Gertrude

Chatty Member
I am fuming :mad: :mad:

Have just seen on her Instagram stories that she’s been gifted a vegan box by Bolney Wine Estate... my boyfriend and I had booked tickets at this place (way before COVID was a thing btw) to do a vineyard tour for us and two of our friends who were supposed to be visiting us last summer.
This of course never happened because of COVID and I have been refused a refund because ‘they don’t do refunds’ and I have to instead wait until the wine tours are up and running again before I can rebook our tour.

I’m really annoyed that they will send these gifts to rich influencers, who can afford to buy their own things, but will refuse to refund, regular folk like myself. I am not rich and the cost of the four tickets is £180 which is very much needed now.

Sorry about my rant but my bf is asleep and needed to vent :cry:

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earlgrey

VIP Member
My partner travels to India sometimes for work and he proposed this Christmas on a winter beach walk with a non-diamond ring he designed himself in India. It's a bit uncanny I'll be honest. Lets just say I won't be making any smoothie bowls this summer.
 
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Yel

Chatty Member
Moderator
I really feel for her. Whatever has happened she clearly wasn't expecting it. I know that you're all just having a laugh but I feel a bit weird seeing comments speculating
I think you might want to pop onto her feed rather than a gossip forum if you don't like speculation 🤷‍♀️

Any "flaw" that Niomi has is petty/trivial on the grand scheme of things. She's successful, lives a very ethical lifestyle
She's not actaully that ethical at all, she's a weapon of massive consumtion that exists to push products ~ "try this new land rover that's more sustainable". This green washing is very problematic.

She freaked out over him not wanting her favourite tea while on camera, what goes on when the camera isn't rolling?

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And seconds later it got worse when he meakly said he wanted toast :LOL:
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efie

Active member
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This !Freshly uploaded by Charlotte onto her Instagram story!
Hahahaa is it a dig to Niomi? Ex-best friend and ex-fling/lover/flame/ whatever she wanted to call it. Charlotte now called Forky as her “old friend” sounds funny to me. Because they aren’t “old” as in knowing each other for a long time right ? They only knew each other through niomi and that was only one or two years ago?
 
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formerly_sitkx

Chatty Member
If Niomi is desperate for guidance, I am going to give her some life coaching here for free.
I have no formal training in psychology/psychiatry/therapy, which means I am as qualified to be a *life coach* as Lordon (y)

🌸 Niomi’s survival guide: 🌸
  1. Break up and cut all ties with wanna-be Keith Raniere of the NXIVM cult, absolutely block him and his sister on every platform (sorry Holly, it’s collateral damage)
  2. Cut your losses and move back to London
  3. Rent a nice small flat in Notting hill, like the one she had post-Marcus, or the one her friend rented to her post-DJ
  4. Continue renting out shed on Airbnb for passive income, use that to pay rent
  5. START INTENSE THERAPY for eating disorders & hopefully restore some body weight
  6. Reconnect with Charlotte, apologize profusely for past behaviors & rekindle friendship
  7. Finally commit to some serious therapy dealing with DJ trauma. And I mean like genuinely serious, as in twice a week, CBT homework and all
  8. Reconnect with family as much as possible, do monthly trips to Brighton to spend quality time
  9. Revert to a Kate Middleton dupe era. We all know she loves channeling that energy
  10. Find a new social media agency to partner with, something akin to Gleam
  11. For cryin out loud, just embrace your influencer career and start making old style vlogs like it’s 2016. Make stable ad revenue income from youtube and keep “busy” with churning out posh Londoner content. Zoella is still staying afloat doing old-style youtube
  12. Re-enter the London “posh” scene, which she loves. Hopefully, new agency can finally get her back on the PR lists for events and award ceremonies and all that crap
  13. Get involved in some charity and volunteer work to build up self-worth and cultivate a sense of belonging
  14. Continue doing the above and eventually meet some guy from her newly developed social circles. Some of you won’t agree, but I am convinced that her meeting someone fitting is 95% likely to happen after therapy (I'm a glass half full person 🥴 )
  15. Be upfront with the potential suitors about what she wants in her future: marriage, kids, country house, “til death do us part”
  16. Eventually, have a spark with some Prince William dupe who is on the same page about future goals
  17. Hopefully, by this point she has worked through all her control issues and ED issues in therapy, so there won’t be a repeat of DJ scenario
  18. Date the DJ clone until all her dreams come true
  19. Marriage, kids, sail off into sunset
  20. Forget the years 2020-2022 and pretend they never happened.
  21. Recommend me as a life coach to everyone she knows, so I can become Lordon's nemesis and cause his "career" downfall
The End


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Callan

VIP Member
Guys a rare but LOVELY joooeeyyyy update - he is having a greasy spoon fry up at the River Cafe in Putney. Delighted for him.

…and Nims staring through the cafe window ready to smack Joe into the middle of next week for being that close to a carbohydrate
Like a vampire lol

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Aaha that bottom reply, gold (y)(y)(y)

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Hey, tattlers. Thank you for your support 💙💛 its the 8th day of war, my city is relatively quiet. I’m doing some volunteer stuff. Today I was making camouflage net in the school nearby. Never thought I would learn how to do it. Bought more cat food today, just in case) We have news broadcast (all big channels united) 24/7, there were some fake news attack from russia, but we were warned like 2 days ahead! We’re expecting deepfake news any day (that our president is telling us we’re surrendering).
I have a new hobby- rating news anchors and reporters.
I have nothing to say about Niomi)))

 

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getawaywithit

VIP Member
Omg they are both insane.

And I know this word is overused online these days, but also so narcissistic. Like they have to take an event where they undeniably fucked up, made the situation worse for themselves, and couldn’t get out the situation and had to be rescued by others… and have ever since used it to in fact prove how great they are? After all, they are brave enough to take risks, fall in love, get lost in a jungle! They would do it again of course!

They are SO fit that they made the rescuers’ job even easier for them!

If it weren’t for Bradley and Niomi, the special forces would’ve had such a shitty day!

It’s a very Trumpian, ‘some say this was the best rescue there has even been. It was a great rescue folks, the very best! They told me they’d never rescued such a healthy fit person before. I actually wasn’t even really rescued’, type of mindset.
 
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sitkx

VIP Member
At first I thought he just misspoke when he said secret services , but he literally thinks it’s the secret services that came to rescue them
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does he think he’s a character in an American spy movie 😭
 
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CheshireLove

VIP Member
In her stories she's giggling at people setting up their vegetable market stall... at 7am. Like she thinks it's weird, or cute, that other people would be up as early as go-getting Nimbobs on her way to her workout.
Like she’s on safari or something. Seeing the peasants in their natural habitat.
 
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Grizmond

New member
I have to be honest, she ought to ditch Gleam, what a bunch of dim idiots! Everyone knows it’s impossible to successfully launch a skin care range without being hella knowledgable on the subject, networked like Caroline (who at least was smart enough to write a book) and a deep wallet. I think there is zero effort with her brand, because like Lydia with the mits, it was an idea some fool came up with years back, attached her name to in exchange for a share of whatever profits (there won’t be) and it’s nothing truly exiting and worse still they know will be a flop. That’s why I feel it’s all an afterthought but something they’ve apparently been working on for years?! Mad.

Her managers (if they had half a brain) would have advised her to do yoga teacher training years ago and focused solely on nutrition (write another book) and yoga (launch mats, yoga clothes of which she clearly is passionate about and her style of choice anyways), related gumph like journals, stones etc all under the Smart Yoga brand.

Dear lord it pains me and I’m not in marketing!!!

Oh and if SHE had half a brain (should do having studied law?!) then her India stint should have been one 500hr yoga teacher training. She wouldn’t have been lonely, would have met foreigners AND importantly would have come away qualified and able to utilise the experience to turn a coin by building her brand.

She would have gained a new following if she vlogged it and wouldn’t feel so bitter about Joeeyy misleading her (which he did).

I can’t understand women who lose their minds over a man, get a fucking grip! Love and a partner is meant to complement an already full life, not be the making or breaking of it 🙄
 
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Jelly Bean

VIP Member
'The idea of a roomful of other couples having the same experience isn't for us!'.
So not like, say, a couples retreat then.
 
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Juststopit

VIP Member
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say most of us are just excited to not have to see or think about Lordons penis again
 
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Shutterbug99

VIP Member
Lordon is still being discussed on Zoe's thread and nobody is calling him handsome now. Instead we've got 'Gnashers to rival Alfie's' and 'Looks like if you ordered Daniel Ricciardo off Wish'.

😄
 
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