Wedding Planning #4

[Hamburglar]

This is coming from someone who got married on Saturday with 100 guests, ELOPE!
I’m not saying this because I wish I did, I loved our wedding day and had a blast, but people have opinions and love to tell you about them unfortunately. You really need to put your foot down and do what is right for you and your fiancé. If you decided to have a local wedding, I’d bet good money that you’d have bitchy comments about the date, the venue, the food, the whatever, etc. Sit down with your partner and decide on what would be the ideal wedding and do just that! X

Agree with this, planning is stressful enough as it is, if you’re planning a wedding to please other people you won’t enjoy the process and you’ll wish you’d just eloped. People will be bitchy no matter what you do, so you might as well do what you want.

 

[lilchicken]

Here I am looking for advice from this thread again

So we've been engaged just gone 2 years and our wedding is booked for August, my cousin is also getting married two weeks after us early September. I am bridesmaid for her and she for me so you can imagine the month or 2 before my wedding are turning out to be a little busy!!

We've just been told this week by my sister that she is getting married end of July, this year!!! They haven't checked any dates with us before booking and as it goes I am away for my cousin's hen do on their wedding day, (my sister is not close to my cousin so has no idea on dates etc) Not ideal of course but I've said I'm not cancelling the hen do as it's all organised, booked, paid for in full etc.

Am I being unreasonable?

I third the above responses.

you made a commitment as a bridesmaid to your cousin to be at her hen. I think it’s the right thing to honour that.

if your sister wanted to make sure you were going to be able to attend, she should’ve ran the date past you before booking.

 

[Hamburglar]

I’ve stayed in some groups because of the drama

The no prices thing really irritates me, I literally wouldn’t book anyone that didn’t have their prices readily available because I cba messaging for a price and it being more than I wanted to pay. We paid a LOT of money for our photographer because we wanted a particular style but I was well aware of the price before we started discussing with him.

Also surely it’s annoying for the vendor to have loads of messages asking for prices and then not getting replies / bookings because it’s more than people want to pay.

 

[givemethegossx]

My wedding invitations arrived today and I’m gutted that I’ve worded something wrong what a waste of money

 

[Mamacita]

Sorry to gatecrash this thread as I’m not getting married! I’m just looking for some advice - my manager has invited me to her wedding in 2 month’s time and I really don’t know what to do.

We’ve worked together for a year and have only met once in person (we work remotely) so I think someone might have dropped out. She’s the loveliest person and I’m humbled that she’s invited me, but I feel awkward as I won’t know many people there and I’ve not budgeted for the cost of attending a wedding - travel, hotel, dress, gift, etc.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings if I decline the invite and I’m worried it’ll affect our work relationship, it’s just very unexpected!

As brides-to-be, how would you feel about a colleague declining an invite to your wedding? Is there ‘etiquette’ around doing this?

I’ve never declined a wedding invite before.. maybe I should just attend and put everything on a credit card? Please help

Can you not say you already have something on?

I'd like to think I'd understand if someone declined, especially since it's rather short notice. You could get her a little card and a small gift instead say sorry couldn't attend but congrats?

 

[Joannabloggs]

If u don't have much money for videographer, I would reccommend hiring camcorders from this website

RETRO — Wedlock Films

www.wedlockfilms.co.uk

Basically u give 3 of your guests a cam corder and the capture different parts of the day. You then send the cams back and the owner edits the footage to give u a film, as well as the raw footage. It's less than a 1k and gives a better POV than a conventional videographer as you get BTS footage.

We're doing this as well as hiring a videographer which I know seems excessive, but after my fiancé's father's death last year, we are prioritising media. When the day is over, all you have left are the pics and vids.

 

[KingPrawnOkay]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather bitchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

Could you ask family to pay for the meal in lieu of gifts? FIL quite happily agreed to pay for the meal as it meant he didn’t have to faff around working what to buy us!

I’m actually getting married in 2 hours and currently sat in my dressing down with a tea because this morning I managed to melt the sleeve of my dress on the iron - this silly cunt didn’t look at the label that said “don’t iron” (it’s cotton ffs??). Fortunately we know the seamstress up the road who I’m hoping can do something but fuck me I feel like a twat.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Isn’t it. A week before we are due to go. She just left the group chat too without telling anyone, instead choosing to message me, who isn’t in the group chat as everything is a surprise, to tell me she can’t afford to go as she’s paid a few deposits on her wedding. I haven’t even replied to her. I just let the other girls know and my sister is going to have a chat with her. In all honesty, she has form for this and did it to another hen in the group when it was her wedding 2 years ago.

So a little update on this..

Since the weekend of the hen until a few days ago myself and the other girls who came on my hen haven’t seen any insta stories from her. Didn’t really think anything of it until the other day out for a coffee with my cousin and our friend had posted a story! So me being the nosey cow I am clicked onto her instagram and there were some new highlights we hadn’t seen (we had clearly been blocked for the month of October) - there were highlights from the weekend of my hen when she was out… and also her own engagement party the weekend after.

Im just finding it all very strange, why hide us and keep it a secret? I

 

[strawb]

i found my dress on monday - it was not what i expected to choose at all but i'm quite happy about it!

 

[Kandy floss]

Not exactly wedding planning related but good to get advice from brides to be.

Thoughts on this as a wedding guest dress / if someone wore it to your wedding?

Most people I’ve spoken to have said it’s lovely/ absolutely fine, but one friend has queried how the colours would look in photos, would the black be visible enough for the dress not to look plain cream? This hasn’t crossed my mind at all as the stripes are very obvious but now she’s said it I’m overthinking and don’t want to be “that person”. I’m just a plus 1 so wouldn’t imagine I’ll be in any professional photos or even a photo with the bride!

I don’t think this would bother me if someone wore this to my wedding

 

[Mooordgirl]

I third the above responses.

you made a commitment as a bridesmaid to your cousin to be at her hen. I think it’s the right thing to honour that.

if your sister wanted to make sure you were going to be able to attend, she should’ve ran the date past you before booking.

Agree with this, but i do feel for you as i can see other family members getting involved and this turning into a shitshow for you! Look after yourself and remember none of this is your doing, make your decision and stick with it, you know whats right for you!

 

[calmyourritas]

Hi just me again, back looking for advice on my hen party.

I've been overthinking it the last couple of days so I thought I would come here and vent with my fellow brides.

I made a group at the start of the year for my hen party, I wanted to be in the group to add the people I wanted there and to make sure we were going somewhere that I wanted as I didn't want a hen abroad.
Anyway, pretty much everyone that could make it paid their money for their flights ( we live in Ireland and are going to England for it).. and all was fine.
fast forward to now, when my hen is in a few months and I wanted to sort the hotel/Airbnb -mainly so it's done, prices don't hike, and I can leave the group chat so that outfits, etc can be a surprise.
I've left a message in the group asking can people let me know if they can still make it so I know how many rooms to request for prices within the accommodation, and all but 2 people have responded - the 2 that haven't, I've sent them private messages, messages on social media. They just don't acknowledge them or reply and its really getting to me. I understand they might not be able to come, or they aren't 100% sure yet but its more the fact they can read and message and just blank me. Like what do I do here?
Do I keep chasing them or just go ahead and book the accommodation without them and then let the group chat know I've booked the hotel for those that did get back to me...?

I can see why people don't plan their own hen parties how hard is it to just simply let someone know, and if you aren't sure just let them know that.

I would message and say you’re booking XYZ today and if they don’t get back to you you will assume they no longer are coming and won’t be booking them a place. Don’t worry about chasing them anymore - if they are true friends, they will do the right thing. If not, fuck em x

 

[_Laura]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather bitchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

This is coming from someone who got married on Saturday with 100 guests, ELOPE!
I’m not saying this because I wish I did, I loved our wedding day and had a blast, but people have opinions and love to tell you about them unfortunately. You really need to put your foot down and do what is right for you and your fiancé. If you decided to have a local wedding, I’d bet good money that you’d have bitchy comments about the date, the venue, the food, the whatever, etc. Sit down with your partner and decide on what would be the ideal wedding and do just that! X

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Thanks all for the tips & advice. It wasn't half as bad as I thought!

I found my dress!! Literally, the first dress I tried on in the first shop I went to.

I had an idea of the style I was after and the sales assistant picked lots out for me. I was fully alone in the dressing room with her just passing them through the curtain and then when I had it on she did it all up the back for me.

I tried on about 8 but I just knew tbh the first one was perfect for me.

It was just my mum and I there as I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone else

But I'm really happy, just raging it will be ages before I can wear it again lol.

 

[Kandy floss]

Spent the last 3 months since I ordered my dress worrying i didn’t actually like it enough… it came in last week and I went back to the shop today to try it on and absolutely love it, so happy

 

[KingPrawnOkay]

Eeeek, you must be just about to get married now! All the best lovely xx

Thank you!! All went off without a hitch - the ceremony was not my cup of tea but I was far less nervous than I expected, and we couldn’t have wished for better weather. My dress was fixed enough so it doesn’t show in photos but I didn’t think about it once actually. Absolutely shattered today however - I’ve no idea how people do even 50+ people weddings, nevermind some of these mega days with 200-odd people. 🫣

 

[_Laura]

This is going to sound insane but my hair stylist for the day keeps posting about gifts that brides have given her. So things like chocolates, prosecco etc.

I'm already paying her a lot of money so the concept of then going out and buying gifts seems odd (and not done in Ireland where I'm from unless it's like a family friend or something afaik?).

However I feel like I have to do it? Who do you buy these gifts for then? Do I need to also buy the photographer, and venue staff gifts? Please help!

Also, wtf is with gifting parents are English weddings? My MIL has not put in a penny yet I'm meant to get her a bouquet to say thanks?? Hahaha

I’ve seen this happen a few times on social media and in my local Facebook group but I don’t intend on gifting them anything! Our caterer doesn’t do “supplier meals” so we’re paying for our photographer and our videographer to have a three-course meal. That can be their gift As for the hairdresser and MUA, I’m not gifting them anything apart from access to our breakfast platter if they’re feeling pecking I agree with you, they’re self-employed, they set their prices, they’re providing a service and I’m paying them for it so I don’t see the need to gift them something even if the pressure is there.
Imo, they’d prefer to get a positive review on their business page than tat from B&M!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Congratulations!! How was it? Where did you go on honeymoon?

Apart from marrying my partner, that's what I'm looking forward to the most tbh! We've both been saving a significant-for-us amount each month and I can't wait to take little trips again, go on more dates, get my hair dyed at the hairdresser and just be a bit carefree when it comes to spending money!

It was just amazing, loved every second of it, and will never forget the moment the doors opened and I walked down the aisle. Just kept focusing on my husband. I was shaking like a leaf! But I had the best day of my life

We went to the Maldives, which I know is very cliche, but we wanted somewhere we could relax after the craziness of the past few months, the wedding, etc., and just reflect on it all

This is it for us too, we love to travel and go out at weekends for meals, drinks, day trips and I like buying shite on amazon, asos etc - the past few months especially we have had to just be a lot more wedding focused with money... So its nice for the normality to be back and as you say a little bit carefree when it comes to money instead of watching every single penny!
I'm also loving that I'm now married, I just feel really settled all of a sudden!

When is your wedding? Honestly enjoy every second as it goes so quickly

 

[mashedbananapancakes]

New to the thread here so apologies if it's already been discussed

My partner and I have told 3 people when and where we're getting married. We're basically eloping next month with 2 family members as witnesses and I am so relieved about it, it's been wonderful to organise so far..

I am thinking about small details for the day now and wondered If anyone got a special perfume/scent for the day or if you just stuck to a trusted favorite?

 

[calmyourritas]

So has everyone else found wedding photographers to be expensive AF? We only want 6 hours coverage and it’s still looking like starting from £1200 don’t know if it’s cos we’re in the south east or if that’s just standard!

Don’t know if this helps but mine was £1300 for a full day ( getting ready to first dance) approx around 11am-8pm ish - they came to sit and take pics of me/bridesmaids getting ready and also went to where my husband and groomsmen were getting ready, they also ended up staying way after first dance as they were loving chatting and dancing with everyone. This was 2 photographers. Personally, while I was happy to cut costs and go bare minimum on a lot of things, the photos are all I have left now of my day!!!