gossip_guy
VIP Member
100% sarcastic. 100% fantastic.
bananapeel
Well-known member
Never thought my username was going to be super Ruby applicable one day.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
What's creepier is that Ruby 100% would've been keeping a tracker list of her teachers' habits and interests, noting down everything personal they mentioned for potential gift ideas like she does with her friends.
Ruby: "Miss Fabernathy, on 13th October 2019, you mentioned that you once listened to Enya, so I recorded several hours of me wailing into a microphone on this personalised USB mixtape. I'm so glad we have classical music in common! We should get together for ceremonial tea and discuss it! Yours truly, Ruby."
Miss Fabernathy: "You know you don't have to say, "Yours truly" out loud, right? This isn't a letter."
Ruby: "...Actually, the Victorians use to speak in letter form to convey their respect and reverenciaryness to their peers..."
Miss Fabernathy: "Please leave."
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CatCafe234
VIP Member
Shall we have a game of 21st birthday haul bingo? It’s a full house if we get:
Ruby saying: ’I wasn’t going to do this but it was highly, highly requested’
Ruby remembering to say: ’I know that I’m so lucky to get so many gifts’
Something from Fortnum and Mason
Something surprisingly thoughtful from Marfa
An item of school uniform
Alcohol free ‘champagne’ (‘I don’t drink alcohol but this was a gift as I’m 21’)
Some children’s books
Some clothes/ items that don’t fit her online aesthetic at all
Some clothes that don’t fit (‘they’re size small but they’re too big’)
Something quite large and/or expensive that we never see again
Anything else?
Deeznutslol
VIP Member
It’s fucking bizarre, becoming your kids landlord and taking their hard earned money off them does not teach them ‘money management’ skills
Satisfying Click
VIP Member
Being oblivious to one's own cushy circumstances isn't just exclusive to Ruby as it turns out. Here you go!
Erimentha is with her mum, and asks her if she knows what the coldest temperature ever recorded was. Her mum hazards a guess and it's incorrect. Erimentha is disappointed that her mum's guess was lower than the actual temperature and God, couldn't she have been given more of an intellectual giant in a mother than this simpering fool?
Erimentha tells her mum that she doesn't feel tourists should visit the Antarctic because of petrol and the sea, but she'd go if it was to help penguins, because that's totally a non-tourist move.
Mum hates the cold weather as it's depressing. Erimentha goes about how amazing autumn and warm blankets are until Mum browbeaten into agreement.
An elderly woman commends Erimentha's mum on how well-behaved and charming Erimentha is, because her own grandchildren love technology and thus, deserve to be put on a one-way rocket into the sun. Erimentha's mum ponders the social acceptability of proposing a swap.
They go to a coffee shop. Erimentha tops up her hot chocolate with cold water to not burn her tongue. Mum orders black coffee and being a total simpleton, burns her tongue. "Why didn't I follow your example?" We've already established this, you amoeba!
Erimentha sees miniature jam pots served with the cream teas and wants to take some as candle holders. The shop owners have no qualms in giving away their stock.
Back home, Erimentha is thrilled at how cold the weather is, oblivious of the privilege of being protected in a large house, warm blankets and heating. She surrounds herself by a ring of candlelight, possibly in a ritual to summon the dark spirits.
Erimentha tells her mum that she doesn't feel tourists should visit the Antarctic because of petrol and the sea, but she'd go if it was to help penguins, because that's totally a non-tourist move.
Mum hates the cold weather as it's depressing. Erimentha goes about how amazing autumn and warm blankets are until Mum browbeaten into agreement.
An elderly woman commends Erimentha's mum on how well-behaved and charming Erimentha is, because her own grandchildren love technology and thus, deserve to be put on a one-way rocket into the sun. Erimentha's mum ponders the social acceptability of proposing a swap.
They go to a coffee shop. Erimentha tops up her hot chocolate with cold water to not burn her tongue. Mum orders black coffee and being a total simpleton, burns her tongue. "Why didn't I follow your example?" We've already established this, you amoeba!
Erimentha sees miniature jam pots served with the cream teas and wants to take some as candle holders. The shop owners have no qualms in giving away their stock.
Back home, Erimentha is thrilled at how cold the weather is, oblivious of the privilege of being protected in a large house, warm blankets and heating. She surrounds herself by a ring of candlelight, possibly in a ritual to summon the dark spirits.
Deeznutslol
VIP Member
‘Neither of my parents went to university’
On her mums linkedin it literally says she went to a private university in london 🥲
gossip_guy
VIP Member
themachine
Member
Okay. That's it. Ruby, you win. I have given so many benefits of the doubt over the years but this HAS to be satire. My brain literally refuses to comprehend that this video could have been made with any degree of seriousness in it. Lord alive. Ruby Granger has just become the greatest internet troll of all time in my book. She's clowning money off of young impressionable viewers while kicking back with weed after filming and laughing all the way to the bank after uploading slop like this. This headcanon is the only way my brain can possibly begin to understand what I just watched.
whatamievendoing
Well-known member
Why are her coat sleeves so long that you can't see her hands? Why is the ribbon tied so sloppily? Why is the bonnet so fucking huge? Why are her knees visible when that is blatantly not Victorian like not even a prostitute would've been walking around knees to the wind back then never mind a Middle Class Woman?? Please consider these questions for our seminar tomorrow xo
Princess Peach
Member
I have tried to think of a caption, but nothing is more hilarious than the post itself.
I actually find the way she has written this survey deeply concerning. Firstly, the obvious safeguarding issue. How is she including "under 12" as an age category when the very minimum age for social media accounts, including Instagram and Youtube, her two main platforms, is 13? Now I know kids lie about their age all the time but Ruby, as an adult with a company, should be stating and stipulating these rules pretty much before she does anything else. Even for teenagers between 13-17, a lot of competition entries require parental permission and knowledge. Absolutely no mention of this either, so what the hell is she playing at?
Secondly, the insecure and weirdly intimate register she's using: the fucking monkey emoji in a supposedly official form, the stern "I hope you do!" and "you obviously haven't tried the right tea haha!" that she can't pull off because she doesn't have a humorous bone in her body. She sounds not only like an alien, but an especially unhinged one.
The fact that she consistently tries so hard to connect with people much younger than her is ridiculous at this point and as much as her family do seem aware of her eating habits and are hopefully trying to help them in the background, she clearly has a deep-set issue with childhood and growing up that needs urgently addressing alongside that. Her complete refusal to engage with what she might see as unsavoury adult topics is going to harm either her or someone else, ESPECIALLY if she's trying to forge relationships with young impressionable viewers via letter or video call and they start viewing her lifestyle as a healthy adult existence.
There's such a stark difference between other creators who befriend other creators in their sphere whereas Ruby is pandering to her audience to let her be one of them - a teenage girl. Maybe when she was still at school it would have been more natural but she's 22 this year and she needs to stop. Sorry, this was much longer than I meant it to be but I find it concerning in relation to her state of mind and she's forcing that onto a younger impressionable audience who already worship her a dangerous amount.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
Enjoy!@gossip_guy no pressure but I just wanted to say that if you wanted to make a recap of the latest video(s) but are thinking that it's too late — pls pls pls make it lol you could make a recap of a video that came out 8 months ago, and I'd still read every word
"In Awkswud yeu have weak cereal," Ruby says.
Wait, what? Hold on, let me try turning on subtitles for this shit.
Well, never mind. I don't think YouTube's voice recognition knows what to make of her fake AMMA WATSYON accent. Meanwhile, Ruby's apparently more concerned with the potency of the university's breakfast offerings than anything crazy like, I don't know, maybe reading an actual book.
Apparently it's "week zero" at Oxford - a week apparently named for the amount of charities Ruby hasn't snatched money from.
Ruby starts her uni journey as she means to go on: By wandering the city in her Oxford cosplay, with lanyard on display, a "PRAT" coffee in hand, borrowed books which she'll never read held under her arm, getting soaked by rain instead of being stored in her (leather) bag. Truly the actions of a JANUINE genius with an abundance of common sense and nothing all to prove.
She means to rub the general public's nose in the fact that she is now an OXFWUD STYOODANT and should be admired and respected. This tactic might have been more effective if she weren't in a small area populated largely with other Oxford students, all of whom are infinitely smarter than her. So rather than the awe and wonder she expected, people's reactions seem to be: "Who's that fucking moron?" or "Who's that fucking moron who forgot her coat?"
Ruby catches a glimpse of someone wearing that raincoat she's always playing dress-up in, but this still isn't enough of an indication that she should dress appropriately for the weather.
Wait a second...
Is that ghost hunter Zak Bagans?!
He's presumably in Oxford to investigate the sightings of a pale and ghostly elderly child wandering the city streets, wailing for attention in some strange, possibly demonic dialect.
An exhausted, sullen-looking Ruby explains that, after running into some MACHYOOOR STEEYOODENTS, she went to photograph herself in several libraries, which she somehow considers "WAAHRK".
After filming some shots in the "DEWCOMFRIES LOIBREEEE" (aka the Duke Humphries Library) which is, according to Rubes, "whaahr they filmed Harry Pottum", she quickly relocates to another library entirely for no reason at all other than to give the illusion that she's very busy doing a variety of things.
She claims she read the entirety of 'Blindness & Insight' by Paul de Man and 'Allegory of Love' by C.S. Lewis, but if we didn't already know that Ruby is a pathological liar who loves to pretend she's exceedingly productive when really she does fuck all, well, she's also a moron who doesn't pay attention to what she's filming.
She sits down at 10:20am.
By the time she's patting herself on the back and ready to tick things off her to-do list, it's 10:59am.
She wants people to believe she read 728 pages and took detailed notes in less than 40 minutes.
At least try to make this shit believable, Ruby.
In reality, she no doubt spent 10 minutes copying random passages from books she skimmed into Notion and 30 minutes scribbling desperate emails to Blakeney to do her homework for her again for old time's sake. She even awkwardly parrots some of what she's just copied in narration as though they were her own thoughts. Oxford isn't going to fall for this shit like she hopes it will.
After getting her fill of filming herself in libraries pretending to study, Ruby's back in her room. She apologises to the audience for the piles of trash and dirty dishes on her tea tray.
Most people would, I don't know, wash up and throw out the rubbish at this point. Ruby's solution is to - I shit you not - propose just buying an extra tea tray to store even more dirty dishes on.
But in honour of 'zero week', she washes zero dishes, then she's off out again to pretend to study in another public forum, so the commoners can marvel at her productive ways.
She picks Crosstown donuts, the place that have gifted her boxes of donuts before. Again, this is 'zero week', so there are zero ad disclaimers.
As soon as she's fulfilled her undeclared ad requirement, she quickly packs up and runs to Blackwells to sponsor-beg for more cash opportunities--I mean, meet those MATCHOOR STEEEEYOOOODENT FRANDS she made.
After that, it's time for a spontaneous outfit change on what is JANUINELY the same day and NWOT AT AWLL a different day entirely, HOW DAERRR YEUUU. Ruby's "WAAAHRKING" in yet another new location and she looks absolutely done. Utterly miserable and with dark bags under her eyes, she looks on the verge of tears for most of this clip.
You can practically see her come to the realisation that she's hopelessly out of her depth. This is someone who has complained in the past that she doesn't like studying in public places and avoided the library at Exeter like the plague for the duration of her time there. Instead, she holed up in her room (and for most of her time, her childhood bedroom) and pretended to do lots of "waaahrk".
Alone in her bedroom is the only way she can be the smartest person in the room. And if she did insist on studying in public, it was in coffee shops and tea rooms, where she'd take up space just to study in a place with no other students, so she could feel special.
But the sole reason she wants to be at Oxford is to be seen as an Oxford student, which means she's going to have to film herself incessantly in the various VARRY DARK MACADAMIA libraries to get her aesthetic mileage out of this ego trip. And those libraries are always going to be filled with other students who are much smarter and more productive with less effort than her, so naturally, she looks absolutely miserable every moment she's there.
Another outfit change out of nowhere and Ruby's popping to "AMANASS", or M&S to everyone else. She's there to buy a VARRY VEGAN dinner, which she will enjoy while studiously watching a roundtable discussion on "decolonising bibliography" and HONNASTLEEE didn't spend the rest of whatever night this is just ringing mummy to beg her parents to come take her home.
It's "CHEESEDAY" and Ruby's very excited because there's a coffee meet-up with people from her strand at 1pm and her afternoon-long course induction is at "tyoo". Before that, she's apparently going to get lots of "waaaaaahhhhrrk" done, but is planning to do it all in several different libraries for no reason whatsoever other than, again, the illusion of living a very busy, productive and varied life that's VARRY DARKLY ACADAMMICUL.
She leads us to believe she's there for a while, but realistically she's there for 20 minutes of skim-reading and copying random passages for the sake of some VARRY PRODOCKTIVE footage.
Then it's time for a change of scenery for another session of morosely and mindlessly copying shit into Notion.
She's knocked her clock over, but you can see the position of the hands clearly in time-lapse: It's 12:25pm.
She's decided to have LONCH in the dining hall, to get footage of herself in as many Harry Potter-esque locations as she can to get her money's worth from Oxford. She's also probably worked up an appetite from having not eaten a full meal since 2019.
She's apparently so concerned by the possibility of intruding on people's privacy by filming them without their permission (or the university's) that she decided to blur one person's face and most of one wall for some reason. All the other people and walls are shit outta luck, I guess.
Ruby excitedly chirps that she "COULD NWOT GAT OVER...the ARCHITACKTURE of this ryoom" and is also amazed that this is her "dining hw--"
Ruby has no time to finish her sentence or pay attention to what she's editing, not when there's books that she'll never read to pick up and libraries to be filmed in! She says she rushed from LONCH to another loiyyybeeeee before her induction. Naturally, she only reaches for the books on high shelves because she's such a precocious child.
According to the library tablet thing, it's 1:28pm, so Ruby must've missed that coffee meet-up at 1 or forgot what she was pretending happened on this "day", because it's not mentioned again.
Then she's off to her induction, but she mentions that she didn't film any of that because "it didn't feel right to film".
Almost everyone eating lunch = Okay to film.
People trying to study in peace = Okay to film.
Induction sessions = NOT OKAY TO FILM.
Sarah McRando eating her dauphinoise potatoes = NOT OKAY TO FILM.
1/3rd of the far wall in the Oxford University dining hall = NOT OKAY TO FILM.
Oxford has some weirdly specific rules about filming, I guess.
Nothing of consequence happens on Wednesday and Ruby seems to have tired herself out with her 10 minute trips to every library she could find because she spends most of the day pretending to be productive in her room instead, aside from a trip to the FRASHERS FAAHR which goes largely unfilmed.
She does, however, briefly interact with some of the other people in her dorm, which is nice to see. But I wonder how quickly the rest of the students there get sick of having to manoeuvre around Ruby as she turns everywhere she feels like into a set for her videos without permission.
Thursday rolls around, it's allegedly SIX THARRTY and Ruby is in the process of losing her damn mind. She swishes some water around her mouth, swallows it, then it's off to STODDY.
Ruby's feeling very pleased with herself because she thinks she's solved that pesky 'filming in public study spaces' problem she's been having, where she's surrounded by other students there to actually study, who put her to shame and ruin her "big fish in a small pond" fantasies. Ruby's decided she's just going to wake up before they so so she can film herself studying alone and make everyone else look lazy.
But mere moments after she's smugly congratulated herself for waking up before everyone else, other students start appearing.
At home in her room, she could fake the time quite easily (although she never hid her tracks well). Want to pretend you woke up at 4am? Just film 20 minutes of footage at 9pm and lie.
But one of the major downsides about her being at Oxford is that if she wants to pretend she's studying in public earlier than everyone else, she'll have to actually wake up early. And she still won't win. People are going to be up at dawn or on the tail-end of all-nighters all over the place. So it's no shock that Ruby looks miserable and completely exhausted (again) to boot.
She films herself for a couple more minutes then gives up and retreats to her room.
"I'm really enjoying these short stories," she says, thoroughly unconvincingly, as she starts to drift into a thousand-yard stare of utter despair.
But she didn't waste £30,000 just to sit in her room, she did it to be seen pretending to study in public as an official OXFWUD STEEEYOOOODONT, so she's off to PRAT again. She blurs faces at complete random, looks miserable (unsurprising, since she bumps into the problem of there being other students there to study again) and doesn't appear to get much of anything done.
Back in her room, Ruby does some content training (but apparently has not learned about getting people's consent to be filmed and used as unpaid extras in B-roll footage to be reuses for the next few years).
"Oi've johsst had a WON-DERFOL catch-opp cwall with Timmy, hyoo oiy WAAHRK WITH on PONKIN PODDUCTIVITEEE. He's HONNASSTLEEE AMAZING andddddd...oiy cyud NOT RON the comm-panny without him."
Spoilers: Ruby doesn't run the company at all.
That consent training seems to have worked wonders, since Ruby goes to eat lunch in the dining hall again for the Harry Potter vibes and just films everyone trying to mind their own business and eat in peace without getting their permission or blurring a single face.
Then it's off to film in another library without the permission of the university or any of the students she films. Ruby drones on about how JANUINELY ACKSQUISITE this building is and how she spent every moment awestruck and unable to believe that she's really able to study there. Meanwhile, she spends every second of footage there looking completely unimpressed and utterly morose.
The only brief crack in her miserable exterior comes when someone apparently approaches to say something. She responds with a forced, thankful smile and then goes right back to looking like she'd rather be anywhere else. Was this a fawning fan or someone kindly offering to escort Ruby back to the nearest nursing home? Who knows!
Ruby claims she read an entire book and did many, many other tasks, but she doesn't want to bore us with the (fictional) details.
She shows off a to-do list. Apparently Molly didn't learn what a toxic fuckwit Ruby is the first time she got rid of her and has opted back in for more of her bullshit.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
But you survived the experience, and that's the important thing! Kudos for the marathon feat of endurance!
I really think Ruby should be gifting commemorative T-shirts to all the brave folks who managed to sit through that entire torturous thing. It's the least she can do for you.
gossip_guy
VIP Member
ah yes, nothing quite screams "camping weekend" like her face and that...smile
gossip_guy
VIP Member
A lot of people have asked her how the planner differs from last year's.
Literally all she changed was the most minor, superficial things, but she's acting like that's a great selling point.
One other cool addition to this year's planner, according to Ruby, is that there's a blue ribbon bookmark to hold your place in the planner. Seems like a helpful thing to include in your planner! Wait...what's that? It's not actually included?!
The "cool thing about this year's planner" doesn't actually come with this year's planner. You have to pay extra for it...
Literally all she changed was the most minor, superficial things, but she's acting like that's a great selling point.
One other cool addition to this year's planner, according to Ruby, is that there's a blue ribbon bookmark to hold your place in the planner. Seems like a helpful thing to include in your planner! Wait...what's that? It's not actually included?!
The "cool thing about this year's planner" doesn't actually come with this year's planner. You have to pay extra for it...
roundmidnight
Active member
"which is a compliment if I ever heard one!!"
well, roobee, here's my compliment:
your aesthetic is what I'd describe as holocaust-entrepreneur-dead-fly-dirty-nail-leg-lifting-pose-soggy-bread-leviosah-30-minute-maximum-leisure-grateful-dark-eyebrow-gymnastics-I-took-this-quote-VERY-out-of-context-on-goodreads-and-didn’t-pay-attention-to-the-fact-it’s-from-1984-#ad
well, roobee, here's my compliment:
your aesthetic is what I'd describe as holocaust-entrepreneur-dead-fly-dirty-nail-leg-lifting-pose-soggy-bread-leviosah-30-minute-maximum-leisure-grateful-dark-eyebrow-gymnastics-I-took-this-quote-VERY-out-of-context-on-goodreads-and-didn’t-pay-attention-to-the-fact-it’s-from-1984-#ad