Went on a drinking session after work and got a later train. I ran to get on as the doors closed and left one of my shoes on the platform.
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Staying at my parents while home from uni. Went out, got tit faced, threw up on self so stripped off and got into bed. Distinctly remember crawling to the loo to throw up again and feeling too weak to move so laid my head down on the sweet, sweet, cool tiles....
Woke up the next day in bed again. Headed to kitchen while mum and dad were quietly eating breakfast. Did not make eye contact and hoped for the best as a gagged over an orange juice.
Mum finally broke the silence by saying "Well young lady, your dad had a bit of a suprise when he went to the loo this morning.."
Good old dad had carried me naked back to bed. I couldn't look him in the eye for a long time
Woke up the next day in bed again. Headed to kitchen while mum and dad were quietly eating breakfast. Did not make eye contact and hoped for the best as a gagged over an orange juice.
Mum finally broke the silence by saying "Well young lady, your dad had a bit of a suprise when he went to the loo this morning.."
Good old dad had carried me naked back to bed. I couldn't look him in the eye for a long time
Reasonable
Been so blind drunk (I have never been since and I don’t drink anymore) that I couldn’t get the old chap up!
I feel asleep much to the disappointment of the lady concerned.
I feel asleep much to the disappointment of the lady concerned.
It's ok George, at least you're not like my boyfriend who continues anyway and then has to stop in the middle to throw up! That's more disappointing lol.
This thread has made me laugh so much I particularly love the fire alarm story and the person with the goggles on their head.
I don't drink now but like most I went for it when I was younger, I remember going to a Happy Monday's concert with my cousin we were only 15 but she had fake id so we though we would neck a large bottle of Thunderbirds before we got to Wembley Arena, once there we had a few more drinks so that by the time we were travelling home we were drunk.
We ran down the stairs on the underground as we heard the train come and I slipped on a discarded newspaper on the tube platform, I went flying through the open tube doors and literally slid out the other side. Tube train doors closed and I looked up to see my cousin on the tube as it moved off along with a lot of guys laughing at me. Thank god this was years ago before mobile phones, my cousin got off at the next station and waited for me bless her.
I didn't learn as fast forward a year and at my friends 16th birthday house party, no one turned up, we thought it would be fun to put a load of drinks in a bowl and drink it, we then got a bit peckish and proceeded to demolish the birthday cake her Mum had made for her nephews birthday party the following day, I was then sick in her sisters bed, my friend dragged me out and literally threw me into the bathroom, I slipped and somehow managed to crack my forehead against the toilet cutting my head open. Her sister came back, went mental because of the sick and the cake, in my drunkeness I tried to deny it but my friends dog was licking the cake from my hair as it had somehow got in my hair, god I still cringe about that and it was 30 years ago !
I don't drink now but like most I went for it when I was younger, I remember going to a Happy Monday's concert with my cousin we were only 15 but she had fake id so we though we would neck a large bottle of Thunderbirds before we got to Wembley Arena, once there we had a few more drinks so that by the time we were travelling home we were drunk.
We ran down the stairs on the underground as we heard the train come and I slipped on a discarded newspaper on the tube platform, I went flying through the open tube doors and literally slid out the other side. Tube train doors closed and I looked up to see my cousin on the tube as it moved off along with a lot of guys laughing at me. Thank god this was years ago before mobile phones, my cousin got off at the next station and waited for me bless her.
I didn't learn as fast forward a year and at my friends 16th birthday house party, no one turned up, we thought it would be fun to put a load of drinks in a bowl and drink it, we then got a bit peckish and proceeded to demolish the birthday cake her Mum had made for her nephews birthday party the following day, I was then sick in her sisters bed, my friend dragged me out and literally threw me into the bathroom, I slipped and somehow managed to crack my forehead against the toilet cutting my head open. Her sister came back, went mental because of the sick and the cake, in my drunkeness I tried to deny it but my friends dog was licking the cake from my hair as it had somehow got in my hair, god I still cringe about that and it was 30 years ago !
Omg my thread!
-broke my ankle after falling down THREE stairs, didn’t even see them.
-cried in a Wetherspoons on my birthday where my friend worked at the end of the car.
-“lost” a tampon, cried when my friend said it was time to go home and I came clean about my tampon and all he could say was “we’ll find it when we get home.” I was staying at my friends house and threw up on myfriends sofa and took off my playsuit to clean it (I had a change of clothes for the morning!).
-peed my pants while waiting with my friends for their taxi outside. Luckily they didn’t notice.
-lots of drunk texting/calling.
-after prinks we were in the taxi and I KNEW I was going to be sick and didn’t have enough time to stay to the taxi to pull over, so I threw up my in handbag. One of our friends forgot our tickets to the club so he asked the taxi driver to pull over so he could sprint back to the house. I got out the same time and tried to clean my handbag (that had my phone, keys, makeup etc) in it with snow LOL my phone was ruined. I did manage to get into the club and I saw my friend and I said “I’ve thrown up in my handbag”
those are my best ones!
i sound like a liability but I swear I’m not
-broke my ankle after falling down THREE stairs, didn’t even see them.
-cried in a Wetherspoons on my birthday where my friend worked at the end of the car.
-“lost” a tampon, cried when my friend said it was time to go home and I came clean about my tampon and all he could say was “we’ll find it when we get home.” I was staying at my friends house and threw up on myfriends sofa and took off my playsuit to clean it (I had a change of clothes for the morning!).
-peed my pants while waiting with my friends for their taxi outside. Luckily they didn’t notice.
-lots of drunk texting/calling.
-after prinks we were in the taxi and I KNEW I was going to be sick and didn’t have enough time to stay to the taxi to pull over, so I threw up my in handbag. One of our friends forgot our tickets to the club so he asked the taxi driver to pull over so he could sprint back to the house. I got out the same time and tried to clean my handbag (that had my phone, keys, makeup etc) in it with snow LOL my phone was ruined. I did manage to get into the club and I saw my friend and I said “I’ve thrown up in my handbag”
those are my best ones!
i sound like a liability but I swear I’m not
I fell up stairs and then back down backwards and a security guard caught me and propped me back up… before telling me it was time to hit the road I was just trying to get up to the smoking area lol this was the years of clubbing in Brighton…Had some really messy nights.. I remember another night me and my friend left the club at about 2am and went and sat on the beach.. across from us there were a group of guys, Skinny dipping in the sea! yes it was bloody freezing… my friend in her drunken state decided it would be hilarious to start throwing pebbles at them, which did get their attention but they thought it was me so all I remember is seeing this huge naked man running towards me.. he literally picked me up and threw me in the sea with him!! I was fully clothed. It was horrendous I woke up in bed, still in the damp/wet clothes..I was like wtf, still a bit drunk and disoriented. Thought I’d wet myself at first but then it all started coming back to me
I was just trying to get up to the smoking area lol this was the years of clubbing in Brighton…Had some really messy nights.. I remember another night me and my friend left the club at about 2am and went and sat on the beach.. across from us there were a group of guys, Skinny dipping in the sea! yes it was bloody freezing… my friend in her drunken state decided it would be hilarious to start throwing pebbles at them, which did get their attention but they thought it was me so all I remember is seeing this huge naked man running towards me.. he literally picked me up and threw me in the sea with him!! I was fully clothed. It was horrendous I woke up in bed, still in the damp/wet clothes..I was like wtf, still a bit drunk and disoriented. Thought I’d wet myself at first but then it all started coming back to me
This was when I was 17 on a school foreign holiday. I got really drunk with a friend in a bar and caught. We were escorted back to our hotel rooms by a teacher. I went to fall on the bed but fell between the beds and wet myself. I then cried to the teacher telling them “I want my mummy” 
I think I just avoided looking her ever again after that tbh.
I think I just avoided looking her ever again after that tbh.
Most of my stories end with copious amounts of sick. Worst one was shitting myself in the shower one morning after a particularly bad night. Luckily it was mostly liquid 
First time I had red wine was at a work do and I was very pissed after consuming it at the same rate as lager. When I finally left the venue, I strode past dozens of people queuing at the taxi rank and demanded to be taken home immediately. This was after trying to flag down random passing cars thinking they were all taxis. I think the people in the queue were happy to see the back of me.
It all gets a bit fuzzy after that but I managed to get into my flat and I eventually fell asleep on the bathroom floor after being sick in the bath.
Colleague of mine was so pissed on the way home from a session that he bought a PlayStation and about 20 games then woke up the next day with no recollection of where his new console had come from.
First time I had red wine was at a work do and I was very pissed after consuming it at the same rate as lager. When I finally left the venue, I strode past dozens of people queuing at the taxi rank and demanded to be taken home immediately. This was after trying to flag down random passing cars thinking they were all taxis. I think the people in the queue were happy to see the back of me.
It all gets a bit fuzzy after that but I managed to get into my flat and I eventually fell asleep on the bathroom floor after being sick in the bath.
Colleague of mine was so pissed on the way home from a session that he bought a PlayStation and about 20 games then woke up the next day with no recollection of where his new console had come from.
Omg. This thread. Anonymous account so I can finally confess to some of these.
The thing is I am so sensible and serious now, rarely drink, mother, responsible job. But in my early twenties I was extremely drunk and disorderly. Some of these are not that funny, but it's catharsis for me to share.
I've gone headfirst down a spiral staircase, gone to the 24 hour newsagents in the middle of the night in the depths of winter in bare feet, bra, a fur lined cardigan and big silk boxer shorts, gone home with countless random men after nights out.
One of the most drunken nights of my life was a night out in London, before flying home and straight to work the next morning. Managed to get so utterly UTTERLY wasted on wine that I have very vague memories of getting a tube and a bus to Heathrow, arriving a few hours before my flight, and promptly falling asleep on a bench in departures and sleeping extremely soundly to the point that I missed my flight and had to pay a fortune for the next one. Not funny, but embarrassing.
One night out which I can't remember the reason for, at the end of the night I was heading home alone. I went up to some police officers and pretended to be a lost visitor to the city who needed a lift home (I actually lived there). They of course told me to piss off (nicely) but someone must have overheard as I ended up getting a lift home from a random man (extremely risky behaviour!).
This is the funny/mortifying part which I've never told anyone.
He was nice and kind and I feel so bad for him but I was chatting away to him, directing him to my area, pretending to be a sober, lost, tourist who'd got separated from her family, and I fully pissed myself in the passenger seat of his car. FULLY. When we got near my house I asked him to drop me off and skipped merrily home as if nothing had happened.
I've never told anyone this before
Sorry random man! You tried to do a drunk person a favour and ended up having to deal with THAT. No idea why I always pretend to be sober when blind drunk.
A work do with board members in attendance. There was a huge amount of alcohol and I got PLASTERED, like loud and aggressive. I waltzed in to the room with the alcohol, and in front of the board members blatantly took a bottle of gin for myself and waltzed out. I then left with a colleague, dragged them to a really fancy restaurant where I ordered tonnes and insisted on paying (I was skint!). On leaving the restaurant I dropped the full bottle of gin on the pavement where it exploded and I walked off as if nothing had happened.
I was moved to a different work location a few weeks later, on promotion, I assume to get rid of me!
Got hideously drunk at a very important networking event and ended up going home with a senior official (married) - his family were away. I was too drunk to be fully coherent so this night makes no sense to me, but after having drinks and dancing in his house, I was extremely rude to him and said I'd much rather be spending time with my boyfriend, and then had a conversation about porn that was so embarrassing, the memory of it brought me out in a cold sweat for years afterwards. He then dropped me home and came upstairs to my flat. I said I was going to bed and he crashed on the sofa. After about five mins I staggered out of my room and fully threw a grotty duvet at him so that he wouldn't be cold.
I then fell asleep and thank god in the morning he was gone.
The thing is I am so sensible and serious now, rarely drink, mother, responsible job. But in my early twenties I was extremely drunk and disorderly. Some of these are not that funny, but it's catharsis for me to share.
I've gone headfirst down a spiral staircase, gone to the 24 hour newsagents in the middle of the night in the depths of winter in bare feet, bra, a fur lined cardigan and big silk boxer shorts, gone home with countless random men after nights out.
One of the most drunken nights of my life was a night out in London, before flying home and straight to work the next morning. Managed to get so utterly UTTERLY wasted on wine that I have very vague memories of getting a tube and a bus to Heathrow, arriving a few hours before my flight, and promptly falling asleep on a bench in departures and sleeping extremely soundly to the point that I missed my flight and had to pay a fortune for the next one. Not funny, but embarrassing.
One night out which I can't remember the reason for, at the end of the night I was heading home alone. I went up to some police officers and pretended to be a lost visitor to the city who needed a lift home (I actually lived there). They of course told me to piss off (nicely) but someone must have overheard as I ended up getting a lift home from a random man (extremely risky behaviour!).
This is the funny/mortifying part which I've never told anyone.
He was nice and kind and I feel so bad for him but I was chatting away to him, directing him to my area, pretending to be a sober, lost, tourist who'd got separated from her family, and I fully pissed myself in the passenger seat of his car. FULLY. When we got near my house I asked him to drop me off and skipped merrily home as if nothing had happened.
I've never told anyone this before
Sorry random man! You tried to do a drunk person a favour and ended up having to deal with THAT. No idea why I always pretend to be sober when blind drunk.
A work do with board members in attendance. There was a huge amount of alcohol and I got PLASTERED, like loud and aggressive. I waltzed in to the room with the alcohol, and in front of the board members blatantly took a bottle of gin for myself and waltzed out. I then left with a colleague, dragged them to a really fancy restaurant where I ordered tonnes and insisted on paying (I was skint!). On leaving the restaurant I dropped the full bottle of gin on the pavement where it exploded and I walked off as if nothing had happened.
I was moved to a different work location a few weeks later, on promotion, I assume to get rid of me!
Got hideously drunk at a very important networking event and ended up going home with a senior official (married) - his family were away. I was too drunk to be fully coherent so this night makes no sense to me, but after having drinks and dancing in his house, I was extremely rude to him and said I'd much rather be spending time with my boyfriend, and then had a conversation about porn that was so embarrassing, the memory of it brought me out in a cold sweat for years afterwards. He then dropped me home and came upstairs to my flat. I said I was going to bed and he crashed on the sofa. After about five mins I staggered out of my room and fully threw a grotty duvet at him so that he wouldn't be cold.
I then fell asleep and thank god in the morning he was gone.
Omg this thread gave me the laugh I needed today!
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact
I could not have been more repulsed by this man but in my drunken state I told everyone how I fancied the pants off him, he overheard my professions and made excuses that he had a girlfriend (he didn’t) coz I scared him that much. I literally want to die when I think of it, I didn’t last too long in that job afterwards
I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact
I could not have been more repulsed by this man but in my drunken state I told everyone how I fancied the pants off him, he overheard my professions and made excuses that he had a girlfriend (he didn’t) coz I scared him that much. I literally want to die when I think of it, I didn’t last too long in that job afterwards I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
The last story is bleeping hilarious I laughed out loud lol !! How was your fruit?Omg this thread gave me the laugh I needed today!
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact
I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
Oh this thread has made my night!
I spent the whole of my 20s in a haze of alcohol and drugs so ended up in some very dodgy situations but some funny ones as well
Once managed to miss the cones around a hole in the road and fell into it whilst drunk. Friend became hysterical as she thought I had cut my arm open and was flagging down cars to help us but it was sweet and sour sauce from my Chinese
Once decided that in order to impress a very lovely man that I had my eye on I should prove that I was very athletic. So decided (despite never having done any gymnastics at all) that I would demonstrate my abilities on the parallel bars on some scaffolding. It worked though as I dated him for a while
Had a very long conversation with a "good friend" that I hadn't seen in a while and prattled on for ages at them. Turned out I didn't know them at all - they were on Brookside! Very nice though
Oh I have just remembered my "worst" one in a very cold sweat of shame.
I fell really badly when very very drunk and completely smashed up my knee. I kept insisting that it was fine despite passing out twice from pain and spent more time trying to persuade people to go and get me another drink to take in the ambulance with me.
I was very impressed with the medical knowledge that a man had and complimented him on it. He told me that he was a surgeon to which I replied that it was lucky that he was passing to help me (it had escaped my attention that I had in fact gone to hospital).
They then had to basically sober me up to be able to operate on my knee and I still have horrible memories of making "hilarious" jokes about the good drugs that I could score from them. To be fair they were all lovely and I was voted one of the most pleasant and easy going drunks that they had had!!!
I spent the whole of my 20s in a haze of alcohol and drugs so ended up in some very dodgy situations but some funny ones as well
Once managed to miss the cones around a hole in the road and fell into it whilst drunk. Friend became hysterical as she thought I had cut my arm open and was flagging down cars to help us but it was sweet and sour sauce from my Chinese
Once decided that in order to impress a very lovely man that I had my eye on I should prove that I was very athletic. So decided (despite never having done any gymnastics at all) that I would demonstrate my abilities on the parallel bars on some scaffolding. It worked though as I dated him for a while
Had a very long conversation with a "good friend" that I hadn't seen in a while and prattled on for ages at them. Turned out I didn't know them at all - they were on Brookside! Very nice though
Oh I have just remembered my "worst" one in a very cold sweat of shame.
I fell really badly when very very drunk and completely smashed up my knee. I kept insisting that it was fine despite passing out twice from pain and spent more time trying to persuade people to go and get me another drink to take in the ambulance with me.
I was very impressed with the medical knowledge that a man had and complimented him on it. He told me that he was a surgeon to which I replied that it was lucky that he was passing to help me (it had escaped my attention that I had in fact gone to hospital).
They then had to basically sober me up to be able to operate on my knee and I still have horrible memories of making "hilarious" jokes about the good drugs that I could score from them. To be fair they were all lovely and I was voted one of the most pleasant and easy going drunks that they had had!!!
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The sweet and sour sauce part made me laugh out loudOh this thread has made my night!
I spent the whole of my 20s in a haze of alcohol and drugs so ended up in some very dodgy situations but some funny ones as well
Once managed to miss the cones around a hole in the road and fell into it whilst drunk. Friend became hysterical as she thought I had cut my arm open and was flagging down cars to help us but it was sweet and sour sauce from my Chinese
Once decided that in order to impress a very lovely man that I had my eye on I should prove that I was very athletic. So decided (despite never having done any gymnastics at all) that I would demonstrate my abilities on the parallel bars on some scaffolding. It worked though as I dated him for a while
Had a very long conversation with a "good friend" that I hadn't seen in a while and prattled on for ages at them. Turned out I didn't know them at all - they were on Brookside! Very nice though
Oh I have just remembered my "worst" one in a very cold sweat of shame.
I fell really badly when very very drunk and completely smashed up my knee. I kept insisting that it was fine despite passing out twice from pain and spent more time trying to persuade people to go and get me another drink to take in the ambulance with me.
I was very impressed with the medical knowledge that a man had and complimented him on it. He told me that he was a surgeon to which I replied that it was lucky that he was passing to help me (it had escaped my attention that I had in fact gone to hospital).
They then had to basically sober me up to be able to operate on my knee and I still have horrible memories of making "hilarious" jokes about the good drugs that I could score from them. To be fair they were all lovely and I was voted one of the most pleasant and easy going drunks that they had had!!!
First year at uni. Went out drinking with my boyfriend. Got very drunk and went back to his halls of residence. Middle of the night for up for a wee, shared toilets down the corridor from his bedroom. Wearing only my knickers. Walked back into the bedroom picked up a jacket and put it on and then decided to leave. Except it wasn't his room and wasn't his jacket it was one of his female flat mates. Vague recollection of her pulling the coat off me. Left her room and get back into bed. STILL NOT IN HIS bleeping ROOM. This was a male flat mate who wrapped a blanket round me and physically pulled me across the corridor and deposited me into my boyfriends room. I was then sick in the sink.
What did I do to get over it? Broke up with him.so I would never have to see his flatmates again. And stopped drinking for 9 years. I want to cringe myself inside out just remembering it
What did I do to get over it? Broke up with him.so I would never have to see his flatmates again. And stopped drinking for 9 years. I want to cringe myself inside out just remembering it
Squatted and pissed on the road just as my mum pulled up to pick me up (mid-flow). How did I get over it? I haven’t
I’m howling at these! Literally comedy gemsWhen I was a teenager I was on holiday with family, went swimming in the sea, got out and had the worst headache which was getting worse and worse by the minute. Everyone including strangers on the beach were really concerned for me, laying me down, covering me up, fanning me and giving me water thinking I had sun stroke or something. Ended up being taken to hospital and when I was waiting to see a doctor I put my hand on my forehead and realised this whole ordeal was cos my goggles were on too tight round my head
Also was in a club once completely off my tits. Everyones running off for some reason and my mates are trying to pull me off the dancefloor and I'm like "naaaaaah leave me alone this tunes about to drop any sec"
Turns out there was a bomb scare and I'd been dancing to the fire alarm for a good few mins
