It is never you. Never. An alcoholic can be so sneaky and smart and make it seem like their drinking is no big deal and we are blowing it out of proportion. But the reality is that is that person can’t survive without the drink - no matter how much it is - they are an alcoholic. And when they start changing their behaviour for the worse, it affects loved ones. And that is ALL on them.
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Jessica Taylor Exposed - Her company WhatsApp group spoke about posting poo to a CSA survivor and threatened employees with taking their entire assets if they whistleblew. The not-a-medical-doctor refused to give any evidence for any of her claims and has an extensive history of falsely reporting vulnerable women that speak up to the police for stalking and harassment. Listen now!
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Definitely not you. Alcoholics are clever. They can find ways to act normally, lie and deceive every one and make you feel like you’re the one in the wrong. You’re not. You deserve a happy stress free life and your husband is taking that away from you. Put yourself first x
Thank you.
Min 300ml is a lot isn’t it? Every single day.
I constantly live in this flux of making plans to leave to thinking it’s not that bad
I feel I’m at breaking point
Min 300ml is a lot isn’t it? Every single day.
I constantly live in this flux of making plans to leave to thinking it’s not that bad
I feel I’m at breaking point
I think the fact he can’t seem to stop is a problem. And the fact he thinks there is no issue.
I don’t know a lot about spirits but if a normal shot of vodka is 20mls (and I guess that’s what is in a vodka and coke for eg) then that 300ml would be like 15 drinks so that seems like quite a bit. But as said above, the amount itself isn’t so important I don’t think. Even if it was one drink a day, if they can’t live without it and it’s affecting their life and relationships, it’s a problem.
You sound very unhappy
Has he tried to seek any help? You need to put yourself first. If more days for you are bad than good in the relationship, is it worth staying? One good day a week doesn’t negate 6 bad onesI can relate. My ex had an addictive personality. Alcohol being the main one. When they lie to your face, over and over again, you can't get that trust back. Like you, we had the perfect life but his secret drinking messed it all up. Almost a year ago, I started divorce proceedings. I would advice you not to wait for the next bad thing to happen because it never stops.
It's definitely not you. My ex is an alcoholic and drug addict. They have a way of turning everything so it doesn't shine a spotlight on their problems. You can't change somebody who is resistant to change themselves. Walking away was the hardest but best thing I ever did.
please don’t blame yourself! I spent a lot of years thinking it was something that we did (it was my Mum) and at one point she said that she would stop because her children were enough to stop. She didn’t - that made me question for years why we weren’t enough. The reality is that she said what we needed to hear in that moment. It’s so hard because the risk of being the upset (almost gives them an excuse?) but you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. That is the most valuable lesson that I learned. Sending you so much love x
Thank you everyone. Had a particularly difficult day yesterday but do feel a bit brighter today.
I just hate the effect living with an alcoholic has on me. I thought a short while ago wow it’s 1pm on a Sunday and he’s not on drinking that’s brilliant. Well...no that’s not that’s just normal behaviour for most people!
I just hate the effect living with an alcoholic has on me. I thought a short while ago wow it’s 1pm on a Sunday and he’s not on drinking that’s brilliant. Well...no that’s not that’s just normal behaviour for most people!
I wouldn’t say that I was an alcoholic but I was close.
i was really struggling with my mental health. I was self harming in so many ways and my anxiety was horrendous, I rarely slept. I began to use alcohol to self medicate, to drink myself to sleep. I would wake up and do it again. I woke up in hospital so many times, usually because I would drink to the point where I was not aware of what I was doing. Self harm or overdose and I’ve been found outside in my PJ’s. I was placed on section 136 by the police many times but would always be sent home. I don’t think it would have been different if my family and friends were around me or not.
anyway, I went into hospital again and this time I was sectioned for 2 years. I have been home for almost 4 months and apart from a couple of days such as Christmas and new year (where I had 2 drinks) I have not touched alcohol, I don’t even crave it. But mentally I am in a much better place, I’m the most stable I have been in 5 years.
so, if your family members are able to recognise what it is that’s making them use alcohol and treat the root cause then it will be the first step to recovery. But they have to want it and no one can change you but yourself.
I’m sure my family members would be able to empathise with you guys and I am very embarrassed and ashamed of some of the situations I got myself in. I’m lucky that I have no long term issues caused by the amount of poison I put into my body. If I hadn’t been hospitalised I would not have lived to see 2019.
lots of love to all of you
i was really struggling with my mental health. I was self harming in so many ways and my anxiety was horrendous, I rarely slept. I began to use alcohol to self medicate, to drink myself to sleep. I would wake up and do it again. I woke up in hospital so many times, usually because I would drink to the point where I was not aware of what I was doing. Self harm or overdose and I’ve been found outside in my PJ’s. I was placed on section 136 by the police many times but would always be sent home. I don’t think it would have been different if my family and friends were around me or not.
anyway, I went into hospital again and this time I was sectioned for 2 years. I have been home for almost 4 months and apart from a couple of days such as Christmas and new year (where I had 2 drinks) I have not touched alcohol, I don’t even crave it. But mentally I am in a much better place, I’m the most stable I have been in 5 years.
so, if your family members are able to recognise what it is that’s making them use alcohol and treat the root cause then it will be the first step to recovery. But they have to want it and no one can change you but yourself.
I’m sure my family members would be able to empathise with you guys and I am very embarrassed and ashamed of some of the situations I got myself in. I’m lucky that I have no long term issues caused by the amount of poison I put into my body. If I hadn’t been hospitalised I would not have lived to see 2019.
lots of love to all of you
Reading your story sounds a lot like me, it's always hardest at the start to quit but then as time passes your brain rewires itself and doesn't crave it anymore. Unfortunately I live with someone who binge drinks and I have joined in quite a few times. Luckily I recognise where this is heading and am going to just quit now for at least a month. I know they're gonna be upset about it but I can't slip back into my old ways.I wouldn’t say that I was an alcoholic but I was close.
i was really struggling with my mental health. I was self harming in so many ways and my anxiety was horrendous, I rarely slept. I began to use alcohol to self medicate, to drink myself to sleep. I would wake up and do it again. I woke up in hospital so many times, usually because I would drink to the point where I was not aware of what I was doing. Self harm or overdose and I’ve been found outside in my PJ’s. I was placed on section 136 by the police many times but would always be sent home. I don’t think it would have been different if my family and friends were around me or not.
anyway, I went into hospital again and this time I was sectioned for 2 years. I have been home for almost 4 months and apart from a couple of days such as Christmas and new year (where I had 2 drinks) I have not touched alcohol, I don’t even crave it. But mentally I am in a much better place, I’m the most stable I have been in 5 years.
so, if your family members are able to recognise what it is that’s making them use alcohol and treat the root cause then it will be the first step to recovery. But they have to want it and no one can change you but yourself.
I’m sure my family members would be able to empathise with you guys and I am very embarrassed and ashamed of some of the situations I got myself in. I’m lucky that I have no long term issues caused by the amount of poison I put into my body. If I hadn’t been hospitalised I would not have lived to see 2019.
lots of love to all of you
Thankyou for sharing your story
It’s great that you can recognise when it is becoming a problem and are wanting to take the steps to stop it.Reading your story sounds a lot like me, it's always hardest at the start to quit but then as time passes your brain rewires itself and doesn't crave it anymore. Unfortunately I live with someone who binge drinks and I have joined in quite a few times. Luckily I recognise where this is heading and am going to just quit now for at least a month. I know they're gonna be upset about it but I can't slip back into my old ways.
Thankyou for sharing your story
I used to go crazy at parties and binge drink so often but you are right, after a while something clicks in your brain and you don’t need it. Friends and family need to be understanding when it comes to abstaining from alcohol. Quite often I have had people encouraging me to drink and then complain when I have gone on a bender
stick to your guns and look after your mental and physical health. You’ve got this
Thank you everyone for posting your stories, they've really made me feel like I'm not alone for the first time in years.
I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to talk about my family to anyone and it would make me an evil person but I've been under so much stress that I'm going to write my thoughts down and if it's traced back to me and I lose them then that's how it is. Otherwise I feel like I could crumble.
My person(s) are my parents. I'm 99% sure my mum is an alcoholic and I'm not sure if I'd classify my dad as alcohol dependent or just a habitual drinker (he has drunk every single night for decades - probably since I was born - but usually in moderate amounts - more on a non-work night - and he has a home breathalyser so if it's a work-night he stops in-time to be under the limit for when he commutes in the morning.)
My mum had a bad upbringing and both of them suffered intense trauma before I was born that they've never recovered from. My dad has always drunk but I never noticed it as a problem when I was a kid. My mum swears that she never drunk a single alcoholic drink when my sister and I were kids but I remember that we used to have a bottle of cider always in a cupboard. I mentioned it to my mum recently and she said it was my dad's and that she never had a drop but I feel like she did and she's lying to me but I can't remember enough to know if she's telling the truth. I've also got a couple of photos of her with me when I'm young and she has the 'drunk' look on her face that I've seen so many times now.
When I was in my early teens (almost 20 years ago) she had a massive breakdown and attempted suicide and I pretty much became her mental health carer. She started on anti-depressants but she's admitted to me that they don't work but she doesn't want to try any others in case they work less. Both of my parents believe that therapy is morally wrong and so she's never got any more help. She had to leave work on medical grounds and hasn't worked since.
I remember being in my late-teens and I know she didn't drink then. My nana would encourage her to "just have one" whenever she went out with us and, when I was around 21, she did have "just one" and things spiralled from there.
I finally managed to move out when I was 22 and she wasn't an alcoholic at that point. I noticed that she was getting drunk more often though and when I was 24 I realised that it was becoming a real problem. I'm 34 now and it's only got worse since.
I haven't seen her since before lockdown one but the last time I saw her she was in an absolute state. She gets drunk every single day. A 'light day' consists of a bottle of wine and four cans of cider. A very bad day can be two bottles of wine and six cans and a couple of cocktails or even more. Her drinking has slowly gone from 'drunk by 9pm every day' up to now 'drunk by 4pm every day' and it's only climbing earlier. She says that it's fine because she "goes to bed early" but she only goes to bed because she's too drunk to stay awake. Both of them say that they can't sleep unless they drink or they have nightmares about their traumatic experience so they're both self-medicating with alcohol to an extent.
I've lost count of the amount of times she's burned her hands and arms trying to fill up a hot water bottle and then not noticed until the next morning. She can't feed herself when she's drunk, she just lies her head on the table and pours the food partly into her mouth. She can't stand up either, she crawls around the floor like a two-year-old and can barely talk, just mumbles unintelligibly. She'll eventually throw a tantrum and then my dad will 'put her to bed' where she crawls up the stairs and then lies in bed eating chocolate (one day I'm sure she'll choke on it and that will probably be the end of her. She's choked on food when drunk many times already).
She has severe memory loss when she drinks. I came out as a les in Oct 2019 (I waited so long because I knew my parents wouldn't be happy and I didn't want to upset them) and when she's sober she's 'fine' with it but I've had so many phone calls from her telling me how awful I am for choosing to be gay and how much I've upset her and how she wants to have a proper daughter and how I'm doing this to spite her and that if I loved her I'd be straight and so many horrible things. Then she doesn't remember that she's said them and when I tell her she says "no, I wouldn't say that, I'm fine with it."
I'm not allowed to be upset with her. If she does something to upset me I have to forgive her straight away otherwise she'll start to panic and says her depression will get worse because of me. It doesn't matter what she's done, I just have to shrug my shoulders and move on and never mention it again because she's sorry and that should be enough and it isn't fair to blame her for something that she's sorry about.
She lies about how much she drinks. I've banned her multiple times from calling me when drunk and I can tell by her voice when she's been drinking but she'll swear that she hasn't and on the sixth time of asking she'll laugh and say she's only had a couple so it doesn't count. I can't not answer the phone though in case she is actually having a crisis. Then, the next morning, she'll say that she's sorry and I have to forgive her and we go round this merry-go-round again and again and again.
I've lost hope that she'll change. She's starting to be affected physically by the alcohol now. She's the same age as my dad but people assume that they're mother and son. They're in their sixties but she looks 85-90. She won't leave the house, even pre-covid she left maybe six times a year. She's forgotten how to drive. She's forgotten how to use money. She's almost completely sedentary at home. She struggles to stand up now, even when sober, and she says it is because of her age but my dad walks 5-8 miles every day in all weather so it isn't her age. She's started to get what she calls 'tired eyes' and I'm struggling to understand what she means but it's something about how they won't stay still? I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of neurological damage going on.
I've tried everything. I've tried begging, pleading, ignoring, crying, getting angry, distracting her, bargaining and nothing makes a dent. I told her that she drinks too much and she says "I didn't drink when you were a child so I deserve to drink now" but a) I think that she probably did and b) she obviously wasn't drinking for a reason when I was in my late teens so, considering she's smoked for over 40 years and isn't health-conscious, she must have known not to drink somehow.
I've told her she'll die and she says "that's fine, this is how I want to die." I've told her that her dying affects me and she shrugs her shoulders and says that she's "an adult and can do what she wants". I've shown her photos of people in late stage liver disease/failure and told her that's what is coming and she says "oh well, we've all got to die of something."
I honestly think that she thinks she isn't an alcoholic because she doesn't drink first thing in the morning and she isn't the stereotypical 'homeless drunk on a park bench' but that's exactly where she'd be if my dad wasn't working and able to keep a roof over their heads. She tells me that the amount she drinks isn't a big deal and if I was normal and 'understood how the world works' (I'm currently waiting for an autism evaluation) that I'd understand that she drinks a perfectly normal amount and would stop nagging her when she clearly doesn't have a problem. I've tried to get through to my dad multiple times but he says "that's just how she is" and isn't willing to help them both change.
I honestly feel like it is only a matter of time before she dies, either choking or falling or ending up with liver failure. I feel guilty for thinking it but I hope she dies before my dad does. He has the slightest chance of being able to cope without her but if he goes first she's no chance.
I'm absolutely tee-total after seeing what's happened to her but one of the things that hurts the most is how they both try and push me to drinking when I do see them. I'm always 'ruining the fun' and 'oh just have one' and 'live a little'.
Ever since her breakdown I've felt like I need to be the glue that holds her mental health together. I suffer from my own mental health challenges (I was diagnosed with depression at 14 but my parents forbid me to get treatment and told me I'd be a bad person if I did so I'm only now getting help at 34 after realising that their approach to mental health is not helpful.)
I have felt so much guilt for so long that I haven't been able to fix her but reading this thread has helped me realise that maybe it isn't my job to fix her. I love her, and I'll always be here for her if she wants help but I need to be able to talk about this, I can't let her keep pouring all her trauma into me without being allowed to have a way to let it out. I think when they are open in real life I'll try and go to an al anon meeting - at least one, to see if it helps.
Sorry for the very long post but this has been building up for the past 10 years and it's the first time I've felt able to put my thoughts down. Just for peace of mind - she is an alcoholic right? This isn't normal behaviour / a normal amount of drink that I just think is too much because I don't understand?
I've been told my whole life that I'm not allowed to talk about my family to anyone and it would make me an evil person but I've been under so much stress that I'm going to write my thoughts down and if it's traced back to me and I lose them then that's how it is. Otherwise I feel like I could crumble.
My person(s) are my parents. I'm 99% sure my mum is an alcoholic and I'm not sure if I'd classify my dad as alcohol dependent or just a habitual drinker (he has drunk every single night for decades - probably since I was born - but usually in moderate amounts - more on a non-work night - and he has a home breathalyser so if it's a work-night he stops in-time to be under the limit for when he commutes in the morning.)
My mum had a bad upbringing and both of them suffered intense trauma before I was born that they've never recovered from. My dad has always drunk but I never noticed it as a problem when I was a kid. My mum swears that she never drunk a single alcoholic drink when my sister and I were kids but I remember that we used to have a bottle of cider always in a cupboard. I mentioned it to my mum recently and she said it was my dad's and that she never had a drop but I feel like she did and she's lying to me but I can't remember enough to know if she's telling the truth. I've also got a couple of photos of her with me when I'm young and she has the 'drunk' look on her face that I've seen so many times now.
When I was in my early teens (almost 20 years ago) she had a massive breakdown and attempted suicide and I pretty much became her mental health carer. She started on anti-depressants but she's admitted to me that they don't work but she doesn't want to try any others in case they work less. Both of my parents believe that therapy is morally wrong and so she's never got any more help. She had to leave work on medical grounds and hasn't worked since.
I remember being in my late-teens and I know she didn't drink then. My nana would encourage her to "just have one" whenever she went out with us and, when I was around 21, she did have "just one" and things spiralled from there.
I finally managed to move out when I was 22 and she wasn't an alcoholic at that point. I noticed that she was getting drunk more often though and when I was 24 I realised that it was becoming a real problem. I'm 34 now and it's only got worse since.
I haven't seen her since before lockdown one but the last time I saw her she was in an absolute state. She gets drunk every single day. A 'light day' consists of a bottle of wine and four cans of cider. A very bad day can be two bottles of wine and six cans and a couple of cocktails or even more. Her drinking has slowly gone from 'drunk by 9pm every day' up to now 'drunk by 4pm every day' and it's only climbing earlier. She says that it's fine because she "goes to bed early" but she only goes to bed because she's too drunk to stay awake. Both of them say that they can't sleep unless they drink or they have nightmares about their traumatic experience so they're both self-medicating with alcohol to an extent.
I've lost count of the amount of times she's burned her hands and arms trying to fill up a hot water bottle and then not noticed until the next morning. She can't feed herself when she's drunk, she just lies her head on the table and pours the food partly into her mouth. She can't stand up either, she crawls around the floor like a two-year-old and can barely talk, just mumbles unintelligibly. She'll eventually throw a tantrum and then my dad will 'put her to bed' where she crawls up the stairs and then lies in bed eating chocolate (one day I'm sure she'll choke on it and that will probably be the end of her. She's choked on food when drunk many times already).
She has severe memory loss when she drinks. I came out as a les in Oct 2019 (I waited so long because I knew my parents wouldn't be happy and I didn't want to upset them) and when she's sober she's 'fine' with it but I've had so many phone calls from her telling me how awful I am for choosing to be gay and how much I've upset her and how she wants to have a proper daughter and how I'm doing this to spite her and that if I loved her I'd be straight and so many horrible things. Then she doesn't remember that she's said them and when I tell her she says "no, I wouldn't say that, I'm fine with it."
I'm not allowed to be upset with her. If she does something to upset me I have to forgive her straight away otherwise she'll start to panic and says her depression will get worse because of me. It doesn't matter what she's done, I just have to shrug my shoulders and move on and never mention it again because she's sorry and that should be enough and it isn't fair to blame her for something that she's sorry about.
She lies about how much she drinks. I've banned her multiple times from calling me when drunk and I can tell by her voice when she's been drinking but she'll swear that she hasn't and on the sixth time of asking she'll laugh and say she's only had a couple so it doesn't count. I can't not answer the phone though in case she is actually having a crisis. Then, the next morning, she'll say that she's sorry and I have to forgive her and we go round this merry-go-round again and again and again.
I've lost hope that she'll change. She's starting to be affected physically by the alcohol now. She's the same age as my dad but people assume that they're mother and son. They're in their sixties but she looks 85-90. She won't leave the house, even pre-covid she left maybe six times a year. She's forgotten how to drive. She's forgotten how to use money. She's almost completely sedentary at home. She struggles to stand up now, even when sober, and she says it is because of her age but my dad walks 5-8 miles every day in all weather so it isn't her age. She's started to get what she calls 'tired eyes' and I'm struggling to understand what she means but it's something about how they won't stay still? I wouldn't be surprised if there's some kind of neurological damage going on.
I've tried everything. I've tried begging, pleading, ignoring, crying, getting angry, distracting her, bargaining and nothing makes a dent. I told her that she drinks too much and she says "I didn't drink when you were a child so I deserve to drink now" but a) I think that she probably did and b) she obviously wasn't drinking for a reason when I was in my late teens so, considering she's smoked for over 40 years and isn't health-conscious, she must have known not to drink somehow.
I've told her she'll die and she says "that's fine, this is how I want to die." I've told her that her dying affects me and she shrugs her shoulders and says that she's "an adult and can do what she wants". I've shown her photos of people in late stage liver disease/failure and told her that's what is coming and she says "oh well, we've all got to die of something."
I honestly think that she thinks she isn't an alcoholic because she doesn't drink first thing in the morning and she isn't the stereotypical 'homeless drunk on a park bench' but that's exactly where she'd be if my dad wasn't working and able to keep a roof over their heads. She tells me that the amount she drinks isn't a big deal and if I was normal and 'understood how the world works' (I'm currently waiting for an autism evaluation) that I'd understand that she drinks a perfectly normal amount and would stop nagging her when she clearly doesn't have a problem. I've tried to get through to my dad multiple times but he says "that's just how she is" and isn't willing to help them both change.
I honestly feel like it is only a matter of time before she dies, either choking or falling or ending up with liver failure. I feel guilty for thinking it but I hope she dies before my dad does. He has the slightest chance of being able to cope without her but if he goes first she's no chance.
I'm absolutely tee-total after seeing what's happened to her but one of the things that hurts the most is how they both try and push me to drinking when I do see them. I'm always 'ruining the fun' and 'oh just have one' and 'live a little'.
Ever since her breakdown I've felt like I need to be the glue that holds her mental health together. I suffer from my own mental health challenges (I was diagnosed with depression at 14 but my parents forbid me to get treatment and told me I'd be a bad person if I did so I'm only now getting help at 34 after realising that their approach to mental health is not helpful.)
I have felt so much guilt for so long that I haven't been able to fix her but reading this thread has helped me realise that maybe it isn't my job to fix her. I love her, and I'll always be here for her if she wants help but I need to be able to talk about this, I can't let her keep pouring all her trauma into me without being allowed to have a way to let it out. I think when they are open in real life I'll try and go to an al anon meeting - at least one, to see if it helps.
Sorry for the very long post but this has been building up for the past 10 years and it's the first time I've felt able to put my thoughts down. Just for peace of mind - she is an alcoholic right? This isn't normal behaviour / a normal amount of drink that I just think is too much because I don't understand?
She is an alcoholic. It’s possible she has been since you were very little, maybe she did well for a few years before reverting back. My own mum would have been good at not drinking in public, appearing that she didn’t drink at all, but she did.
it sounds like things have been very tough for you. Your parents probably aren’t going to change their ways any time soon. But it sounds like you could do with someone to talk to about everything that has happened.
You aren’t responsible for their mental health. It’s too much of a burden for anyone to be responsible for someone else’s mental state. You need to put yourself first x
She is an alcoholic. I cried a little bit reading this, like looking into a mirror and seeing my own life. I don’t really have the words to respond in depth to what you’ve said just yet, my mum passed a year ago from alcoholism but I would love to chat to you more, or be someone for you to talk to off this thread because I honestly could cry for you
Sorry, I hope I didn't upset you or bring back too many painful memories, and I'm sorry about your mum. Thanks for the offer to talk but please don't stress yourself out about it, I'm okay to keep plodding along - I think just finding this thread / posting this has been a bit of weight off my shoulders. I didn't realise there were so many of us.She is an alcoholic. I cried a little bit reading this, like looking into a mirror and seeing my own life. I don’t really have the words to respond in depth to what you’ve said just yet, my mum passed a year ago from alcoholism but I would love to chat to you more, or be someone for you to talk to off this thread because I honestly could cry for you
Not at all please don’t feel bad! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s hard knowing someone is going through something you have, all of us here know the pain you are going through. You shouldn’t just have to keep suffering though! You don’t deserve this! We’re all in this together!
dont be sorry. I would say that she absolutely is an alcoholic and I’ve had similiar issues, but my Dad hid most of it. My Mum always drank a lot socially but I was unaware of the rest. She’s always the one that was ‘fun’ because she was the most drunk but because nobody knew that she had a problem. Before we knew she really had a problem. Lots of hiding it, to keep us through our teens. You cannot blame yourself & I always took what my Mum said sober as what she meant - I always thought I had two Mums, the sober one I trusted and the one that drank that I dealt with.
Whilst I’d love to say you can help etc, maybe you help yourself and get councilling for help of dealing with it. You can’t change anyone that doesn’t want to. So much love for what you’re dealing with. It’s the hardest thing but support can help you xxx
That’s the saddest thing about losing a parent to alcoholism, they die twice. I remember people asking me how I could talk about what she went through so calmly, I always tell them that she died so many years before she actually died. She was never the same after the alcohol took over, she stopped being “my mum” first, to me that’s when she died, and then when she physically passed away it was the second time
I'm so sorry to hear your story, it truly touched me as I am les too and drank in the past to mask my fears of what my parents would think. When your mum says what she does about you, it's because she doesn't understand through refusal to understand not everyone is straight. We fear what we don't understand, and she is most certainly an alcoholic.
It's so hard as if someone doesn't want help no one can force them. Just remember none of this is your or your siblings fault even if she tries to make it seem that way. She has chosen this as harsh as it sounds, and it does sound like shes very poorly. Do you have any other family members that are neutral and could help you intervene?
Sending my love to you