I will try to explain myself in my rusty English. I think the reason Ruby stresses Blakeney's "betrayal" with sushi is because Ruby's criteria for making "real" friends is that they must be completely identical to her.
Blakeney is vegan, she likes books and studies english lit, she seems to be a "good girl" (not wild, no parties, no boys), respectful and (maybe) intelligent. And that's why Ruby freaks out when she discovers that Blakeney watches series like The Queen's Gambit, has eaten sushi, and so on. These are things Ruby didn't think Blakeney could do, because she has idealised her as her alter ego.
In short, Ruby should learn and be taught by people other than herself. This reminds me of the infamous Erimentha, who interrupted teachers and lectured everyone. If Ruby would learn to be humble, I think many of her quirks and obsessions would decrease. Living with people who are not her family does her more than good: they can help her to dismantle the rigid and toxic parameters that govern her life.
oh my gosh! Did you guys see the IG story that she posted a few hours ago!?
She and Blakeney are sitting together holding mugs of tea, and Ruby says they're "enjoying..." to which Blakeney cuts in and says, "pretty much the only thing we have in common".
Was that a roast!? Is Boobee over before it began?
I think Ruby's parents did a spiffing job in providing the type of nurturing and environment where Ruby is the golden child who can do no wrong and they treated Martha like the waffle in the pan that didn't come out right, and she is now is desperately overcompensating to show she's edgy and hip.
Anyway, totally unrelated...
They're in pairs for science. She notes that Beth has poor posture - pointing out physical flaws in others is part of the #bekind manifesto.
She wants to copy Erimentha's notes, not that Erimentha would allow it, unless it were in exchange for her mortal soul. Her paper gets dropped into the water, Erimentha through her devastation must emphasise to the reader that it's 100% recycled.
She sees Ella in the library and notices her eyes are glowing - perhaps she's a carrier of the evil gene. Ella says to Erimentha that her bullies call her quiet, like a small dead mouse. Erimentha internally agrees with the bullies that Ella does look like a mouse, but not a dead one. See #bekind above.
Erimentha doesn't want to share her own bullying experience but Ella won't have it. Quid pro quo, Dr Lecter.
Erimentha pushes back and says she's going to speak with Ella's form tutor right now, to the point that Ella starts crying. "I know I'm being harsh Ella, but I care about you too much to let this [bullying] happen."
I'm beginning to wonder whether I have misread the entire book and had Ruby actually intended Erimentha to be a Machiavellian cold sociopath?
sooo i'll just post it now, some of you might have already seen it on the jade thread (sorry again)
here's my thread title (with a daddy bones pun intended of course):
#9 - daddy granger is hot, childhood obsession is not, routine videos are getting a lot
not really good in my opinion, just came to my mind and i thought why not
Good evening, dear tattlers! I am from Ukraine. Today I saw Ruby's story about the war while I was hiding in the shelter. To put it mildly, I was furious. The Russians are now bombing children's hospitals, ambulances, nurseries, museums, cinemas and other civilian objects. And she just throws this story and then continues to post her everyday study aEsThetics. Here's the link where you can find out about REAL ways to help: https://supportukrainenow.org
Please, don't be silent! I'm just sick and tired of these criminals atm.
- is still oblivious to her privilege
- misinterpreted a quote from George Orwell’s 1984
- and then tried to fix it after people pointed out her mistake
- her book reviews don’t really say much about the books, very surface level
- said that Miss Patina is not fast fashion
- did a Victorian morning routine video as an upper class lady
- the most hilarious reviews of Erimentha Parker’s To Do List (fanfiction about herself?) by @Satisfying Click
- has not done her research on facts she has in her book (hasn’t proofread it either)
- uses words strangely or incorrectly (or both) to come off as more intelligent
- her book has shed insight on what she might have been like in (primary?) school (probably like Erimentha)
- strange/questionable? poses on her Insta for her Outfit of the Day stories
- doesn’t seem to have much awareness of anything outside of her little bubble
- continues to model herself on Hermione from the first two? Harry Potter books
- book club is still as disorganized as ever
- video editing skills could use some improvement
- often posts monologues of her reciting something
- runs around in the snow (or the fields, or wherever she can, honestly)
- wears short sleeves, linen pajamas, etc. in winter
- reads out in the cold because it’s aesthetic
- is obsessed with darkcottageautumnacademiawintercore or whatever aesthetic we’re on at this point
- has an absolute mess of a LinkedIn profile that includes stuff from wayyyyy back (and don’t forget the ever iconic Harry Potter Society)
- possibly still does paid ads for Exeter?
- speaking of ads, she did an ad about Holocaust Remembrance Day for profit
- and then proceeded to backtrack and try to “fix” everything (more like try to defend herself and her actions) after being called out on it
- returned a day later like nothing had happened, and rather than take accountability for it, just had to mention how she had to take a day off of Instagram because obviously this situation impacted her the most
(I might not have gotten everything, so please add anything I've missed!)
Edit: hopefully I tagged correctly this time
After another week of laying low and avoiding comeuppance and criticism for the planner debacle, Ruby's back!
Has she learned the error of her ways? Is this a long-overdue apology video? Will she finally be paying back the money she owes to various charities and organisations that she deprived of money or claimed to be donating ad revenue to and never did? (Holocaust Memorial Trust, NHS, Unicef, Ditch the Label, etc., etc.)
Nope, just "another vlog". The intonation comes off as "Yes, another one..." as if she's finally aware that all her content is just an endless series of unrelated footage from random days cobbled together into a vlog.
The enthusiasm drips off the screen, much like the condensation on her mouldy windows.
Speaking of condensation, she's tried to hide the 'AD' text in amongst the fog on her window. I mean, Ruby wouldn't be crawling out of her Victorian steamer trunk to show her face and risk dealing with more backlash if she weren't getting paid for it now, would she?
This one's sponsored by 'Karma', which is ironic, since Ruby's had to deal with karma over the Christmas period when dealing with widespread criticism for her terrible business strategy of not sending products to people who paid for them, lying about it and then ignoring everyone. Did I say "criticism"? I meant "bullying", of course - sorry Rubes!
Ruby starts by "making her bed" - as usual, this does not involve changing the bedding or sheets that have been on there for a month now, or even adjusting the ill-fitting sheet hanging off her mattress. Just toss the duvet over it and tick it off the to-do list.
An outfit change later, she's apparently preparing for a meeting she has at 10. After suspiciously fiddling with the clock and checking that there are batteries in it for some reason, she places it facing the camera. Why? Because she has to prove to her audience that she spent a whopping ten minutes scribbling on her gifted UnreMarkable tablet. Such a majestic feat of productivity.
Digital and analogue clocks are laughably easy to change. This footage could've been recorded at 2:38pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Having a clock pointed at the camera proves nothing but how defensive Ruby is that she's been caught lying about the timescales of her videos on numerous occasions.
After her gruelling 600 seconds of toiling away with mindless scribbles, she's earned a break apparently.
"eeYoo knyow the drill..." Ruby says, "I like to go on a morning walk."
This is definitely the face of someone who's enjoying her morning walk. I've seen happier faces at funerals. Hell, I've seen livelier corpses at funerals, and they were better fed, too.
Is she miserable because she was forced to take the dog with her this time? Having to hold the dog's lead impacts her ability to run around frolicking and twirling, caressing the bramble bushes and staring with wonder directly at the sun, like all well-adjusted, mentally competent adults do, so it's entirely possible.
Is she miserable because taking something you enjoy and forcing it to be an habitual routine thing that you do without fail at a certain time every day whether you want to or not is a sure-fire way to wring the enjoyment out of it? Probably. But Ruby will never learn the lesson that rigid routines for every single thing is not beneficial.
Is she miserable because she's still recovering from a month of deserved criticism for her stupidity and misdeeds bullying? Maybe!
Ruby aimlessly wanders the woods with a gloomy look on her face again like she's in the first act of The Blair Witch Project.
(Same energy.)
Her dog is smart enough to avoid muddy puddles, but Ruby isn't. Instead of following the dog's lead and walking around it, Ruby does her usual childish, mindless thing of aiming for the puddles. Not only that, but she appears to kneel and/or lie down in it - the camera drops to floor level and there's an audible splashing sound. Either Ruby just had to get a close-up of some mud, or she just gave up and faceplanted.
After "about twenteee minutes?", Ruby's back and so is the clock. Also making a glaring appearance is her PETA-brand phone case, because while she's keen to try to disprove all those people who caught her lying in the vast majority of her videos, she has learned absolutely nothing.
"This call was with a...VIEWER acksually...we were working together on a PROJ-ACKT." By which she presumably means she's found someone to write her dissertation for her, in exchange for the planner they paid for.
Reminder: @Griftwood noted that Ruby was recently chumming the Instagram waters to find followers who've taken her upcoming 'Writing for Children and Young Adults' module so she could quiz them:
"ALL INFLUENCERS DO IT! SO RUBY HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO LIE! OTHERWISE SHE'D HAVE NO MONEY! THIS IS BULLYING!" Ruby setting the tone and equating genuine criticism with bullying had the desired effect with her brainwashed fans. "IT'S A NEW PRODUCT! SHE HAS ONLY JUST HAD THE CHANCE TO TRY IT OUT!"...
tattle.life
Related? Possibly. But Ruby has never treated her viewers like peers. They're the common scum she's here to "educate". They're a source of money and other valuable assets. They're not her equals as far as she's concerned. So if one of them's working on a "proj-ackt" with her, they're doing all the work and she'll take the credit.
After she's done milking some poor chump for essay ideas, she's off to put those ideas onto paper (and magically change outfits)!
"This was the farst toime I've evah written paht of an ass-ay downstairs in an armchaah," she lies. We've seen her doing uni work in that chair many times before, so this is a bizarre and dubious flex.
She leaves her giant Fortnum and Mason mug full of Fortnum and Mason tea perched precariously on the edge of the chair's armrest, which is always a wise plan for someone with a proven history of terrible hand-eye coordination.
After plugging F&M so that she can pay tribute to her Tory brethren, she proudly proclaims, "I worked on this ass-ay for tyooo hours? and acksually managed to write a thahrd of the essay."
Now...this sounds like unbelievable bullshit. I'm not saying that's impossible, because it's absolutely possible to write an essay in six hours. It's not likely to be great, but it's doable. Ruby, however? She doesn't work that fast or that efficiently.
It's tough to make out clearly, because as well as the content of her videos never improving and becoming more lazily and incompetently made over time, they're also of visually worse quality, and Ruby has started uploading at a maximum resolution of 720p. What is this, 2008?
But when she celebrates being 33% finished with the essay, she shows that she's actually just thrown together an outline in Notion (of course).
The sections that can be made out all employ weird use of caps for some reason:
"CONTEXTS of the argument"
"BOTH BOOKS END WITH RESURRECTION"
"CRUCIFIXION IMAGERY IN TTC"
"CRUCIFIXION IMAGERY IN OLIVER TWIST"
"CONCLUSION"
It's another essay for her seemingly never-ending Dickens module, which it feels like she's been doing for the past three years, in which she compares Christian imagery in A Tale of Two Cities and Oliver Twist.
So she spent two hours cribbing from Sparknotes and threw together part of a rough outline.
To celebrate pretending to accomplish something, her narration awkwardly fades out before the sentence is over and she pretends to drink from an empty mug.
Then her nail polish spontaneously changes from this freshly-applied baby blue:
...to this fresh coat of off-white colour polish that's several shades whiter:
We know Ruby rides every coat of nail polish into the dust, so there's zero chance she took off a fresh coat and reapplied it.
"Syo today whoiylst oiym in Oxford OIYM gyowing to gyow and boiy presents for people," she says. Note that she hasn't mentioned Oxford at any point before this, so this is just bad storytelling. "YASS, Christmas is ovah, butifeelloike people need pick-me-ups in January."
Translation: Ruby wants more things, so she will give additional crappy gifts in January so that people will feel obligated to respond in kind and get her things. She also needs a flimsy excuse to post about the sponsored service she's advertising, so she's really just getting paid to buy things.
In her last video, she posted a massive disclaimer about how Christmas isn't about presents, and it's about treasuring your family, even as she avoided her family to brag about her presents on the internet. This only reinforces that Ruby's all about material shit. And if buying thoughtless gifts for people buys her some cheap goodwill at a time when her name is mud, then that's a bonus.
Ruby's relatives all getting late Christmas presents of regifted crap:
Here's a thought, Rubes: Why not give back all the charity money you took, and then make an equal donation on top of it for their troubles? What happened to donating 10% of your earnings? Why is that being postponed, but you're rushing to buy more presents as an excuse to buy stuff and inevitably get stuff in return?
Anyway, right on cue, Ruby segue-ways from her supposedly "spontaneous" gift-buying to advertising Hive again. If you've forgotten what Hive is, it's an online storefront that offers a small percentage of their sales to independent bookshops in their "network" - a maximum of 10% on online delivery orders and 25% if store collection from a given bookshop is selected. It's better than nothing. But you know what's better than buying at a place that gives a paltry slice of the proverbial pie to an independent bookshop? Buying directly from an independent bookshop.
Why does Ruby use Hive? Because she's an idiot, mostly. But also because this video is sponsored by the browser plugin Karma, and since Karma is an American app, there's very few options for UK-based sites for her to use when advertising it, so she always uses Hive. It goes without saying that she never uses Karma or Hive unless she's being paid to.
Ruby cranks the speed of her footage up far too much, to the point where all her words collide in one high-speed crash of barely-comprehensible word vomit.
Her unnaturally high-speed rambling makes it unclear if the person she's shopping for told Ruby she liked three books and so Ruby has bought them the exact same three books that the person presumably already owns, or Ruby has chosen three different books based on their similarity to the other three books this person likes. I honestly have no idea, since Ruby's talking like this:
Ruby claims to have read 'We Were Liars', 'The House Without Windows' and 'To Kill a Mockingbird'.
There's almost no chance she's read 'To Kill a Mockingbird'.
She likely skimmed through 'We Were Liars' after accidentally buying it thinking it was an instructional manual.
'The House Without Windows' she actually read, only because it was barely over 100 pages and was written by her hero: A random twelve-year-old girl.
Please take a moment to enjoy Ruby's hilarious, rambling, error-filled review of the book:
Reading about how a young girl was happy even owning so little and didn't need worldly possessions to be fulfilled caused Ruby to completely re-evaluate her life. She did this by committing to spending every single day doing whatever she can to get all the money she can and accumulate as many worldly possessions as she can fit into the hundreds of spare rooms in her parents' house, no matter how much lying and swindling she has to do to accomplish this goal. A truly uplifting, feel-good story.
Ruby after reading this book:
Ruby gushes how she's "genuinely so happy" to be working with Karma. Y'know, because they're paying her for it.
She claims to have been using Karma for years, yet has never been seen using it outside paid videos.
I've said it before, Ruby, I'll say it again: YOU DO NOT NEED TO LIE IN SPONSORED VIDEOS. THEY WILL PAY YOU THE SAME MONEY EITHER WAY. Just say "This video is sponsored by [insert sponsor here]. Here's what it is and how it works. Here's an offer code (if applicable)." Boom. Done.
Much like your teachers and lecturers, sponsors will not reward you for sucking up to them. The only thing this affects is your integrity, which is now non-existent.
Ruby continues lying when advertising Karma. She claims Karma "ensures that you always get the best price when shopping online". This just isn't remotely true.
I shot holes in this claim in her last Karma-sponsored video here:
She did make it quite clear that she only went home for the wedding (the one of the Thatcher cosplay), and that she was heading back afterwards, so I don't think that would be the reason for removing it. I can't think of anything especially bad or stupid she said in it that would make her want...
tattle.life
(All prices were correct at the time of posting that.)
But suffice it to say, Karma does not ensure that you always get the best price when shopping online. Karma just ensures that you might get a publicly-available discount code for one of the select few stores that it supports, and even then, the discounted price will undoubtedly still be far more expensive than if you just shopped around a little online.
Ruby cuts in with some short footage of herself using Karma on her filthy laptop screen, and she sounds like she's dying. Her voice is so hoarse and she's clearly ill. But given how much Ruby uses footage from weeks, months and years ago, who knows when that was actually recorded. Does she have the 'rona as we speak? Was this recorded last time she had Covid symptoms and still going out in public and not taking tests? It's anyone's guess.
Back to present, or possibly the past, and Ruby raves about how Karma will alert you if there's a sale offering "fifty PRUH-cent off or twenteee-five PRUH-cent off". And oh, the "KEEYOO-PON" feature is her absolute favourite.
Okay, shall we do this again? Maybe last time I got lucky and Karma usually does give the best deals ever.
So her order with Hive, with whopping £1.06 discount voucher applied, comes to a total of £20.13.
(No postage is listed, but we'll assume Ruby picked the free postage option.)
Same order delivered at Amazon? £18.66.
But maybe you don't want to support Jeff Bezos, and who can blame you?
Same order at eBay (books in 'Brand New' quality): £19.13.
Let's say you're happy buying used books as a gift. I know I'd be happy and grateful to get a second-hand book as a gift. Ruby herself seems to advocate for it when recommending charity shops as a source of books for gifts in her previous videos, and that definitely wasn't just a bit of performative virtue signalling now, was it?
That same order, with We Were Liars and To Kill a Mockingbird in "Very Good" condition and The House Without Windows in "New" condition from Abebooks (a storefront that's comprised of mostly - shock! - independent book sellers): £15.26.
If you're a stickler for buying new things when you're buying gifts, the cheapest combination of 'New' items above (We Were Liars and To Kill a Mockingbird new at Amazon and The House Without Windows new from Abebooks) comes to (including delivery): £17.63.
And that was a quick search of a few places I usually shop from. There's undoubtedly far more, potentially cheaper options around.
"This has save me SYO mOch money online, and I'm gyowing tyoo use it RIGHT NOW for PAR-chuh-sing these BOOKS." And then never use it again until the next paid video.
And there you have it - her entire reason for this "spontaneous", "selfless" gift-buying session: To advertise Karma.
Karma is dogshit. Don't clutter your browser with potential spyware crap when a few minutes of shopping around online will save you far more money.
She has a wheatgrass shot instead of breakfast, because that'll help the brain situation.
And after this latest outfit change - her fifth overall outfit of this "day" - it's time to jump in the back seat and go to Oxford with mummy and daddy.
Oxford is a city of culture and history, full of great independent and used book shops. So, naturally, Ruby's first stop is Waterstones:
Her sponsor-chasing obsession with Waterstones would be completely hilarious if it wasn't so embarrassing at this point. That's not to say it's not still pretty hilarious.
Ruby, even if Waterstones were going to sponsor you, which they never, ever will...if you keep advertising them for free, why would they ever want or need to pay you for it?
To add to the hilarity, Ruby starts raving about how Oxford is one of her favourite cities and how much she loves the "unrivalled" architecture...while filming inside a fucking Waterstones, whose layout and decor is practically identical from city to city.
"This Waterstones is my FAVOURITE Waterstones," she says as she picks up an Oxford University keychain.
Ruby, the Oxford University is for Oxford University students. Are you an Oxford University student? No, you are not.
Also, note that her nail polished has magically changed once again. From bright baby blue, to off-white, to bright blue again...
After a trip to Blackwells, which is better than Waterstones, but still not exactly a sampling of the unique variety of bookshops that the city has to offer, Ruby goes to Anthropologie as it gets dark, because why not just hit up every bland mass-market chain you can in a new city?
Ruby probably just shops there because they're very sustainable and eco-frie--
In its search for adventure, has Anthropologie forgotten about its impact on people, the planet, and animals? Let’s find out how ethical Anthropologie really is.
goodonyou.eco
Oh.
Well, anyway...
After a trip to a shopping mall Krispy Kreme for possibly-vegan-but-knowing-Ruby-probably-not donuts, she's outside and it's suddenly daylight again:
She's clearly put on a mask just to take it off on-screen - we know Ruby avoids wearing them wherever possible. Let's not forget the uni cafe fiasco.
"I always forget how much I hate flogging in pubic," she says, and I'm honestly not sure if she mispronounced "vlogging" or if she's gone too deep down the Victorian rabbit hole, but she 100% says it with an 'F'.
She does some sightseeing around local landmarks like the Bodleian Library and Radcliffe Camera, but it's pitch black by the time she's done fucking around with mass-market retail, so it's all a little pointless as everywhere's shut. Ruby notes that she only had two hours in Oxford, and half of that was spent shopping.
What was the point in this trip? Why didn't they go in the morning to have the full day there? Why waste half of a two hour trip in shops you can see anywhere?
Ruby hides her parents off-screen to fake this being a solo trip as much as she can, so I would assume - at best - her parents were going for a meal with friends (hence the two hour timeframe) and Ruby tagged along to walk around alone in close proximity to the restaurant. So outgoing! Such independence!
As she rambles factoids about random buildings, she films herself skulking around a carpark and walking along a 6 foot section of street as passers-by eye here like she's a lunatic. They're not wrong.
We're then treated to more shots of her walking, but they're completely out of focus. She included them anyway.
At this point, the restaurant staff probably had to ask Ruby's parents to leave because the mentally challenged child they left roaming and frolicking in the car park was scaring the customers, because it's home time!
Ruby shows her haul to her mum, even though she was there, shared a car ride back and will probably get six letters in the post from Ruby about this trip in the next week and a half.
"I had lots of fun cheesing out little gifts for people." Ruby is still incapable of saying the word "choosing" properly, in addition to 74% of the rest of the English language.
After taking the world's smallest bite of a "vegan" donut, Ruby proclaims that we all need to try this, if we're vegan or not. I mean, we know Ruby isn't.
Ruby decides that the first week of January (or so she claims) is a great time to start adding Christmas ornaments to the tree, as Daddy Bones creeps about in the hallway.
And then after yet another outfit change - her sixth outfit! - she writes three letters. Presumably all to her mummy.
A new day dawns!
As her hairline recedes before our very eyes due to prolonged malnutrition, Ruby helps it along by eating porridge that barely fills the bottom 1/5th of the bowl and a stupidly small fruit cup with four frozen blueberries and a small smear of yoghurt.
This is not food. This is food's newborn baby brother. When it grows to be three times bigger, it may qualify as a snack.
The fact that Ruby is still showing this shit and by extension encouraging it as a healthy meal is dangerously stupid.
Ruby reads The Art of War, and her thoughts in the video are almost word-for-word her flimsy, dismissive review on Goodreads verbatim:
"I thought this would contain more wisdom than it did. I’ve heard so many people rave about it that I expected it to be more readily applicable to modern-day conflict. It’s interesting because of its age, but not for much else."
Her complete inability to apply critical thinking to a relatively simple text is astounding.
Sun Tzu's collected advise is timeless. There's a reason it's been used for centuries in countless different fields.
It's not beyond criticism, sure - you can argue that some ideas contradict others, or that the messages put forth in them have been so often parroted over the ages that they've become almost trite platitudes.
But to say that the book is completely worthless and cannot be applied to modern-day conflict just shows how feeble Ruby's brain and it's ability to interpret and apply and recontextualize information truly is.
I mean: "Anger may in time change to gladness. But a kingdom that has once been destroyed can never come again into being." That's as true as it ever was, and applies to all sorts of modern-day conflicts, big and small. Don't act while you're pissed off. You might feel better in the morning, but the damage you did while your thoughts were clouded by anger can't be undone, as much as you regret them. The Art of War is full of such timeless idioms.
She's clearly gone into this book, taking what little she read with a very literal interpretation and then got bored and bailed.
It's not hard to see why Oxford Uni rejected her as fast as they could.
An outfit change later, Ruby's wasting her time planning.
"I just used my master to-do list and then transferred that onto a timetable because I had quite a lot of things I wanted to do today..."
I know when I have a lot to do and a finite amount of time to do it all, the first thing I like to do is waste a significant portion of that time on repetitive, redundant tasks that serve no meaningful purpose.
I thought this was what your planner was for, Ruby? So that you could remind yourself ahead of time what you needed to do? Why are you always doing this shit the morning of?
She decides she hasn't started any fires in a while and uses it as an excuse to show off another Christmas gift.
With no further explanation, she holds a candle at the camera. It's too blurry to see. Does Ruby record a second take? Fuck no - has she ever?
"I am one with the fire, the fire is with me," she probably mutters subconsciously.
"My bullies will burn in the fires of Hades," she thinks to herself, mindlessly burning more things.
Failing to like the second candle on her first try, she tries again.
Only her hand-eye coordination is completely shot, and she holds the rapidly blazing candle like half an inch away from the wick, as if she somehow thinks lighting fires from a distance will work. She gets confused why this insane display of stupidity isn't working, and then awkwardly cuts away. When she cuts back, the candle is lit. Apparently lighting a candle required both hands and all her concentration.
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
Ruby is back on that Dickens essays again, and whips the clock out to prove...something? Without seeing your screen, all this proves it that you spent a chunk of time at your laptop. Anyone can do that, Ruby.
But apparently her Dickens essay is complete! So it's time for an outfit change/some footage from a random new day!
"I literally change outfits twice in the space of an hour this day haha!"
Quick to try to distract us from her blatant lies and the three different outfits in less than a minute, Ruby shrieks that it's snowing.
Only there doesn't appear to be any snow. Not that we can see through the foggy windows of Ruby's swampy sweat-trap of a room:
Ruby shows all the condensation, and for some reason she's written "Look at you, playing with your cards. Pathetic! - Hermione" on one of the panes. Such an inspirational message of...judgemental, dismissive bullying?
Hmm.
Anyway. Ruby claims the snow "Must've just stopped." But there was no snow. It was merely Ruby's brain malfunctioning.
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
Those gifted flowers are still on her windowsill and crumbling to dust faster than Ruby's future prospects.
Ruby claims she's going to clear under her bed, but it's just a flimsy excuse to show more books she hasn't read.
"I ALWAYS just seem to end up with a MASSIVE pile of books BY. MY. BED." She points at a very small stack of around five or six books, two of which are pocket-sized. "WHO ELSE?"
Who else?
She doesn't clean under the bed. Instead she fucks around putting away Christmas decorations.
She heads towards the dead flowers on the windowsill...
"The one thing I really don't want to take down is..."
She reaches for the dead flowers on the windowsill...
Is she finally gonna toss them?!
She veers hard right: "...My nutcracker!"
Those flowers are going to be there as long as the house is.
Ruby is amazed that pine needles have fallen off a dead pine tree.
"THAT'S CRAYYYZEEEEE," she drones, running her hands through the mess.
She pulls more off the branches, as if we won't believe that pine needles have fallen off a dead pine tree unless we see it with our own eyes.
Ruby, this is what happens when you leave a dead pine tree in your room for far too long. The pine needles fall off. It ain't the aurora borealis.
After making a massive fucking mess in this area of the room, she then decides it's time to divert her attention under the bed.
She doesn't hoover or dust under there, or pull her bed out to clean behind it. She just pulls the easy-to-reach stuff out and transfers some of it from the dusty under-bed area to her mouldy trunk, which is like going from the frying pan to a dumpster fire.
After the dust is all stirred up from under the bed, there's black mould particles swirling through the air and pine needles occupying every crevice of the floorboards, Ruby decides it's a good time for putting wax seals on letters instead of cleaning anything.
Her wax stamp technique hasn't improved one bit. It's misshapen, the stamp design is off-centre and the seal itself is barely touching the envelope seal line. It's purely decorative, since the envelope is a self-sealing one, but that's all the more reason for this to not look like shit. I'm no wax seal expert, but this looks like melted ass.
And speaking of melted ass...
Ruby decided the pièce de résistance for this whole shitty affair would be to smear the front of the envelope with a strange brown trail of something distinctly...fecal.
Poor Emily.
Ruby adds a stamp of her favourite fictional child, with a note for...the postman, I guess?
She claims some "frAnds" are coming over, which sounds distinctly like bullshit. But it's a convenient excuse to show off the things Ruby bought for herself her "frAnds".
There's a teacup. Which, of course, isn't just a self-gift for Ruby.
And then a tea selection tin. Which, of course, isn't just a self-gift for Ruby.
Ruby sees, in distinct, white letters, "T2" and her brain just turns to gloop and struggles to parse the very clear letters.
"Twah--uhh--twotee--teetoo..."
Ruby, this is your latest reminder that the body requires nutrients for the brain to function.
Also on the gift list: A dragonfly pouch from Accessorise which Ruby says will be part of a Secret Garden themed literary box for "this person". Which, of course, isn't just a self-gift for Ruby.
Ruby claims this next gift - a notepad with a cover made from an upcycled vintage book cover that Blackwell's sell - was just too extravagant and expensive to justify buying for herself, so she only got it as a gift for someone else.
These notebooks sell for £17.
Now, let's break this down.
Ruby spends more than that in a couple of days on tea.
Ruby's planner that she sells is £16. It is also of terrible quality, may arrive defective or may not arrive at all. But that, she claims, is "essential". So what's the difference between a prohibitively expensive £17 and a "you have to fucking buy this or your academic life will crumble before your eyes!" £16? Well, the obvious answer is that Ruby wants money.
But that's not a fair comparison, right? A planner serves a different function to a blank notebook.
You're right. But Ruby sells notebooks, too. They cost £9 for 80 pages and look like this:
That is to say, they look like shit. Flimsy, cheap quality and massively overpriced.
The About Blanks notebook is infinitely higher quality, is studier, is much more visually appealing and has much more personality. The page count for the About Blanks notebook isn't listed, but it appears to be 200-400 pages at a glance.
So, you'd need to buy 3-5 of Ruby's notebook for a cost of £27-45 (before shipping) to get the same amount of pages and hers would still be flimsy shit. But Ruby doesn't claim that's too expensive or extravagant.
This performative poverty act fools nobody, Ruby. It's insulting, and nobody buys it.
Ruby did this for two equally transparent, stupid reasons.
1. She thinks it makes her look especially generous if the gift she makes a big deal about how the gift she's buying is prohibitively expensive and "extravagant".
2. She think it makes her seem relatable to pretend to be poor.
Meanwhile she owns her own home while living with her parents and paying no rent, is the paid face of a business swindling it's customers for tens of thousands, gets lucrative paid deals to endorse and advertise products she never uses.
Ruby implies this is a gift for a viewer, and this is really shitty behaviour when buying someone who watches her content a gift. Would you hand someone a gift and say "This is SO extravagant and expensive! Like, I couldn't even justify buying this for myself." If the person didn't immediately see through Ruby's bullshit - and it's likely that Ruby's hardcore fans won't - that'd make them feel immediately guilty, like they couldn't accept it. And that's what Ruby just did.
"I have been speaking with this lovely person, and...speaking with her, I just feel like this is the kind of thing that she'd really like, BECAUSE SHE SOUNDS A LOT LIKE ME!" Oh. Never mind - Ruby just bought this for herself.
Ruby never shows the friends she was meeting, but says it was Felicity and Verity, the twins who're children of her parents' friends, because Ruby is incapable of making any social connections outside her parents.
Back home, Ruby starts scribbling inside a book which is apparently for a friend, defacing a page several pages in. Unless you wrote this book, Ruby, don't ruin this gift with your bullshit drivel. Just write a card to go with it.
Ruby writes an essay of a card in addition to defacing the gifted book. So not only does the poor recipient get a ruined book, they get to wade through Ruby's indecipherable scrawl without a dictionary that'll translate whatever nonsense language she's writing in.
Why can’t she just say ‘thanks, I didn’t know this’ instead of pretending she knows everything? I think the only time I’ve ever seen her admit to a mistake was on her recent video when she said she should’ve just re-recorded it.
The video's titled 'My Favourite Autumn Books' (the on-screen title says there'll be 50, but Ruby herself says she'll be sharing 15 "RACKOMANDATIONS" because it wouldn't be a Ruby video if she hadn't half-assed that shit and paid no attention at any point when filming, editing or uploading it). The implication being that Ruby has read so many autumn-related books that even her whittled list of faves was 15 strong. In reality, Ruby's not likely to have read 15 full books to completion in her entire life, unless they were aimed at small children.
According to Ruby, these books are only to be read when you have "CANDLES BARNING, a PLYATE OF CHOCOLATE BISCUITS and a LARGE, STRONG MOG OF TEA." Ruby claims she does this shit all year round, so I'm not sure what any of this has to do with autumn. She's also suddenly obsessed with biscuits, presumably desperate for sponsors to send her free ones that she'll fail to declare as gifted. She seems to love biscuits because she considers one of them a full meal and they usually crumble to bits when broken so she can call it a day after one laboured bite.
Ruby has also made her fake freckles especially visible for some reason. I guess each one represents a tiny autumn leaf to celebrate the season?
1. "MISS PARRAGRIM'S HYOME FOR PACKYOOLIAR CHILDRON."
Ruby focuses on aesthetics first (big shock), focusing on how BYOOTIFOL the book looks because it has pictures. Ruby likes pictures because it means there's less words for her to have to skip through.
Ruby flicks through the book and raves that the author PUT ACSKUAL PICTURES IN THAAHR BOCK, and provides a cramped split-screen of herself flicking through completely unrelated postcards, in case you were still unsure what pictures are. Ruby acts like including pictures in a book is an absolute revelation, even though she's spent the last few years reading almost exclusively picture books aimed at toddlers.
To commemorate the spooky Halloween season which is still almost two months away, Ruby has yet again made sure that the horrors of her child-sized bed are on display, with mattress exposed and soiled sheets which have gone unwashed and unchanged for what must be over a year now...
BOHT SHE AWLWHEYS MAYKES HAHHR BAD AVVERY DYAY!
She recites the premise of 'Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children' while excessively frowning and dramatic gesticulating for some reason, holding out her claw-like mitt and clutching at invisible objects, as though expecting someone might put some more charity money in there. I can only assume this strange behaviour is Ruby trying her best to convince everyone that she, too, is a peculiar child. She's half right.
Ruby says it's a book in which strange children have magical powers and one of them can "CONTROL THE DAD", which is a superpower that Ruby shares - she only needs stamp her feet and huff and puff and her dad drives across the country unnecessarily 100 times a year to collect her when she's strayed too far from home, like to university.
Ruby really likes the "WILD BUILDING", but does not provide any further details about this building, or mention if the world-building in the book was any good. Since she's a fan of "WILD BUILDINGS", she should love this beloved picture-book classic:
She likes the fast pace of MISS PARAGRIM'S, too, and to pay tribute, she's cranked the speed of this video to 1.7 times normal.
She says this book reminds her of Stranger Things, showing that she either hasn't read this book, hasn't seen Stranger Things, or both. The criteria for something being like Stranger Things is 'it has kids and strange things in it', apparently. This is a person who claims to be a bookworm who reads hundreds of books per year and her only point of comparison for this book is a TV show, when she claims she never watches TV.
After rambling incoherently and not getting any closer to clearly explaining what the book's about, why she enjoyed it or what it has to do with autumn, Ruby gives up and frustratedly huffs, "JOHST READ THIS BOCK, IT'S RILLY GUD."
2. "CWORALOINE."
This is "ANOTHA SPYOOKEE BOCK". Ruby rambles about Tim Burton for an inordinate amount of time, because Coraline has a movie adaptation which Ruby claims that NOT MANNY PEEPUL WILL KYOW is based on a book to make herself feel enlightened and special. This despite most people who're aware of the movie being aware of the book (and the opening credits making it very clear for anyone who isn't).
She claims the visual style of the film and the "otherness" of the book means that Neil Gaiman is the literary equivalent of Tim Burton, without mentioning Henry Selick, who is the actual director of Coraline and responsible for the visual aesthetic of the animated films which Ruby attributes to Tim Burton. Again, Ruby is supposedly a voracious reader and claims she LOVES RESAARCHING AND LARRNING THINGS, but her only point of comparison for this book is a director who had nothing at all to do with the film adaptation.
After doing a terrible job of setting up this pick, Ruby shoehorns in some pretentious, faux-educational info:
"'Uncanny' as a WAHHRD comes from the JOMMUN WAHRD 'ONHOIMLICK', MEANING UNHOMELY."
And then she moves on to the "JANRAL PRAMMIS": A young girl named "CWORALINE" enters a parallel "WARLD" where "AVVERYTHING IS SLOITLY BATTER", but "AVVERYONE HAS BOTTONS FOR EYES".
"If you loike the film, you'll love the bock," she says, then says she used to read the book every year before the first day of school for some reason and claims it only took her an hour and a half every time, with a very smug face:
But this is Ruby talking, so presumably that was 20 minutes of quickly skimming through the book randomly, seeing that it's full of words for her to read and then just reading a short synopsis on Wikipedia instead.
She doesn't say anything substantial about the book outside the synopsis and makes no attempt to explain what makes it an autumn book. 0 for 2 so far.
3. "SHARRLOCK HYOMES BOCKS."
"NAXT, OF CWOARSE OIY'M GYOWING TYOO RACKOMAND THE SHARRLOCK HYOMES BOCKS," Ruby says.
Why "of course"? Sherlock isn't an especially "AUTOMINAL" series and Ruby doesn't have any special affinity for the series, so it's not an obvious inclusion beyond "Ruby can't think of many books, since she doesn't read many books".
She crams in her usual shoehorned bit of virtue-signalling, mentioning that you can get BYOOTIFOL, AFFWORDABOL "HARRBACK" editions from charity shops. She does not mention that, since the majority of the Sherlock Holmes series is in the public domain now, you can get ebook copies completely free from Project Gutenberg.
Ruby mentions that she owns the BBC editions, which are great because they "AWL HAVE INTRODOCKSHUNS BOIY THE CHARACTERS AND CREATORS OF THE SHOW". By "characters", she means "actors". No second takes, no attention paid in editing and no proof of brain activity.
"AWLL OF THAM ARE GREAT FWOR AUTOM--y'kyow, CLASSICMYSTERYSTORIES, I DYON'T HAVE TO ACKSPLAIN THAM TO YOO," she says despite a clear need for her to explain more of what the fuck she's talking about, as the sounds of someone apparently hammering her door shut reverberate in the background. No second takes. Ruby rambles about how Sherlock Holmes is an incredible character because he's dedicated to his work and we see him through the eyes of his assistant Watson. That's it. That's all she has to say about it.
She recommends The Hound of the Baskervilles be read around autumn, because it's set in Victorian London and has misty moors. I know my favourite autumn tradition is travelling back in time to Victorian London, so any book that'll remind me of me annually being flung into the late 1800s will be perfect for setting the seasonal mood.
4. "THE ONE AND ONLY THE PITCHER OF DORIAN GRAY."
Ruby included this so she could ramble about how she owns a 1915 copy of this book which she received as a birthday present.
"OIY LOVE HAVING NOICE ADDITIONS OF MOIY FAVOURITY BOOKS," she says, as she bends the book's spine open and you can audibly hear the binding strain and see pages start to come undone.
It's no surprise that she treats her books like shit - we've seen the state of her family library, she's often spitting toothpaste all over paperbacks because she insists on the performative habit of pretending to read while brushing her teeth, and this is the person who took a fragile vintage copy of Dombey & Son on a train trip with mummy and wondered why it fell apart after getting banged around in her bag.
But hearing her talk about her love of "nice editions" as she's in the process of destroying one is the ironic icing on the cake.
She rambles for a bit about Oscar Wilde, spouting lots of adjectives but not actually saying anything of any merit or meaning, while the off-screen banging continues. Has Ruby boarded up Blakeney in a cupboard to keep her from running away to live an adult life? Quite possibly.
Ruby rambles about physiognomy, and if it sounds familiar, it's because Ruby's just recycling everything she said every other time she talked about Dorian Gray. And that, in turn, she stole from lecture handouts.
She moans that this book should NAVVAR be made into a film, even though she knows there's already been one (there's been ten, Ruby, and countless more TV adaptations - but you should know this, since it's apparently your favourite book and you love RESARRCH). She moans that it's impossible to tell the story because a movie would have to show the painting throughout. Because Ruby dismisses an entire art form and her brain can't fathom the idea that films are capable of nuance, subtlety and leaving things to the imagination.
5. "THE BOINDING."
Ruby reads the cover blurb, and says she LOVELOVELOVES "the SATTING", but is instantly unsure when or where it's set - it's possibly autumn, and maybe takes place sometime between 1600 and 1800. Alternate history and anachronistic melding of eras in fantasy literature is a concept apparently lost on Ruby so she just screws up her face and moves on: "IT'S VARRY AUTOMINNAL."
Apparently this book is great because "all the characters' decisions eventually make sense". High praise indeed!
There's no detail in Ruby's review/recommendation, so I assume she didn't read this at all and assumes it's "AUTOMINAL" because there are amber leaves on the cover.
6. "THE PARKS OF BEING A WARLFLOWER" by "STEPHEN QUBOSSKI".
After mangling another book title and author's name (Chbosky is actually pronounced "Shhboski"), she claims she read this twice but still has nothing to say about it. She rambles a bunch but says nothing of value.
She says she had VARRY DIFFERENT THWOUGHTS about the book each time she read it. She gives no indication what those thoughts were, or how they differed from each other.
She claims this book was VARRY ahead of its time in removing the stigma of talking about "MANTLE HALTH", because depression and therapy were never mentioned in literature before 1999, apparently. There's zero mention of what makes this an autumnal book.
7. "THE DISTANCE BETWEEN LOST AND FOUND" by "KATHRYN HOLLUMS".
Ruby somehow mispronounces "Holmes", either thanks to her increasingly thick fake Emma Watson accent or just sheer stupidity.
"It's been a whoyle since I rad this one, syo please forgive me if this review is a little bit rusty," Ruby says, as though there's been anything in her prior reviews beyond basic plot blurbs and cryptic vagueness.
Ruby mentions this is "BOLLYING BOCK", then says she read it around 2016 - y'know, the period when she was writing Erimentha Parker and grabbing every YA/middle-grade bullying book she could get her hands on to rip off ideas, having experienced zero bullying herself (she would then miraculously "remember" that she had been bullied when it was time to self-publish the book).
She says she can't remember the book (always a great recommendation) but somehow remembers that there is lots of very beautiful, romantic nature imagery and descriptions. She says this book explores the idea of culpability and the difference between luck and chance, which says nothing at all about the book.
This book takes place in the woods and therefore it's an autumn book, apparently?
8. "CATSAI BY MARGARET ATWOOD."
In a babbling, sped-up ramble, Ruby recites the plot of the book. It somehow still didn't make it any clearer what the book is actually supposed to be about.
But Ruby really loves this book because it apparently focuses on the relationship with our childhood selves and how this shapes us as adults, but also "the power of FRANCHIP". Ruby refuses to make any friends or enter adulthood, so who knows what she got out of this.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
9. "ACKSTREMELY LOUD AND INKRADDIBLY CYLOSE."
Ruby recites the plot blurb and says she likes how the book visually represents autism, which is probably as close as she's gotten so far to actually reviewing one of these books, but even then there's not much.
The protagonist is apparently one of Ruby's favourite in all of literature, although she shares nothing about him. Presumably it's because he's 9 years old.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
10. "MARY SHALLEY'S FRANKENSTEIN."
"I KEEP SAYING THESE BOOKS ARE MOIY FAVOURITES BOHT THAT'S WHOY OIY KEEP ON RACKOMANDING THAM!"
They're her favourites, yet she's struggled to explain what most of them are even about, let alone why she'd recommend them.
Ruby gives another vague plot blurb - "DOCTOR FRANKANSTEIN GETS DAD BODIES AND SEWS THAM TOGATHER TYOO MAKE A MAN". Evidently, Frankenstein was ahead of its time in removing the stigma of the "dad bod".
Ruby feels VARRY SMART because she points out that this book mirrors Paradise Lost, which is "the creation story". Her copy of Frankenstein has a Paradise Lost excerpt in it. She does not mention Prometheus, which inspired Frankenstein. Whoops.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
11. "MISTAH CREECHA."
A YA book inspired by Frankenstein where a scary giant teams up with a pickpocket. That's all the plot we get. Ruby says it "forces us tyoo lyook paahst appearances and lyook at people as people". I guess Ruby had never tried that before?
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
12. "MOIY NAME IS MONSTAH."
Another one that Ruby can apparently barely remember, but somehow remembers enough to know that the first three chapters aren't very good, but after that it gets better. We can probably take this to mean that Ruby skimmed the first few chapters, bailed and then gave it 5 stars.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
There's a suspicious amount of Frankenstein-related books here, so expect her next book to be called "Gertrude Porter: The Productive Prometheus". It'll be about an 11-year-old overachiever whose favourite teacher dies on a Friday. When the school announces they will be closed the following week due to the tragic death, Gertrude uses her science skills brings him back from the dead so she doesn't have to miss any classes. After that, it'll be the exact same plot as Erimentha Parker.
Ruby interrupts the video to say she's going on a SAPTAMBAH WAHLK with her mum and sister, but she'll be back in FWORTY-FOIVE MINATS to continue the video.
She returns to say the walk was VARRY AUTOMMINAL and she'll soon be leaving for SCWOTLUND which she hopes will be EVEN MWOAR AUTOMMINNAL! She shoehorns in another robotic casual magic ramble about how THE LEAVES ARE TARNING.
This isn't a vlog, so why is this here? Other than giving Ruby a flimsy excuse to ramble about the weather and pretend her life is full of busy activities, there's no reason at all.
13. "DOPPLAH BY ARL AND LOW."
Ruby rattles off a basic plot blurb, then says this book is set between November and April. That's it.
14. "THE CHILDRUN ACT."
Ruby rambles some incomprehensible nonsense about children's legal rights, but doesn't explain what the book is about. She says the film with Emma Thompson is VARRY GUD. But Ruby also claimed this was a Dark Macademia book the last time she talked about it, so I don't think she's read it or understands what most words mean.
There is absolutely no indication of what makes this an autumnal book.
15. "LANNY."
According to Ruby, the protagonist "embodies the romantic CHOYLD that we see from...BOULDER-LAIR".
It's also apparently about a child who has a casual magic, awestruck by nature approach to life and who goes missing, so I guess we know another book that Ruby ripped off for her never-gonna-get-published-at-this-rate book 'Lottie Parton is a Bad Friend'.
Ruby threatens that she'll be doing one of these lists of book recommendations for every season. Since practically none of these books were related to autumn, expect three more "Ruby reads the cover blurb of 15 books she doesn't appear to have read" videos that have nothing to do with the season in question.
i’m muslim go to an islamic school, we had a talk by ruby about academics (mainly uni stuff since we are sixth form) and she started talking about christmas and asking about what we get up to on christmas none of us celebrate christmas it was so weird
Pro tip, Roobee: the calories in ketchup can be found right on the bottle, but more importantly, #ketchupisagarbagecondiment so please do better. (I will not be accepting alternative opinions on this kthx.)
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none of us celebrate christmas it was so weird
