Alcoholism

[Definitelyme]

I'm completely lost on who the person is who was a fraud, have a faint idea but I'll try and read the other thread mentioned to check.
I try to offer support to everyone on here. Not sure why someone would lie about this issue, its not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Moving on though, I feel the shame of it too. None of my friends know about my person, I wouldn't want to tell them incase they judged. I don’t like to talk about it even to my husband. I really find this thread a comfort though x

I also find this thread a real help and comfort. I have siblings and we are all in the same position, but we never discuss it so having people here to talk to, and listen to others who know what it’s like is a god send.

I went to the One Stop this evening and had to queue down the wine aisle. All the special offers basically said 'only £7 #thankyoumum' and '£1 off #thankyoumum'.


I hate the way that drinking seems to be targeted more and more at mums these days. I know it's mostly marketing pressure but from what I've seen they try and make people feel like they're a stick in the mud if they don't have #ginoclock or #winetime or telling people that they deserve to have a drink because they've 'had to deal' with home schooling / their children all day.


I'm not silly, I know that most people who drink are able to do it sensibly but a lot of people are able to smoke casually, or even for years, with no health effects. If you had a cigarette advert that said '£1 off a pack of ten cigs #thankyoumum' people would be up in arms about it.

Really ridiculous isn’t it? It’s my mum who is an alcoholic so it makes me even more cross. I actually remember years ago, when I was a young teen and didn’t know what was going on with her drinking (I just knew she liked wine) I bought her this massive glass for Mother’s Day that was marketed as one you could fit a whole bottle in. Obviously I was totally innocent and had no idea, but it’s one of those things that comes to me every so often and I could kick myself for.

 

[37BBL]

I also find this thread a real help and comfort. I have siblings and we are all in the same position, but we never discuss it so having people here to talk to, and listen to others who know what it’s like is a god send.



Really ridiculous isn’t it? It’s my mum who is an alcoholic so it makes me even more cross. I actually remember years ago, when I was a young teen and didn’t know what was going on with her drinking (I just knew she liked wine) I bought her this massive glass for Mother’s Day that was marketed as one you could fit a whole bottle in. Obviously I was totally innocent and had no idea, but it’s one of those things that comes to me every so often and I could kick myself for.

I get this. I used to go out with my sister of a Saturday night when we were younger. We would drink and dance, as you do. Sometimes now I think, if we didn't do that would she have ended up like she is.

 

[GeorgeP123]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

 

[Definitelyme]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

Yes. I always find it ironic that my mother accuses her mother of extreme narcissism, and doesn’t see it in herself

 

[37BBL]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

Yes, 100% in my person too.

 

[GeorgeP123]

Yes. I always find it ironic that my mother accuses her mother of extreme narcissism, and doesn’t see it in herself

I've just come to realise it really. It's madness. The person I knew who suffers with drink problems used to pick apart everything I did. He hated me for chewing too loudly, accidentally making a little mistake such as leaving the door open, mopping too slowly, list is endless but actual having a go at me over nothing. Actual hatred and annoyance when I've done nothing wrong. I've read that is a sign of narcissism. He actually said to me "I've travelled the world, bet I've been to more places than you" as if that makes him better than me

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

Not in my case - though my sister is a horrific narcissist and, from what I can tell (she died before I was born) my mum's mum was one as well.

 

[GeorgeP123]

Not in my case - though my sister is a horrific narcissist and, from what I can tell (she died before I was born) my mum's mum was one as well.

Do they just have no empathy? I just don't get how someone can grow hatred over tiny things. I can't get my head round it all. Lack of empathy and just not normal behaviour

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

Do they just have no empathy? I just don't get how someone can grow hatred over tiny things. I can't get my head round it all. Lack of empathy and just not normal behaviour

For my sister I flit between thinking she's a narcissist and thinking she's a sadist, or possibly both. I've never known her to care about anyone. My mum's cried before, telling me that since she was born my sister's never once loved her. She will pretend to like you to get something in return though and she's brilliant at making friends/getting jobs (and rubbish at keeping both.) She's very manipulative and was physically violent as well to our mum and dad and to her partners.

It's hard for me to describe my sister without looking like I'm crazy but the worst thing she's ever done (and why we are now no contact) was that she wanted a favour from me and I couldn't physically do it. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I couldn't. A few months later my mum phones me in tears and tells me that she's really sorry for everything and she understands that I want her to die.

...What?

Turns out my sister's revenge on me was to phone our mum, every day, and tell her that I had told her that I hated my mum (who survived a previous suicide attempt), that I wished she would kill herself, that she had ruined my life and that I want her to die. Every day for over three months before my mum broke down and told me about it. It was all 100% lies but for weeks afterwards all I heard was "it's okay if you want me to die, I understand."

To me she's unforgivable.

 

[GeorgeP123]

For my sister I flit between thinking she's a narcissist and thinking she's a sadist, or possibly both. I've never known her to care about anyone. My mum's cried before, telling me that since she was born my sister's never once loved her. She will pretend to like you to get something in return though and she's brilliant at making friends/getting jobs (and rubbish at keeping both.) She's very manipulative and was physically violent as well to our mum and dad and to her partners.


It's hard for me to describe my sister without looking like I'm crazy but the worst thing she's ever done (and why we are now no contact) was that she wanted a favour from me and I couldn't physically do it. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I couldn't. A few months later my mum phones me in tears and tells me that she's really sorry for everything and she understands that I want her to die.

...What?

Turns out my sister's revenge on me was to phone our mum, every day, and tell her that I had told her that I hated my mum (who survived a previous suicide attempt), that I wished she would kill herself, that she had ruined my life and that I want her to die. Every day for over three months before my mum broke down and told me about it. It was all 100% lies but for weeks afterwards all I heard was "it's okay if you want me to die, I understand."

To me she's unforgivable.

That is so crazy. Awful awful thing to do which I bet no one can comprehend. The person I knew would pretend to be the best uncle, best brother, best son....but in reality didn't really care for them. He said he did care for them and I think he did when it suited him. But he would do things like try and assert authority all the time. He would push his two year old nephew out the way quite hard if he wanted past him saying he had to learn. He would do weird things like bounce a ball on his head really hard and pretend he was only playing. He once dug his nails in my puppy dog on purpose. Thought I was going crazy but its their really awful and bizarre behaviour and when called up on it, he'd gas light me and say I'm being too sensitive. People like that are so so toxic and you can't reason with them. I even thought once.. is it me. Am I the problem? But I'm having to remind myself it isn't.

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

That is so crazy. Awful awful thing to do which I bet no one can comprehend. The person I knew would pretend to be the best uncle, best brother, best son....but in reality didn't really care for them. He said he did care for them and I think he did when it suited him. But he would do things like try and assert authority all the time. He would push his two year old nephew out the way quite hard if he wanted past him saying he had to learn. He would do weird things like bounce a ball on his head really hard and pretend he was only playing. He once dug his nails in my puppy dog on purpose. Thought I was going crazy but its their really awful and bizarre behaviour and when called up on it, he'd gas light me and say I'm being too sensitive. People like that are so so toxic and you can't reason with them. I even thought once.. is it me. Am I the problem? But I'm having to remind myself it isn't.

The term gas lighting is so overused/misused nowadays but it is a very real and very insidious thing, it can make you feel like you're going crazy and I'm sorry you went through that.

 

[Annie101]

Anyone found that alcoholism and narcissism come hand in hand?

100%!!! Something happened again and all my pent up emotions came out, i told my husband his inflated ego will get to him. That what any other woman excepts as normal is a treat for me. That he lives his life as a bloody Brian Adams song, everything i do i do it for you, as he always say, but his actions contradicts everything. i also tore his wedding vows up in front of him and threw it in his face. i am working on adrenaline and might regret posting on here, but i am tires and f&ck all the cross addictions. i am fed up

 

[Definitelyme]

100%!!! Something happened again and all my pent up emotions came out, i told my husband his inflated ego will get to him. That what any other woman excepts as normal is a treat for me. That he lives his life as a bloody Brian Adams song, everything i do i do it for you, as he always say, but his actions contradicts everything. i also tore his wedding vows up in front of him and threw it in his face. i am working on adrenaline and might regret posting on here, but i am tires and f&ck all the cross addictions. i am fed up

Dont regret talking to us, it’s important to let these things out to someone. I hope you are feeling better this morning x

 

[carriexbradshaw]

I've been following this thread for a few days after stumbling across it recently and I'm kinda glad I did!

I'm pretty sure my mum is an alcoholic and depends on alcohol too much. Every Christmas, birthday or family event in general is always ruined by my mum drinking far too much and getting far too affectionate with my brothers (I have 4... they hate this, as does their wife/partners), she just sits and stares for ages. She becomes passive aggressive and nasty but never actually violent just emotional and attention seeking. She gets to the point where she can't walk too and just laugh it off. I've found that most times we've visited (pre covid) she drinks so much, and I think since lockdown 1.0 had started she's drinking a lot more, (she did joke that her and my step dad had bought half of Tesco's wine aisle), even "enjoying" a gin & tonic around lunch time, her gin measures are double if not triple the amount you should have at any time. She barely eats anything, and I've noticed recently (visiting as we're bubbled, she has found out she potentially has early stage cancer and my step dad is shielding due to a health issue) she has the shakes all the time, and her face swells up a lot. I've also noticed she doesn't drink anything but alcohol or the odd cup of coffee!

I've found out since, from my two oldest brothers, that the past year she has been collapsing a lot and can barely walk now as she faints/loses feeling in her legs. The past few weeks she's been hospitalised due to lack of any good nutrients - from what I assume, and has come home a few times but has barely been able to stomach a slice of apple. She barely eats anything. Her behaviour has changed too, she always seems on edge, and has become quite nasty with two of my sister-in-laws. One had a baby 9 months ago and from what I've been told my mum has blamed her for a lot of things, such as not being able to see her grandchild (when actually it's covid) but she's sent passive aggressive texts and asked not to see her with my brother and baby (bitter much).

I'm looking for some advice, does it sound like she has alcohol damage? Is this the beginning of organ failure? I can't find anything online, but I almost want to prepare myself for the worst because I have a feeling it's coming. As far as I'm aware I've lost my mum, she's not the woman I've known growing up! I'd say she's been depended on alcohol for the last 10 years and she's definitely started drinking a lot more than before!

Sorry if this isn't the right thread, I kind of needed to put this somewhere to take it out of my mind. My husband has been amazing throughout and has put up with a lot. I just need to prepare myself, because I have a toddler and a baby who need my attention and I need to stop having this take up room in my head.. too many years of seeing my mum ruin her life can take its toll on anyone.

 

[Definitelyme]

I've been following this thread for a few days after stumbling across it recently and I'm kinda glad I did!

I'm pretty sure my mum is an alcoholic and depends on alcohol too much. Every Christmas, birthday or family event in general is always ruined by my mum drinking far too much and getting far too affectionate with my brothers (I have 4... they hate this, as does their wife/partners), she just sits and stares for ages. She becomes passive aggressive and nasty but never actually violent just emotional and attention seeking. She gets to the point where she can't walk too and just laugh it off. I've found that most times we've visited (pre covid) she drinks so much, and I think since lockdown 1.0 had started she's drinking a lot more, (she did joke that her and my step dad had bought half of Tesco's wine aisle), even "enjoying" a gin & tonic around lunch time, her gin measures are double if not triple the amount you should have at any time. She barely eats anything, and I've noticed recently (visiting as we're bubbled, she has found out she potentially has early stage cancer and my step dad is shielding due to a health issue) she has the shakes all the time, and her face swells up a lot. I've also noticed she doesn't drink anything but alcohol or the odd cup of coffee!

I've found out since, from my two oldest brothers, that the past year she has been collapsing a lot and can barely walk now as she faints/loses feeling in her legs. The past few weeks she's been hospitalised due to lack of any good nutrients - from what I assume, and has come home a few times but has barely been able to stomach a slice of apple. She barely eats anything. Her behaviour has changed too, she always seems on edge, and has become quite nasty with two of my sister-in-laws. One had a baby 9 months ago and from what I've been told my mum has blamed her for a lot of things, such as not being able to see her grandchild (when actually it's covid) but she's sent passive aggressive texts and asked not to see her with my brother and baby (bitter much).

I'm looking for some advice, does it sound like she has alcohol damage? Is this the beginning of organ failure? I can't find anything online, but I almost want to prepare myself for the worst because I have a feeling it's coming. As far as I'm aware I've lost my mum, she's not the woman I've known growing up! I'd say she's been depended on alcohol for the last 10 years and she's definitely started drinking a lot more than before!

Sorry if this isn't the right thread, I kind of needed to put this somewhere to take it out of my mind. My husband has been amazing throughout and has put up with a lot. I just need to prepare myself, because I have a toddler and a baby who need my attention and I need to stop having this take up room in my head.. too many years of seeing my mum ruin her life can take its toll on anyone.

I am so sorry your family has been going through this. I can’t really comment on the medical stuff, I don’t know enough to be able to do that, but I know my own mum has been in and out of hospital with lots of stomach ulcers in the past, which I’m assuming are related to her alcoholism.

As for the nastiness to your SIL, that is also something our family has encountered from my mum. She turned up at their door once screaming at my SIL, and blind drunk at the time. And all because my sil posted something nice about her own mum on Facebook.

Unless your mum is willing to discuss the reasons for her hospitalisations then I guess you won’t really know. I should imagine if it is due to drinking they’ve told her as much at the hospital, but she is unwilling to share. Can you talk to your dad about it? It’s such a difficult thing to bring up and discuss, I know.

Sorry, none of that is overly helpful. But a few of us here have a mum who is an alcoholic, so just wanted to let you know I know what it is like, and I’m so sorry for you and your family x

 

[Annie101]

That someone in your life needs to be ready for change and to action it. The addict in recovery admits that they are the biggest liars and manipulators. In my experience i made excuses for the alcoholic and felt to ashamed to talk about it to anyone, the day I was finally ready to walk away after about 100's of times accepting his excuses and empty promises, I said everything i held back on for ages. There is nothing you can do that will change it, heartbreaking as this may sound. You have to take care of yourself and you welfare first, i used to think that is so selfish but it is true.

 

[Definitelyme]

That someone in your life needs to be ready for change and to action it. The addict in recovery admits that they are the biggest liars and manipulators. In my experience i made excuses for the alcoholic and felt to ashamed to talk about it to anyone, the day I was finally ready to walk away after about 100's of times accepting his excuses and empty promises, I said everything i held back on for ages. There is nothing you can do that will change it, heartbreaking as this may sound. You have to take care of yourself and you welfare first, i used to think that is so selfish but it is true.

Annie I am so glad to hear that you have made that step for yourself

 

[Kezza_69]

My mum was an alcoholic, I say was, she did eventually get sober and managed 16 sober years before passing away 4 years ago.
I only ever remember her drinking and being drunk at functions. She wasnt a nasty drunk, didnt even really do things that showed her up, in fact, she became a mute when she was drunk.
My sister and I had a thing where we wouldnt phone after midday as she'd already be slurry and topping up from the day before.
I remember her asking my dad to bring a bottle home from work and he "forgot" . . She absolutely hit the roof and at the time I thought, "wow, its like her life depends upon it" . . Know, I realise, it probably did.
I tried for years to get her help, calling her Dr, begging my dad, no one would step in until she asked for help herself.
It was only in the last few months of drinking that her personal hygiene slipped and she actually drank from the minute she woke.
Her help came in the form of AA meetings, she took it very seriously and eventually became a sponser herself.
I remember in her early days she wouldn't want to be around alcohol, a few months later she was fine with it and was eventually able to pour a drink for someone else and even visit pubs for a soft drink.

She was always rather controlling and sometimes narcissistic. .

There are lots of help pages about
On FB 1 called HOPE (hearing other peoples experiences) is a good 1

 

[lozzapaloozza]

My mum was an alcoholic, I say was, she did eventually get sober and managed 16 sober years before passing away 4 years ago.
I only ever remember her drinking and being drunk at functions. She wasnt a nasty drunk, didnt even really do things that showed her up, in fact, she became a mute when she was drunk.
My sister and I had a thing where we wouldnt phone after midday as she'd already be slurry and topping up from the day before.
I remember her asking my dad to bring a bottle home from work and he "forgot" . . She absolutely hit the roof and at the time I thought, "wow, its like her life depends upon it" . . Know, I realise, it probably did.
I tried for years to get her help, calling her Dr, begging my dad, no one would step in until she asked for help herself.
It was only in the last few months of drinking that her personal hygiene slipped and she actually drank from the minute she woke.
Her help came in the form of AA meetings, she took it very seriously and eventually became a sponser herself.
I remember in her early days she wouldn't want to be around alcohol, a few months later she was fine with it and was eventually able to pour a drink for someone else and even visit pubs for a soft drink.

She was always rather controlling and sometimes narcissistic. .

There are lots of help pages about
On FB 1 called HOPE (hearing other peoples experiences) is a good 1

So sorry for your loss and everything you’ve had to go through

 

[Definitelyme]

My mum was an alcoholic, I say was, she did eventually get sober and managed 16 sober years before passing away 4 years ago.
I only ever remember her drinking and being drunk at functions. She wasnt a nasty drunk, didnt even really do things that showed her up, in fact, she became a mute when she was drunk.
My sister and I had a thing where we wouldnt phone after midday as she'd already be slurry and topping up from the day before.
I remember her asking my dad to bring a bottle home from work and he "forgot" . . She absolutely hit the roof and at the time I thought, "wow, its like her life depends upon it" . . Know, I realise, it probably did.
I tried for years to get her help, calling her Dr, begging my dad, no one would step in until she asked for help herself.
It was only in the last few months of drinking that her personal hygiene slipped and she actually drank from the minute she woke.
Her help came in the form of AA meetings, she took it very seriously and eventually became a sponser herself.
I remember in her early days she wouldn't want to be around alcohol, a few months later she was fine with it and was eventually able to pour a drink for someone else and even visit pubs for a soft drink.

She was always rather controlling and sometimes narcissistic. .

There are lots of help pages about
On FB 1 called HOPE (hearing other peoples experiences) is a good 1

Whoa, I’m so glad to hear your mum was able to turn it all around and live some happy, alcohol free years. I’m so sorry she is gone now x