Normally we're fine, everyone has arguments now and again but he just rarely opens up to me anymore. I can tell when somethings bothering him as he starts acting this way, becoming withdrawn, really snappy with me and the kids but this is another level. I try talk to him, ask if he's OK, ask if he wants to talk about stuff that's bothering him but he closes me off and doesn't speak to me. Then when we argue he brings it up saying I never ask about him or want to know what's going on. It goes round in a circle and repeat. There's only so much asking you can do when they never take you on board, yet there's only so much I can tolerate being treated like this. This is the longest he's not spoken to me/let an argument go on about something that shouldn't have escalated into an argument.in the first place. We've been together for almost 9 years.
I wanted to say, I've been through a similar situation when my children were young. In a relationship, there has to be a bit of you, a bit of the other person and a bit of "us" (those 3 parts) in order to work really well. When you become a parent (and no offence intended here to anyone who isn't, this can apply for a career or even being a carer, instead of the child part) sometimes it can damage the us bit, or either of you, which pushes the balance out of sync.
It's easy to lose yourself (be you Mum or Dad) and be so busy in caring and loving your children, that the other person can become lonely, bitter, jealous, sad and even oddly grieving for what you had before the changes and new arrivals. It's not that they dislike the little ones, more that they feel unhappy or uncomfortable with the changes.
Years back, I had friends (and again, no offence intended to other posters here, I'm talking personally) who meant well and wanted the best for me, didn't feel my situation was good by their standards and in a moment of bereavement and sadness, I opted to leave a very long marriage. It did not bring me the relief, calm or new life that everyone almost guaranteed me. The grass is not always greener.
So I'd say to you, because it's clear to see you love him, consider counselling for you as a couple if you feel you might of lost some of your communications with each other. If that's not something you want to do, then see if you can grab a family member you trust for babysitting (even for an hour to just sit and eat a meal together) and make sure you spend some time as a couple again, so you can talk purely about each other and how you both are (make sure to leave the children talk out of this time, just be into each other).
It's not selfish or greedy, it's protecting and building your relationship as people, so that you can be a family and work through all the changes, challenges and fun times that brings with it. I think the lockdowns and covid situation has made things probably feel a lot worse and intense.
I hope it was ok to reach out to you, I wish you all the best.