White Allyship

[bubbletea123]

Thank you for starting this thread.

 

[Limetree]

I am hesitant to even write this after a post about George Floyd, but I was wondering if the ladies of the white allyship space think I should bring this up with the BBC. It’s so trivial in the scheme of things, but I love Gardeners World and they broadcast viewers submissions/garden tour type things. Anyway it’s overwhelmingly white..... think they had a British Pakistani family on early on and maybe one other POC and I know they have a WOC who is a presenter..... I’d noticed it even before the Christian Cooper incident, which then made me start thinking even more.... anyway, so trivial but do you think it’s worth an email to them?

 

[prinnygrace]

How far ahead of time? I would argue that 8 minutes before George’s death the police officer planned to kill him. At any point in those minutes he could have stopped with no harm coming to him or his colleagues. He didn’t have to put his knee on him at at point, George didn’t pose a threat to any of them at any time.

That’s very true, I hadn’t thought of it like that. In that sense, I’d believe it was premeditated but whether that’s enough to go through a court I’m not convinced unfortunately.

 

[Herefortea24]

I urge people to watch this video

 

[Abcd123]

I love this. A peaceful protest whilst practising social distancing.

 

[Coffeetrampbiatch]

I went online this evening to order Some books, Why I’m no longer talking to white people about race and White Privilege, I only tried ethical sites because it feels disingenuous to order these books on a site that pays little to no tax... they were sold out everywhere !! That fills me with hope, thank you @GossWhore for sharing so freely and taking time to educate, I know that takes so much emotional energy to do but I’m so thankful to have people like you to learn from.

 

[KateESJ]

This video is absolutely horrific. Glad to see it getting a large amount of coverage. Seen it on the news multiple times already this morning.

 

[coconochanel]

Regarding influencers they are posting about black influencers and sharing websites and companies run by WOC etc but surely they met black influencers at events so why didn't they post about them then? when some get called out for posting about them now their response is its 'better late then never' which in a way is true but they should have done this before IMO.

 

[prinnygrace]

I wasn't planning on posting in here but I have been reading and enjoying the conversation and passing on of information its a great thread and I'm glad gosswhore set it up. Its been interesting to see a few racist comments but thankfully they have been called out. I'm glad to see that I don't recognise their usernames so we probably don't frequent the same posts.

If you can see how frustrating it is trying to apply logic and reason towards comments that just brush off everything you say about racism imagine having to deal with that your whole life and being told you are being too sensitive, that someone is using the race card again, that racism is not as bad anymore, that you need to calm down and are being aggressive when you haven't even raised your voice. I could go on but its tiring.

In the past few months (before lockdown) I have been told that the n word is no big deal anymore by a pupil. Explained history to said pupil and he had to have a few lessons on why it is a big deal and why he shouldn't say it. Informed by a colleague I shouldn't make a big deal about it as kids say stupid things and im coming across as being aggressive. I wasn't even annoyed about the situation the child wasn't racist just misguided but he was using racist terminology.

Been asked by quite a lot of people if I have ever thought about putting my natural hair in "braids" or straightening it again.

Stopped to talk to a friend about our sons on a main road. We were both in smart work clothes and I had my youngest in a pushchair. The road is busy as like I said it is a main road, full of traffic and people my friend is asian, im black and a guy comes out of his house to tell us to keep walking or he will call the police! He doesn't own the pavement we were professional mums in our 30s with a toddler in a pushchair talking about what secondary schools we were planning on sending our children to hardly menaces to society.

My brother is constantly looked at with suspicion, followed around stores, asked if he knows where people can buy weed!! and met with questions by our neighbours who have known him his whole life on how he can afford to have such a nice car. (He has a good job as an engineer which he gained after getting a 2.1 degree at university)

These are just a few things that tbh are not even that bad compared to people who are losing their lives for being black or the time I was told someone was going to chop me up and send me back to my own country while I was just minding my own business or even the time someone decided to call my lovely children half breeds in a fake jamaican accent but its constant and up until recently if black people tried to bring it up we were met with comments such as some of the ones that have been posted recently, we would be met with 'well did you know he was a drug dealer' when talking about unjust murders by the police or 'well my life has been hard' when discussing racism and white privlege. I'm happy to also discuss why their life was hard and what were the factors in that but I wouldn't dismiss their points while doing it. I was talking about Islamophobia as some of my friends had experienced it and was met with 'people are just scared, you just never know' by work colleagues.

Over on tik tok so many creators were having their content copied without credit but were told thats just the nature of the app. Sometimes all the small little things are part of a bigger picture.

I’m so sorry you have had to experience such awful things. I know sorry isn’t enough, and that it will be meaningless until black lives matter and there is an end to the racism experienced by so many. As a white person, I will never understand what it is like but my heart breaks for you and everyone in the POC community. I am an ally and I will continue to use my voice to fight for a change.

 

[Heyguysswipeup]

I’m really glad I have found this thread, I have tried to have adult conversations with other adults who made some ignorant comments (the whole ‘one bad apple shouldn’t spoil the bunch’ comment and even brought up George Floyds history up, almost using it as an excuse to justify his Murder), they then said that they don’t ‘see colour’. I tried to get them to understand that even if they don’t ‘see colour’ we live in a world that clearly does and it favours certain people (white/straight/Christian folk).. anyway, the comments were going back and forth and it wasn’t getting anywhere so I deleted them. I feel exhausted and so mad they can’t see it from other perspectives!! I can’t imagine how tiring this must be for those who actually experience these discriminations!!
Sorry, I’m not looking for sympathy, just to vent. Thanks for this thread. Off I go to try and convert some more privileged people!

 

[GossWhore]

This is a really powerful video and breaks it all down so well. I did not know about the Amy Cooper video and am absolutely appalled but sadly not surprised that a white person would do that. (A Black man was birdwatching in an area of Central Park where dogs must be on a leash. Amy's dog was not on a leash and he politely tells her that it needs to be. Amy says: "I am going to call the police and tell them an African American man is threatening my life." And she calls the police and says exactly that. She KNEW what she was doing and used it as a weapon against him. Absolutely vile. Thankfully he filmed the incident on his phone). I also did not know about Emmett Till but just spent some time reading about it. Horrific.e

Its really weird before I thought all stories I read were trickled down to my white friends.

For context the Amy Cooper story happened at 4am UK to time, but 9am all my black friends had messaged me or shared it on social media. Heck even my Dad who hates the internet knew.
But some of my white friends are just finding out about her.

It's like Emmett Till. We all know the story. I never learnt about it in the classroom but I knew it. The photos of him in the casket still burn in my memory.

 

[KINGAA]

I was unlucky enough to grew up in London (I hated it) so am used to different cultures in my life, of which were just normal people to me and that’s because of my parents, my schools and those around me who never made a big deal out of it, never pointed out differences, which I’m forever thankful for - although I was annoyed my parents didn’t own a Kebab shop like one of my friends for the longest time!

I am white, all my favourite dolls growing up were black and I never thought anything of it. It wasn’t until I got older, wiser and saw the real world away from my youth and it’s something I still find very hard to grasp how people treat others different because of their skin colour, I just don’t understand it. I’ve watched great documentaries and it just sickens me honestly. I tear up now thinking of it.

I don’t know really know the world outside of my world, I no longer live in London and don’t have as much multi cultural influence due to my current area where I live post Uni - I would really like to know how the US and U.K. compare are in terms of rasisim - is it the same or different. To me, I like to feel the British culture are much more open to everything. Is police brutality a thing in the U.K., well I guess it is... but, is it to that same extreme?!

I also would love to know, no one has the answers but... what is it that changes?! Children aren’t born racist, it’s taught by others. But in 2020, how is this still a thing?

I’ve been posting about George and will be reading about more I can do to help so thanks for all the tips, books and links!

 

[KINGAA]

This is terrible, with all that going on and the Russian wife of a ceo if Jaguar is calling the police on a black woman for being in her neighbourhood!

 

[Felix08]

They even used mace on a little girl!

 

[idk2]

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This is SUCH a great resource. In real life, when I come to the defence of the BLM movement, I'm not eloquent enough to put my thoughts in to words even though I know what I mean, I cant for the life of me explain.

I'll be sharing these with family and all my social medias. Many thanks @GossWhore x

 

[KINGAA]

you know, I’ve been reading seeing comments on twitter and Instagram on the protests... but I’m reading a lot that people aren’t happy that white people are protesting.

I think this is the issue, we don’t know how to help. We can speak on social media behind our keyboards but will that really help really? What should help is, white people being on the streets and standing strong as a unit. But, the amount of nasty things I’m reading when we should all come together hand in hand is just shocking.

Appreantly white people have caused every single fire, the only ones looting and the police brutality at the riots - videos and photos out there say otherwise, I’ve seen people from all cultures partaking in it all and mainly young men with the looting. And the police brutality was cause by no one, they’re attacking news reporters.

How can we all move forward if no one accepts no one?

 

[That3babieslife]

QsI think maybe you meant to reply to the original poster and not me but I completely agree.
It’s so scary to see someone claim that all of this is ok because a minority of people from a certain culture did something horrendous (grooming gangs) while the bulk of abuse in the UK has been perpetrated by white men. Where is her concern for the victims of Jimmy Saville?

Oh yeah it was meant for the other post I'm so sorry I got really really angry and just started typing but you said everything I wanted to say and more it's scary that someone actually thinks it's OK imagine what they withheld inside and did t say it

 

[Eltonjohnsflorist]

Those looking for a black doll for their children https://www.argos.co.uk/product/884...Tg5ovwC--ow4bggtG1hoCkLYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I think what I’ll do is ensure any new dolls going forward are black until we have a realistic ethnic mix although where are the Asian dolls?

I did notice that black dolls are either v expensive (one was £176!!) or met Another “quality” -(google black doll and 3 black dolls with Down syndrome came up) As brilliant and dolls with DS is it feels a bit like ticking as many boxes as you can in one toy.

 

[Coffeetrampbiatch]

Thanks for being so patient with me trying to formulate a response. Work got on top of me.


So to answer "What can white allies do on social media and off"?

1. Start conversations with your fellow white people (especially the ones who are not allies yet)
- Don't wait for black people to start the conversation constantly, this is a relay race so we are passing the baton as honestly, we are tired.
- These conversations can be about on current affairs happening within black communities such as George Floyd and grow from there.
- Raise unconscious bias questions such as have you ever questioned being in a room just filled with white people, your interactions with police, your position on dating outside your race, assumptions you have made about other races in the past?
- It is perfectly OK if you have changed your initial stance on these bias, but by starting the conversation with other white people you can make them aware of things they may never have thought to question. (For example, my friend put forward the question for her white followers to note how many other races were in the room at team meetings, something they had never questioned, yet after than initial conversation it made them rethink) - in the current climate, you could alter this as how many other races do you follow on your socials? Some people will be shocked.

2. Embrace the Uncomfortable
- You all saw the interaction here on Tattle when I made a clear point and instead of the responder understanding, a poorly formed Snickers joke was made -- and that is because of white fragility which makes white people uncomfortable so instead of trying to understand - jokes are cracked, the subject is changed, defensive go up, disagreeing without understanding and the final nail "All Lives Matter" is uttered.
- As I said you have to feel uncomfortable because that is a small margin in comparison to what black people deal with.
- Question "why do I feel this way"? - investigate those emotions that make you uncomfortable instead of shutting them down.

2. Unlearn the rhetoric: "I don't see Color"
- Wild right?
- Some white allies I know use to think some of the things they said were socially acceptable, but really they were overtly racist statements e.g. "I don't see color" -- unlearn that.
- Don't be scared to say black because if you have two Debbies are one is black, just say it because you can definitely see her colour and that is a part of her.
- So yes you see color - because if you don't you are not seeing your black friends, family, coworkers and you don't see the unequal infrastructure and injustice.
- Jane Elliot (one of my fav white allies) spoke about this here (I would implore you to watch the whole video, but 9.44 is where she begins the conversation), also check out her experiment called "How Racist Are You" on brown and blue eyes she did in the UK on Channel 4 a few years ago here.

3. Use resources, not just black people
- After unlearning you have to relearn and although it's great to have these conversations, black people are exhausted so we can't always be the go-to. So books, films and Google are great resources.
- As I once said to my friend "you cannot say you are well-read, when every book you read is by a white author"
- Join a book club and bring that book as your choice to discuss further
- By reading and watching various sources, you become less of an echo chamber with similar people, you get an insight into issues you may not have known about or known how to approach
- Learn slowly and intentional, not just for the sake of learning

Some of my recommended are:

Books:

• The New Jim Crow - Michelle Alexander
• Why I am No Longer Talking to White People About Race - Reni Eddo-Lodge
• The Good Immigrant - Nikesh Shukla
• Brit(ish) - Afua Hirsch
• So You Want To Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oluo
• Natives - Akala
• Tears We Cannot Stop - Michael Eric Dyson
• They Can't Kill Us All - Wesley Lowery
• White Fragility - Robin DiAngelo
• Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? - Beverly Daniel Tatum
• White Rage - Carol Anderson

Films

• When They See Us
• If Beale Street Could Talk
• The Hate U Give
• Dear White People
• Selma
• The Color Purple
• Hidden Figures

- Sidenote: I do not recommend things I have not read or watched myself, so this is a personal list

3. Curate diverse social medias
- This will help keep you informed and out of the echo chamber.
- With diverse, share and comment on these activists posts. Ask questions so you are constantly learning (plus it allows others who may come across the post and have the same question, have a better understanding)
This way you can also help boost the voices of black people and be aware of what is going on when you receive backlash (because trust me you will, not everyone wants a fairer society and you realise that via social media). This will give you a platform to denounce things if you don't racism wins.
- Use your feed to not only like and learn, but speak out, as MLK Jr said "to ignore evil is to become an accomplice to it"

3. Accept your white privilege
- I know many who hate the term, roll their eyes and scoff but its a necessity to accept and acknowledge.
- It also takes a lot of introspectiveness from white people and again can be uncomfortable unpacking these conversations.
- Remember white privilege is not saying you haven't had a hard life or invaliding that, it just notes your skin colour did not add to it
- Use your privilege for good in many of the ways listed in this post - if you have children teach them about this, the younger the better
- If you constantly fight against this, I am sorry but you can never truly be an ally with your eyes shut whilst benefiting from a system that consistently fails black people.

4. Financially help
- There are great organisations out there such as ROTA, Race Equality Foundation, NAACP, Color of Change.
- If that's not possible sign petitions, AND keep the conversation alive. Share it between friends and talk about why you are sharing it.
- As noted, I said not to use black people you know as your go-to Google, but if you have events, workshops, programmes on race and know someone who could contribute and earn from this - ask them. You get to play a part in financially helping and also spreading knowledge.


4. Call them Out!
- That's right - call out your problematic friends, family members etc, "Silence in the face of injustice is complicity with the oppressor"
- Call out your councillors, MPs, Mayors via email, letter - step on their necks and make them feel the pressure!
- To be a good ally, we need to see you doing the work!
- It is no longer enough to say "I'm not racist", you have to show your anti-racism through your actions.

Lastly, this is life long work, and now you can understand why black people are tired. So as a white ally, you need to daily acknowledge your own racial bias and commit to dismantling it within.

This movement cannot be led solely by black people. If we want real change, we need real allyship.

Thanks for reading this, the last couple days have been extremely tough - this really pushed my buttons as my brother was killed due to police brutality (why I left NYC and came back to the UK), but the white allies I had made after has truly shown me change can happen if people are willing to acknowledge and work for it.

Thank you for this very thought out and detailed list. Adding more of those books to my list now, have read some but a few have cropped up in the past few days that I need to read.

 

[Juliet]

I’m so sorry about your brother @GossWhore Thanks for your references.

I’m not sure how racism is learned in a person, when I was a child my dad was racist. We also had no black children in our school or in our area, yet I still knew even as a 6 year old that the racist things he would say were wrong. I’ve never understood why people are treated differently due to skin colour.

Lol Stephen Lawrence was a drug dealer selling death to kids. He is better where he is now. The guy who got shot weren’t innocent either and deserved it. Gosh, everyone respects these two morons more than Lee Rigby.

Wow.

Would Stephen Lawrence have been attacked and killed if he was a white teenager though? Would police have shot and killed an unarmed white man like they did Mark Duggan? I think the answer to both is no.


These are just my thoughts I don’t know nearly enough about these murders to go into depth. Also what does Lee Rigby have to do with it? That was a totally separate terrorist attack.