Alcoholism

[Coconut834]

Thank you.
Min 300ml is a lot isn’t it? Every single day.
I constantly live in this flux of making plans to leave to thinking it’s not that bad
I feel I’m at breaking point

 

[Gembo]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

I am so sorry for your loss and that it happened that way. You are still so young. Are you receiving any help or support? Do you have other family members or was it just you and your mum? Xx

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

She is an alcoholic. I cried a little bit reading this, like looking into a mirror and seeing my own life. I don’t really have the words to respond in depth to what you’ve said just yet, my mum passed a year ago from alcoholism but I would love to chat to you more, or be someone for you to talk to off this thread because I honestly could cry for you

Sorry, I hope I didn't upset you or bring back too many painful memories, and I'm sorry about your mum. Thanks for the offer to talk but please don't stress yourself out about it, I'm okay to keep plodding along - I think just finding this thread / posting this has been a bit of weight off my shoulders. I didn't realise there were so many of us.

 

[Cbgpcd]

I was thinking of getting the tablets that make you ill if you drink. Has anyone had them?

 

[Definitelyme]

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this...this is terrible. It can be so hard to talk to someone who just won't listen, it's tempting just to lash out and ask them what the f are you doing with your life?! But with addiction, the mind is essentially rewired and is constantly desiring the alcohol. Does your brother work out? I found that exercise helped me still get a good dose of dopamine and helped me feel lower stress levels.

I can also attest to the power of exercise. My mum has been in a much better place mental health wise, and drinking wise, since she committed to more exercise.

 

[openbook1]

I don't know if your relative/s know but in the UK there is Al Anon which gives support to family and friends of drinkers. Also just do what you want re the funeral, attendance or not is not a reflection of how much you did or didn't care for the person.

I forwarded info onto them about that! Thanks. I didn't know about it until I read it on here.

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Sorry to jump in but I just wanted to express something on here that no one else seems to think is concerning. My friend’s boyfriend only drinks at the weekends (he has a full time job in the week) however every time he drinks he drinks to oblivion (like to the point of passing out, not remembering a thing the next day and getting himself in bad situations).

One recent example - I purposely want to be vague because technically it’s not my business (although as it’s my friend who has to deal with the aftermath of it I’m naturally worried and concerned) - her boyfriend went out to the pub, ended up in town, had told her he would be back by 12am, hadn’t come back by 1am so she was ringing him to see if he was okay, he didn’t answer, in fact he stayed out until 8am, his “friends” ditched him in town and he rang my friend eventually from town in a pub that had a plug socket to charge his phone and call her.

She swiftly picked him up as he was distraught because he felt mentally unstable, he told her he didn’t remember much and couldn’t rule out taking drugs (had taken cocaine many times before). Basically he told her he was crying out for help. So they went to his Dads and he spoke to him openly about it. His dad told him he would help him no matter what. Then 2 days later he went out to the pub with his mates again and my friend said to me “Oh it’s okay he won’t get like that again and it’s only once a week he drinks”. Sure enough he got in a bad state again this time he got a lift back from a random stranger!!! Anything could have happened!

My friend just seems to accept it as it’s “once a week” and he “needs it to forget his problems”. Surely this is really worrying? He previously lost his driving license through drink driving too, and apparently he had counselling but stopped.

 

[37BBL]

I don’t come here often as I find it too hard but I don’t know where else to go.

My partner (soon to be husband) has issues. He says he will stop and he is the most amazing man sober. Our relationship is amazing. He had his first day back at work after a days holiday and it was long and stressful so he brought a bottle home which we agreed to share (I didn’t want to but it was easier than letting him have it all). Come the end of the bottle and he’s desperate, anything: he was going to get in the car.

He is a complete Jekyll and Hyde. He’s been known to drink all my tipples as they last for ages and he’s started on my gin which he hates. I’m the one who made it worse, I’m the one who should be supporting him but frankly after 12 years I’m in self preservation mode. I have to walk away from him in this mood.

I don’t want to leave, but I’m stuck in knowing what to do. He had an awful childhood and he seems to be sort of dealing with it lately so it is coming to a head. He won’t take therapy, he’s on a low does of anxiety medication but won’t go back. He wanted to come off it but know he needs to stop the drink first. I’m so exhausted

You aren't the one who should be stopping it at all. Take it from someone who's person caused indescribable pain and damage, even then, they would not stop. They couldn't. You think when the worst happens, that will be the wake up call and the turning point but it isn't. The addiction takes over and until they actually decide to get proper, professional help, they won't stop.

I think you need to address your worries when he is sober and give an ultimatum. It sounds like addressing those childhood issues would massively help, is there any way you can get him to consider some counselling? X

 

[Definitelyme]

I dont know any of you, but a huge hug and lots of love to you all. Putting this in writing in the universe is somehow helping me cope and letting all the pent up feelings out. It makes me feel a little less lonelier with our secret. Brief update - He came to me to apologize, he moved back into the house with me. I had a peaceful weekend, i was able to breath. Ironically Al Anon contacted me over the weekend to be a speaker next week. Would be my first time, lets hope i don't start crying and be strong.

I am so glad to hear that things went well over the weekend. Best of luck for your Al Anon speaking, don’t worry about being strong, everyone there will understand x

 

[Definitelyme]

There was only going to be one outcome at the end of the day, the amount of time I went home and opened the door and the smell hitting me and I’m just thinking is this going to be the day I find my dad dead. It was something we all prepared ourselves for, but it was a shook when it actually happened. Mum had walked out on him about 7 years beforehand as she’d had enough but was still there for him as a friend, just couldn’t live with him.

my dad was never ever a violent man and was the sweetest man when not on the booze, sadly I thing he had mental health problems that he self medicate with booze!

That’s a similar story for my mum. She has mental health issues and the drinking ties in with that, which then makes the MH worse, leading to further drinking and a vicious circle. Very hard to break.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Oh sweetheart I know the exact feeling and my mum has been gone 15 years. It’s a almost chest tight can’t breathe feeling at points. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. When I have those thoughts and feeling I let myself feel it all have a good cry and then try to move on. It’s the hardest thing in the world but your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad for too long, although I am sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. Sending you love and kindness xxx

Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk Thank you so much for your message, I completely agree with letting yourself feel the emotions and having a good cry. No she wouldn’t and even though I can’t see her I know she’s there. Lots of love

 

[BigBrenda]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

My heart goes out to you, you sound incredibly brave and strong. It’s still very recent and raw are you getting any support or help yourself to grieve? It’s okay to miss how she was before it got that bad it’s normal. You will heal in time please make sure you keep talking about how you feel and don’t hold it in. I feel for you x

 

[Jeddiwarrior]

I have a close family member who is an alcoholic in denial (and has been for as long as I can remember). I certainly won't be alone. I don't want sympathy, but I wanted to enquire about coping mechanisms.

My coping mechanisms have been to distance myself, not to deal with them when drunk - so perhaps matching their denial with my own!

Is anyone else willing to share?

My coping mechanism is the same, but its hard to watch someone you love going through it.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with someone they know having serious liver disease? What is the average time span between that and end stage?
I can't face reading all of google at the moment (although I'm sure I will tomorrow), thought some of you here may have some helpful input. Thank you.

 

[iloveanimals]

Can we not go and turn this thread into one about that person, they have taken over so many other threads but this one is too important and too raw for me and so many other people. It’s not a gossip thread, it’s for people who have lost loved ones or are struggling with someone in their family dealing with Alcoholism and I don’t want anyone to feel like that’s being overshadowed by gossip

sorry about that x

 

[JoeBloggs]

You are not being selfish, and it IS about you. This is affecting your life too, how can it not be about you? I am so sorry that you are going through this, and that things seem so bleak. He sounds like the "classic" alcoholic. Drinks then apologises....but never means it and drinks again. If he has depression, it’s an even harder cycle to break I think. My mum also suffers from sever depression, and it all links together. They feel depressed so self medicate with the drink, which pushes them further in to the depression, and then the drink. A vicious circle. Which can only be broken when they are ready. I think most of us have found one of the hardest things is that we can’t make our loved one see sense and stop. They will do it (or not) on their own time frame. And sometimes it will be too late.

is he on medication for his depression? Would he consider seeing a counsellor? Either alone or with you?

Thank you for replying. Yes he’s drinking to self medicate but it makes him more depressed and the cycle gets worse. Yes he is, and he discussed upping it and I have tried to encourage this but now he says he’s fine. It’s been a battle to get him to even discuss it with the doctor so trying to get him to go back is so hard. I have suggested counselling either alone or together. I really do think he should as I worried his past is effecting him (he won’t tell me too much). He’s so wonderful when he’s sober, when he drinks he’s angry, miserable and so selfish. I don’t know how to I’ve forward, whenever I tell him how I feel he says it’s not about my feelings it’s about his. I told him I’m at the end of my tether and I’m so close to kicking him out but I know that’s not what I want deep down but I also don’t want to live like 5is every week when it starts again.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

That is so crazy. Awful awful thing to do which I bet no one can comprehend. The person I knew would pretend to be the best uncle, best brother, best son....but in reality didn't really care for them. He said he did care for them and I think he did when it suited him. But he would do things like try and assert authority all the time. He would push his two year old nephew out the way quite hard if he wanted past him saying he had to learn. He would do weird things like bounce a ball on his head really hard and pretend he was only playing. He once dug his nails in my puppy dog on purpose. Thought I was going crazy but its their really awful and bizarre behaviour and when called up on it, he'd gas light me and say I'm being too sensitive. People like that are so so toxic and you can't reason with them. I even thought once.. is it me. Am I the problem? But I'm having to remind myself it isn't.

The term gas lighting is so overused/misused nowadays but it is a very real and very insidious thing, it can make you feel like you're going crazy and I'm sorry you went through that.

 

[Mulholland Drive]

It might not be much but please reach out to us to support how we can. The next two weeks will be tough but you will get through it.

Thanks to everyone

I really am just hanging on to my sanity right now. I am wearing two faces: one, a happy smiley face in order to placate my parents, sister and close friends; while the face is in dire straits desperate for a drink to get me through the day

I have no choice but to get in contact with "illegal" sources. And if it means paying a massive premium then so be it. Because if I don't I will become a genuine Bitch from Hell in the next few days. And I wouldn't want my parents to bare witness to that.

 

[theghosttown]

I can also attest to the power of exercise. My mum has been in a much better place mental health wise, and drinking wise, since she committed to more exercise.

Yes he does! He was actually in amazing physical shape but his body seems to be seeing the affects of the heavy drinking and also binge eating that comes with it. He does a lot of HIIT stuff. Which I think is why he can convince himself that this isn’t problematic.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this...this is terrible. It can be so hard to talk to someone who just won't listen, it's tempting just to lash out and ask them what the f are you doing with your life?! But with addiction, the mind is essentially rewired and is constantly desiring the alcohol. Does your brother work out? I found that exercise helped me still get a good dose of dopamine and helped me feel lower stress levels.

Yes and that’s exactly how I deal with it. Because my brother is so smart and gifted. He makes a lot of money which doesn’t help, it just allows him to have constant access to alcohol, and I believe, far worse. I said to my husband that perhaps a bottle of whiskey on Christmas Day wouldn’t be an issue to many as most periodically drink it. He’s drinking it neat. I am really really concerned about stomach ulcers, his kidneys and his liver. Also the fact he is putting himself in danger. When he knocked his teeth out he seriously injured his face too. He’s ended up quite badly scarred x

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Oh bless you, that sounds like a really traumatic experience for you to go through. Perhaps it’s manifesting as ptsd. My husband has a horrendous phobia of death, the unknown, time & space etc. He can sometimes have panic attacks when he thinks about it and it becomes a never ending circle. It’s a very real and very scary fear that affects people. I try and explain that it is completely normal to feel like that because it’s the unknown but honestly if you find it is getting on top of you then deffo go to the doctors. I struggle periodically with really bad panic, quite similar to what your explaining and it’s fucking awful. Please talk any time you need to. Do you have a support network around you x

Thank you so much! I have questioned whether I have PTSD so it’s reassuring hearing someone agrees! I’m so sorry for your husband, honestly there’s nothing worse! I do already have anxiety and used to have panic attacks too so my heart goes out to you. I will definitely look into it thank you! Yes I have an incredible boyfriend, family and friends x