Alcoholism

[Kezza_69]

@lozzapaloozza, thankyou
I do realise alcoholism is an illness now.
I completely understand what other posters have said about "normalising" drinking.
I remember when my girls were younger, we were just moving into the "glass of wine?" habits when picking up from after school visits rather than teas or coffee.
I choose to log my drinks on an app . .
Purely to keep a record.
Its so very easy to slip into bad habits.
I have a few friends who have been in and out of rehab . . All bar 2 of them still struggle now, after all that help . .. 1 lost her kids to the demon drink.
1 is lucky enough to have the money to pay privately for his medication that keeps him sober. .

I remember doing dry January a few years ago,
When I took my 1st drink, I truly felt poisoned
My inbox is always open for anyone who needs a chat

 

[Bellaboo83]

Hello,

So, my dad has always liked a drink. As long as I remember he spent a lot of time in the pub and would lie all the time to my mum about where he was, how much he was drinking. Mum finally left him 23 years ago and since then he's lost his job, house and alcoholism swallowed him. He ended up homeless and wouldn't accept our help, we were at our wits end, luckily a policeman found him sleeping rough and it lead to him being housed in council over 65 accommodation.

He seemed really happy and said his time living with nothing had helped him detox and now he didn't need alcohol. Between me and my siblings we each called once a week,two of us live a hundred miles away and one closer so we would call in when visiting and our other sibling would go more often. He didn't like us being too involved, always kept us at arms length and got mad if we interfered too much so we just did what he would allow, but we used to chat about what he'd been up to... Walking / shopping / what he'd been cooking etc

He never needed anything and we always asked, always said he had everything under control and to be fair it always looked that way when we visited. With the onset of covid he became really withdrawn, didn't want us to visit anymore, he became very scared to leave the house. We called on the phone as often as we could (not more than once a week as he said we were checking up on him and would get mad). We sent him food parcels and amazon parcels of masks / sanitiser etc but his life changed quite a lot during lockdown, not feeling safe going out and not seeing anyone.

We had cheery conversations with him and thought everything was okay. He told us everything was okay, we had no reason to worry. We talked the same about food and TV programmes, and how he'd been keeping busy etc

Last week my sibling went over to drop something off at the door and found him on the floor. He hadn't answered my call the night before which made me send my sibling a bit sooner than planned. He was unresponsive. The ambulance came and fire to get them in the house. He had been on the floor upwards of 24 hours.

His house was a terrible state, full with hundreds of cider bottles, messy and unclean. My dad was taken to hospital where he told them this had been happening a lot. They've found him to be severely malnourished, low sodium, low BP, cuts and bruises from other falls, he's undergoing tests still for bleeding on the brain from one of the falls and possible other things including chest xrays and neurological tests. He's still in hospital. We asked if we could get clothes for him / stuff from the house and he said he didn't have anything clean and he didn't even own any socks.

We are absolutely devastated. He hasn't let us near him for the last year because he's been so scared about covid, so we've kept in as much telephone contact as possible but we had no idea what was going on and how bad things had got and over the phone he was always so cheery and told us everything was fine. He was always good at telling my mum what she wanted to hear when they were married so perhaps we shouldn't have taken what he said at face value so much, I don't know.

I don't know what to do, how to help. The hospital have him on detox medication but I'm not sure what that is or how it helps. The alcohol team are involved too. I just don't know how it came to this and why he didn't tell us he needed help.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've been to clean his house and bought new bed things and clothes and essentials. But I'm not sure what else to do. I don't know medically where he is really and they won't let us visit in the hospital, we are taking regular packages though and we took him a phone so we can call him directly.

Does anyone have experience of a situation being hidden from them to this point? I just wish he had said something, told us he was drinking again, and that it was serious and he was having these falls/periods where he was unconscious, we could have helped, my heart is breaking thinking of what he's been going through on his own and I don't know what to do to help, I don't know what to do at all

 

[Kezza_69]

@Bellaboo83 Im so sorry you are going through such feelings of helplessness. .
You and your siblings have done all you can at this point.
Alcoholics are known to be extremely secretive and your story here proves that.
The fact your Dad is in hospital and the alcohol team are involved as well as the detox side of it is the best place for him at the moment. .
I wouldn't be at all surprised if he doesn't find himself eventually in a residential detox centre with all the specialist care he needs.
Please dont feel guilty . .
Sending you love.
Do keep us updated on your Dad Xx

 

[Definitelyme]

Hello,

So, my dad has always liked a drink. As long as I remember he spent a lot of time in the pub and would lie all the time to my mum about where he was, how much he was drinking. Mum finally left him 23 years ago and since then he's lost his job, house and alcoholism swallowed him. He ended up homeless and wouldn't accept our help, we were at our wits end, luckily a policeman found him sleeping rough and it lead to him being housed in council over 65 accommodation.

He seemed really happy and said his time living with nothing had helped him detox and now he didn't need alcohol. Between me and my siblings we each called once a week,two of us live a hundred miles away and one closer so we would call in when visiting and our other sibling would go more often. He didn't like us being too involved, always kept us at arms length and got mad if we interfered too much so we just did what he would allow, but we used to chat about what he'd been up to... Walking / shopping / what he'd been cooking etc

He never needed anything and we always asked, always said he had everything under control and to be fair it always looked that way when we visited. With the onset of covid he became really withdrawn, didn't want us to visit anymore, he became very scared to leave the house. We called on the phone as often as we could (not more than once a week as he said we were checking up on him and would get mad). We sent him food parcels and amazon parcels of masks / sanitiser etc but his life changed quite a lot during lockdown, not feeling safe going out and not seeing anyone.

We had cheery conversations with him and thought everything was okay. He told us everything was okay, we had no reason to worry. We talked the same about food and TV programmes, and how he'd been keeping busy etc

Last week my sibling went over to drop something off at the door and found him on the floor. He hadn't answered my call the night before which made me send my sibling a bit sooner than planned. He was unresponsive. The ambulance came and fire to get them in the house. He had been on the floor upwards of 24 hours.

His house was a terrible state, full with hundreds of cider bottles, messy and unclean. My dad was taken to hospital where he told them this had been happening a lot. They've found him to be severely malnourished, low sodium, low BP, cuts and bruises from other falls, he's undergoing tests still for bleeding on the brain from one of the falls and possible other things including chest xrays and neurological tests. He's still in hospital. We asked if we could get clothes for him / stuff from the house and he said he didn't have anything clean and he didn't even own any socks.

We are absolutely devastated. He hasn't let us near him for the last year because he's been so scared about covid, so we've kept in as much telephone contact as possible but we had no idea what was going on and how bad things had got and over the phone he was always so cheery and told us everything was fine. He was always good at telling my mum what she wanted to hear when they were married so perhaps we shouldn't have taken what he said at face value so much, I don't know.

I don't know what to do, how to help. The hospital have him on detox medication but I'm not sure what that is or how it helps. The alcohol team are involved too. I just don't know how it came to this and why he didn't tell us he needed help.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've been to clean his house and bought new bed things and clothes and essentials. But I'm not sure what else to do. I don't know medically where he is really and they won't let us visit in the hospital, we are taking regular packages though and we took him a phone so we can call him directly.

Does anyone have experience of a situation being hidden from them to this point? I just wish he had said something, told us he was drinking again, and that it was serious and he was having these falls/periods where he was unconscious, we could have helped, my heart is breaking thinking of what he's been going through on his own and I don't know what to do to help, I don't know what to do at all

Oh my lovely, I am so so sorry for what you, your dad and your siblings have been through. It sounds absolutely horrendous, and you must feel so confused and devastated by it all.

Not the same, but my mum definitely hid her drinking from us even when she was telling us she was doing well, going to AA and getting help. She then attempted suicide which brought it all to the fore. So yes, they know how to hide it well, unfortunately.

It sounds as if he is in the right place and getting lots of great help. My mum also had to take detox meds, I’m not sure how they work either tbh, but I remember they made her very sleepy, and she had to be weaned off them.

It also sounds like you are doing, and have been doing, all you can to help. Don’t blame yourself for any of this. X

 

[ruby_red]

Hello,

So, my dad has always liked a drink. As long as I remember he spent a lot of time in the pub and would lie all the time to my mum about where he was, how much he was drinking. Mum finally left him 23 years ago and since then he's lost his job, house and alcoholism swallowed him. He ended up homeless and wouldn't accept our help, we were at our wits end, luckily a policeman found him sleeping rough and it lead to him being housed in council over 65 accommodation.

He seemed really happy and said his time living with nothing had helped him detox and now he didn't need alcohol. Between me and my siblings we each called once a week,two of us live a hundred miles away and one closer so we would call in when visiting and our other sibling would go more often. He didn't like us being too involved, always kept us at arms length and got mad if we interfered too much so we just did what he would allow, but we used to chat about what he'd been up to... Walking / shopping / what he'd been cooking etc

He never needed anything and we always asked, always said he had everything under control and to be fair it always looked that way when we visited. With the onset of covid he became really withdrawn, didn't want us to visit anymore, he became very scared to leave the house. We called on the phone as often as we could (not more than once a week as he said we were checking up on him and would get mad). We sent him food parcels and amazon parcels of masks / sanitiser etc but his life changed quite a lot during lockdown, not feeling safe going out and not seeing anyone.

We had cheery conversations with him and thought everything was okay. He told us everything was okay, we had no reason to worry. We talked the same about food and TV programmes, and how he'd been keeping busy etc

Last week my sibling went over to drop something off at the door and found him on the floor. He hadn't answered my call the night before which made me send my sibling a bit sooner than planned. He was unresponsive. The ambulance came and fire to get them in the house. He had been on the floor upwards of 24 hours.

His house was a terrible state, full with hundreds of cider bottles, messy and unclean. My dad was taken to hospital where he told them this had been happening a lot. They've found him to be severely malnourished, low sodium, low BP, cuts and bruises from other falls, he's undergoing tests still for bleeding on the brain from one of the falls and possible other things including chest xrays and neurological tests. He's still in hospital. We asked if we could get clothes for him / stuff from the house and he said he didn't have anything clean and he didn't even own any socks.

We are absolutely devastated. He hasn't let us near him for the last year because he's been so scared about covid, so we've kept in as much telephone contact as possible but we had no idea what was going on and how bad things had got and over the phone he was always so cheery and told us everything was fine. He was always good at telling my mum what she wanted to hear when they were married so perhaps we shouldn't have taken what he said at face value so much, I don't know.

I don't know what to do, how to help. The hospital have him on detox medication but I'm not sure what that is or how it helps. The alcohol team are involved too. I just don't know how it came to this and why he didn't tell us he needed help.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've been to clean his house and bought new bed things and clothes and essentials. But I'm not sure what else to do. I don't know medically where he is really and they won't let us visit in the hospital, we are taking regular packages though and we took him a phone so we can call him directly.

Does anyone have experience of a situation being hidden from them to this point? I just wish he had said something, told us he was drinking again, and that it was serious and he was having these falls/periods where he was unconscious, we could have helped, my heart is breaking thinking of what he's been going through on his own and I don't know what to do to help, I don't know what to do at all

Firstly I am so sorry to read about this. Have you informed or asked for support from social services you can do so by local council websites.

Additions are so hard to break you need to get their want to stop drinking, that’s the most important step. Sitting with them and discussing the costs of drinking by cost I mean in terms of relationships, work, family and not just the physical cost of alcohol itself.

Then talk to them about the reasons why and think of reasons to over come it. It is a very hard process and not something I can give guidance with straight away but I hope that is a start.

 

[37BBL]

Hello,

So, my dad has always liked a drink. As long as I remember he spent a lot of time in the pub and would lie all the time to my mum about where he was, how much he was drinking. Mum finally left him 23 years ago and since then he's lost his job, house and alcoholism swallowed him. He ended up homeless and wouldn't accept our help, we were at our wits end, luckily a policeman found him sleeping rough and it lead to him being housed in council over 65 accommodation.

He seemed really happy and said his time living with nothing had helped him detox and now he didn't need alcohol. Between me and my siblings we each called once a week,two of us live a hundred miles away and one closer so we would call in when visiting and our other sibling would go more often. He didn't like us being too involved, always kept us at arms length and got mad if we interfered too much so we just did what he would allow, but we used to chat about what he'd been up to... Walking / shopping / what he'd been cooking etc

He never needed anything and we always asked, always said he had everything under control and to be fair it always looked that way when we visited. With the onset of covid he became really withdrawn, didn't want us to visit anymore, he became very scared to leave the house. We called on the phone as often as we could (not more than once a week as he said we were checking up on him and would get mad). We sent him food parcels and amazon parcels of masks / sanitiser etc but his life changed quite a lot during lockdown, not feeling safe going out and not seeing anyone.

We had cheery conversations with him and thought everything was okay. He told us everything was okay, we had no reason to worry. We talked the same about food and TV programmes, and how he'd been keeping busy etc

Last week my sibling went over to drop something off at the door and found him on the floor. He hadn't answered my call the night before which made me send my sibling a bit sooner than planned. He was unresponsive. The ambulance came and fire to get them in the house. He had been on the floor upwards of 24 hours.

His house was a terrible state, full with hundreds of cider bottles, messy and unclean. My dad was taken to hospital where he told them this had been happening a lot. They've found him to be severely malnourished, low sodium, low BP, cuts and bruises from other falls, he's undergoing tests still for bleeding on the brain from one of the falls and possible other things including chest xrays and neurological tests. He's still in hospital. We asked if we could get clothes for him / stuff from the house and he said he didn't have anything clean and he didn't even own any socks.

We are absolutely devastated. He hasn't let us near him for the last year because he's been so scared about covid, so we've kept in as much telephone contact as possible but we had no idea what was going on and how bad things had got and over the phone he was always so cheery and told us everything was fine. He was always good at telling my mum what she wanted to hear when they were married so perhaps we shouldn't have taken what he said at face value so much, I don't know.

I don't know what to do, how to help. The hospital have him on detox medication but I'm not sure what that is or how it helps. The alcohol team are involved too. I just don't know how it came to this and why he didn't tell us he needed help.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've been to clean his house and bought new bed things and clothes and essentials. But I'm not sure what else to do. I don't know medically where he is really and they won't let us visit in the hospital, we are taking regular packages though and we took him a phone so we can call him directly.

Does anyone have experience of a situation being hidden from them to this point? I just wish he had said something, told us he was drinking again, and that it was serious and he was having these falls/periods where he was unconscious, we could have helped, my heart is breaking thinking of what he's been going through on his own and I don't know what to do to help, I don't know what to do at all

I am so sorry to read your story. My situation isn't the same, I suppose no-ones is, but there are similarities. My sister hid it from us for so long. We had no idea at all, she would never invite us in her house but always had a reason that we believed, so we never questioned it.

When we realised how bad things were she refused anyone entry to the house. It took close on a year for her to go to rehab and detox. My parents had to pay professionals to gut her house it was so bad.

In my experience there is nothing you could have done. Your dad needs to make the decision to try and change. Even if you had been visiting every week, the chances are when you weren't there he would have been drinking.

The best thing I did was cut ties for a while. We are slowly rebuilding some sort of relationship now, but its been a very long time and a very slow process with some set backs. There is no rule book for dealing with these people, you just have to do what works for you and what helps you get through the days.


I'm wishing your dad well and I really hope you can try and take a bit of time for yourself too xxx

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Hello,

So, my dad has always liked a drink. As long as I remember he spent a lot of time in the pub and would lie all the time to my mum about where he was, how much he was drinking. Mum finally left him 23 years ago and since then he's lost his job, house and alcoholism swallowed him. He ended up homeless and wouldn't accept our help, we were at our wits end, luckily a policeman found him sleeping rough and it lead to him being housed in council over 65 accommodation.

He seemed really happy and said his time living with nothing had helped him detox and now he didn't need alcohol. Between me and my siblings we each called once a week,two of us live a hundred miles away and one closer so we would call in when visiting and our other sibling would go more often. He didn't like us being too involved, always kept us at arms length and got mad if we interfered too much so we just did what he would allow, but we used to chat about what he'd been up to... Walking / shopping / what he'd been cooking etc

He never needed anything and we always asked, always said he had everything under control and to be fair it always looked that way when we visited. With the onset of covid he became really withdrawn, didn't want us to visit anymore, he became very scared to leave the house. We called on the phone as often as we could (not more than once a week as he said we were checking up on him and would get mad). We sent him food parcels and amazon parcels of masks / sanitiser etc but his life changed quite a lot during lockdown, not feeling safe going out and not seeing anyone.

We had cheery conversations with him and thought everything was okay. He told us everything was okay, we had no reason to worry. We talked the same about food and TV programmes, and how he'd been keeping busy etc

Last week my sibling went over to drop something off at the door and found him on the floor. He hadn't answered my call the night before which made me send my sibling a bit sooner than planned. He was unresponsive. The ambulance came and fire to get them in the house. He had been on the floor upwards of 24 hours.

His house was a terrible state, full with hundreds of cider bottles, messy and unclean. My dad was taken to hospital where he told them this had been happening a lot. They've found him to be severely malnourished, low sodium, low BP, cuts and bruises from other falls, he's undergoing tests still for bleeding on the brain from one of the falls and possible other things including chest xrays and neurological tests. He's still in hospital. We asked if we could get clothes for him / stuff from the house and he said he didn't have anything clean and he didn't even own any socks.

We are absolutely devastated. He hasn't let us near him for the last year because he's been so scared about covid, so we've kept in as much telephone contact as possible but we had no idea what was going on and how bad things had got and over the phone he was always so cheery and told us everything was fine. He was always good at telling my mum what she wanted to hear when they were married so perhaps we shouldn't have taken what he said at face value so much, I don't know.

I don't know what to do, how to help. The hospital have him on detox medication but I'm not sure what that is or how it helps. The alcohol team are involved too. I just don't know how it came to this and why he didn't tell us he needed help.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I've been to clean his house and bought new bed things and clothes and essentials. But I'm not sure what else to do. I don't know medically where he is really and they won't let us visit in the hospital, we are taking regular packages though and we took him a phone so we can call him directly.

Does anyone have experience of a situation being hidden from them to this point? I just wish he had said something, told us he was drinking again, and that it was serious and he was having these falls/periods where he was unconscious, we could have helped, my heart is breaking thinking of what he's been going through on his own and I don't know what to do to help, I don't know what to do at all

Oh I’m so sorry, this brought tears to my eyes. To your question, yes! My dad moved out of our family home and a year later so did I. This left my brother and grandparents (it was a big house so half the house was ours and the downstairs was my grandparents). When my brother called the day she died myself and my dad hadn’t seen her for a month or so and we had no idea the state she was in, we had been the ones trying so hard to sort her out and for our own health had to leave. My brother shut himself in his room, my grandad is elderly and can’t go upstairs so my nan was the one looking after her, she’s elderly too. I feel so guilty still that I let her get in that state

What I’m trying to say is it’s not your fault. You did everything you possibly could to help him. Even during a lockdown, you did the best you could because visiting him may have caused more harm than good as alcoholics are really vunerable to getting the virus. The truth hurts, but if he wanted to tell you he would. If he wanted your help, he would have asked for it. He didn’t want the help and only he can decide and accept he needs it. He probably didn’t want you to see the state he was in because he loves you so much and wanted to protect you but also he could have been ashamed. You can’t control anyone elses actions but your own. Alcoholism is a disease and I doubt he would have even known how much of a state he was in, he probably would have been very withdrawn in his mind. All you can do is continue to tell him that you love him and when he’s ready you’re there for him. It’s so painful knowing there’s nothing you can do, but it’s the sad truth. He’s in the best place possible now to try and get a second chance at life. Continue to do what your doing but also put yourself first. I’ll be thinking of your family and pray he turns a corner

 

[Bellaboo83]

@Bellaboo83 Im so sorry you are going through such feelings of helplessness. .
You and your siblings have done all you can at this point.
Alcoholics are known to be extremely secretive and your story here proves that.
The fact your Dad is in hospital and the alcohol team are involved as well as the detox side of it is the best place for him at the moment. .
I wouldn't be at all surprised if he doesn't find himself eventually in a residential detox centre with all the specialist care he needs.
Please dont feel guilty . .
Sending you love.
Do keep us updated on your Dad Xx

Thank you so much for your reply, i have never heard of residential detox centres but I will look it up now, thank you for sharing that! I feel like that would be a good thing for him. Yes I'm pleased in a way that he is in the hospital, at least he is safe and being looked after and they are really going to town to make sure they haven't overlooked anything injury and health wise,its definitely the best place for him right now.

Oh my lovely, I am so so sorry for what you, your dad and your siblings have been through. It sounds absolutely horrendous, and you must feel so confused and devastated by it all.

Not the same, but my mum definitely hid her drinking from us even when she was telling us she was doing well, going to AA and getting help. She then attempted suicide which brought it all to the fore. So yes, they know how to hide it well, unfortunately.

It sounds as if he is in the right place and getting lots of great help. My mum also had to take detox meds, I’m not sure how they work either tbh, but I remember they made her very sleepy, and she had to be weaned off them.

It also sounds like you are doing, and have been doing, all you can to help. Don’t blame yourself for any of this. X

Thank you so much for replying, it's reassuring to hear that secrecy seems to be a pattern in these circumstances. I hope your mum is doing well now! Yes I agree he's in the best place right now, I feel relieved in a way that he's still in hospital at the moment because I know they are monitoring him and keeping him safe while he's there.

Firstly I am so sorry to read about this. Have you informed or asked for support from social services you can do so by local council websites.

Additions are so hard to break you need to get their want to stop drinking, that’s the most important step. Sitting with them and discussing the costs of drinking by cost I mean in terms of relationships, work, family and not just the physical cost of alcohol itself.

Then talk to them about the reasons why and think of reasons to over come it. It is a very hard process and not something I can give guidance with straight away but I hope that is a start.

Thank you for replying! I haven't contacted social services yet because the hospital said they were speaking to a team who make a plan for home care when he is discharged and I was a bit confused whether that's the same sort of thing as SS do or even if it's the same team.. I will write that on my list of questions for the ward when I call in the morning.

There has been suggestion of a lanyard with an sensor on it incase he falls and then regular care visits to check on him and make sure he is taking care of himself and his home. I think he really needs that now so again I will speak to the hospital to see how far they've got with that

Thank you, I definitely needed practical tips

I am so sorry to read your story. My situation isn't the same, I suppose no-ones is, but there are similarities. My sister hid it from us for so long. We had no idea at all, she would never invite us in her house but always had a reason that we believed, so we never questioned it.

When we realised how bad things were she refused anyone entry to the house. It took close on a year for her to go to rehab and detox. My parents had to pay professionals to gut her house it was so bad.

In my experience there is nothing you could have done. Your dad needs to make the decision to try and change. Even if you had been visiting every week, the chances are when you weren't there he would have been drinking.

The best thing I did was cut ties for a while. We are slowly rebuilding some sort of relationship now, but its been a very long time and a very slow process with some set backs. There is no rule book for dealing with these people, you just have to do what works for you and what helps you get through the days.


I'm wishing your dad well and I really hope you can try and take a bit of time for yourself too xxx

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I hope your sister is on the mend now! Honestly it's so helpful and a relief to know that keeping this a secret seems to be quote common. I feel like I've the weight of the world on me right now and knowing that lots of people do keep what's happening from their closest family is comforting because it takes off a bit of the blame I was putting on myself

Oh I’m so sorry, this brought tears to my eyes. To your question, yes! My dad moved out of our family home and a year later so did I. This left my brother and grandparents (it was a big house so half the house was ours and the downstairs was my grandparents). When my brother called the day she died myself and my dad hadn’t seen her for a month or so and we had no idea the state she was in, we had been the ones trying so hard to sort her out and for our own health had to leave. My brother shut himself in his room, my grandad is elderly and can’t go upstairs so my nan was the one looking after her, she’s elderly too. I feel so guilty still that I let her get in that state

What I’m trying to say is it’s not your fault. You did everything you possibly could to help him. Even during a lockdown, you did the best you could because visiting him may have caused more harm than good as alcoholics are really vunerable to getting the virus. The truth hurts, but if he wanted to tell you he would. If he wanted your help, he would have asked for it. He didn’t want the help and only he can decide and accept he needs it. He probably didn’t want you to see the state he was in because he loves you so much and wanted to protect you but also he could have been ashamed. You can’t control anyone elses actions but your own. Alcoholism is a disease and I doubt he would have even known how much of a state he was in, he probably would have been very withdrawn in his mind. All you can do is continue to tell him that you love him and when he’s ready you’re there for him. It’s so painful knowing there’s nothing you can do, but it’s the sad truth. He’s in the best place possible now to try and get a second chance at life. Continue to do what your doing but also put yourself first. I’ll be thinking of your family and pray he turns a corner

Thank you so much, your reply made me cry, the second part was just what I needed to hear, I'm going to screen shot that part and re-read when I'm blaming myself or going over and over what more I could have done, you've put it into words that just make sense for me.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Thank you for sharing that with me. It's helped a lot xx

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Thank you so much for your reply, i have never heard of residential detox centres but I will look it up now, thank you for sharing that! I feel like that would be a good thing for him. Yes I'm pleased in a way that he is in the hospital, at least he is safe and being looked after and they are really going to town to make sure they haven't overlooked anything injury and health wise,its definitely the best place for him right now.



Thank you so much for replying, it's reassuring to hear that secrecy seems to be a pattern in these circumstances. I hope your mum is doing well now! Yes I agree he's in the best place right now, I feel relieved in a way that he's still in hospital at the moment because I know they are monitoring him and keeping him safe while he's there.



Thank you for replying! I haven't contacted social services yet because the hospital said they were speaking to a team who make a plan for home care when he is discharged and I was a bit confused whether that's the same sort of thing as SS do or even if it's the same team.. I will write that on my list of questions for the ward when I call in the morning.

There has been suggestion of a lanyard with an sensor on it incase he falls and then regular care visits to check on him and make sure he is taking care of himself and his home. I think he really needs that now so again I will speak to the hospital to see how far they've got with that

Thank you, I definitely needed practical tips




Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I hope your sister is on the mend now! Honestly it's so helpful and a relief to know that keeping this a secret seems to be quote common. I feel like I've the weight of the world on me right now and knowing that lots of people do keep what's happening from their closest family is comforting because it takes off a bit of the blame I was putting on myself



Thank you so much, your reply made me cry, the second part was just what I needed to hear, I'm going to screen shot that part and re-read when I'm blaming myself or going over and over what more I could have done, you've put it into words that just make sense for me.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. Thank you for sharing that with me. It's helped a lot xx

I’m so glad those words helped and will continue to help you, please reach out if you need anything

 

[37BBL]

It definitely helps sharing on here for me too. I think its been quite common for many of us on this thread to not discuss our situations with our 'real life' people. There's so much shame associated with it and when you mention an alcoholic a lot of people just think of the ones slumped in doorways with cans of cider; not people who could actually be part of thier ongoing lives.

For me, I found it a real comfort knowing that so many other people had the same feelings and similar experiences that I had. X

 

[lozzapaloozza]

It definitely helps sharing on here for me too. I think its been quite common for many of us on this thread to not discuss our situations with our 'real life' people. There's so much shame associated with it and when you mention an alcoholic a lot of people just think of the ones slumped in doorways with cans of cider; not people who could actually be part of thier ongoing lives.

For me, I found it a real comfort knowing that so many other people had the same feelings and similar experiences that I had. X

Always here for you, it’s so true about the stigma

 

[Annie101]

I never thought i would be able to do the above, but it helps. Love to you all

 

[Flowergirl14]

Has anyone heard of the Sinclair Method? My friend is signing up to it.

 

[Annie101]

Has anyone heard of the Sinclair Method? My friend is signing up to it.

No - please share

 

[Flowergirl14]

No - please share

Check out the website www.sinclairmethoduk.com

 

[lozzapaloozza]

How are we all doing?

I’m fine, sometimes I forget that my mum is no longer with me and it’s like losing her all over again. Sometimes it feels like I’m going down a deep, dark hole of panic and I don’t know what to do

 

[Harry]

How are we all doing?

I’m fine, sometimes I forget that my mum is no longer with me and it’s like losing her all over again. Sometimes it feels like I’m going down a deep, dark hole of panic and I don’t know what to do

Oh sweetheart I know the exact feeling and my mum has been gone 15 years. It’s a almost chest tight can’t breathe feeling at points. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. When I have those thoughts and feeling I let myself feel it all have a good cry and then try to move on. It’s the hardest thing in the world but your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad for too long, although I am sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. Sending you love and kindness xxx

 

[lozzapaloozza]

Oh sweetheart I know the exact feeling and my mum has been gone 15 years. It’s a almost chest tight can’t breathe feeling at points. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. When I have those thoughts and feeling I let myself feel it all have a good cry and then try to move on. It’s the hardest thing in the world but your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad for too long, although I am sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. Sending you love and kindness xxx

Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk Thank you so much for your message, I completely agree with letting yourself feel the emotions and having a good cry. No she wouldn’t and even though I can’t see her I know she’s there. Lots of love

 

[Miffy46]

Hi everyone, my dad has a drink problem but it’s very hard because he is a binge drinker, ie will be sober for months then will ’go on the drink’ for weeks at a time. This has gone on for years and Is very emotionally draining as I’m sure you all understand. I am always on edge, we have a very good relationship but I am finding it really hard at the moment. im wondering if anyone else is finding lockdown having a bigger impact on their alcoholic parent? I’ve tried to explain that everyone is struggling. At times I just feel helpless knowing that this will be my life forever.

 

[CosmicCreepers]

Hi everyone, my dad has a drink problem but it’s very hard because he is a binge drinker, ie will be sober for months then will ’go on the drink’ for weeks at a time. This has gone on for years and Is very emotionally draining as I’m sure you all understand. I am always on edge, we have a very good relationship but I am finding it really hard at the moment. im wondering if anyone else is finding lockdown having a bigger impact on their alcoholic parent? I’ve tried to explain that everyone is struggling. At times I just feel helpless knowing that this will be my life forever.

Not my parent but this was me...I did have a problem and I kept it hidden I was very close to needing therapy, but somehow I pulled myself out of it...I can't really explain how I just kept thinking of my Grandma who died in 2015...I know she would be looking down on me ashamed and disappointed. I wanted to be me again...I tried for ages to say it was "normal" as I could go without for weeks but when I drank again it was absolutely loads.

I'm so sorry it's gotten worse through lockdown, this is something I've seen a lot of people struggle with especially with alcohol and drugs. Do you find anything in particular happens around the time your Dad does these binges or is it completely out of the blue and random? Just know you're absolutely not alone, we are all here for you