About an hour ago. I’ve got too much going on in my life.
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I know the feeling
This morning. I miss my ex SO much and i feel incredibly lonely...
Thank you, that’s so kind of you to take time to reply.
and you’re right, they say the grass is always greener don’t they!Today, I spent the whole day crying because of work:
Some bully at work - I had a call with him and said: "How are you", he didn't even return a "how about you". OK. I was in a bad mood because of work and his rudeness was the pivotal point.
Then, as I dried my tears, another blow by my team lead's manager. We were on a team call today and she decided to share the unofficial findings of an internal audit that was conducted on a few projects. Not the final results, the preliminary findings which internal audit had communicated only to the intended stakeholders involved in these projects. Nevertheless, she went ahead and shared them to the whole team during this call, even those whose projects were not part of the sample. As the sample for the audit was poorly put together, they picked an ongoing project of mine (which goes against procedure as they should only sample closed projects). This project made 2/3 of their sample which is also outside of procedure as they had 20 projects to pick from and elaborated a restricted the sample instead. The remarks raised by internal audit were remarks I had already addressed with my team lead and highlighted as illegitimate as I had evidence that every task in the internal audit observations were performed according to procedure. It was simply a case of some documentation not having been uploaded into the system yet because the project is still open. Yet, internal audit decided to come to the conclusion something wasn't done because they didn't see it in the system instead of inquiring about it first. So, the team lead's manager highlighted the deficiencies and my name in bold red as example of where deficiencies were found. The whole team saw my name in bold red during the call and assumed I didn't do my work because it specifically said: "XYZ not done", which is not the case at all.
Instead of doing what a manager should do - get some background information with the concerned staff and wait until the official results are released, she took internal audit's preliminary results as final and broadcasted them. It's a complete breach of procedure and made me look bad in the process because I did the work and internal audit did not conduct a clean audit. She humiliated me in front of everyone and made me lose credibility even in front of the most incompetent people in my team, meaning no one will want me on their project and won't help me on mine anymore. The worst part is I had raised my concerns to my team lead about the audit being conducted outside of the regular procedure. He said he'd discuss it with his manager (the person who presented the findings), but it turns out he did nothing.
I worked for a large accounting firm and I have a legal background - I have enough perspective to know all of this is unacceptable and downright questionable from an ethical standpoint.
Some bully at work - I had a call with him and said: "How are you", he didn't even return a "how about you". OK. I was in a bad mood because of work and his rudeness was the pivotal point.
Then, as I dried my tears, another blow by my team lead's manager. We were on a team call today and she decided to share the unofficial findings of an internal audit that was conducted on a few projects. Not the final results, the preliminary findings which internal audit had communicated only to the intended stakeholders involved in these projects. Nevertheless, she went ahead and shared them to the whole team during this call, even those whose projects were not part of the sample. As the sample for the audit was poorly put together, they picked an ongoing project of mine (which goes against procedure as they should only sample closed projects). This project made 2/3 of their sample which is also outside of procedure as they had 20 projects to pick from and elaborated a restricted the sample instead. The remarks raised by internal audit were remarks I had already addressed with my team lead and highlighted as illegitimate as I had evidence that every task in the internal audit observations were performed according to procedure. It was simply a case of some documentation not having been uploaded into the system yet because the project is still open. Yet, internal audit decided to come to the conclusion something wasn't done because they didn't see it in the system instead of inquiring about it first. So, the team lead's manager highlighted the deficiencies and my name in bold red as example of where deficiencies were found. The whole team saw my name in bold red during the call and assumed I didn't do my work because it specifically said: "XYZ not done", which is not the case at all.
Instead of doing what a manager should do - get some background information with the concerned staff and wait until the official results are released, she took internal audit's preliminary results as final and broadcasted them. It's a complete breach of procedure and made me look bad in the process because I did the work and internal audit did not conduct a clean audit. She humiliated me in front of everyone and made me lose credibility even in front of the most incompetent people in my team, meaning no one will want me on their project and won't help me on mine anymore. The worst part is I had raised my concerns to my team lead about the audit being conducted outside of the regular procedure. He said he'd discuss it with his manager (the person who presented the findings), but it turns out he did nothing.
I worked for a large accounting firm and I have a legal background - I have enough perspective to know all of this is unacceptable and downright questionable from an ethical standpoint.
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Today. We've had a lot of turbulence, losses and adversity throughout our life- my husband and I, and my kids by association. Things are calmed now, but I'm so sad at all the fun and good times we missed out on because of the relentless cr@p we have spent decades dealing with. Although I count my blessings, and they are many, and I try not to dwell on the past, some losses and trauma change you forever, and are impossible to forget. Which is why I had a little meltdown today.
Today I just have very low self esteem and If I'm honest I am in a very dark place mentally.
Everything seems to get to me and wind me up and I am so temperamental and have horrible mood swings.I feel like I am just alienating everyone around me (even on here)!
I just don't like myself very much at the moment I feel out of control and unhinged one moment calm and collected the next ...strong one minute crying like a baby the next I'm neglecting myself but I just don't see the point in self care and I don't have the motivation.
Since having my daughter I just haven't felt right I never really recovered from post natal depression I am peri menopausal (i think) and maybe I have undiagnosed personality disorders or PTSD from long repressed trauma....I don't know something is disturbing me? (Of to the doctor's asap I am).
I have had enough of feeling this tit!
The rage I have sometimes is disproportionate and unnerving? Yeah I need help why is that things have to get really bad before I can admit that?
So I am obviously not good at communication because I just repressed everything and it's all coming out(badly) but sometimes I feel like I horrify people and that makes me feel even worse.
Deep down inside I'm not a bad person I have a good heart and despite( how I seem like) a caring nature but I am obviously not letting that part of me get expressed because all I see sometimes is a wild haired grumpy mad woman with a sharp stare and mouth ......I feel like a hag and I'm responding like one!
When did life just decide to slowly destroy me from the inside out and turn me into something I don't recognise or like anymore?
duck it
duck co vid and Draconian rules and anxiety and depression lack of freedom and isolation and getting lost and not knowing who I am and showing the worst because that's all I can believe in right now...
duck people playing on my last nerve (mother) because she is depressed! Well welcome to my world that's the toxic legacy you passed down to me!
Yet I am the one who is supposed to just act like nothing happened!
Sick of selfish people expecting me to pick up the pieces I never had a childhood and now I have to parent my mother! I don't bloody think so she who abandoned us a long time ago!
Well that's it (sorry for venting ) basically right now I would consider myself lucky If anyone liked me or even read my post?
Probably there are some who will roll their eyes oh no not her again moaning... (not that I would blame them exactly) but there you go...
I am crying right now it seems to be the only thing that I am good at...!
Everything seems to get to me and wind me up and I am so temperamental and have horrible mood swings.I feel like I am just alienating everyone around me (even on here)!
I just don't like myself very much at the moment I feel out of control and unhinged one moment calm and collected the next ...strong one minute crying like a baby the next I'm neglecting myself but I just don't see the point in self care and I don't have the motivation.
Since having my daughter I just haven't felt right I never really recovered from post natal depression I am peri menopausal (i think) and maybe I have undiagnosed personality disorders or PTSD from long repressed trauma....I don't know something is disturbing me? (Of to the doctor's asap I am).
I have had enough of feeling this tit!
The rage I have sometimes is disproportionate and unnerving? Yeah I need help why is that things have to get really bad before I can admit that?
So I am obviously not good at communication because I just repressed everything and it's all coming out(badly) but sometimes I feel like I horrify people and that makes me feel even worse.
Deep down inside I'm not a bad person I have a good heart and despite( how I seem like) a caring nature but I am obviously not letting that part of me get expressed because all I see sometimes is a wild haired grumpy mad woman with a sharp stare and mouth ......I feel like a hag and I'm responding like one!
When did life just decide to slowly destroy me from the inside out and turn me into something I don't recognise or like anymore?
duck it
duck co vid and Draconian rules and anxiety and depression lack of freedom and isolation and getting lost and not knowing who I am and showing the worst because that's all I can believe in right now...
duck people playing on my last nerve (mother) because she is depressed! Well welcome to my world that's the toxic legacy you passed down to me!
Yet I am the one who is supposed to just act like nothing happened!
Sick of selfish people expecting me to pick up the pieces I never had a childhood and now I have to parent my mother! I don't bloody think so she who abandoned us a long time ago!
Well that's it (sorry for venting ) basically right now I would consider myself lucky If anyone liked me or even read my post?
Probably there are some who will roll their eyes oh no not her again moaning...
(not that I would blame them exactly) but there you go...I am crying right now it seems to be the only thing that I am good at...!
Hi... I just read this & the bit about your mother really resonates. Parents aren't always what they're cracked up to be. And I share your feeling about being really good at crying, too. Hope things get better for youToday I just have very low self esteem and If I'm honest I am in a very dark place mentally.
Everything seems to get to me and wind me up and I am so temperamental and have horrible mood swings.I feel like I am just alienating everyone around me (even on here)!
I just don't like myself very much at the moment I feel out of control and unhinged one moment calm and collected the next ...strong one minute crying like a baby the next I'm neglecting myself but I just don't see the point in self care and I don't have the motivation.
Since having my daughter I just haven't felt right I never really recovered from post natal depression I am peri menopausal (i think) and maybe I have undiagnosed personality disorders or PTSD from long repressed trauma....I don't know something is disturbing me? (Of to the doctor's asap I am).
I have had enough of feeling this tit!
The rage I have sometimes is disproportionate and unnerving? Yeah I need help why is that things have to get really bad before I can admit that?
So I am obviously not good at communication because I just repressed everything and it's all coming out(badly) but sometimes I feel like I horrify people and that makes me feel even worse.
Deep down inside I'm not a bad person I have a good heart and despite( how I seem like) a caring nature but I am obviously not letting that part of me get expressed because all I see sometimes is a wild haired grumpy mad woman with a sharp stare and mouth ......I feel like a hag and I'm responding like one!
When did life just decide to slowly destroy me from the inside out and turn me into something I don't recognise or like anymore?
duck it
duck co vid and Draconian rules and anxiety and depression lack of freedom and isolation and getting lost and not knowing who I am and showing the worst because that's all I can believe in right now...
duck people playing on my last nerve (mother) because she is depressed! Well welcome to my world that's the toxic legacy you passed down to me!
Yet I am the one who is supposed to just act like nothing happened!
Sick of selfish people expecting me to pick up the pieces I never had a childhood and now I have to parent my mother! I don't bloody think so she who abandoned us a long time ago!
Well that's it (sorry for venting ) basically right now I would consider myself lucky If anyone liked me or even read my post?
Probably there are some who will roll their eyes oh no not her again moaning...
I am crying right now it seems to be the only thing that I am good at...!
Thank you so muchHi... I just read this & the bit about your mother really resonates. Parents aren't always what they're cracked up to be. And I share your feeling about being really good at crying, too. Hope things get better for you
for your reply and your understanding. Considering how I am feeling right now I am just really grateful for any support.I always think that when you hit your lowest point their is thank god still enough decent and caring people out there that answer your call and give you hope or encouragement to just go on with life.
You are that person to me it honestly means so much.
So thank you more than I can express and I send you my love and best wishes and hope that all it well with you.
May the universe give back to you all the kindness and compassion that you give to others.
You deserve it.
This evening. I've been suffering with suicide ideation for weeks. An online friend messaged me last week to see how I was doing. I replied to say not good, sorry I can't talk but I will soon.
I received a parcel a few hours ago with a lovely note from her and some vegan hot choc and marshmallows.
A reminder amid all the crap that there are people who care and who see mental illness as a debilitating thing.
I received a parcel a few hours ago with a lovely note from her and some vegan hot choc and marshmallows.
A reminder amid all the crap that there are people who care and who see mental illness as a debilitating thing.
5 minutes ago.
I made the big mistake of joining Mumsnet for a little advice (no preconceived ideas of who I am etc) and I got quite aggressive, nasty replies. I was called unstable, that I clearly have major issues, I'm offensive in calling my partners ex shag 'a shag'... I shouldn't reply with an opinion to someone opinion
Erm.. A few other things also.
I did disclose I have CPTSD and being called 'unstable and need to be single' and they felt sorry for my bf was quite awful.
I'm not, I guess I just looked in the wrong place.
I made the big mistake of joining Mumsnet for a little advice (no preconceived ideas of who I am etc) and I got quite aggressive, nasty replies. I was called unstable, that I clearly have major issues, I'm offensive in calling my partners ex shag 'a shag'... I shouldn't reply with an opinion to someone opinion
Erm.. A few other things also. I did disclose I have CPTSD and being called 'unstable and need to be single' and they felt sorry for my bf was quite awful.
I'm not, I guess I just looked in the wrong place.
Oh dear. Mumsnet is a viper’s nest, best to steer clear in future and save any upset. Try not to let strangers on the internet get to you, because that’s all they are and they’re notorious for giving tit advice anyway over there imo. Words on a screen can only hurt you if you give them the power to.5 minutes ago.
I made the big mistake of joining Mumsnet for a little advice (no preconceived ideas of who I am etc) and I got quite aggressive, nasty replies. I was called unstable, that I clearly have major issues, I'm offensive in calling my partners ex shag 'a shag'... I shouldn't reply with an opinion to someone opinion
I did disclose I have CPTSD and being called 'unstable and need to be single' and they felt sorry for my bf was quite awful.
I'm not, I guess I just looked in the wrong place.
Oh they are awful, take no notice xx5 minutes ago.
I made the big mistake of joining Mumsnet for a little advice (no preconceived ideas of who I am etc) and I got quite aggressive, nasty replies. I was called unstable, that I clearly have major issues, I'm offensive in calling my partners ex shag 'a shag'... I shouldn't reply with an opinion to someone opinion
I did disclose I have CPTSD and being called 'unstable and need to be single' and they felt sorry for my bf was quite awful.
I'm not, I guess I just looked in the wrong place.
I joined mumsnet for advice when i first become a Mum and wanted advice for something not baby related, I needed a rant and somewhere to blow off steam. I put something on the am I being unreasonable bit and got a load of abuse back! Calling me a troll and that I was ‘desperate for a story in the daily mail’ I wasn’t5 minutes ago.
I made the big mistake of joining Mumsnet for a little advice (no preconceived ideas of who I am etc) and I got quite aggressive, nasty replies. I was called unstable, that I clearly have major issues, I'm offensive in calling my partners ex shag 'a shag'... I shouldn't reply with an opinion to someone opinion
I did disclose I have CPTSD and being called 'unstable and need to be single' and they felt sorry for my bf was quite awful.
I'm not, I guess I just looked in the wrong place.
their not nice over there, awful place. Glad I found Tattle cos it’s full of lovely people. Try and not let strangers over the internet upset you, I know it’s hard and sometimes getting reassurance from people you don’t know is easier but at the end of the day it’s not worth it. And I think they just like being cruel for the sake of it xThank you LittleIvy 
. I don't know how to reply to your specific post (I'm a Neanderthal with social media)
I felt a little vulnerable today, otherwise I'm usually quite pragmatic tbh. I'm in menopause so hormones rage at times. I've deleted Mumsnet... Not sure why I felt the need to post on there.... Everyone here is fab
. I don't know how to reply to your specific post (I'm a Neanderthal with social media) I felt a little vulnerable today, otherwise I'm usually quite pragmatic tbh. I'm in menopause so hormones rage at times. I've deleted Mumsnet... Not sure why I felt the need to post on there.... Everyone here is fab
Absolutely...... Sorry they did that to you when you needed a bit of unadulterated steam blowing...I joined mumsnet for advice when i first become a Mum and wanted advice for something not baby related, I needed a rant and somewhere to blow off steam. I put something on the am I being unreasonable bit and got a load of abuse back! Calling me a troll and that I was ‘desperate for a story in the daily mail’ I wasn’t
Thanks for the lovely reply. I like Tattle, seems to mostly grounded, straight forward people on here. My menopause hormones aren't helping with crying bouts either. So now I'm over it
Thank you
. Yes, I know... I think I had a brain fart joining them. Blaming it on hormones.
Today. My daughter who is 29 said she’s splitting with her partner. I’m bit worried about her as I worry she’s unhappy in life generally, I’m upset as her man is lovely and really kind. But if she’s not into them anymore that is her choice and in a way that’s good. But I’m devastated that she might be lonely now and I just feel really …… sad. Also, sometimes when I think about her when she was a little one I just feel so goddam sad cos I wish I could do it all again and give her a cuddle. God it doesn’t get easier as your kids get older trust me.
I cry every day because I miss my husband who died earlier this year. I didn’t know it was possible to cry daily.
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m crying again now. I’m so lucky to have mine with me still xxxxx I wish there was something comforting to say, I hope you have lots of support and distraction to help you through a little.
Sending you so much love and hugs
Can’t imagine your pain
Please just remember all the lovely times you had together and cherish them forever
Lots of love
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