Wedding Planning #4

[Joannabloggs]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather witchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

Do yourself a favour and elope. You can celebrate when you get back, see what money you have left and how you want to spend it. Weddings have a habit of going over their budget and I would hate for you to have spent money on something that isn't important and have to scrimp for disney

You're 2nd option is cheeky imo and I just don't think you'd be able to do it logistically. Most restaurants would expect you to put down a deposit per person for 6 or more people. Furthermore splitting the bill would be a nightmare and some restaurants only allow you to split it by 2 or 3 people. What you could do, is just book and area in a gastropub, minimum spend may apply, but its way easier to budget and its not normally that high (my local is £100). Buy some bottle and food platters, and people can graze etc, if people don't like the spread/ drinks they can spend their own money. Do this post wedding/ holiday so you can show pics etc and makes it easier for people to understand why u eloped.

 

[Charlotte1007]

Do yourself a favour and elope. You can celebrate when you get back, see what money you have left and how you want to spend it. Weddings have a habit of going over their budget and I would hate for you to have spent money on something that isn't important and have to scrimp for disney

You're 2nd option is cheeky imo and I just don't think you'd be able to do it logistically. Most restaurants would expect you to put down a deposit per person for 6 or more people. Furthermore splitting the bill would be a nightmare and some restaurants only allow you to split it by 2 or 3 people. What you could do, is just book and area in a gastropub, minimum spend may apply, but its way easier to budget and its not normally that high (my local is £100). Buy some bottle and food platters, and people can graze etc, if people don't like the spread/ drinks they can spend their own money. Do this post wedding/ holiday so you can show pics etc and makes it easier for people to understand why u eloped.

thank you!
I think you’re right, we were set on eloping the enjoy Disney with our kids and it suited us perfectly. No fuss..nice, easy, simple.
Think I’m just feeling the pressure of pleasing everyone else!
I’ll look into the pub thing, or just hire a function room, Buffett etc to celebrate afterwards!

 

[_Laura]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather witchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

This is coming from someone who got married on Saturday with 100 guests, ELOPE!
I’m not saying this because I wish I did, I loved our wedding day and had a blast, but people have opinions and love to tell you about them unfortunately. You really need to put your foot down and do what is right for you and your fiancé. If you decided to have a local wedding, I’d bet good money that you’d have witchy comments about the date, the venue, the food, the whatever, etc. Sit down with your partner and decide on what would be the ideal wedding and do just that! X

 

[Hamburglar]

This is coming from someone who got married on Saturday with 100 guests, ELOPE!
I’m not saying this because I wish I did, I loved our wedding day and had a blast, but people have opinions and love to tell you about them unfortunately. You really need to put your foot down and do what is right for you and your fiancé. If you decided to have a local wedding, I’d bet good money that you’d have witchy comments about the date, the venue, the food, the whatever, etc. Sit down with your partner and decide on what would be the ideal wedding and do just that! X

Agree with this, planning is stressful enough as it is, if you’re planning a wedding to please other people you won’t enjoy the process and you’ll wish you’d just eloped. People will be witchy no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want.

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Im so glad there is a Tattle thread for this tit.

Before I realised that mumsnet was a hellscape I posted a question on there and got sandblasted.

I'm going to go back and read the threads but before I do, can I just say, omfg I am finding wedding planning so bloody stressful and I am sick of everyone's opinions and dancing about trying to make sure everyone is happy.

This is why I like Tattle.life - there are safe spaces, full of regular people.

As you were. Ill be back soon once ive caught up!

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Also, ive had a vodka tonic and a long day at work.

I just want to be bleeping married and not bend to the whims of a load of people.

There. I've said it.

 

[_Laura]

Im so glad there is a Tattle thread for this tit.

Before I realised that mumsnet was a hellscape I posted a question on there and got sandblasted.

I'm going to go back and read the threads but before I do, can I just say, omfg I am finding wedding planning so bloody stressful and I am sick of everyone's opinions and dancing about trying to make sure everyone is happy.

This is why I like Tattle.life - there are safe spaces, full of regular people.

As you were. Ill be back soon once ive caught up!

I got married less than a month ago and while I had the best time, there are a few things I wish we’d have done differently, though. They all have to do with things we did to please people or not cause family drama. If I could go back in time and warm my former self, I would definitely tell her to do right by her and her husband and not worry about other people so much!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Also, ive had a vodka tonic and a long day at work.

I just want to be bleeping married and not bend to the whims of a load of people.

There. I've said it.

Getting married was one of the best days of my life but honestly see the amount of things I did to make sure other people were happy…

 

[_Laura]

I got married less than a month ago and while I had the best time, there are a few things I wish we’d have done differently, though. They all have to do with things we did to please people or not cause family drama. If I could go back in time and warm my former self, I would definitely tell her to do right by her and her husband and not worry about other people so much!

Warn, not warm. I’m warm enough as it is, thank you!

 

[KingPrawnOkay]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather witchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

Could you ask family to pay for the meal in lieu of gifts? FIL quite happily agreed to pay for the meal as it meant he didn’t have to faff around working what to buy us!

I’m actually getting married in 2 hours and currently sat in my dressing down with a tea because this morning I managed to melt the sleeve of my dress on the iron - this silly bleep didn’t look at the label that said “don’t iron” (it’s cotton ffs??). Fortunately we know the seamstress up the road who I’m hoping can do something but duck me I feel like a twit.

 

[_Laura]

Could you ask family to pay for the meal in lieu of gifts? FIL quite happily agreed to pay for the meal as it meant he didn’t have to faff around working what to buy us!

I’m actually getting married in 2 hours and currently sat in my dressing down with a tea because this morning I managed to melt the sleeve of my dress on the iron - this silly bleep didn’t look at the label that said “don’t iron” (it’s cotton ffs??). Fortunately we know the seamstress up the road who I’m hoping can do something but duck me I feel like a twit.

Eeeek, you must be just about to get married now! All the best lovely xx

 

[KingPrawnOkay]

Eeeek, you must be just about to get married now! All the best lovely xx

Thank you!! All went off without a hitch - the ceremony was not my cup of tea but I was far less nervous than I expected, and we couldn’t have wished for better weather. My dress was fixed enough so it doesn’t show in photos but I didn’t think about it once actually. Absolutely shattered today however - I’ve no idea how people do even 50+ people weddings, nevermind some of these mega days with 200-odd people. 🫣

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

How many of you here bought your dress/outfit and then decided you hated it?

Mine still fits but I havent lost the little bit of weight I wanted to shift and I feel absolutely massive in mine.

I need it shortening and hopefully that will.make me feel a bit better and when I try it on when my hair is done and im not dragging it about it might be ok.

Ive got so much anxiety about this! My bleeping body and the bleeping perimen. Aghhh. Ive been in a calorie deficit since April, lifting weights, spinning and swimming, doing the daily bloody steps and the scale wont budge, ive still got this extra inch on my a/hips and a tum. The only thing im not doing which i used to (when I was a stone lighter and didn't have this tum) was running but I cant run atm due to issues with my ankle.

My partners fam are all tall, slim and glamorous and I look like a lump of coal. I also feel like they think im a clown anyway.

Im looking to get a back up outfit to change into for dancing etc.

Aghhh to everything. I just want to run away and I dont want everyone looking at my and my massive a

 

[Forallthoseasking]

Sorry to be a downer ladies but I need to tell someone this morning.

I'm officially uninviting/banning my father from my wedding today. I'm tired and I'm drained and I have had enough. He is not a nice man, never has been, and he went too far, again.

I had a wonderful weekend away with friends for a birthday this weekend, and we planned my upcoming hen do. It was lovely. This was after a stressful week with many things going on with work, family health, and some wedding issues with suppliers.

Last week, my father called while I was in the middle of something and started winding me up. He was doing it for his own entertainment and it hurt me. I snapped, told him to leave me alone and I didn't want to talk today, and hung up.

During the week we didn't speak. I hadn't noticed because of everything on in my life.

While at dinner with my friends on Saturday, he sends a rude message asking if I "had stopped with a woman moods yet" so I didn't reply, obviously.

Then last night I was on a walk and left my phone at home. When I returned, there were aggressive messages from him that I was a witch for not speaking to her own father and that he and a close family friend (who he has booked flights for) would not be attending my wedding because I didn't deserve it. This is the second time he has threatened this.

I snapped. I text to say that was fine and he was a spoilt brat and I would tell everyone exactly why he won't be there. I texted the family friend to ask for a call tonight and I will tell her I will pay for her flights (she has no money) and I have asked my uncle for a call to explain. My father always spins things to be the victim to my uncle who is like head of the family.

I'm done. I am so done with him and I hate that he is trying to ruin my day, AGAIN.

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Sorry to be a downer ladies but I need to tell someone this morning.

I'm officially uninviting/banning my father from my wedding today. I'm tired and I'm drained and I have had enough. He is not a nice man, never has been, and he went too far, again.

I had a wonderful weekend away with friends for a birthday this weekend, and we planned my upcoming hen do. It was lovely. This was after a stressful week with many things going on with work, family health, and some wedding issues with suppliers.

Last week, my father called while I was in the middle of something and started winding me up. He was doing it for his own entertainment and it hurt me. I snapped, told him to leave me alone and I didn't want to talk today, and hung up.

During the week we didn't speak. I hadn't noticed because of everything on in my life.

While at dinner with my friends on Saturday, he sends a rude message asking if I "had stopped with a woman moods yet" so I didn't reply, obviously.

Then last night I was on a walk and left my phone at home. When I returned, there were aggressive messages from him that I was a witch for not speaking to her own father and that he and a close family friend (who he has booked flights for) would not be attending my wedding because I didn't deserve it. This is the second time he has threatened this.

I snapped. I text to say that was fine and he was a spoilt brat and I would tell everyone exactly why he won't be there. I texted the family friend to ask for a call tonight and I will tell her I will pay for her flights (she has no money) and I have asked my uncle for a call to explain. My father always spins things to be the victim to my uncle who is like head of the family.

I'm done. I am so done with him and I hate that he is trying to ruin my day, AGAIN.

So sorry that you have this happening to you. Sending you strength x

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Sorry to be a downer ladies but I need to tell someone this morning.

I'm officially uninviting/banning my father from my wedding today. I'm tired and I'm drained and I have had enough. He is not a nice man, never has been, and he went too far, again.

I had a wonderful weekend away with friends for a birthday this weekend, and we planned my upcoming hen do. It was lovely. This was after a stressful week with many things going on with work, family health, and some wedding issues with suppliers.

Last week, my father called while I was in the middle of something and started winding me up. He was doing it for his own entertainment and it hurt me. I snapped, told him to leave me alone and I didn't want to talk today, and hung up.

During the week we didn't speak. I hadn't noticed because of everything on in my life.

While at dinner with my friends on Saturday, he sends a rude message asking if I "had stopped with a woman moods yet" so I didn't reply, obviously.

Then last night I was on a walk and left my phone at home. When I returned, there were aggressive messages from him that I was a witch for not speaking to her own father and that he and a close family friend (who he has booked flights for) would not be attending my wedding because I didn't deserve it. This is the second time he has threatened this.

I snapped. I text to say that was fine and he was a spoilt brat and I would tell everyone exactly why he won't be there. I texted the family friend to ask for a call tonight and I will tell her I will pay for her flights (she has no money) and I have asked my uncle for a call to explain. My father always spins things to be the victim to my uncle who is like head of the family.

I'm done. I am so done with him and I hate that he is trying to ruin my day, AGAIN.

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this right now at what should be one of the happiest times of your life.

From my own personal experience you have 100% made the right decision

I love my dad very much but it has been tricky over the years, he has a lot of issues going back to my parents not being together, he has been dealt a bad hand in life and drinks quite heavily. Something you said about your own dad spinning things to look like the victim, mine can do the same. On the day of my wedding my dad got a bit horrible towards my mum and I all because my stepdad had done a speech - it was a very simple speech where he pointed out he was my stepdad and not my dad etc so there was no reason for my dad to get cross about it. My stepdad has been there for me through so many things in my life and had helped a lot with the wedding but long story short my dad left during the meal. It was heart-breaking but at the same time it was my wedding day so I moved past it and at least my dad was there for the ceremony which was the most important things for me before the drinking really had got started. I too have received quite nasty messages from him in the past, I know he doesn't mean them and they come from a place of hurt but at the same time I also hurt and have feelings. I'd just hoped for one day it could be plain sailing if that makes sense. we are good now and we have moved past it but still i thought I just write this post to let you know I can completely understand how you are feeling.

I found that sometimes you just really need to put yourself first, as hard as it is, because we are human too.

Maybe this will be a wake up call for your dad that he can't speak to you or treat you how he does and unfortunately if he does then there will be consequences and he can't get away with it.

Sending you hugs - Your day will be amazing and your dad really only has himself to blame. We can't speak or treat people badly and expect everything to just be hunky dory xx

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Has anyone ever gotten married or planning to get married at their local city hall?
How much did it cost?

I know each city would be different but wanted to have a rough idea!

 

[Soph96]

Just looking for some advice if possible
I’ve fallen in love with a wedding dress that’s a chunk more expensive than I’d wanted to spend but not too ridiculous and I think I’m gonna go for it because I absolutely love it and we’re not going ridiculously wild with the rest of the wedding so feel like I can justify it
I just wondered if anyone has done the same and regretted spending too much later on?
Or even wanted to do the same and went for a more budget-friendly option and regretted not just paying a bit more for the one they really wanted?
Sorry for the ramble!

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Just looking for some advice if possible
I’ve fallen in love with a wedding dress that’s a chunk more expensive than I’d wanted to spend but not too ridiculous and I think I’m gonna go for it because I absolutely love it and we’re not going ridiculously wild with the rest of the wedding so feel like I can justify it
I just wondered if anyone has done the same and regretted spending too much later on?
Or even wanted to do the same and went for a more budget-friendly option and regretted not just paying a bit more for the one they really wanted?
Sorry for the ramble!

You want to feel extra special on the day, for context I was married before and everything went wrong with my outfit and make up for that wedding and I felt like a total mess and hated looking at the photos.

I spent a lot more time planning my hair and make up, and outfit for my recent second wedding and felt better on the day and looking back on the photos. I also went with my instincts and got the outfit i set my heart on.

You are going to have a lot of eyes on you and so you want to make sure you feel comfortable and a million dollars.

However, How far out are you from the wedding? Is there a risk you’ll spend the big big money but then see something else?

 

[Lioness1]

Just looking for some advice if possible
I’ve fallen in love with a wedding dress that’s a chunk more expensive than I’d wanted to spend but not too ridiculous and I think I’m gonna go for it because I absolutely love it and we’re not going ridiculously wild with the rest of the wedding so feel like I can justify it
I just wondered if anyone has done the same and regretted spending too much later on?
Or even wanted to do the same and went for a more budget-friendly option and regretted not just paying a bit more for the one they really wanted?
Sorry for the ramble!

My dress was over £3500 and I kind of regret that now it’s just sitting in a bag. It was lovely and what I wanted, but I’ve seen people in dresses exactly like it that probably cost half the price from places like wed2b. If you can, shop around and see if you can find anything similar by different designers and if not then go for what you want!