childfree by choice : Most liked Posts

I saw that "little tummies" LinkedIn post the other day. Made me feel unwell.

I don't necessarily think the world needs to revolve around full time working hours and I'm also very aware of how expensive childcare is. But if you choose to work full time 9-5, funnily enough, the world doesn't stop at 5pm to accommodate the "little tummies".

It's this weird martyrdom I can't be bothered with. You chose to have children - yes it's expensive as fuck and difficult to fit around standard working hours! Why does this always seem to come as a surprise?!

I‘d rather be old and childless in a retirement home knowing no one will visit, than having kids and being in a retirement home knowing no one can be arsed to visit

Controversial take probably but I don't think IVF should be covered by the nhs.
It isn't covered by insurance where I live. I saw an article about how IVF shouldn't be covered by the nhs and one of the quotes was "there's a difference between curing illness and curing dissatisfaction." Harsh but true.

Happy to oblige as I’ve shared them on another thread… the bigger black one is my girl I just lost

Tinkerbell cat said:

Right not we are just too selfish and that is the truth.

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I get what you mean here but I don't think you, or anyone who doesn't want kids, are selfish and I really wish we would stop using this word in relation to this issue. We don't owe anything at all to imaginary children that don't exist yet, wanting your lifestyle to stay the same, have spare time that isn't dictated around a child, spending every spare penny you have on stuff for children, is not selfish. Using the word selfish only makes sense if you (general you, not you specifically as you haven't said this) think we're all obliged to have kids, and those of us who choose not to are somehow selfishly depriving everyone else of a child.
What I actually do find very selfish is other people pressuring women to hurry up and have kids. My Mum is always going on about wanting a grandchild - at the cost of what? My body doing the pregnancy and birth, me paying for it all, my life changing completely, while she would see my child a couple of times a week for a couple of hours. The people demanding and expecting that we produce children for them are the selfish ones. People who go on about wanting grandkids, nieces/nephews, whatever - if you want a child in your life so badly, have your own. I'm not your surrogate.

Nayalove96 said:

Hey guys! Love reading this thread so I thought I’d jump in. I’m 26 and have never wanted kids, I am very work orientated and I couldn’t think of anything worse than giving things up to have kids in the same way that my friends have! A few examples being ‘ can’t go on holiday I have a child’ ‘ i have to be home by 7 because of xyz bedtime’ ‘ oh I look a mess #mumlife’ you get my point but fast forward and I’m 6 months pregnant! I do believe that until you are pregnant and you start feeling your baby ect you don’t realise how much you want/ love that child but I will NOT give anything up! He will be a part of my life and I never want to lose myself in that. How annoying is it when people just use their kids as an excuse to be lazy and have no goals! Only problem is I don’t think I’ll have any mam friends who agree with my views

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I look forward to your update when your baby is 6 months old and your life is ruled by them. I honestly think you are naive if you think your life is going to stay them same.
Just off the alcohol support group to tell them about my nice glass of wine I’m going to have with my dinner. Seeing as no threads appear to be safe spaces.

I've just come out of Lidl and am afraid to report that I've turned into a snappy old lady (at 44)
Two kids (about 7 and 8 so old enough to know better) were kicking 2 footballs down an aisle and almost knocked over an elderly lady with a walking stick.
She looked too scared to say anything, I usually don't but I'm having a bad day and snapped at them "It's not a playground!" with an evil look.
They looked wary of me (especially when they encountered me at the next checkout) but not wary enough to stop them doing it again.

The lady thanked me and said that she's afraid to say anything to kids these days in case their parents snap the head off her.
If the parents (both of whom were there) had tried it with me today, they would have got an earful!

When did that become okay? To take footballs into a supermarket and just kick them around the place?

ATV2021 said:

I don't need to even say anything. Goes well with the title!!

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So self entitled!

Someone actually said to me once that “you can’t complain you’re tired until you’ve had kids”.

I used to suffer from fatigue from a b12 deficiency, I’m pretty sure I know a bit about tiredness.

I went to a corporate event yesterday, this will be a working group on a project for the next 18 months, the first time we’ve all met. We did the usual intro of who you are, your daily job role, your project role and an interesting fact. One woman’s interesting fact was ‘I’m a mum’

"Mate, I don't give a fuck."

Kidding, both responses above are great suggestions

My husband told me a week or so ago that his brother's gf was sending us a gift from Australia. I had a wager with myself that it would be a photo of their child. It's just arrived and yep, it is an A4 picture of their child in a massive frame. The frame doesn't even go with our decor.

OMG.

WHY.

The only photo we have up in our house from our wedding is about one third of the size.

I've never met her or the child. I (nor my husband's step brother or his husband) show any interest in the child when she bombards the family WhatsApp with (filtered ) pics, videos or tales of the child. My husband will occasionally throw a like on a pic, but that's about it.

Should I frame a massive picture of our cats (who I have shared in the group TWICE, because it was appropriate to the conversation at those times) and send it to her as "a gift?"

Anyone else feeling particularly gleeful that they don’t have to spend their wages on kid’s presents, or piss around with a plastic elf each night?

I’ll just be over here with my Baileys, pondering how to spend my disposable income, and napping whenever I want

Beaversabout said:

I notice everyone one who has had kids young always say, if I could go back I wouldn't change it, or I wouldn't change it for the world. Why are you lying? Of course you would.

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The type of ‘wouldn’t change it for the world’ statements I don’t get are ‘I had the worst pregnancy, I was sick the whole time, my hair fell out, my teeth fell out, I became diabetic. Then I had an 84 hour labour 23 stitches, 3 tears, a prolapse and side effects from the drugs. I struggled to breastfeed and had to stop because of lots of reasons including bleeding nipped and blocked ducts so I feel guilty and like a failure. I hate being a mum, I have no money, the house is a mess, I’ve had to give up all my hobbies and haven’t showered for three days, I hate my toddler, he’s so annoying and I can’t wait for him to grow up. And my husband left so now I’m a single parent with no time to date. I wouldn’t change anything though, he’s my world. When are you having one? What do you mean, you’re not? But it’s magical! Your life won’t be complete until you’ve had children, they’re a blessing!’.

reverse psychology for the next thread title?

Childfree by Choice - Parents: this is specifically about you. Yes, you.

Unpopular and probably controversial but I do think some of these people like babies and the fuss you get when you have a baby but not the actual child they become

Does anyone else feel exhausted that every ‘extravagance’ no matter how minor gets commented on by parents? “Did you say you set up your Nectar points to convert to Avios? That’s a bit FANCY. I SHOP at LIDL. And I FLY on RYANAIR. I have CHILDREN so I CANNOT go to SAINSBURY’S. And you have COUPONS on the APP for COUSCOUS? If I had the app I would get coupons for chicken DINOSAURS instead” Like ok? I’ve only bought enough couscous to get me to Brussels, I’m not going all Supermarket Sweep here. Just sit down and eat your dinosaurs.

Falkor said:

I've just got to the bit in June where someone asked about getting their tubes tied - I managed to get it done on the NHS in my late 20s, which I'm immensely grateful for and I don't think would happen now, I'd get fobbed off with a Mirena. I started asking my GP at around 23 for a referral, got refused, kept asking every six months when I had to go back to see him to get my prescription for the pill, and after four or five years of this the GP who took over from him when he retired got fed up enough to refer me. I then saw two different gynaecologists, who weren't very happy about the idea and eventually said that if I'd agree to attend a couple of sessions with a psychiatrist for evaluation then they'd do it if he agreed. So off I went to the psych, who had somehow got the idea that I wanted my entire womb and ovaries removed, so I spent most of the first session explaining that wasn't the case, and then in the second session he said he wanted to hypnotise me to see if there was some lingering childhood trauma that meant I didn't want kids. He failed to put me in a trance and was so annoyed by this that he sat on my notes for six months, refusing to hand them back to the gynacology side of things. In the end I wrote a really annoyed letter to the Primary Care Trust in charge, which ended with 'I understand that everyone is concerned about me making a life-changing decision at a relatively young age. But a 17-year-old getting pregnant and deciding to keep her baby is also a life-changing decision at a relatively young age and she doesn't have to work her way through two GPs, two gynaecologists and a psychiatrist to be allowed to make that decision.' I had an invitation for a pre-op assessment four weeks later. Best thing I ever did.

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How fucked up is it that we are deemed mentally broken and must have lived through some sort of trauma as an explanation as to why we don’t want children.

shadowcat5 said:

It's also only childfree women that get called selfish. Society rarely calls childfree men selfish.

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Let's be honest, society rarely criticises men for most things

The thought of 'needing to have a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous life to make up for not having children' makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what surprises life will serve me, none of us do. I may end up having many different experiences that are unavailable to parents, I may just have a small, simple life that only contains me, a few friends and maybe a holiday or two a year. At my old age, I may or may not look at my youth, thinking about the wild times. I may be only known to the mailman or the cashier at the shop at that point, or famous, or just a regular person who has some good relationships and mostly casual ones. Not having children shouldn't come with a binding contract of needing to lead a crazy life to make the most of our child-free lives and (apparently endless!) disposable incomes. If you are child-free and leading a "boring" life, your decision is still valid. It's not really about choosing one or the other.

flutternutter said:

There's a school a street away from my house and its BEDLAM if you try to enter or exit your own street at kicking out time. The faces on these sours witches because they've parked over a clearly marked street, as if you've just decided to drive that way - it's a street to nowhere with about 60 houses on... chances ARE I live here and by the looks of it YOU DON'T!

I would love to follow them home and park somewhere to inconvenience them

At least this school is a catholic one so people come from miles. The local state schools confuse me the most, the catchment areas are tiny so why are you in the car?

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I once got screamed at by this self entitled bitch in a Range Rover because I had the absolute audacity to go down a road when it was school kicking out time. It’s a road where the yummy mummies park their massive SUV’s either side thus making a normal two way street into a narrow single lane with passing places if you are lucky that they haven’t parked across someone’s drive.

I was PERFECTLY legally entitled to go down said road so I did until I met a range river coming at me- I had nowhere to reverse (and had other cars behind me) whereas she had a drive way she could back up to in order to give way to us all. All she needed to do is reverse back and let us all past. I’m stuck. Instead she sat there waiting for me and everyone else to reverse back. So I turned my engine off and gestured to her that I wasn’t going anywhere. She then screamed at me that I was going the wrong way and therefore I needed to reverse instead of her simply backing her car up.

I saw red at this point, stopped my car as let’s face it I and the other drivers behind me weren’t able to go anywhere at this point because she wouldn’t move over, went over and politely explained the Highway Code to her. She then said “I can’t reverse this car, it’s too big and you should know that there’s an understanding on this road that at school time, you only go one way, you are the one going the wrong way.”

Who the fuck came up with this “understanding?!”The other parents. Oh lovely, so you think you are so special that you can override the Highway Code now and inconvenience the rest of us. Also why the fuck are you driving a car that you can’t safely reverse in? You shouldn’t be driving it if you can’t do that.

At this point, the headteacher of the school has come out to see what’s going on, the lollipop lady is having a mare trying to direct traffic, some parents are trying to help by telling her she just needs to reverse, neighbours are coming out to see what the commotion is. The cars behind me are honking, telling her to move her car as traffic is now backed up to the main road.

Ended with the headteacher having to reverse her car for her to resolve the situation. I’ve lost 30 mins of my day at this point dealing with this entitled bitch. He tries to smooth things over with me but at this point I’ve literally started a one woman crusade He’s soon surrounded by the neighbours who live on the street telling him that they are sick of parents blocking their driveways etc.

It’s like as soon as you give birth, you turn into a self obsessed, brainless airhead.