Wedding Planning #4

[LibraDee]

Hi all, is it bad I'm not doing wedding favours?

Also I'm using a Spotify play list instead of a dj, has anyone done this before? Thanks

We don't plan to have favours either. Unless edible, I think they're a waste of money.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I’ve had my wedding seating chart finalised and made because everyone had said they could definitely come when speaking to them over the past couple of weeks. There is only 2 weeks to go.
Yesterday, I messaged two of the couple to check if any dietary requirements - and they got back today both giving excuses and now can’t come.
this is one table on my wedding seating chart pretty much gone, two people left on the table.
im not in a position to get another chart made so do you think I’d be okay to just combine the table with two people on it to another table and just stick both table names on that table? I know it’s probably going to look stupid
And I’m gutted having a reminder on my seating chart that a couple of people let me down so last minute.

 

[Hamburglar]

Nah that is WILD @RoseyThorney you handled it exceptionally!

We had a videographer @Pinhead Larry but I booked a cheap one as I wasn’t really sure about it so didn’t want to spend loads. Let’s just say you get what you pay for I’m glad we have some footage of the day and I’m glad I didn’t spend a fortune to only watch it a handful of times, but I should’ve spent a little bit more I think!

 

[Joannabloggs]

I’m going to firmly plonk myself into this thread. It’ll be a great distraction from TTC as well.

We got engaged over a week ago and now we’re trying to decide between May 2025 or 2026 for the big day. We’re not expecting any financial help, will need to take out a loan and use credit cards and want to keep our budget as close to £15k as possible. I know 2026 makes for a long engagement and I would love 2025 but we’re both still paying for our cars and I’m paying off a personal loan still. 2026 makes more sense financially, but I still can’t decide! Does anyone have any thoughts or advice or similar experience?

I got engaged last month and getting married in Oct 2025. 2 years gives us enough time to save without loans but also get the vendors of our choice. We've confirmed the church and reception but even though it's 2 years ago, many desirable dates were already gone. If u want May 25 you need to visit & lockdown a place ASAP, loads of people get engaged at Xmas/ new year so you can get a head start before people start looking in the new year

 

[Joannabloggs]

Agreeing on this! We are October 2025 and when booking our venue in May this year, we weren't the first Saturday booking for Oct 25.

Saying that, it's in Cheshire which tends to book up earlier than most places

Im in London so we get booked up quickly too, particularly if your venue like ours isn’t charging crazy amounts (i was quoted £13k for a venue, didnt include catering, accomodation) . I think more people are booking October than historically not only because its cheaper, but global warming means the weather can still be good and you get the lovely changing colour of the leaves. Wishing u the best over the next 2 years

 

[QueenRoe]

I'm such an anxious person which is the only thing, I worry people will forget or something There are quite a few people coming who are so laid back and I just know they will need to be chased but I suppose closer to the time I could always just send a message to anyone who hasn't got back to me.. thank you, I will look at getting them made up soon then

Also would you recommend maybe a QR code or something for some guests so it's easier to RSVP?

Sorry to piggyback! I’m getting married in the Caribbean as I live here, but all of my family are in the UK , so I can’t post physical invites to them with the fear of them getting lost
So I’ve actually set up a wedding website that I’ll share with everyone when I send my invites out and they can RVSP that way! Its easier for them and also me to keep track then too.
I used the knot for it and find it’s brilliant

 

[bellinibobble]

Aw, sorry but I think you might be being a little bit petty here 🫣 understandable given the circumstances though.

What does your husband think? It is his family, might he have told your in laws it’s fine? Them having a full bridal party procession definitely won’t make your own wedding memories with your son any less special, promise! Best of luck with your pregnancy

 

[RandomFrog]

Here I am looking for advice from this thread again

So we've been engaged just gone 2 years and our wedding is booked for August, my cousin is also getting married two weeks after us early September. I am bridesmaid for her and she for me so you can imagine the month or 2 before my wedding are turning out to be a little busy!!

We've just been told this week by my sister that she is getting married end of July, this year!!! They haven't checked any dates with us before booking and as it goes I am away for my cousin's hen do on their wedding day, (my sister is not close to my cousin so has no idea on dates etc) Not ideal of course but I've said I'm not cancelling the hen do as it's all organised, booked, paid for in full etc.

Am I being unreasonable?

 

[Forallthoseasking]

Thanks both! Good to know I'm not the only one wondering what this is all about!!

I think I'm gonna just stand firm on not getting anything for the day for suppliers, I would feel like I had to buy them all. I will do some thank you notes, sent after the wedding. As someone else mentioned similar, I am also paying for a 3 course meal for my suppliers as the venue does it that way rather than supplier meals.

The parents gifts still baffle me but my fiancé knows his parents will be expecting them and doesn't want to rock the boat too much (however I'd happily tell them to get a grip!). My mum is baffled by the concept and said to just give her an empty envelope that looks like a voucher and save myself the money I'm obviously not going to do that if the MiL is getting something but my mum is as baffled as me

 

[KingPrawnOkay]

Can I come here for a moan? I don’t want to bring down the tone of the thread but I don’t know where else to rant into the ether!

We’re getting married in a few months and while I’m excited to be married, I’m not at all excited for the day. If it was up to me I would happily sign a marriage certificate and chuck it in the post. I already feel sick with nerves and I’m dreading it. It’s only a reg office ceremony and a meal out, and he’s invited about ten people, but that’s still too much for me. I’m autistic and chronically shy and I don’t like to be the centre of attention, don’t like talking, don’t like being around people. I don’t really have any family so I won’t have anyone there on “my side” (I know his family will become my family but you know what I mean), which in itself is making me upset. The only family member I want is dead. I’ve already cried buckets over that and I know I’ll be upset on the day. I don’t want anyone else but I’m conscious everyone’s going to be silently wondering why I‘m the sad-sack who doesn’t have anyone.

He didn’t want a proper wedding either but he’s compromised on numbers and not having friends or a proper booked party venue etc. for me. And he knows and appreciates I’ll find it difficult, and he’s bent over backwards to try and make it easier for me, so I can’t tell him that this is beyond my usual anxiety and level of struggle. I’m sure I won’t hate the day but I won’t be comfortable, but I’m not going to ruin it for him as well.

How the fuck do I make myself enjoy it when I already don’t want to go to my own pissing ceremony? I’m treating myself to a massage the night before but anyone who’s been in the same boat as me, is there anything nice I could do for myself in the morning? How many shots is a reasonable number to have while I’m getting ready?!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

We have done exact same except using With Joy for the website instead saved a fortune on stationery costs!!

We then bought a wax seal kit off AliExpress and did that. Everyone so far has loved them!

I rated Vistaprint! I couldn't find an envelope to match the design I had picked for the invites so I spoke to someone via their chat option and 20 minutes later I had matching envelopes, a matching RSVP card with a QR code & a travel details card! I couldn't fault it at all. it was all a fraction of what I had been quoted from a few stationary companies too so bonus

That RSVP QR code is so handy, having all your guest information in one place and not having to wait for RSVP cards coming back through the post has been a godsend. There are no excuses for anyone either, as it will take them 2 seconds to do.

I saw the wax seal kits on Temu and was going to get one but I thought I'd likely make a dogs ear out of it I think we had around 60 or 70 invites so I wasn't sure how many I'd need so I cheated big time and bought some from Etsy. You can get personalized ones on there so basically someone just does it for you Think I paid something like £19 in a flash sale for 60 or 70 seals. Took a week or two to come but I was very impressed.

 

[jojida]

At what point is it socially acceptable to turn around to family members who haven't offered to contribute to your wedding and tell them that it's not their money so they don't need to worry about it?

 

[_Laura]

Not exactly wedding planning related but good to get advice from brides to be.

Thoughts on this as a wedding guest dress / if someone wore it to your wedding?

Most people I’ve spoken to have said it’s lovely/ absolutely fine, but one friend has queried how the colours would look in photos, would the black be visible enough for the dress not to look plain cream? This hasn’t crossed my mind at all as the stripes are very obvious but now she’s said it I’m overthinking and don’t want to be “that person”. I’m just a plus 1 so wouldn’t imagine I’ll be in any professional photos or even a photo with the bride!

I really don’t think it looks bridal at all and I probably wouldn’t mind if someone wore that to my wedding… That said, with all the colours and dresses in the world, I do always wonder why people consider wearing a dress that would be described as “X and white” or “white with X print/detail” to a wedding. In my opinion, if you need to ask or are unsure about whether it’s fine for a wedding, then most often than not the answer is no.

ETA: I think it’s even more true as a plus 1 tbh. If you were a close friend, then the bride you know that you’re not trying to upstage her, that you just liked the dress and had no ill intentions. I think as a +1, I’d be worried that people are questioning whether or not my dress choice is appropriate etc behind my back. Maybe that’s just me though!

 

[Forallthoseasking]

Exactly this @FenellaTheWitch !

We have opted for a hotel, close to where most of our friends are based as our friends make up the majority of guests (it's close to most family too) and everyone has been so appreciative of it. We are in our 30s so wedding season takes a lot out of us and destination weddings or ones with multiple venues (not just the church and local reception) have become a trend so people are TIRED.

One friend literally jumped with joy when I told her it was all happening in one place, 10 miles away, and she could stay over for the night. So simple but it's meant so much and our friends are excited to celebrate with us.

On the flip side, that same friend has a sibling who is having a week long celebration in Italy (both bride and groom are from Yorkshire with zero connection to Italy) that is costing her and her partner £3500 all in. Then because it's her brother, she can't exactly say no. It's been plagued with drama throughout planning and all for the 'gram!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Your friend should cover her own costs if she cant come, thats seriously bad form

Isn’t it. A week before we are due to go. She just left the group chat too without telling anyone, instead choosing to message me, who isn’t in the group chat as everything is a surprise, to tell me she can’t afford to go as she’s paid a few deposits on her wedding. I haven’t even replied to her. I just let the other girls know and my sister is going to have a chat with her. In all honesty, she has form for this and did it to another hen in the group when it was her wedding 2 years ago.

 

[Leo100]

I can't talk about dress prices as I paid way more than I wanted just got sucked into the whole experience and just went with it. My parents did pay half but the money easily could have went to better use and I never ever splurge on anything so I kick myself thinking about it but it's done now , can't change it.
We are having a very low key abroad wedding though so haven't had the majority of other costs if i was having a wedding at home with all the guests

 

[Joannabloggs]

We're having issues with our chosen wedding venue. We viewed it last month (14th October) and completely fell in love, we confirmed the date for our wedding a week after viewing it (23rd October) and we have been waiting for the contract ever since. We were initially told that the contract needed amending and that they'd let us know as soon as it was ready so I gave them a week before asking whether they had an update for us. Again, the coordinator told us they would chase the owners and get back to us ASAP. Ten days passed, no news. I chase again and I'm told that the contract is ready and that I'll receive it the next day (Sunday 12th) as the coordinator wasn't on their laptop at the time. I made the mistake of telling them it could wait until Monday so they could enjoy their Sunday and not worry about work... No contract on Monday or on Tuesday. I sent a quick reminder yesterday morning explaining that we were meeting with a photographer next week and really need the contract so that the venue is official booked and didn't get a reply, it's now Thursday and we still haven't received it. Should I be worried? We absolutely love the venue and we just knew it was perfect for us as soon as we got there, but this is really starting to worry me. I feel like a right twat every time I email because I'm sure they find me super annoying by now, but I really don't think I should have to try so hard to get the contract that makes our booking official. Am I expecting too much? I don't understand why it's taking so long, especially now that I know the contract is ready! Like it's just a bloody email, what's the hold up? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

I got my contract within and hour of confirming, and every email we've sent i always got a response the same business day. I would find a new venue tbh. Imagine if they are this unresponsive once you've paid 1000s of pounds and cannot change, weddings are stressful enough without having unresponsive vendors. Not only you but your other vendors will need to be in contacting the venue and if they treat then the same it may cause wider issue for your wedding

You're paying for a service and it's not too much to expect a response

 

[frattlethebed]

Do you think this dress is acceptable for a wedding?

1000% yes!! It’s absolutely stunning!

 

[_Laura]

They are extortionate- I'm half tempted to go into business!

I'm getting tired of vendors who aren't open about pricing. Finding this so much with photographers especially- please just put how much you charge on your website. I don't want to email you about 'our love story' only to get a ridiculous quote back.

I don't mind so much about not having pricing online but I HATE when you email to request pricing and don't get an answer that includes pricing. It's just a sell or sob story requesting you to on a video call with them to discuss. Then when you ignore that or decline they get really snotty!

We discarded any photographer that didn’t have their pricing on the website. There’s a lot of photographers in our area so we were kind of spoiled for choice, but the lack of transparency was a dealbreaker for me. “Get in touch for a free personalised quote”. Nope. How about you tell me the price of your packages.
I’m just really lucky that the photographer I absolutely loved (and my fiancé was happy to go for) and really wanted had her pricelist on her website. £1750 for 10 hours. It isn’t cheap, but other photographers I liked the look of were only marginally cheaper (around £1500) so we were happy to go for it!

 

[Olive16]

We saved Jam Jars and scattered them across the tables (we had long tables) filled with Tea Lights and Gypsophila which cost me about £6 for a few bunches! You really don’t need much and it was being used in all the jars - Simple but really pretty!