Alcoholism

[Happyvalley]

So glad you’re doing okay and we’re always here if you need a chat! That’s really good that you’re taking care of yourself and your own mental health, I remember feeling like some sort of carer with my mum and it’s not the way the roles should be. Just remember you can’t control what anybody does except from yourself, so you have to do what’s best for you. Your mum knows you love her and will always be there for her but she also needs to know she can’t hold you back and bring you down also

On another note, does anyone start to struggle even more around Mother’s Day? It’s shoved in my face everywhere I look and is just another reminder she’s not here. Same goes for Father’s Day ect

I hate Mother’s Day. Even though I have beautiful children and I love being a mother. But it’s just such a reminder of what I haven’t got because my mum valued alcohol over me and my siblings. I have to stay off social media that day, it’s too painful to see all the posts of people with their mums. So you’re not on your own, I totally relate.

 

[iloveanimals]

We had a lady on here who had a problem with alcohol who had a fake persona, nothing she said was true.

all revealed all the thread same sex flirting

Thanks, sorry i am a nosy cow, but i have been suspicious of characters in this forum before and they are always very popular x

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I still feel guilty when I talk about my parents but I was always made to feel guilty. Every now and then I do have moments where I feel so angry with them that I feel less guilty, but it is hard to say these things sometimes. It sounds like your mum was threatened by or jealous of you being happier than she was but that wasn’t your fault. It’s just so sad that they couldn’t get the help they needed for everyone to be able to be happier x

So sorry I can understand, but I guess we’re allowed to feel how we do because we’re the ones who are now suffering for the rest of our lives. I hope for both of us that one day we won’t feel so guilty xxx

 

[iloveanimals]

You’re definitely not a horrible person it really takes it’s toll. Make the most of the breaks where you can get them. I once read a quote, I can’t remember exactly how it went or even if it was specifically about alcoholics but it said something along the lines of ‘they don’t want their life vest, they want yours’ and I could really relate to that. Your mum may very well be upset in some way that you’re working on yourself and I think that comes from a kind of jealousy because they wish that they could do it but they can’t or won’t so they try to drag down others around them. It does bring up a lot of guilt to have to keep a distance but you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves x

Thats a very good analogy it can be applied to a lot of situations its very helpful.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I hate Mother’s Day. Even though I have beautiful children and I love being a mother. But it’s just such a reminder of what I haven’t got because my mum valued alcohol over me and my siblings. I have to stay off social media that day, it’s too painful to see all the posts of people with their mums. So you’re not on your own, I totally relate.

That’s lovely that you have children and they can appreciate what an incredible mum you are! Does that ever help distract you on the day? It’s so hard and I almost want everyone to not post anything for my own benefit but that’s silly Last year I still wrote out a card for her and put flowers in her room and also got my nan a card and gift instead, she’s been like a mum to me since I was born. But you’re so right

 

[Happyvalley]

That’s lovely that you have children and they can appreciate what an incredible mum you are! Does that ever help distract you on the day? It’s so hard and I almost want everyone to not post anything for my own benefit but that’s silly Last year I still wrote out a card for her and put flowers in her room and also got my nan a card and gift instead, she’s been like a mum to me since I was born. But you’re so right

Ahh that’s nice that you still did that. Yes they definitely distract me and my husband knows I find the day really hard so they do spoil me, I’m very lucky. But I think I’m just always so relieved when the day is done for another year!

 

[Annie101]

I dont know if i can ever forgive my husband and that makes me feel bad. I can not happy he didnt have affairs etc. he only binged at home, lying to me about it. I have this resentment in me and i dont know if will ever go away.

 

[Definitelyme]

I dont know if i can ever forgive my husband and that makes me feel bad. I can not happy he didnt have affairs etc. he only binged at home, lying to me about it. I have this resentment in me and i dont know if will ever go away.

Any betrayal of trust is betrayal. You have every right to feel the way you do. And those feelings last for many years, when someone continually lies and deceives You it is not something you can simply get over. From my experience (parent not partner though) it gets easier with time, although it lingers in your mind. I can never fully trust my mum.

 

[iloveanimals]

Im sorry that person lied to you all and interfered with your thread, at least they have gone now. They have been banned. x

 

[Annie101]

You know guys, so many things happened to me the last few months, and i have kept quiet about it, i dont know why i cannot confide in friends or family, it is probably the shame of it. The little bit i share is already a big relief. thank you

 

[lozzapaloozza]

You know guys, so many things happened to me the last few months, and i have kept quiet about it, i dont know why i cannot confide in friends or family, it is probably the shame of it. The little bit i share is already a big relief. thank you

I think often we feel telling our friends and family will make them feel less of us or that they will change their opinion on us and our person, but the truth is they would 100% be there for you and want to help! My family didn’t tell anyone until my mum passed that she was so ill, and I never told anyone what happened, now I look back and think why did I not? I wish I had this thread when it was all happening. I’m glad you feel a little bit better, it’s so corny but a problem shared is a problem halved!

 

[Flowergirl14]

This made so much sense to me wow! When I would be having fun or buy anything nice for myself she would put me down and make me feel so awful. Like if she was depressed we all had to be, I know she was in such a horrible place so I can understand but that wasn’t right. I feel guilty even saying this

My mum was an alcoholic and made everything about her.
When I told her I was getting married, she did not say congratulations - she said we do want a bunch of strangers around here. It was all about her outfit and hat. Nil involvement in the wedding arrangements.
When I told her that I was pregnant with our first baby, she just continually said I was banging the walls with you.
Zero support ever.
She has passed away now and I miss her, and forgive her.
It makes me try to be a better parent to my 2 teenagers.
Alcohol is a dangerous thing.

 

[Definitelyme]

You know guys, so many things happened to me the last few months, and i have kept quiet about it, i dont know why i cannot confide in friends or family, it is probably the shame of it. The little bit i share is already a big relief. thank you

Always here to listen when you want to share xx

The shame is immense, both for alcoholics but also us as family and friends. It comes from the stigma attached to alcoholism. I have told one friend, and others know my mum suffers mental health issues, but none of them know the extent of things truly.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

My mum was an alcoholic and made everything about her.
When I told her I was getting married, she did not say congratulations - she said we do want a bunch of strangers around here. It was all about her outfit and hat. Nil involvement in the wedding arrangements.
When I told her that I was pregnant with our first baby, she just continually said I was banging the walls with you.
Zero support ever.
She has passed away now and I miss her, and forgive her.
It makes me try to be a better parent to my 2 teenagers.
Alcohol is a dangerous thing.

I’m so sorry she made you feel like that. You deserved to have all the attention and loving support you deserved! And also someone to help you in your time of need. You’d think giving them something to be happy about would make them feel better? I’m so sorry about your mum

 

[iloveanimals]

Can we not go and turn this thread into one about that person, they have taken over so many other threads but this one is too important and too raw for me and so many other people. It’s not a gossip thread, it’s for people who have lost loved ones or are struggling with someone in their family dealing with Alcoholism and I don’t want anyone to feel like that’s being overshadowed by gossip

sorry about that x

 

[LittleBird]

I'm still waiting for my house to sell that I own with my ex. He had claimed he has stopped drinking and smoking weed now he is living with his mum and dad but text me last night telling me he was going to have a bottle of wine as a treat.

I feel awful saying it but he makes me feel sick. Any excuse for a drink or "treat".

I cannot wait for the house to sell (month 8 in the process cos our buyers are sloooow) because I want to be free of him. I feel chained and suppressed by his issues right now.

 

[Flowergirl14]

I’m so sorry she made you feel like that. You deserved to have all the attention and loving support you deserved! And also someone to help you in your time of need. You’d think giving them something to be happy about would make them feel better? I’m so sorry about your mum

Thank you so much

 

[AnderbeauJohnson]

I went to the One Stop this evening and had to queue down the wine aisle. All the special offers basically said 'only £7 #thankyoumum' and '£1 off #thankyoumum'.


I hate the way that drinking seems to be targeted more and more at mums these days. I know it's mostly marketing pressure but from what I've seen they try and make people feel like they're a stick in the mud if they don't have #ginoclock or #winetime or telling people that they deserve to have a drink because they've 'had to deal' with home schooling / their children all day.


I'm not silly, I know that most people who drink are able to do it sensibly but a lot of people are able to smoke casually, or even for years, with no health effects. If you had a cigarette advert that said '£1 off a pack of ten cigs #thankyoumum' people would be up in arms about it.

 

[37BBL]

I'm completely lost on who the person is who was a fraud, have a faint idea but I'll try and read the other thread mentioned to check.
I try to offer support to everyone on here. Not sure why someone would lie about this issue, its not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Moving on though, I feel the shame of it too. None of my friends know about my person, I wouldn't want to tell them incase they judged. I don’t like to talk about it even to my husband. I really find this thread a comfort though x

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I went to the One Stop this evening and had to queue down the wine aisle. All the special offers basically said 'only £7 #thankyoumum' and '£1 off #thankyoumum'.


I hate the way that drinking seems to be targeted more and more at mums these days. I know it's mostly marketing pressure but from what I've seen they try and make people feel like they're a stick in the mud if they don't have #ginoclock or #winetime or telling people that they deserve to have a drink because they've 'had to deal' with home schooling / their children all day.


I'm not silly, I know that most people who drink are able to do it sensibly but a lot of people are able to smoke casually, or even for years, with no health effects. If you had a cigarette advert that said '£1 off a pack of ten cigs #thankyoumum' people would be up in arms about it.

Completely agree here! Drinking has become so normalised in today’s society, especially since Covid-19 the amount of people I see desperate for a drink like you say, people more excited about the pubs opening than seeing their families that they’ve not seen for over a year. The normalisation of getting “pissed” and being a total wreck. It makes me so angry. I have never drank and have never been to a club, I never will. Seeing someone drunk is triggering enough. Too many people don’t see the negative and devastating side of alcohol, and what it’s like living with someone who’s an alcoholic. That turned into a bit of a rant didn’t it