I just want to rant about how out of place I feel in society and the world in general. I don’t know if this is just “getting old” but I feel really weird because a lot of the time I'm very lonely and don't understand anything anymore.
I feel like when I was younger, I just could fit in almost anywhere. My school, retail jobs, whatever. I could just make friends super easily and I always felt like I had a purpose because there was always something to do.
Now, I feel incredibly shut off from people. I do have friends, and I see them quite regularly, but most of them have their own life and family.
It doesn't help that I feel like I don't understand people anymore. I don't understand Tiktok or anything the younger generation are into. I don't understand or like any of the popular tv shows that I've tried to watch on Netflix. I feel like everything has changed, and I know that I'm not a young teenager anymore so nothing is made for me and I get that, but it still feels annoying to not like anything.
This means that I find it harder to make friends, because yeah, making friends as an adult is hard but even when you talk to people, they either want to talk about their husbands (or children) or they're younger and want to talk about the latest trends that I don't like. I feel like all I do is sit on my phone on youtube watching things that do interest me or coming on this website, where I feel like I could talk to people here because I do love shitting on influencers and that's why I enjoy it so much, because it reminds me of the old days when it felt like more of a community online and you could come and catch up with things.
I also feel so out of touch with the way some politics are going, and I won't get into it, but it's another reason I feel incredibly distanced from a lot of people, as I don't agree with the extreme views of certain people.
I feel shut off from everyone, I do have friends but it doesn't feel fun anymore, and when I do meet up with them, it's just talking across a table. You can't really do the things you used to anymore, like ask to have someone chill at your place for the night and watch movies and giggle. Everyone has their own things to do, which I totally get, but I feel like the very distant way I'm interacting with friends isn't good for me.
The thing is, I have this crazy mind inside when it's just me. I have all these ideas and thoughts and opinions about stuff. I have good jokes, I know that somewhere inside me there is still a fun personality because it comes out when I'm alone. I just don't share it with anyone.
I am finding it hard to relate to people in real life, because especially since the pandemic, people seem closed off and interacting seems different. I am craving just female dynamics as well, this is what I find I miss. I just want a huge group of woman that live on my street or something and we all meet up and gossip and have a laugh, and tell each other our secrets and what's going on. I want it to be a regular thing. I want it to be a constant communication where we all meet at a certain time and have something to look forward to. I also find I'm missing closeness as well because dating is also something I am finding so hard, as most people seem to be so caught up in their own world and don't have time for anyone else, or they just want to hook up.
I don't even know where I was going with this, but it felt good to get out. It just feels like a lot of the time I feel so different to a lot of people I meet in person and I want to find people I can feel comfy around. I don't understand a lot of what people find interesting anymore, and it just sucks