It was just a nice sophisticated casual low key girls trip tooI actually had to read this three times to fully set the scene. I think I now need a lie down as a result
- Notice
Years ago me and my hubby went out for a meal, as we were about to leave we both popped to the toilets. When I came out I see hubby at the cashpoint machine so I walked over to him, leaned on the cashpoint, staring at the screen I said “ so how much ya got in there then?”
When I looked up it wasn’t my fucking hubby looking back at me but some random bloke I mistook for him
Hubby was waiting at the door for me!
When I looked up it wasn’t my fucking hubby looking back at me but some random bloke I mistook for him
Hubby was waiting at the door for me!
DoctorWho
Chatty Member
my ex told me i peed on the landing when I was drunk before!There have been a few occasions, once I was in a club and I copped off with a lad and each time I came back from the toilet we kissed again, however, my friend informed me the next day that it was a different lad each time
he lies 99% of the time so I reckon he lied about that too
Hevs75
Active member
This thread has made me laugh so much I particularly love the fire alarm story and the person with the goggles on their head.
I don't drink now but like most I went for it when I was younger, I remember going to a Happy Monday's concert with my cousin we were only 15 but she had fake id so we though we would neck a large bottle of Thunderbirds before we got to Wembley Arena, once there we had a few more drinks so that by the time we were travelling home we were drunk.
We ran down the stairs on the underground as we heard the train come and I slipped on a discarded newspaper on the tube platform, I went flying through the open tube doors and literally slid out the other side. Tube train doors closed and I looked up to see my cousin on the tube as it moved off along with a lot of guys laughing at me. Thank god this was years ago before mobile phones, my cousin got off at the next station and waited for me bless her.
I didn't learn as fast forward a year and at my friends 16th birthday house party, no one turned up, we thought it would be fun to put a load of drinks in a bowl and drink it, we then got a bit peckish and proceeded to demolish the birthday cake her Mum had made for her nephews birthday party the following day, I was then sick in her sisters bed, my friend dragged me out and literally threw me into the bathroom, I slipped and somehow managed to crack my forehead against the toilet cutting my head open. Her sister came back, went mental because of the sick and the cake, in my drunkeness I tried to deny it but my friends dog was licking the cake from my hair as it had somehow got in my hair, god I still cringe about that and it was 30 years ago !
I don't drink now but like most I went for it when I was younger, I remember going to a Happy Monday's concert with my cousin we were only 15 but she had fake id so we though we would neck a large bottle of Thunderbirds before we got to Wembley Arena, once there we had a few more drinks so that by the time we were travelling home we were drunk.
We ran down the stairs on the underground as we heard the train come and I slipped on a discarded newspaper on the tube platform, I went flying through the open tube doors and literally slid out the other side. Tube train doors closed and I looked up to see my cousin on the tube as it moved off along with a lot of guys laughing at me. Thank god this was years ago before mobile phones, my cousin got off at the next station and waited for me bless her.
I didn't learn as fast forward a year and at my friends 16th birthday house party, no one turned up, we thought it would be fun to put a load of drinks in a bowl and drink it, we then got a bit peckish and proceeded to demolish the birthday cake her Mum had made for her nephews birthday party the following day, I was then sick in her sisters bed, my friend dragged me out and literally threw me into the bathroom, I slipped and somehow managed to crack my forehead against the toilet cutting my head open. Her sister came back, went mental because of the sick and the cake, in my drunkeness I tried to deny it but my friends dog was licking the cake from my hair as it had somehow got in my hair, god I still cringe about that and it was 30 years ago !
ChubClubThug
VIP Member
We were queuing for the ladies toilets in a busy pub on rugby day...my drunk eye saw, what I thought was a shaven headed big burly guy barging past us to go into the ladies..my drunk self was livid... I piped up to a packed pub " oiiiiiiii! where the fuck do you think you're going!?" The person replied "IN THERE" nodding towards the ladies... drunk me .. "no you're fucking not you pervert! This is the women's" ...and more of the like... my friend tapped me on the shoulder and stage whispered (yes you guessed it) "THAT'S A WOMAN" ... sadly the ground did not open up and swallow me up when everyone started tutting and pointing at me 
That is probably the most tame story I have.. I may get the courage to share much worse ones
That is probably the most tame story I have.. I may get the courage to share much worse ones
Lurkiemurkie
Active member
Oh this thread has made my night!
I spent the whole of my 20s in a haze of alcohol and drugs so ended up in some very dodgy situations but some funny ones as well
Once managed to miss the cones around a hole in the road and fell into it whilst drunk. Friend became hysterical as she thought I had cut my arm open and was flagging down cars to help us but it was sweet and sour sauce from my Chinese
Once decided that in order to impress a very lovely man that I had my eye on I should prove that I was very athletic. So decided (despite never having done any gymnastics at all) that I would demonstrate my abilities on the parallel bars on some scaffolding. It worked though as I dated him for a while
Had a very long conversation with a "good friend" that I hadn't seen in a while and prattled on for ages at them. Turned out I didn't know them at all - they were on Brookside! Very nice though
Oh I have just remembered my "worst" one in a very cold sweat of shame.
I fell really badly when very very drunk and completely smashed up my knee. I kept insisting that it was fine despite passing out twice from pain and spent more time trying to persuade people to go and get me another drink to take in the ambulance with me.
I was very impressed with the medical knowledge that a man had and complimented him on it. He told me that he was a surgeon to which I replied that it was lucky that he was passing to help me (it had escaped my attention that I had in fact gone to hospital).
They then had to basically sober me up to be able to operate on my knee and I still have horrible memories of making "hilarious" jokes about the good drugs that I could score from them. To be fair they were all lovely and I was voted one of the most pleasant and easy going drunks that they had had!!!
I spent the whole of my 20s in a haze of alcohol and drugs so ended up in some very dodgy situations but some funny ones as well
Once managed to miss the cones around a hole in the road and fell into it whilst drunk. Friend became hysterical as she thought I had cut my arm open and was flagging down cars to help us but it was sweet and sour sauce from my Chinese
Once decided that in order to impress a very lovely man that I had my eye on I should prove that I was very athletic. So decided (despite never having done any gymnastics at all) that I would demonstrate my abilities on the parallel bars on some scaffolding. It worked though as I dated him for a while
Had a very long conversation with a "good friend" that I hadn't seen in a while and prattled on for ages at them. Turned out I didn't know them at all - they were on Brookside! Very nice though
Oh I have just remembered my "worst" one in a very cold sweat of shame.
I fell really badly when very very drunk and completely smashed up my knee. I kept insisting that it was fine despite passing out twice from pain and spent more time trying to persuade people to go and get me another drink to take in the ambulance with me.
I was very impressed with the medical knowledge that a man had and complimented him on it. He told me that he was a surgeon to which I replied that it was lucky that he was passing to help me (it had escaped my attention that I had in fact gone to hospital).
They then had to basically sober me up to be able to operate on my knee and I still have horrible memories of making "hilarious" jokes about the good drugs that I could score from them. To be fair they were all lovely and I was voted one of the most pleasant and easy going drunks that they had had!!!
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Londoncailín
VIP Member
That fire alarm must have had a serious amount of baseWhen I was a teenager I was on holiday with family, went swimming in the sea, got out and had the worst headache which was getting worse and worse by the minute. Everyone including strangers on the beach were really concerned for me, laying me down, covering me up, fanning me and giving me water thinking I had sun stroke or something. Ended up being taken to hospital and when I was waiting to see a doctor I put my hand on my forehead and realised this whole ordeal was cos my goggles were on too tight round my head
Also was in a club once completely off my tits. Everyones running off for some reason and my mates are trying to pull me off the dancefloor and I'm like "naaaaaah leave me alone this tunes about to drop any sec"
Turns out there was a bomb scare and I'd been dancing to the fire alarm for a good few mins
ThatB***hCarolBaskin
Well-known member
When I first started seeing my OH, wasn’t fully together but kind of there type of thing.
Well back then he was proper into his cars!! All his money went on his cars and he’d spend all weekend cleaning them etc.
I’d been for a meal with the girls and accidentally got red wine drunk, he offered to pick me up and take me home.
I gets in his car and out of nowhere I projectile vom red wine vom all over his car, went all on the dash, in the heating vents, all over the windscreen and all in the radio/heating controls.
He dropped me off without saying a word and I rang my friend absolutely hysterical because I really like him and thought I’d messed it all up.
anyways 17 years later we are married and have kids but we still do not talk about the red wine vom, it’s a touchy subject.
Not the most embarrassing thing I’ve done but the one that’s burnt into my brain the most.
Well back then he was proper into his cars!! All his money went on his cars and he’d spend all weekend cleaning them etc.
I’d been for a meal with the girls and accidentally got red wine drunk, he offered to pick me up and take me home.
I gets in his car and out of nowhere I projectile vom red wine vom all over his car, went all on the dash, in the heating vents, all over the windscreen and all in the radio/heating controls.
He dropped me off without saying a word and I rang my friend absolutely hysterical because I really like him and thought I’d messed it all up.
anyways 17 years later we are married and have kids but we still do not talk about the red wine vom, it’s a touchy subject.
Not the most embarrassing thing I’ve done but the one that’s burnt into my brain the most.
Bitofthebubbly
VIP Member
Love this thread! It’s reassuring
At my partners cousins wedding a few years back, I didn’t like the food at the wedding so had hardly eaten all day which resulted in me getting ridiculously drunk at the party and only remembering bits. At one point, I fell asleep sitting on a toilet and a few people were looking everywhere for me, when they found me they essentially carried me to bed whilst I was being loud and obnoxious (total opposite of how I am sober) when I got into bed I vomited everywhere and my partner and couple of his family members had to help clean me up because I was gone, there’s probably more but I refuse to hear about the bits I don’t remember because what I do is bad enough. This was probably one of the first times I’d been around literally all my partners family at once, and it was a wedding so I was mortified that I’d ruined the party or something, they all found it hilarious and it’s never been forgotten.
Thinking about it I have a bad track record with weddings. We also went to a friends wedding a year or so before that where I got stupidly drunk and was trying to give my partner a lap dance??? Fully clothed but God I cringe so much when I think of that and what others must have been thinking. My partner said it was weird, we’d not been together stupidly long by that point. I was also shouting obnoxiously about how amazing the brides dress was (who I barely knew).
I can’t even blame being young because last year I went to my granddads birthday shindig and near the end of the night when most people had left the venue I was sat talking to my aunt, stopped to vomit in an empty glass and then carried on the conversation. Feel sorry for the person who had to clean that up.
I have loads when I think about it especially from my teens. Needless to say I very rarely drink nowadays as it’s not worth the anxiety
At my partners cousins wedding a few years back, I didn’t like the food at the wedding so had hardly eaten all day which resulted in me getting ridiculously drunk at the party and only remembering bits. At one point, I fell asleep sitting on a toilet and a few people were looking everywhere for me, when they found me they essentially carried me to bed whilst I was being loud and obnoxious (total opposite of how I am sober) when I got into bed I vomited everywhere and my partner and couple of his family members had to help clean me up because I was gone, there’s probably more but I refuse to hear about the bits I don’t remember because what I do is bad enough. This was probably one of the first times I’d been around literally all my partners family at once, and it was a wedding so I was mortified that I’d ruined the party or something, they all found it hilarious and it’s never been forgotten.
Thinking about it I have a bad track record with weddings. We also went to a friends wedding a year or so before that where I got stupidly drunk and was trying to give my partner a lap dance??? Fully clothed but God I cringe so much when I think of that and what others must have been thinking. My partner said it was weird, we’d not been together stupidly long by that point. I was also shouting obnoxiously about how amazing the brides dress was (who I barely knew).
I can’t even blame being young because last year I went to my granddads birthday shindig and near the end of the night when most people had left the venue I was sat talking to my aunt, stopped to vomit in an empty glass and then carried on the conversation. Feel sorry for the person who had to clean that up.
I have loads when I think about it especially from my teens. Needless to say I very rarely drink nowadays as it’s not worth the anxiety
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I was on holiday with friends. One evening we arrived back to the hotel. We stepped out of the lift and walked straight into our room. The door was unlocked. A guy was standing there naked. I asked what are you doing in our room? He said he was in his room. Then one of my friends said we are on the wrong floor. She had gone outside to check. We were in his room. It was so embarrassing. We spent the rest of the holiday avoiding him
Also on a night out with friends I stepped on the table to get to the other side. The table collapsed because I had stepped on the part that was not joined together. I thought it was a solid table. I landed on my face.
Also on a night out with friends I stepped on the table to get to the other side. The table collapsed because I had stepped on the part that was not joined together. I thought it was a solid table. I landed on my face.
Shimmering
VIP Member
Omg. This thread. Anonymous account so I can finally confess to some of these.
The thing is I am so sensible and serious now, rarely drink, mother, responsible job. But in my early twenties I was extremely drunk and disorderly. Some of these are not that funny, but it's catharsis for me to share.
I've gone headfirst down a spiral staircase, gone to the 24 hour newsagents in the middle of the night in the depths of winter in bare feet, bra, a fur lined cardigan and big silk boxer shorts, gone home with countless random men after nights out.
One of the most drunken nights of my life was a night out in London, before flying home and straight to work the next morning. Managed to get so utterly UTTERLY wasted on wine that I have very vague memories of getting a tube and a bus to Heathrow, arriving a few hours before my flight, and promptly falling asleep on a bench in departures and sleeping extremely soundly to the point that I missed my flight and had to pay a fortune for the next one. Not funny, but embarrassing.
One night out which I can't remember the reason for, at the end of the night I was heading home alone. I went up to some police officers and pretended to be a lost visitor to the city who needed a lift home (I actually lived there). They of course told me to piss off (nicely) but someone must have overheard as I ended up getting a lift home from a random man (extremely risky behaviour!).
This is the funny/mortifying part which I've never told anyone.
He was nice and kind and I feel so bad for him but I was chatting away to him, directing him to my area, pretending to be a sober, lost, tourist who'd got separated from her family, and I fully pissed myself in the passenger seat of his car. FULLY. When we got near my house I asked him to drop me off and skipped merrily home as if nothing had happened.
I've never told anyone this before
Sorry random man! You tried to do a drunk person a favour and ended up having to deal with THAT. No idea why I always pretend to be sober when blind drunk.
A work do with board members in attendance. There was a huge amount of alcohol and I got PLASTERED, like loud and aggressive. I waltzed in to the room with the alcohol, and in front of the board members blatantly took a bottle of gin for myself and waltzed out. I then left with a colleague, dragged them to a really fancy restaurant where I ordered tonnes and insisted on paying (I was skint!). On leaving the restaurant I dropped the full bottle of gin on the pavement where it exploded and I walked off as if nothing had happened.
I was moved to a different work location a few weeks later, on promotion, I assume to get rid of me!
Got hideously drunk at a very important networking event and ended up going home with a senior official (married) - his family were away. I was too drunk to be fully coherent so this night makes no sense to me, but after having drinks and dancing in his house, I was extremely rude to him and said I'd much rather be spending time with my boyfriend, and then had a conversation about porn that was so embarrassing, the memory of it brought me out in a cold sweat for years afterwards. He then dropped me home and came upstairs to my flat. I said I was going to bed and he crashed on the sofa. After about five mins I staggered out of my room and fully threw a grotty duvet at him so that he wouldn't be cold.
I then fell asleep and thank god in the morning he was gone.
The thing is I am so sensible and serious now, rarely drink, mother, responsible job. But in my early twenties I was extremely drunk and disorderly. Some of these are not that funny, but it's catharsis for me to share.
I've gone headfirst down a spiral staircase, gone to the 24 hour newsagents in the middle of the night in the depths of winter in bare feet, bra, a fur lined cardigan and big silk boxer shorts, gone home with countless random men after nights out.
One of the most drunken nights of my life was a night out in London, before flying home and straight to work the next morning. Managed to get so utterly UTTERLY wasted on wine that I have very vague memories of getting a tube and a bus to Heathrow, arriving a few hours before my flight, and promptly falling asleep on a bench in departures and sleeping extremely soundly to the point that I missed my flight and had to pay a fortune for the next one. Not funny, but embarrassing.
One night out which I can't remember the reason for, at the end of the night I was heading home alone. I went up to some police officers and pretended to be a lost visitor to the city who needed a lift home (I actually lived there). They of course told me to piss off (nicely) but someone must have overheard as I ended up getting a lift home from a random man (extremely risky behaviour!).
This is the funny/mortifying part which I've never told anyone.
He was nice and kind and I feel so bad for him but I was chatting away to him, directing him to my area, pretending to be a sober, lost, tourist who'd got separated from her family, and I fully pissed myself in the passenger seat of his car. FULLY. When we got near my house I asked him to drop me off and skipped merrily home as if nothing had happened.
I've never told anyone this before
Sorry random man! You tried to do a drunk person a favour and ended up having to deal with THAT. No idea why I always pretend to be sober when blind drunk.
A work do with board members in attendance. There was a huge amount of alcohol and I got PLASTERED, like loud and aggressive. I waltzed in to the room with the alcohol, and in front of the board members blatantly took a bottle of gin for myself and waltzed out. I then left with a colleague, dragged them to a really fancy restaurant where I ordered tonnes and insisted on paying (I was skint!). On leaving the restaurant I dropped the full bottle of gin on the pavement where it exploded and I walked off as if nothing had happened.
I was moved to a different work location a few weeks later, on promotion, I assume to get rid of me!
Got hideously drunk at a very important networking event and ended up going home with a senior official (married) - his family were away. I was too drunk to be fully coherent so this night makes no sense to me, but after having drinks and dancing in his house, I was extremely rude to him and said I'd much rather be spending time with my boyfriend, and then had a conversation about porn that was so embarrassing, the memory of it brought me out in a cold sweat for years afterwards. He then dropped me home and came upstairs to my flat. I said I was going to bed and he crashed on the sofa. After about five mins I staggered out of my room and fully threw a grotty duvet at him so that he wouldn't be cold.
I then fell asleep and thank god in the morning he was gone.
Right on top of that rose
VIP Member
Omg this thread gave me the laugh I needed today!
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact I could not have been more repulsed by this man but in my drunken state I told everyone how I fancied the pants off him, he overheard my professions and made excuses that he had a girlfriend (he didn’t) coz I scared him that much. I literally want to die when I think of it, I didn’t last too long in that job afterwards 
I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
ok, my go.
so many, many moons ago I went to my first office Christmas party. I drank my weight in spirits and proceeded to confess to EVERYONE, including my senior management and directors, my undying love for the oddball, creepy guy working in another department. you know the one that makes chest contact rather than eye contact
I could not have been more repulsed by this man but in my drunken state I told everyone how I fancied the pants off him, he overheard my professions and made excuses that he had a girlfriend (he didn’t) coz I scared him that much. I literally want to die when I think of it, I didn’t last too long in that job afterwards I also went to a concert in a city a few miles away, we ended up grabbing food on the way home but had no cutlery so walked to the nearest building we could find looking for some . Turns out it was the local hospital, they gave us plastic forks, we took selfies with the staff and then they sent us away with a bag full of fruit saying it was much healthier to eat than our kebabs
Scorpihoe
VIP Member
My bf and I were on a night out and I drank way too much. I assaulted a bouncer who wouldn’t let me in the club because I said I felt sick...but it got worse
I then started crying (I mean SOBBING) that I “wanted my mummy” in the middle of a busy street on a Saturday night and telling my boyfriend to order me an Uber to see my mum. People were staring at me and also harassing my boyfriend to order me an Uber immediately
it haunts me to this day and I feel ashamed
I then started crying (I mean SOBBING) that I “wanted my mummy” in the middle of a busy street on a Saturday night and telling my boyfriend to order me an Uber to see my mum. People were staring at me and also harassing my boyfriend to order me an Uber immediately
it haunts me to this day and I feel ashamed
I'm Sayin Nuttin
Well-known member
Oh god that’s amazing, I can’t believe you pooped on your mates clothes
Not my finest moment but a few years later I found out she had slept with my boyfriend at the time so she deserved it and more to be honest.
Londoncailín
VIP Member
I’d like to go on a night out with youI’m glad this is anonymous
I drew a giant cock on the toilet wall at a friends wedding. No idea why
the venue then charged my friend for the graffiti. He asked around us all to see if we knew anything?? It was put down to one of the teens that attended after a few too many WKD’s....
I also once went to see a comedian.. whilst he was doing his act, I got up, and was immediately heckled asking where I was going to which I replied “off to the toilet before the comedian comes on” yes I thought I was hilariousthen proceeded to flash him my tits
Probably my worst one (that could have resulted in trouble) was on a night out with friends and my brother I couldn’t find my bag and decided this huge muscley guy had nicked it. My brother then went and confronted him and started shouting the odds asking for my bag back and that he knew he had it etc etc....
Turns out I’d left it in the loo, and my friend brought it back for me. My brother was lucky he didn’t get knocked out.
Londoncailín
VIP Member
This was all in one night????
Millie2023
Well-known member
Not me, but OH bought a horse when drunk, embarrassing for him, as he doesn’t like horses and I won’t let him forget it. I still have said horse and love her to bits!