alfie deyes : Most liked Posts

- 5 sec in and I knew a video recap was needed due to the cringe factor -- "Cooking with Zoe & Alfie" more like "Zoe needs to relaunch her dead blog and we need to rekindle our dead relationship" (He even tried to do it all Emma Chamberlain/Tana Mongeau style)


- Alfie: "Get a big old cabbageeoooh and give it a choparoo" -- Can he not talk like an adult??????
- Alfie: "Theres quite a lot of components to this meal" --- literally VEG

- As I said this cooking segment was all for Zoe "relaunch"
Alfie: "When is the relaunch"?
Zoe: "Hopefully end of this month" (we believe you Zoe lol)

- Alfie: "When I said cooking with Alfie & Zoe. I meant Zoe" --- but it's all about the views..Ammarrite?

-Alfie: **puts oil in pan** "Jamie Oliver if you're watching hope you're proud. Jamie released a new book. If you haven't checked it. Which I haven't. I did message him I'm gonna get one over the weekend" --- How can he tell everyone to get a book he will probably get gifted hence why he hasn't purchased one

- Alfie: I am really getting into cooking
Zoe face [emoji23] like "bitch what"?

- Zoe: It depends on your idea of cooking.
Alfie: You don't cook, but I do
Zoe: **laughs*** You put meat balls in a frying pan
Alfie: Maybe not from scratch. But cooking meals. Like veggies, pasta with chicken..chicken with quinoa and vegetables (In everything he listed the only thing that really entails cooking is chicken and he never seasonal his chicken apart from that ghastly Nando peri peri bs. So NO YOU DON'T COOK)

-Also everything he listed is what everyone learnt at age 18 not fucking 25

- He starts on his bs "30 days of future self" crap
His list was so basic, like a child

Alfie list
- I want to go to bed at 11pm
- I want to wake up at 6.30am
- I want to read more books
- I want to cook more
- I want to work out more: at least 5 hours week
- I want to film more regular videos (ahh the year of "content")

- They made Poppy come round to bring avocado for the taco AND MOST IMPORTANTLY so they don't have to be alone #RelationshipGoalzzz
- Looking at that seasonless veggie taco made me so upset [emoji23]

- Alfie then proceeds to show his adolescent audience the wine he bought and added "Holy shit that's strong" to cement he's an ADUuLT gUYZzzzz

blurstoftimes said:

I HATE HIM. How can someone be so stupid, greedy, selfish, wasteful and obsessed with material belongings and then have the audacity to sit on his moral high horse because he has a fucking reusable water bottle? The lack of self-awareness is astounding. I am still convinced that he has some underlying mild learning difficulties. How is he real???

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Came here to say the same. He's "not 100% the best with limiting wastage", is he fucking serious???? How can he be THIS stupid? He produces so much waste, it's disgusting! Yet he sits there and pretends he's trying to be environmentally friendly. My hate grows every day.

WHY DOES HE EAT IN BED SO MUCH ITS SO GROSS WHO PUTS FUCKING FISH AND CHIPS ON A PLATE AND THEN CHOOSES TO GO EAT IT IN BED WTF I DONT KNOW WHY THIS TRIGGERS ME SO MUCH BUT ITS JUST DISGUSTING

and also makes me assume he never brushes his teeth before bed

A video of his hasn't made my blood boil this much probably since the 1 pound fiasco. I've never wanted to reach into the screen and smack him so hard in my life. I need to vent:

1. Shaves a patch in his beard and decides just to leave it
2. Says his viewers won't like minecraft vids because they're too old and minecraft viewers are 7 years old. Um...dear... that's the perfect audience for you
3. Says there's a photo shoot but ends up being a surprise party - 10 seconds later is talking about a photoshoot...
4. Leaves in a clip of him getting recognized cause hes SOOOOO famous
5. Buys ANOTHER pool
6. Is there tv ever not on?
7. Shocking... zoe doesnt want to leave the car
8. Got to get that Nandos name drop in
9. They're so edgy and cool! They swear and talk about shitting!
10. Privileged millionaires are confused why their ads don't do as well as a non-ad. All while not putting #ad on the screen while talking about Mini...
11. Pissed away HEAPS of water on another pool. But don't worry. He uses a paper straw.
12. Every "conversation" they have, all they do is talk about themselves. "I DO THIS" "WELL I DO THIS" "I DO THIS AND THIS"
13. Poor little millionaires get SUPER defensive over people not liking their fake as fuck ads which they get 100s of 1000s of pounds.
14. "It's how people make their money" - Boo Hoo people don't like the ad you got paid 50,000 pounds for. I'm sure your livelihood is super threatened.
15. Says it's scary and dangerous to not declare ads. Brah...have you seen LITCHERALLY ALL OF YOUR ADS WHERE YOU HIDE OR DON'T DECLARE
16. Shocking, dinner in bed. So. Gross.
17. Jesus these two are SO out of touch with reality. I fucking can't...Can JackMatte make a reaction to this video? PLEASE!

Preface: First time in a long time that I finished an entire vlog of Alfie's... I'm a bit embarassed to admit this. First take away is that he posted this very late and after the fact. So most of the stuff he vlogged is outdated and irrelevant.

-He starts with Palace to Palace stuff (a week after it's ended...). He still doesn't explain the what the Prince's Trust does. His explanation is "... All the money is going to the Prince's Trust which is the most amazing charity...". Sooo that's his pitch for why you should donate to the charity. It's amazing. End of.

-Remember that padlock necklace we all made fun of Alfie for awhile back? Well it turns out he intentionally bought it as a necklace. Apparently, it came up a bit shorter than he would like, making it more of a choker than necklace-- as if that would have made it any better. Alfie is proof that you can have all the money but it doesn't buy you taste...

- He talks about Future's Elf and emphasizes that it's "not a merchandise". It's a separate brand from Alfie. He said that people are already wearing his not-merchandise for the brand awareness alone (and not because Alfie peddles it nonstop on his IG) and that "it's sick!"

-He also talks about his kendama and learning new tricks but no one cares...

-Is grabbing a bite to eat and everyone at the restaurant is older than him by "at least 40 years". It says a lot that he is eating at a time when only retirees are out eating. It's because the rest of us have to work and don't get the luxury of working whenever they feel like it and taking 2+ hour lunch/snack/meal breaks. Get some self-awareness, Alfie.

-His laptop is still cracked. He's still bringing it up because he didn't get a gifted one yet if anyone out there is paying attention...

-The difference between how Zoe greets him ("Hi!!!!) when he gets home versus Alfie's begruding "...hello...". Honestly, she needs to leave him.

-Around 11:17 time stamp, Alfie talks about their 7 year anniversary coming up. He talks about how they got Nala two years into their relationship and how weird it is?!?! Zoe then chimes in with (and I kid you not) "Imagine if I got pregnant after two years...". Alfie can barely hid his grimace. All he has to say for their 7 year anniversary is how weird that they BOUGHT Nala two years in but says nothing sentimental of all their years together.

-Alfie ends up in London and checked into his hotel for Good Morning Britain the next day. He scared himself by seeing his own reflection in the dark when entering his hotel room.

-He's still clearly working on his 90 days gym bod by ordering room service for mac n' cheese and chunky chips at 1 am.

I hate myself just a bit for watching it all. The end.

Last but not least: A big shout out to those who actually do the recaps on entire vlogs (@GossWhore, @DoreenYadeley, and many other brave souls). You guys are the true heroes with infinite patience, bc after I finished this vlog there was a bit of self-loathing that came over me for watching something so useless. I don't know how you guys do it.

Why is this segway so hilarious to me

I’m dying at how stupid these two look

Ok sorry I need to rant....

So he is begging his fans to tell him what he should start collecting

He is literally running out of ideas to spend his money O _o

He mentions back in the day he would collect Pokémon cards etc. and he wants to start collecting something again to get that “high” of opening that package

Mate.. you spend too much money, it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore, nothing is giving you that “high” because you buy at least 5 things EVERY SINGLE DAY

Most of us still get all happy when we buy that new skirt, or really beautiful lipstick, or when we splurge on a laptop or that cute pair of shoes

You don’t experience that anymore cause you have a shopping addiction!!!
And it shows, by you having to even ask your followers what you need to be collecting :s

People liked Pokémon, so when the cards came out people wanted to collect them.. that’s the order it goes in....!!!

You don’t even have anything that you like (whether it be coins, stamps, figurines, rare stones, movie memorabilia etc.) like there is no drive or passion in why you want to collect that specific thing in the first place :/

It is just all about the high of buying it and opening it up and get that rush.. < literally from the horse’s mouth (no pun intended, or maybe a little)

The day has come ... i think he finally reached a point where he bought everything he could possible buy...
Maybe you should stop fucking buying stuff to fulfill yourself and go get that “rush” in actual life experiences!!! go diving in Australia, go climb a real mountain or travel through Europe for an entire summer, go to California and go surfing I mean idk.. do something to give you that high other than buying things!!!
He is 25 and this is the “man” he turned into, this is alfie grown up.. what a sad SAD existence

I would love for him to loose all his money
I don’t even think he knows how to function in a world where he couldn’t just buy 10 things on amazon daily.. I don’t even know what kind of person he would be because spending money and showing off all the latest fads is literally all he is.. he’s a gimmick.

Go develop yourself some more little boy!!!
Grow a personality!!!
And maybe.. just maybe.. you find something you actually like to do and wanna do more off and collect those experiences.

Stop buying everything from skate-ramps to quad bikes to slack lines etc. it’s not you! You make other people drive bikes around your yard cause you’re scared to go over a tiny ramp.. you film other people skating on you’re ramp because you are not a skater!!! He doesn’t get any rush in life cause he constantly lives it for views.. only views.
He thinks of new personalities to be every month
And non of it sticks because he doesn’t have a passion for shit.
He is such an empty shell of a human being!!!

Remember just a few weeks ago he was away,I think it was for his moms birthday, and sean, alfie and his dad bought these (I think Pokémon) books in the shop, with a couple of packages of cards.. nothing special.. alfie filmed himself going right back to the shop a few hours later not just for a couple more packages but actually grabbing multiple cardboard boxes from the shelves filled with cards.. just so he could rush back to the cottage to fill up his book ASAP!!! He doesn’t have the patience to collect something!! He needs to NOW -_-

So let one of your followers tell you what to collect.. spend thousand of pounds on it within 1 week to collect all there is to collect of that specific thing and it’s gonna never be mentioned ever again.
Just like everything else.

I really hate when Instagrammers/YouTubers assume people who criticise them are just jealous or unhappy with their lives. It just shows how big their ego is, as with this prize Tory tosser

Whinging about his laptop getting fixed. FOR FREE.... and that he needs it for travelling.

hasn’t it been broken for two months and he’s only just taken it in? Fuck off elf

“I want zoe to dress more street wear”
Why don’t you just go and find a girl that you aren’t a dick to Alfie you moron. And bro your the least street person I’ve ever seen you Tory wanker

Zoe is wearing this outfit in the latest vlog and Alfie says something along the lines of if he could dress Zoe however he wanted, it would be exactly this... I wonder why

Oh god he’s gonna keep calling the baby “lidl one”

rachelandelvis said:

Zoe got him a knife for Christmas? Ahahahaha! He can’t even cook!

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It will be used to open amazon boxes.

sitesorestrictive said:

So can someone phonetically spell the name because I’ve been trying for 5 minutes and have no idea how to pronounce that.

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T-ory

Algae is just sooooo o fittt

sitesorestrictive said:

"Maybe promote the charity a bit better. What's it about? What does the charity do? Put some effort into raising awareness for the charity."

"If you bothered clicking the link and reading the description you’d see..instead you try and make something SO positive into a negative"

Holy shit how is that negative?!? The person is stating facts and he takes it like he was just stabbed in the throat. I want to see an interview where he gets called out on his shit SOOOOO bad.

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That was me! I just replied to him. I'm sorry but if I'm going to donate to a charity I don't just want to click a link and read some generic blurb about it. I want someone raising money to tell me in their own words why they're doing what they're doing and their understanding of what the charity is about. He obviously doesn't have a clue.

Has Joe got health problems? He looks 14 and 50 at the same time and has the frame and strength of a newborn bird.

Alfie deyes is the youtubers biggest loser.....

Hes got a piano he cant play
He bought a Guitar he cant play
He had a skate ramp made when he cant really skate
He has a home Gym but cant workout on his own
He has a Audi he doesn't drive
He's made merch He cant sell
A podcast he cant get guests on
a podcast he cant release (see above)
Hes got a gf he cant commit to
A dog he cant be bothered to walk
A lovely house he cant be be bothered to clean
a 'business' that no one wants to work with

alfalfa is asking for questions for a new Q&A, here are my suggestions:
1. why are you such are a cunt?
2. are you ever going to propose to zoe, if not put her out of her misery bastard
3. you said this was the year of content, do you think you've put out any thing decent you halfwit?
4. why do you think just 2% of your subs are watching your dreadful videos?
5. when are you going to fucking grow up and stop playing with wooden kids toys?
6. why do you ALWAYS taking pictures with your eyes closed or gazing gormlessly into the fucking distance? you look like a total spazz when you do it.
7. when are you going to admit that futurelf is merch and not an unrelated line?
8. how dumb do you think people are?
9. do you really think narlahs cute? cause if you do you're nuts because she looks like a mutant slug.
10. why the fuck are you so fucking stupid?
and finally: why don't you just fade into obscurity and take all your shit with you?