It's Easter Monday, the last few hours of the long Bank Holiday in the UK are upon us.
Maybe you were stressed that you had a lot of work and studying to get done over the break. If so, Ruby's here, right on time, several days late, to show you how to plan out your Easter studying schedule, just in case you find yourself travelling back in time four days to when this video might have been useful to someone.
It's a planning video that wasn't well planned, containing planning that is woefully inefficient and stupid, so of course Ruby resorts to advertising "Nyotion".
"Syo I'm hyaar on moiy Nyotion page. I'm varry proud of moiy Nyotion SATTUP," Ruby says, even though her Notion page looks like some godawful outdated relic from the early days of the internet, when website graphic design was in its infancy and gifs were the hottest new thing.
As well as taking a child's approach to decorating her Notion page, Ruby has used it as yet another intensely creepy shrine to fictional children. The top banner prominently features Year 1 Hermione at her smuggest and most insufferable, while a monolithic gif of Anne of Green Gables looking hopelessly bored takes up a third of the page.
So motivational! This combination of images does at least capture Ruby's two major emotional states: Smug as can be and bored as fuck.
In celebration of Easter, Ruby has unintentionally raised a chicken and egg conundrum: Did Ruby model her new perpetually bored and disdainful look after this gif she found of Anne, who she imitates in every way she can, or did she post this because she's perpetually bored and disdainful and this animated image of one of her fictional child idols depicts how she sees herself: 13 years old and horribly dissatisfied with everything.
Motivational quotes on planners aren't unusual, but the way Ruby has phrased this most definitely is. Generally people just put a quote, along with attribution to the person who said it. Like:
"Acimen's writing is rich and quiscent." - Ruby "Granger".
Generally people don't put "Here's a good line from Jonathon H. Whoeverthefuck" before quotes. Who is Ruby writing this reminder note to? One of her imaginary friends? Ruby offers no insight to herself as to what she finds "good" about the line. Presumably she took it far too literally, and assumed Nietzsche meant, "Be cruel, then have a party." Which would explain why she treats her fanbase like shit and steals from charities, then merrily twirls around her garden.
She did at least put "Work" in inverted commas, which implies she's to some degree aware of how little effort she puts into anything. But we've established before that she has no idea how quotation marks work, so...
Ruby says you should start with "tyoo dyoo lists". Ruby claims to write like 653 to-do lists a day and clearly none of them help her stay organised in any way. Her YouTube schedule is non-existent, she's behind on all her work and her life is a crumbling mess in every conceivable way. But I'm sure one extra to-do list will turn it all around.
She outlines all the work she has due:
Her dissertation is due on the 5th May.
Her "children's...litruchurr...writing...WAHHRRK" is also due, comprising of a 2,000 words "ASS-ay" and a "pwartfyolio" made up of a 4,500 word "ACKStract" and a "500 wahrd pitcherbook".
"AND awwhl of that's due in loike the span of 48 hours," she says, as though she's been given an insurmountable task.
But...that doesn't mean you only have a 48 hour timespan to get it done, Ruby. There may be multiple deadlines close to each other, but that's the
finish line. You've had over a year to plan up to that. How can you still be so staggeringly disorganised and behind every time for everything, yet still think you're in any position to tell other people how to plan their academic work?
Here's a more accurate and fitting gif for your Notion page, Ruby:
It's easy to see why Ruby finds Notion and her complex, convoluted system of planners, to-do lists, notebooks, schedules, calendars, alarms and carrier pigeon reminders so useful. I mean, where would she be without this to-do list she's crafted, which reminds her that for an essay, she needs to write multiple paragraphs and a conclusion? It's not like that's the basics of an essay are easy to remember after four years of university or anything.
Ruby points out for the billionth time that she LOVES classical music, even though she doesn't know what classical music is and just assumes it's any instrumental song featuring a piano.
Ruby's got deadlines fast approaching, is behind in all her work and ill-prepared and struggling with all of it. So, rather than sit down and do it, Ruby is going to plan her study playlist, because she seems to be under the impression that unearthing just the right song from the soundtrack to a movie she has never seen might unlock some part of her feeble brain that actually functions.
She violently and obnoxiously wags her finger around like she's erratically trying to conduct six different invisible orchestras.
She shows her laptop screen, and it's once again encrusted in layers of filth, grime, dust and fingerprints (even though this still isn't a touchscreen). I'm not sure why this would be the case, since Ruby ALWAYS disin-FACTS her laptop and everything else in a five mile radius several times a day and would NAVVER, AVVER lie...
The end result after lots of time-lapse footage of her updating her playlists is that Ruby is going to listen to essentially all the same songs as she has for the past few years, only she's now added the Band of Brothers score. Another soundtrack to another piece of film/TV that Ruby has never watched and doesn't fit study sessions in any way. But it features a piano, and that's good enough for Ruby!
Ruby LYOVES NYOTION and has used it for YAHHRS, but according to the tabs she accidentally left on-screen, she apparently has to Google how to add gifs into her Notion page. Remember when Ruby made multiple wholes video about how amazing Notion is, sponsored and paid for by Notion, in which Ruby raved about how easy-to-use and intuitive Notion is? And she can't even figure out how to add a gif into a page without assistance and research.
She also plans to embed her Spotify playlist into her Notion page. Why? No reason, other than Ruby's brain doesn't work. Naturally, she couldn't figure out how to embed her Spotify playlist into Notion (presumably because nobody would ever have any real reason to do that) and had to Google that, too, although she conveniently doesn't mention that.
Additional stupidity is revealed: Ruby's dissertation deadline is the 5th May. She's given herself the deadline of 30th April, for some reason. I mean, sure, it's great if you can have all your work done a while before the deadline so you can stop worrying about it quicker. But Ruby has supposedly been working on her dissertation for a year and a half. She didn't start writing it until a few weeks ago and is already on her seventh draft, which highlights how much of a mess this whole thing is, because she never used any of that planning time wisely, didn't structure it properly and still stupidly planned for a PhD-level piece of work at Undergrad level.
But putting aside her utter lack of common sense and planning, setting internal deadlines when you're already behind and stressed isn't going to help. It's just going to mean you just created an additional, much closer deadline to stress about for the same piece of work. Because she's inevitably not going to be done by 30th April.
Speaking of profoundly stupid and inefficient uses of time, Ruby yet again claims she ALWAYS uses her "MAHHHSTER TYO-DYOO LIST" in addition to all the lists on Notion that serve the same purpose. Ruby has proven time and time again that she rarely, if ever uses her own products outside of promotional ads, but the fact that she's even suggesting this redundant bullshit as a smart use of time is ridiculous.
Ruby adds lists within lists, including some "jarneral" tasks for self-care.
Her personal priorities include "not forgetting that it is spring".
She also apparently needs to remind herself to spend time with family, even though she spends every waking moment trying to figure out a way to reattach her umbilical cord to her mother and won't go four minutes without calling her, writing to her or throwing a tantrum if she strays too far.
Ruby loves studying so much that she has to write entire journal tasks telling herself to enjoy it. If you hate something so much that it stresses you beyond anything else, the solution isn't to just force yourself to enjoy it.
She launches into a condescending rambling diatribe about how education is a choice, and you could technically give up if you wanted, but instead you could give yourself a reminder of why you should continue.
She goes off on a tangent about burnout and says that she read somewhere (and thus took as gospel) the idea that burnout isn't working yourself too hard to the point of mental/physical exhaustion, but burnout is just not seeing productive results from working too hard. It's okay to work 24 hours a day and destroy yourself mentally and physically, just as long as you're seeing some minor improvement or reward from your work, because Ruby read it from some unnamed source. What a fucking moron.
What's worse is that Ruby herself, now that she can't steal other people's ideas and has actually had to do her own work for her dissertation, just constantly looks utterly
done.
She visibly hates studying, does everything she can to avoid doing her own work and spent all of university adhering to an assembly-line system of joylessly constructing essays from other people's ideas, thoughts and work while avoiding reading the main texts. The only thing she gets out of it is the hollow praise from strangers on the internet who believe her lies and think she's some gifted, diligent genius who can work 37 hours in a 24 hour day.
And she still keeps lying here.
Yet again, despite all evidence to the contrary, Ruby claims she just reminds herself that she enjoys studying and that it is important to her and that does the trick.
Ruby says she couldn't work as much or as hard as she does, or get the grades that she does if she didn't enjoy it. Firstly, people find success in things they hate
all the time. Second, Ruby doesn't work as much or as hard as she claims. She doesn't mention that she lies about the extent to which she reads, studies, or the fabricated timescales of her daily vlogs, and so on. She just omits that and humble-brags that she is seeing massive success from working hard despite the stress, because she enjoys it.
So if you're feeling burnt out and ready to quit and put your time to better use doing something you enjoy and are passionate about, instead just force yourself to enjoy it and "change the way you study" to make yourself like it.
And if your unsure what it's like to enjoy studying, why not try looking in a mirror when doing essay work. You'll know you're having fun when you start pulling this face at all times:
Ruby keeps rambling. She says she found studying stressful at times, but just said to herself, "WOW! You have the opportunity to study for three years at uni and learn about English! How cool is that?" (Reminder: Ruby has studied English for three years at uni and still cannot speak basic English.)
She also claims to "understand how the world works on a molecular level" because she studied science at A-Level...
It's all just lies. Ruby never learns anything. She never challenges herself. She doesn't love literature, she doesn't understand language and never cares to improve at it. I don't know if she's lying to herself or just her audience, but it's all just a pointless waste of time.
Ruby tosses together some "break ideas", and it's some of the same nonsense from that study break video she did. She reminds herself to get some tea, even though she is a self-described "tea aficionado", but does not remind herself to eat anything at all. She reminds herself to read a chapter of her own book for some reason. And she reminds herself to learn a poem by heart, which is just studying if you have to force yourself to do it.
She specifies that you should have breaks to relax but combine them with study breaks within your study session which contain activities which contribute to your studies, which, yet again,
is not a fucking break, Ruby. Good lord.
Ruby moves on to study snack recommendations, but this is just a thinly-veiled ad section.
She uncovers one of the weird food stashes that she hides around her room like a complete fucking lunatic, like she has some debilitating fear that home invaders will break in to steal all of her bland and tasteless snack bars if they're left out in the open.
She pulls three boxes of snack bars from under her bed.
She mentions that two of the boxes were "koindlee" sent to her by Misfits. The other box is from Perkier, and Ruby says that "Parkier bars" are her "parsonal favourite". She fails to mention, however, that these were also gifted to her by Perkier. She also fails to mention that she has a long-standing business relationship with Perkier:
She hasn't bothered mentioning this relationship, or declaring any of the gifted snack bars from them that she shoehorns into all her videos, for month on end.
As well as being a lying scumbag, she's an irresponsible one as well; she highlights all the gifted snack bars as great study food but yet again never attempts to recommend eating substantial, nutritious meals.
More lies come as Ruby once more makes the hilariously stupid claim that she uses both her academic
and yearly planners from PONKIN' PRODOCKTIVTEE, because she wants to try to fool people into buying both from her. Both planners look suspiciously pristine, as though she never touches them beyond fabricating some entries for the sake of Instagram ads.
Her nails look like crap yet again. They're painted, but have that strange, perfect line of black filth around the fingernails, like she painted over a layer of dirt.
Speaking of dirt, Ruby claims she's going to clean her "DASK" because it's "a little bit clottered" and she wants it to be "a really gud space forrr WAHRKING".
When people say "a little bit cluttered", generally you think there's like, some stray papers, a charger cable and what-not lying around. Not several festering, filthy mugs and cups, or multiple porridge bowls that have been left in the sun for at least the entire video.
And "a good place to work" should include a suitable chair, not a ratty, torn and grimy armchair with no proper back support. By all means, get use out of the chair, but at least clean it up a little or put a throw cover on it, and don't use it for prolonged desk use when it's not designed for that.
Ruby lies some more, saying that she REALLY likes cleaning her desk often with disinfectant. She stresses this lie with a weird claw-like hand gesture:
The irony of her lying about how clean she likes to keep everything while her hands are visibly covered in filth? Priceless.
She goes downstairs on a hunt for the cleaning supplies she never uses and is surprised by something in the kitchen.
Off-screen, she probably called the police and screamed that there was a stranger intruding in her home. Then after much explanation and reminding Ruby that she's not an only child, she finally remembered that she has a sister.
It's just Martha, who is also home and apparently filming a video, too. That sounds infinitely more watchable than the shitshow Ruby has cobbled together, but sadly Martha hasn't uploaded that and says she probably never will.
Ruby's back in her room and has probably already forgotten Martha exists again, since object permanence is probably the last thing Ruby's withered peanut brain is capable of understanding. After pretending she cleans regularly, while just swiping the main surface of her desk with a cloth and calling it a day, she magically changes outfits.
She then gets to work with more redundant busywork, planning things she's already planned with daily schedules, with alarm reminders alongside it. Reminder: Ruby claims to do this kind of bullshit every single day, yet is constantly disorganised, behind with work and never learns to plan any more efficiently than wasting her time with nonsense like this.
In a contradictory ramble of an outtro, Ruby says that it's important that people remember that studying and academia is not the be-all, end-all, after spending her entire YouTube career instilling in people the idea that they can never work too hard, gaslighting them with fabricated routines to trick them into thinking it's possible to cram more in a day than is feasible, and that academia is the most important thing ever.
Take care of yourself, Ruby says, after spending months and years subjecting impressionable viewers to recommendations that they should just drink lots of water, small dry snacks and tiny portions of ridiculously stupid "food" while working themselves to death.
"Because studying should be fun!" Ruby says. And then she pulls this face, because Ruby definitely has fun studying:
