Wedding planning

[Bexybest]

We've been engaged a year but opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what we want for a wedding. I want something small, ideally abroad, without a lot of the usual traditional stuff. Maybe a nice meal and then a relaxing evening sat near a beach.

My partner wants to go the whole hog with a £20k venue, 100 guests, first dance blah blah (which suits some people but not me!)

I seriously cannot be arsed with it. I'd prefer to spend the money on an amazing honeymoon. As we can't agree on anything we just don't make progress. Very frustrating.

 

[Disneylifeonly]

Glad it’s not just me - I don’t want to exclude anyone but equally my partner has cousins who he’s literally never spoken to but would be expected to invite! It’s a lot of extra expense for people we don’t even know.

Honestly People should stop feeling entitled to wedding invites.

Were having a few kids at our wedding (because we have one and my partner has a niece and nephew, but that's it)
My cousin has already voiced concern about her kids not being invited, she has 5 children, 3 of which will all be over 12 by 2023 so they get classed as adults, so just for her kids it would cost me an extra £285, and then of course if we invite them we'd have to invite every other cousins kids and before you know it our wedding with only 4 kids attending, becomes 20 and its just not happening.
My mum has a saying
No pay, no say
And its the policy were going by

 

[bellinibobble]

I occasionally dip into mumsnet to read the trending threads and there’s one on there today about child free weddings and people asking for money instead of gifts. The poster said that the wedding they’d been invited to had a little poem to ask for cash instead of presents and everyone was saying how tacky this is.

We were planning to ask people for money towards our honeymoon instead of gifts (if they did want to give us anything) as we’ve lived together for years. I wasn’t going to do a poem as such but how do you communicate that with your guests without sounding like “give me money”?

Of all the wedding traditions and etiquette, I honestly think those poems are the worst I’ve yet to read one which doesn’t make my toes curl. No problem with the actual gifting of money though - makes my life easier as a guest so why not!

I would be tempted to not mention gifts at all and assume that the vast majority of people will give you cash (because that is what normal people will do in real life - not the MN outcry). Or say nothing, but if asked, be signed up to one of those places where people can gift you honeymoon vouchers.

 

[annabananaw10]

TW: miscarriage

OK so I have no where to get this off my chest since I am refusing to talk about it to the people I know IRL because I am worried that they will assume I am a bridezilla but I am so angry and upset at my now ex maid of honour and former friend.

Spoiler: Longish rant

We have been friends since high school and she for the longest time was my most reliable friend. I knew she had been a bridesmaid before and didn't have the best time and was reluctant to do it again so when me and Mr Banana started discussing getting married, I flagged it with her saying I knew she didn't want to be a bridesmaid again but she quickly volunteered and when the time came she agreed to be my Maid of Honour.

I honestly tried my hardest to be a relaxed bride and the only things my maid of honour needed to do was organise my Hens and pick a dress I was going to pay for. Anyway here is the shortest version of events:

- She is a primary school teacher and works in a low socio-economic area with a lot of disadvantaged kids. I really admire her for it and she spends most of her time talking about her job and her students but lately started to become obsessive about her job - like to a point where some of my other teacher friends said she was far too involved in her student's lives.

- I basically bent over backwards to accommodate her and even though she volunteered to be a bridesmaid, she started fights with me every time I asked her to do something. And it was just so aggressive and manic, I would literally ask her if she had time to check something and she'd send me text after text saying how hard her students have it, how stressed she is, how I don't understand how hard her job is, etc. Like everything was an aggressive attack from her and when I'd back off she'd come around to talk about the wedding.

- My Hens got postponed as my city went into a lockdown and she just outright refused to discuss when we could do it again and started bombarding me again with how difficult her students are having it, how hard her job is and started saying I should just postpone my wedding

- I need to have a second dress for my reception to dance in since my wedding dress is quite long, and she started wanting to wear a second dress too. I changed my mind on my wedding dress style about seven months out and she got angry at me for changing my mind since she was about to buy her second dress (which I never told her to do) and was demanding to wear flip flops at the reception even though I offered to buy her comfortable shoes for the day.

- The final straw came when it was time to buy her actual dress. She was refusing to go to the store to try any on because she didn't want to have to isolate in case she came into contact with covid-19. I offered to buy it online for her to try and she made a huge fuss about it saying she can't afford to (even though I was paying for it). I stopped replying to her texts to deescalate the fight and she went and bought a cheap dress with her own money and kept trying to push me to let her wear it. When my mother told her it wasnt acceptable (to try and help me as I was so stressed), she told my mother to fuck off.

- Around this time, I unfortunately had a miscarriage and was struggling with it and my wedding was what was getting me through. She knew this but whenever she refused to do anything with the dress she'd send me message after message swearing at me saying I have an easy life and an easy job (I don't) and how difficult her students have it and how my wedding isnt important to her.

- I finally had enough so I didnt reply but a minute later I got another text saying I was a bad friend because all I did was talk about my wedding (we were two months out at this point and she was my MOH - of course I needed to talk to her) and I got really upset because all I have done for the last few months was try to support her. While I was actively miscarrying I was listening to her complain about work and I tried my hardest not to burden her or ask her to do much. She refused to organise my Hens once we could have it so I had to do it all my self and she refused to come because she was too busy with work.

- I sent her a text saying in the politest way possible that I needed space and I think it's best she attends as a guest rather than be in the bridal party and that I didnt have the energy to support her in the way she needs right now because I was grieving my miscarriage and my father was having heart surgery (which she knew about).

Her response was just to text back "You better ring me to apologise" and I haven't spoken to her since. This was one of my oldest friends and I still have no clue why she was so hostile and aggressive towards me - like my other bridesmaid was horrified and kept saying that I did nothing wrong and if anything, I inconvenienced them trying to accommodate her (they didn't mind).

Anyway, as I have since learned so many people fall out with bridesmaids AND a number of my vendors told me that they have had multiple Maids of Honour from Hell so I guess I am not alone.

 

[Penguin 124]

Happy wedding year to all of us 2022 brides and grooms!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Slightly off topic but, I’ve just received the further details for a wedding we are attending soon. It is a beautiful little pack it contains a food choices card, directions etc. Then at the back is a card containing their account number with a little line that just reads as ‘no gifts just money’. Does anyone else think that’s a bit crass? (We we’re giving money anyways but, this just makes me feel a little uncomfortable)

It just sounds so greedy!

the other thing is, some guests might be struggling financially and when you add up outfits, hair cuts, nails, maybe a hotel stay etc that already costs a lot of money and some guests might want to source either a really cheap gift or homemade gift or they might want to re gift something they already own. Which is totally fine and totally understandable, they might not have the cash to give, it just adds more pressure to an already pricey event!

 

[Holidaybobs]

We’re doing locally made fudge with our date and names stamped into it. Most of our guests are family so we know everyone loves fudge

I love that idea! I once spent £70 on fudge online and they sent me the order twice so I ended up with £140 worth of fudge for myself

 

[Disneylifeonly]

I have found my people! We've just booked our wedding for Sept 2023 - We are having a church wedding, followed by a Village Hall Reception! We want it to be like 40's Wedding Decor - Bunting, Flowers... Street Party type table set up!

Songs I'm thinking of... You are My Sunshine (By Chris & Morgane Stapleton) - Lucky Man by the Verve when we walk back up the aisle and our entrance to Wedding Venue will be You & Me by The Wannadies!

However, we all know these things may alter as we go along!

What about 1st dance Songs Ladies? 👰🏽‍♀️

Ah that one is slightly cliche for my fiance and I, were having say you won't let go by James Arthur

Before our first dance though, I'm surprising my fiance by singing for him, he loves my singing, I used to sing in choir and a band but a horrible ex knocked my confidence, so haven't sang in front of groups of people since. My fiance bought me a guitar and microphone to try and get me to record and everything.
Before we got engaged he said if one thing was going to make him cry it would be if I sang in front of him and our family and friends because it would show just how much I loved him because he knows the thought terrifies me.
So I'm singing Remember us this way by lady gaga from a star is born. Its a movie we love to watch together and it was the first song I sang in front of him.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

we have Florida booked for our honeymoon. We have been twice before, we know so much about the place and even though it’s a none stop holiday, it’s very relaxing because we feel so comfortable there!

We are going on honeymoon six days after the wedding! We’ve used reward flights to book business class both ways, which was actually cheaper than economy at the time! I just want it all to hurry up!

 

[Disneylifeonly]

Totally agree, my wedding reception venue is quite posh so the last thing I’d want is kids running around like it’s a school disco

I know! People are like "aw it makes it fun"
No it doesn't. I don't want to trip over a child knee sliding on the dance floor and if any child dares gets in the way during our first dance ill boot them

 

[101d]

Awww my mum has bought herself one of those Cricut machines and has personalised mini booze's for our 2023 wedding!!! Bless her

 

[Holidaybobs]

Jeez my wedding in September is currently forecast to be about £55-60k and that’s before rings, suits, hen/stag, bridal party gifts etc. I knew weddings were expensive so I thought ours was normal but now reading here I’m wondering if we’ve gone too overboard! It’s a 4 day weekend in Tuscany so a few other things to pay for other than just the one day but still! Think I need to go and lie down haha

Don’t worry, mine is even higher than this We are getting married in a Chateau so have hired it for the full 4 days and have paid for it outright so our guests don’t have to pay for anything other than flights. We’ve got a lot planned for the four days too so it’s not just the day we are paying for. I know it sounds excessive but, life is so short we just want to make the most of it! We are fortunate that we can afford to do it too and my love language is gift giving

 

[opintionatedperson]

Slightly off topic but, I’ve just received the further details for a wedding we are attending soon. It is a beautiful little pack it contains a food choices card, directions etc. Then at the back is a card containing their account number with a little line that just reads as ‘no gifts just money’. Does anyone else think that’s a bit crass? (We we’re giving money anyways but, this just makes me feel a little uncomfortable)

This came up before and I'm probably going to burated for this opinion but I don't care, I'd go out of my way to not give cash in that case I think it's unnecessary

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I’m getting married October 2022.

we have quite a lot booked and organised so far and I’m getting quite excited . It’s a fairly small wedding in terms of guest numbers and we have a reasonably small budget, which suits us.

one thing I’ve learnt is not to take to heart other people’s comments. You’ll always get the people who don’t like weddings, or don’t like big weddings, etc etc, but it’s yours and your fiancé’s day, so you do what makes you both happy!

 

[opintionatedperson]

Is anyone getting wedding day gifts? I’m struggling on what to get my partner.

You are gift enough I think

 

[Icbaaaa]

Hen do wise I've always fancied a chilled one at a lodge with a hot tub, take your own drink, order takeaway, can stay in pyjamas or get glammed up if you want! Ive been to families hen dos abroad which are so good but the cost mounts up so quickly

 

[Laurenia]

We’ve asked people not to give gifts at our wedding and put something along the lines of ‘your presence is present enough’. We have lived together for a couple of years and I don’t need to find space for another toaster. If people do decide to give us cash, we would probably use it to book some trips on our honeymoon we might not do otherwise.

I’d prefer to give a gift of money for a wedding for ease. Most couples live together beforehand so have everything they need and everyone’s taste is so different. I wouldn’t want to turn up empty handed to a wedding where the couple were paying potentially £100+ per head for food and drinks etc. I wouldn’t be offended by someone asking either. I tend to ask people if there’s anything they specifically want at birthdays/Christmas so don’t see it as being that much different. I’d rather give what the recipient would want than wasting my money on something to be shoved in a cupboard.

 

[sushimama]

We're getting married on 2.7. and I'm sooo excited! In the last few weeks we managed to cross all the major tasks off our list and now it's just the little details left. I am enjoying this process so much it's insane and I'm usually not a very organised person but my Notion wedding page is so good hahaha. I will miss this way too much when it will be over.

The wedding will be in two parts. In the morning we'll have a civil ceremony at a little seaside town where we have our holiday home which has so much meaning for us. It will only be our parents and best man / maid of honour.

After lunch we'll drive to Italy for the "main wedding" where all our friends and the rest of families will join us at the villa. We'll have symbolic ceremony there and then dinner and party. We've booked the place till 4am for now - knowing our friends we could easily be there till 10am too haha but I want to keep it somewhat civil.

We don't want anything too traditional so no speeches, no bridal party etc. I don't want the traditional first dance where everyone stands around the dance floor and looks at you and I need to figure out when to play our song and make it a tiny bit special without being all formal and awkward. We'll be dancing to Loving you by Minnie Riperton and I know I'll be crying like crazy haha. And I still need to find a song for the civil ceremony. For symbolic ceremony I'll walk down the aisle to Canon in D – Pachelbel, but I don't want to use the same song for the civil part too. Wedding march feels like too much and we'll walk in together anyway so I need to find something less intense that still feels like us.

Aaaaand I keep my fingers crossed that Japan will open its borders in time for our honeymoon. We were supposed to go in march 2020 and we all know how that went. So I hope maybe we can do the trip we wanted this September instead.

 

[bellinibobble]

What are wedding website typically used for? Just all the info that doesn’t fit on an invite? Are they free?

I’m having a destination wedding so for me it’s been helpful to add travel advice, tourist info about our destination etc You can also process your RSVPs and collect dietary requirements electronically from guests which saves typing responses up/me making errors withjoy is definitely free.

The only thing I’d say is I think the default setting for most is public and searchable on the internet, so the first thing I did is password protect mine so nosy people or those who aren’t invited can’t snoop!

 

[Disneylifeonly]

Venue and food
Photographer
Videographer
Florist
Cake
DJ

-Celebrant is picked, just need to pay deposit
-Bridesmaid dresses and shoes picked, just waiting for a size to come back in stock
-photobooth package found, just need to pay deposit
-given price for kilts

Feel like I'm doing quite well