Alcoholism

[Bezzzz]

A friend of mine has and says they really helped.

 

[Annie101]

Hi. So glad I found this thread. My mum died age 50 in January from alcoholism, I’m 22. She basically bled to death in her bedroom from ruptured ulcers. The first two times it happened she got to hospital but this time it was too late. She lived in her bed and didn’t move, eat, sleep and layed in her own urine and faeces. I feel so guilty I hadn’t seen her since November and often would say it would be easier if she was gone. It’s not. Having to go to A&E to find out your mum is gone. Then planning her funeral, seeing her in the chapel of rest. The constant flashbacks of it all. It makes me worry about dieing every day and it’s torture. I miss her so much but at the same time she’s not suffering anymore and she’s at peace. I’m so sorry to all of you going through this. Xxx

I am so sorry that you lost your mom so young. You had to endure a lot, but you will end being wiser, stronger than most people.

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi everyone, I’ve posted before about my husbands heavy drinking. He has cut back from 3-5 days a week to once a week (sometimes less) and I’m really happy about that, despite that one night a week being a binge session.

However, I know that desire to drink is still there most of the time. It bothers me when he makes throwaway comments about needing a drink to take the edge off, because I know if he could he’d probably down as much as possible. He is also depressed and doesn’t handle stress very well. He has come a really long way in the last few months to cut back. His drinking was his decision but my reactions are in my control so just wondering if anyone has any advice or suggestions on how I can react to those comments about needing a drink (most days). Thanks

It’s great to hear he has made such progress in cutting back his drinking, and is resisting it the rest of the time.

I wonder if depression and stress are in play if he may benefit from increased exercise? This is something my mum has found very useful in helping keep her depression in check, which in turn helps keep her alcoholism in check. It may not be something you can do, but maybe talk to him about overcoming that desire for a drink by replacing it with something else, like a walk or a gym session to take his mind off it.

As for your own reactions, if it were me and he said that I would try as much as possible to simply ignore it and not provide him with a reaction. Your own emotions will be trickier to control, I can’t imagine how stomach churning and worrying it is to hear him say that and wonder if he is going to have a binge that night.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

Not in my case - though my sister is a horrific narcissist and, from what I can tell (she died before I was born) my mum's mum was one as well.

 

[gmf21]

I think I’m in denial about mine. It sounds so obvious to leave but our relationship is really good.

 

[Flowergirl14]

Has anyone heard of the Sinclair Method? My friend is signing up to it.

 

[37BBL]

Thank you for check in BBL. I miss this little group as it gave me a place to be honest about my feelings. Love to all the rest of you

Me too.
How are you Annie? Things are okay my end with my person. She is getting along with my mum and as far as I know, no more relapses. I'm doubtful, but I always will be. Always in the back of my mind that she is hiding it again, but my mum seems content for now which pleases me.
Its a roller coaster of emotions isn’t it. I am anticipating Christmas being a difficult one for her, I am determined she will not ruin mine though. Last Christmas she was in rehab so in a way it was nice, no fear that she would turn up and ruin it. I hope this year she can control herself.

 

[Definitelyme]

Sorry to hear that, you know you might not feel drunk or vague in your thinking, but your partner would see and feel the difference in your actions and reactions. From your previous post i note that you are a strong person - you know you can overcome this. I dont want to sound preachy but please take action immediately and take care of yourself. Lots of Love

Annie how are things in your house recently?

 

[flopsymopsy]

In a more distant situation, I have a friend whose mother is an alcoholic. Does anyone have advice for how to support my friend? I am one of the only people aware of the situation and I can see it really affects her to worry about her mother and everything that addiction brings to a family.
How can I support her?

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Does anyone ever have nightmares about bad experiences they’ve been through or like premonitions of falling again? I don’t understand why but I’ve suddenly been having frequent dreams about going into hospital with alcohol poisoning? It’s so strange as I never got to a point where I needed to seek medical advice for drinking, but it’s creeping me out now.

 

[Definitelyme]

I don’t even know where to start. My husband has an issue, and I don’t know what to do anymore. He had a bad childhood and from what I know his mum was a big drinker.

It’s been an up and down few years and last year he finally got help for his anxiety and depression (mainly because he pushed me). Since then he has made improvements but if the slightest thing goes wrong he bring home a bottle of wine and spends the evening drinking it in his man cave, if he finishes it quickly he’ll drink anything else he can get his hands on. He will then drive to work.

We have spoken so many times and I’m at my final straw, he promised to give up drinking and we’re on bottle two of the week. Apparently I make it worse but no being supportive but I just can’t help but get upset when he won’t even try. I’m in such a good mood and looking forward to him coming home and then he opens a bottle and I’m left alone crying on the sofa and then he will sleep on the sofa. Apologise and then the cycle starts again.

I want to tell him to pack a bag, but he has no
where to go and I don’t want to leave him. I just feel like a complete shell of myself but if I tell him I’m being selfish because it’s not about me. I’ve asked him to get help but he won’t, it took about 5 years to get him to speak to the doctor about his depression. I just don’t want this to be my future.

You are not being selfish, and it IS about you. This is affecting your life too, how can it not be about you? I am so sorry that you are going through this, and that things seem so bleak. He sounds like the "classic" alcoholic. Drinks then apologises....but never means it and drinks again. If he has depression, it’s an even harder cycle to break I think. My mum also suffers from sever depression, and it all links together. They feel depressed so self medicate with the drink, which pushes them further in to the depression, and then the drink. A vicious circle. Which can only be broken when they are ready. I think most of us have found one of the hardest things is that we can’t make our loved one see sense and stop. They will do it (or not) on their own time frame. And sometimes it will be too late.

is he on medication for his depression? Would he consider seeing a counsellor? Either alone or with you?

 

[Definitelyme]

Hi, thank you for asking, he is out of rehab and back home. You do not get a magical pill in rehab and come back all cured,(I wish) but he is working hard at recovery and doing his 90 meetings in 90 days. I woke him up at 1 in the morning very anxious asking him to give me some assurance that all will be ok. He couldnt, as he can only do one day at a time. I am hopeful but scared.

All my love to all the rest of you

Delighted to hear he is doing well, as well as he can do anyway.

 

[Definitelyme]

That someone in your life needs to be ready for change and to action it. The addict in recovery admits that they are the biggest liars and manipulators. In my experience i made excuses for the alcoholic and felt to ashamed to talk about it to anyone, the day I was finally ready to walk away after about 100's of times accepting his excuses and empty promises, I said everything i held back on for ages. There is nothing you can do that will change it, heartbreaking as this may sound. You have to take care of yourself and you welfare first, i used to think that is so selfish but it is true.

Annie I am so glad to hear that you have made that step for yourself

 

[monga]

Recently a friend of my partner and I, was admitted to hospital. He has quite a few health problems, some of them caused by excessive use of alcohol and cigerettes. He spent 21 days in hospital, with a severe urine infection. He was released last Friday with a bag of medication, and very little else.
His mental state since his release, has given us cause for concern, his memory is poor. When he was in hospital, he was having dreadful halucinations, he hasn't quite recovered from the trauma of being in hospital. An aquaintence of my partner, said he may be suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
Apart from a referral to social services about the friend's living conditions, we have received no support for his condition. I must point out, that the friend probably dosen't want to give up alcohol. He is 62, and is probably too set in his ways to change his lifestyle But he has no understanding of how it is impacting on his friendship with my partner - they have known each other since childhood.
My partner usually does the friends shopping, this used to include the purchase of alcohol. Like I have said, the friend's mental capacity since leaving hospital has not improved much. It may sound like a stupid question, but would a quantity of alcohol improve his mental capacity at this stage? My partner and I really need some advice and support. He sounds like a hopeless case, but he is still a human being.

Tbh it probably would , it's very dangerous to suddenly withdraw from anything ,especially alcohol .I'm surprised the hospital didn't offer him some form of medication (such as Librium ) to curb the hallucinations he would need to seek help from his doctor or an addiction service to manage his withdrawl in a more controlled way, but if he's not willing to give up alcohol it's unlikely he'll be offered medication or much else ,you're pretty much left to deal with it alone he's lucky to have your partner as a friend an alcoholic lives a lonely life but I'm sure it's a lot for your partner and yourself to deal with .

 

[Makaraka]

Similarly there is an old South African proverb "After a foolish deed comes remorse!"

Not there yet, but I'm on my way

I think you commented on my thread also? I think....
I’m in a great WhatsApp and Zoom group. I’m not sure where you are but if you message me maybe you could join them x

 

[Flowergirl14]

No - please share

Check out the website www.sinclairmethoduk.com

 

[Ponponpon]

I dont ever share the details at al-alnon, i went for counselling for 8 months without admitting to her that my husband is an alcoholic. I go and listen to stories of other people to give me courage and then of course the happy stories to give me hope.

I wish I had words of comfort for you, but you'll already know you need to do what's right and best for you. Look after yourself and my DMs are open if ever you wanted to chat more x

 

[iloveanimals]

Hi , i have been reading this thread but i havent commented, What is the ssf thread please ? sorry for barging in im just curious. x Hope you are all well x

 

[Gembo]

My son isn't doing that well. He's very quiet a lot of the time which is unlike him. I'm looking into some counselling for him, from someone who specialises in helping people with autism cope with bereavement. The funeral isn't until January though which makes Christmas a bit of a weird time.

I'm ok, just focused on helping my son really. I'm in touch with my son's step mum and we've said that we'll get the siblings together once things are calmer (both personally and with the Covid situ). His sisters are only little, one too young to really understand what's happening. I just feel so very sad for them all.

It’s an awful situation, I extend my love to you all. I hope that your ex has found some peace now. Grief is so different for everyone and we all cope in different ways, your son may be feeling very numb at the moment. The brain has to do a lot of processing and it must have been awful to only be able to see his dad through a window. I think it’s a good idea to look into the counselling but very difficult that his has happened before Christmas and the time in between a death and the funeral is always a very strange time. I am truly just so sorry for you and your son. I’m glad he has a caring mum. Making sure you take care of you too xx

 

[Gembo]

I'm so sorry about your friend. A lot of times addicts can hide their addiction so well, even if it seems more obvious in hindsight. It's hard but please be kind to yourself, it isn't your fault for not realising what was going on, and I know you would have tried to help her if you had known.

Thank you, I really would have x