overriding emotion now is relief that I am out of this cycle. I don't crave it and I don't mind people drinking around me. I'm glad I did this before the lockdown as I dread how much I would have put away at this time.

It can be done. Once you have your head focused on why you want to give up that is half the battle.

Some lucky souls can drink moderately and I doff my cap to them. I know I can't ever join their ranks.

Good luck everyone here.

Thank you for your reply. I too was able to keep it low-key for ages, because surprisingly I could force myself out of bed on time the next day and no one was any the wiser that I’d drank loads the night before. In a way it’s more dangerous as it will take people longer to notice something is wrong, by then it could be too late.

For me my breaking point was being spiked on a night out and I’m very surprised to this day something seriously bad didn’t happen to me that night. I was literally walking (well, stumbling) the streets with my friend who also had been drugged. Many people walked by and it wouldn’t have taken much for us to be dragged away or mugged. I realised that night alcohol was seriously damaging my life, albeit I was able to keep it hidden. I had plenty of distraction during the day at uni, but then by night I was alone with my thoughts and mental illnesses. I was overwhelming anxious all the time, and verging on needing to seek medical advice.

Although the night I was spiked was easily one of the most terrifying nights of my life, it made me wake up and realise, that alcohol is a temporary high with massive lows. It’s really not worth it anymore. I know being 20 and a uni student I’m expected to just binge drink and not get questioned, but I feel if I were to return to a nightclub and get back into that lifestyle, I would very easily fall deeper than I have ever before.

I too am jealous of people who can just have “one drink” and be done. I would need about 4 to even feel remotely anything.

 

[petitspois]

Ever since last Sunday I have been putting all the empty bottles of wine on my kitchen worktop. And currently I have 10!

I will do the same tomorrow (Sunday 6th December) and see if I can reduce that down to 9 come the following Saturday

I judge a good fortnight as having only one bag of empties to recycle.

 

[Definitelyme]

I am really hurting that an old friend has passed away due to alcoholism. I feel so many things. I’ve been trying to read through some of our messages and it’s killing me I’ve had to stop. I actually had no idea that she had such a problem with it, I was lost for words. So many things make more sense to me now, she was in so much pain and I never saw it. Things she did I think now were cries for help. I never replied to her last message because I was in a really dark place and I regret that deeply. I want to talk to her more than anything, I wish I could have helped her. How could I not see? I hate what this does to people, I hate it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Alcoholism is a cruel disease, and alcoholics are so good at hiding it that many times people have no clue at all. You can’t put any blame on yourself. X

 

[Definitelyme]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

Yes. I always find it ironic that my mother accuses her mother of extreme narcissism, and doesn’t see it in herself

 

[Kezza_69]

I completely agree with the selfishness of it all. Its also made me rethink my own relationship with alcohol, especially when it comes to drinking at home. I find myself following sober accounts on Instagram and it’s so interesting to see their reflections on when they were drinking and it seems so similar to what I’m currently observing at home. It’s so frustrating that he doesn’t see it too. Or doesn’t want to see it would be more accurate.
It is such a horrible illness.

I follow sober accounts too . .
SoberDave is a good IG account
And Endlesspossibilities. .

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Hi everyone, hope you all doing well. I have realise that being an alcoholic comes with being a narcissist. My husband stopped drinking, his behaviour did not change, There is an anger inside of him and i am sure working from home for 16 months is not helping. He reminds me of Jack Nicholson in The Shinning. I am terrified of him, he can go through stages of ignoring me for weeks as punishment because i spoke up whilst he is angry. i wish i could just shut my mouth and take it at the time. He micro manages me which i find degrading as I am in a high level position at work and treated like a child at home. He takes no accountability for his actions. He made his wishy washy amends to me, which i tore up and gave back to him as the 3 short paragraphs cannot take the pain away he caused. I am left so resentful, alone, angry and heartbroken. Will it ever change? I am so F*cked up by all of this

Leave him. Leave him. Leave him. Leave him.

why on Earth are you still with him?

 

[Ponponpon]

I’m so sorry. It’s hard for me to read this as it’s all still recent for me but I couldn’t read and run. My relationship with my mum was also very difficult because of her alcoholism and we had years of no contact other than I would always send her cards & presents for birthdays, Mother’s Day etc. I don’t know that I can give advice as every situation is different and everyone will feel differently, your relationship will be different. But if I could go back now I would ask my mum what was making her so unhappy that she had to drink so much. It’s not been until recently that I can acknowledge she was a human being in a lot of pain. For a long time I just felt that she was this person who was cold and cruel towards me.

Even had I asked her that though it might not have made a difference. I tried so hard I even had her live with me & my husband for a while but she still continued to drink & lash out at me. Eventually I had to turn my back as my mental health got very bad. I was there for her in her last few years and it was painful but I don’t regret it. I hope things work out better for you. I hope your mum can get help and turn things around because honestly my heart and soul are completely broken and I’m not sure at the moment that I’ll ever really be ok. I deeply empathise with you and wish I could give you some amazing piece of advice but I’m not sure if there is any, or maybe it’s just too soon for me. Do take really good care of yourself, as others have said here it takes a toll that those who haven’t experienced struggle to understand and that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy x

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to cause any upset.

 

[37BBL]

he stayed sober!!!

Fantastic, so pleased for you.

 

[37BBL]

My aunt is pretty much an alcoholic I used to work with her in a cafe and all day long she would be drinking strongbow cider or wine (those box's of wine)

then she would go to the pub after work in the space of about 2 weeks she fell over twice breaking her arm, some ribs and a gash near her eyebrow, her daughters my cousins where trying to help her and tell not to drink a work etc

She no longer has the cafe, but I worried, I've always seen her drink but til I was working with her I didn't realise how bad it was xxx

I think this is the thing with alcoholics, they can hide it so well. I still struggle to understand how their minds work and how they just carry on pretending they don't have an issue. As you say, even injuries happen and they don't stop.

I hope your Aunt can recognise her problem and try and address it x

 

[Arts911]

Sorry guys its me again. I try to not air the "dirty laundry" on here, but I do need to vent. My husband is an alcoholic in recovery. Hidden alcohol around the house etc, all mentioned before. He religiously goes to his AA meetings and I am (were) proud of him. A few months ago he started taking weed to sleep at night. Since then i think it has become a problem (cross addiction). At least i don't get the nasty, horrible side of him resulting from alcohol. Last night i asked him did you take weed, he looked straight into my eyes and said no. His behaviour clearly showed me that he is stoned. This morning i confronted him about it and said i am upset because i thought he stopped lying to me and he said he didnt - he just forgot that he had weed. I dont have in me to deal with his addiction any longer. It has been 10 years of tears, of secrecy and me not sharing it with any of my friends or family. Driving to work this morning, i just started crying, but had to control myself as i have an important meeting and didn't want my client to see that i am a wreck. I have begged, i tried tough love, i have forgiven and supported, i dont know what else to do. We have such a beautiful love story and a lifestyle that i am very greatfull for but this ONE thing just F*cks everything up. In my heart i know i no longer trust or respect him. Its like i am living my life holding my breath waiting for the next big incident to happen and that is no life.

I can relate. My ex had an addictive personality. Alcohol being the main one. When they lie to your face, over and over again, you can't get that trust back. Like you, we had the perfect life but his secret drinking messed it all up. Almost a year ago, I started divorce proceedings. I would advice you not to wait for the next bad thing to happen because it never stops.

 

[CosmicCreepers]

I wouldn’t say that I was an alcoholic but I was close.
i was really struggling with my mental health. I was self harming in so many ways and my anxiety was horrendous, I rarely slept. I began to use alcohol to self medicate, to drink myself to sleep. I would wake up and do it again. I woke up in hospital so many times, usually because I would drink to the point where I was not aware of what I was doing. Self harm or overdose and I’ve been found outside in my PJ’s. I was placed on section 136 by the police many times but would always be sent home. I don’t think it would have been different if my family and friends were around me or not.
anyway, I went into hospital again and this time I was sectioned for 2 years. I have been home for almost 4 months and apart from a couple of days such as Christmas and new year (where I had 2 drinks) I have not touched alcohol, I don’t even crave it. But mentally I am in a much better place, I’m the most stable I have been in 5 years.

so, if your family members are able to recognise what it is that’s making them use alcohol and treat the root cause then it will be the first step to recovery. But they have to want it and no one can change you but yourself.

I’m sure my family members would be able to empathise with you guys and I am very embarrassed and ashamed of some of the situations I got myself in. I’m lucky that I have no long term issues caused by the amount of poison I put into my body. If I hadn’t been hospitalised I would not have lived to see 2019.

lots of love to all of you

Reading your story sounds a lot like me, it's always hardest at the start to quit but then as time passes your brain rewires itself and doesn't crave it anymore. Unfortunately I live with someone who binge drinks and I have joined in quite a few times. Luckily I recognise where this is heading and am going to just quit now for at least a month. I know they're gonna be upset about it but I can't slip back into my old ways.

Thankyou for sharing your story

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi everyone, it’s been a while so thought I’d check in and see how everyone is getting on.