alfie deyes : Most liked Posts

"Guuuuuyzzzzz, I don't understand why my sponsored insta posts get waaaay less likes. All my brand deals are supppppeeeer authentic and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I get thousands of pounds worth of freebies and a shit ton of money from LG. I'm doing this insta story to make you feel like I really value your opinions, but in reality it's just a sneaky beg for likes, cause if you don't engage with my ads then i'll probs get less brand deals and we all know I need the cash to fund my vapid, self indulgent, suppppeeer wasteful, sick bro send it lifestyle. Love you guys soooo much"

VLOG: Trying Out This 'New' Coffee Style

• He starts by showing off all the shit jumpers he bleached and will be selling for triple the price
• He bangs on about self-isolating for 17 days -- like he is the only one
• He is wearing a mask which will not protect him "the reason I am wearing this I am doing a food shop, I don't want to be doing stuff and touch my face" -- because yes when I am looking for bananas, I Start randomly rubbing my face, sometimes with the fruit. It's the reason they ban me from Waitrose.
• Zoe acting like a doofus as usual "I'Ve FoRgOttON hOw To DrIVe hEHe" - she is exhausting, and this woman is THIRTY
• They spoke about the letter Boris Johnson (Prime minister of the UK) sent everyone a letter of staying indoors and leaving your house only once a day for exercise -- Zoe probably read the exercise part and thought "I can do one better and not exercise full stop"
• Then added "Zoe was like we need to keep onto this because one day our kids in the future reading this letter, that will be like taught in the history book" --- what bizarre thinking they have
• He did a riddle "What can you hold in your right hand but never in your left hand?"

• Alfie "I am gonna anti bac my hands so everyone as safe as possible from us" --Zalfie should just stay inside and protect us for good
• Zoe seemed very concerned "did they have avos".....Alfie eased her pain with yes --- an avo free lockdown, THINK OF THE CHILDREN! LOL
• Alfie "the things people would assume would run out like avocados they have lots of stock, but things probably didn't realise people would use like baking, but baking is not a necessity it is a luxury" -- LOOOL how middle class, I am working with vulnerable families who use flour for making pita, chapatti, pizza because it's cheaper for them, they aren't looking for avocados
• Alfie "me and Zoe made a new rule when we clean and tidy the house for one hour every day whilst self-isolating" --- how messy does their house get?????? Imagine if they had kids
• Apparently everyone has been "hammering" him on his "socials" (honestly hate when he calls it that) to make the Tik Tok coffee -- groundbreaking content
• Zoe "wiLL tWo TAbLe SpOoNs oF coFfEE mAKe mE hAVe a HeaRtatTack" --- because she sooo precious
• He shows his future self hoodies and adds "usually I am not handmaking the garments myself" -- EXCUSE ME? did you sew this? did you source the material?? LOOOL little bit of dyeing and he is now self-made
• SIDE COMMENT: I really I think he is doing all the sht dyeing because he has never had a proper job, heck even Zoe once upon a time worked in New Look --- I feel he wants to be like "yeah I make garments, I don't just do youtube" ----and also he wants to make a shit tonne of money after this is all over
• He was all gummy smiling "the last drop sold out in 1 min 20" --- yeah Alf that's what happens when you only make 10 and give half to your family lol

• Another day, another order which is not essential -- he did buy books, however, it's 2020!!! -- use kindles and help your postman stay safe
• He showed the books he had ordered ------" Letters from an Astrophysicist" - Letters from an Astrophysicist - Neil deGrasse Tyson (available as an ebook), "Dreamland" - Bob Lazar (also available as an ebook), "Permanent Record" - Edward Snowden
• Alfie "these are pretty heavy books, but I am someone who believes things just from the media without knowing other alternatives" --- isn't this the same guy who could not finish his gf tween book? LOL - he will leave them on their coffee table to look superrrr smart and never read them
• Next clip -- he is going to his office next to the house and has his KEYS IN HIS MOUTH --- Is he ok??? Wears a mask in M&S, puts dirty keys in his mouth???
• I don't know why when he mentioned jumping in the bath with Zoe, it felt incestuous lol

• He made prawns for dinner and added "I don't really know to cook prawns with pasta" --- he is mentally 10 I swear!
• Alfie "I googled prawn pasta and they all have garlic sauce, I don't know how to make a garlic sauce so I am using garlic puree" -- legit garlic sauce is sooooo easy, he is just lazy
• Alfie tastes his own prawns "bloody hell Jamie I am coming for you" --- 1 meal and now he's a Michelin star chef lol
• EATS IN BED BUT HAS A MANSION
• Alfie "I want to encourage you if you are not into cooking, have a dabble of trying something new. If you are making beans on toast, add in some cheese, add in some Lea & Perrins" --- wow he is not only a Michelin star chef but a motivator - Alfiestole Ramsey

Bloody check -- only 2 [aww he's toning it down, but still clapping like a seal lol]

The fucking receding rectum has actually tagged himself in it as well

Did anyone else see his story this morning, asking if he should finish the three bites of burger he’d left by the bed after they got a takeaway last night?

firstly - who eats dinner in bed? Secondly, who then just goes to sleep leaving leftover food by your bed? Thirdly, who then contemplates eating the leftovers 12 hours later? GRIM

someone posted this on alfies Instagram post

D I A N N E

CinnamonBun said:

Alfie saying he hasn’t seen Diane for 8weeks... correct me if I’m wrong but we haven’t been allowed to see anyone until the last few weeks, have we?

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I think he means physically in person rather than through his binoculars and I think its been longer too.

gee13 said:

Back already hahahaha

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I'm so sad for him that he didn't get totally ripped in time and so had to crop his body out of this photo

I'm usually a lurker in this thread, but i had to post this. The Sidemen were reacting to episodes of my 600lb life, and one of them said "he kinda looks like alfie you know". Cracked me TF up. With the gummy smile and all

coconochanel said:

I dont think it was I think the label was supposed to be on the outside.

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Nope, the buttons were on the inside....


It's a Portuguese Flannel shirt, none of them have a label on the outside.

Well we all know Alfie hasn't joined the mile high club with Zoe given that she has a panic attack just going to the fucking airport, lol.

My sleep paralysis demon in the corner of the room.

In Zoe’s vlog the QA continues from Frag’s and someone said “Remember when you built a gym to get hench and you’re not” Hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahah

STJ_95 said:

Have they already been coloured in by their previous owner though?

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No they are totally blank, just like their author.

Youtubegossip said:

What happened to those £200 dolls he bought so him and Zoe could do a video looking after them.

If he sat and wrote a list of everything he promised was coming/ he was doing he would be gobsmacked how much he’s not followed through on. I can’t think of one single thing he’s actually committed to and completed. Even the canoe thing he went home for the night

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Excuse me, I’m offended by this comment..I can think of one single thing he’s actually committed to and completed, not marrying Zoe!

Bringing back my all time favourite Alfie moment when he thought a lights show was the northern lights in his garden in Brighton aaahhahahah it kills me

Why did he not just put Zoe took these photos? idk I just find it strange he put girlfriend

Preaching about the homeless while he's a landlord and has a whole house just as office space and hardly used. Cunt.

New thread suggestion.

Alfie deyes #10 Dianne Buswell’s boyfriend’s sister’s irrelevant boyfriend.

Cos does anyone even care who he is anymore

Is this real life?