Wedding Planning #4

[Joannabloggs]

Need some advice
Basically me and my partner have been together 12 years, have two young kids and aren’t interested in a big wedding. We’d rather spend our money on a big Disney trip. Our original plan was to elope in Orlando next year during our trip just the 4 of us.
having received some rather bitchy comments from family I am starting to second guess
Neither of us are keen on a big wedding
I’d happily go to the town hall next week.
our other thought is to go the town hall with family and close friends and then a private meal..would it be cheeky to ask people to pay for their own food and I’ll buy a round of drinks?
we just don’t have the funds to do it. We’d only be doing it this way so others can celebrate with us. Otherwise we’d happily elope quietly

Do yourself a favour and elope. You can celebrate when you get back, see what money you have left and how you want to spend it. Weddings have a habit of going over their budget and I would hate for you to have spent money on something that isn't important and have to scrimp for disney

You're 2nd option is cheeky imo and I just don't think you'd be able to do it logistically. Most restaurants would expect you to put down a deposit per person for 6 or more people. Furthermore splitting the bill would be a nightmare and some restaurants only allow you to split it by 2 or 3 people. What you could do, is just book and area in a gastropub, minimum spend may apply, but its way easier to budget and its not normally that high (my local is £100). Buy some bottle and food platters, and people can graze etc, if people don't like the spread/ drinks they can spend their own money. Do this post wedding/ holiday so you can show pics etc and makes it easier for people to understand why u eloped.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Guys I went through a mixture of emotions leading right up to my wedding day. I genuinely hate being the centre of attention and I was having sleepless nights at the thought of walking down the aisle. We had around 80 guests and the idea of everyone's eyes on me was just really getting to me. But see, on the day, the whole buzz of the day took over, and the excitement outweighed the anxiety and stress. In my wedding video, you can see I'm shaking as I meet my husband at the altar, but looking back now, it was the best day of my life. All the initial thoughts I had that were causing me to get upset and stressed, just weren't there on the day, and having my husband by my side really helped. I know it isn't easy, your mind just runs away with itself and honestly I couldn't wait to get the whole thing over with. Be kind to yourselves, planning a wedding and everything else that comes with it is bloody hard... but you will be marrying your best friend so focus on the two of you and try to put everyone else out of your heads

 

[Forallthoseasking]

Sorry to be a downer ladies but I need to tell someone this morning.

I'm officially uninviting/banning my father from my wedding today. I'm tired and I'm drained and I have had enough. He is not a nice man, never has been, and he went too far, again.

I had a wonderful weekend away with friends for a birthday this weekend, and we planned my upcoming hen do. It was lovely. This was after a stressful week with many things going on with work, family health, and some wedding issues with suppliers.

Last week, my father called while I was in the middle of something and started winding me up. He was doing it for his own entertainment and it hurt me. I snapped, told him to leave me alone and I didn't want to talk today, and hung up.

During the week we didn't speak. I hadn't noticed because of everything on in my life.

While at dinner with my friends on Saturday, he sends a rude message asking if I "had stopped with a woman moods yet" so I didn't reply, obviously.

Then last night I was on a walk and left my phone at home. When I returned, there were aggressive messages from him that I was a bitch for not speaking to her own father and that he and a close family friend (who he has booked flights for) would not be attending my wedding because I didn't deserve it. This is the second time he has threatened this.

I snapped. I text to say that was fine and he was a spoilt brat and I would tell everyone exactly why he won't be there. I texted the family friend to ask for a call tonight and I will tell her I will pay for her flights (she has no money) and I have asked my uncle for a call to explain. My father always spins things to be the victim to my uncle who is like head of the family.

I'm done. I am so done with him and I hate that he is trying to ruin my day, AGAIN.

 

[Hamburglar]

Not at all. We checked dates with the most important family members before booking our venue - and that was a year in advance! They surely know the risk they were taking by booking without checking other people's availability.

I'd imagine you'll get some shit about it from your sis but you're not unreasonable, it's a fair choice.

I second allllll of this

 

[Joannabloggs]

She is a relative believe it or not, but we aren't close. So sadly I have to just keep her at arms length rather than bin her off but that is it now for me tbh. Trust is gone and I'm not for being friendly anymore.
I don't think she ever had any intention of coming on the hen party and had just let it get so far to the point she had to make an excuse last minute. Has obviously hidden a few of us that follow her so that we couldn't see she was out that weekend and has forgot to unhide us.
I think for me, I'm just more annoyed about her hiding people in the first place. It really didn't have to be such a big deal and I would have understood she perhaps didn't have the money for the weekend away but was still able to go out for a few drinks at home.

Its a shame tbh as when she got engaged I was really looking forward to us chatting about our weddings together.. but you live and learn

As someone who has cut family members off, I want you to know that it's okay if she's not at your hen or wedding if she doesn't appreciate you.

All too often family members take advantage of their blood ties to treat you like shit. All your wedding events should be the happiest days of your life, and I would hope you are surrounded by people who love and support you. This woman doesn't sound like she's worthy of the invite or the agg that she's causing you, wedding planning is stressful enough

 

[_Laura]

My mum got weird during the early planning stage too - I had a chat with her and I think it’s because I’m the only girl and her own wedding was full of issues she got a little over excited.
Just have a word and explain that you’re really excited to have her help and you’d love to find her outfit with her and reassure her. Sometimes they can’t help themselves, my mum sent me a white dress too

Haha there's something about weddings, isn't there!

My mum's been absolutely fine, but I had some issues with my sister... She's been engaged for 5 years and has said a few times that they would just do a small city hall wedding but wouldn't want to spend thousands on a big party, even said on a few occasions that they were happy just being engaged... Then at the end of July I tell her that I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is going to propose very soon (I mean, he booked a trip for the two of us and asked me to show him pictures of the kind of rings I liked, it wasn't hard to figure out ).
Literally two days later she tells me they just started planning the wedding and she's soooo excited When we got engaged in September, my mum was like "Please can you wait a while after your sister's wedding so I have time to put money aside for yours" Sorry mum, no, she had 5 years to plan it, I'm not waiting any longer
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Run for the hills, you in danger girl. I think it's too risky going for a venue so new, and the fact they aren't giving good first impressions doesn't bode well. Your wedding shouldn't be part of them finding their feet.

That last line, damn! You're completely right though, I know Thanks for being the voice of reason!

 

[Hamburglar]

I need opinions please!

Context: My partner and I are getting married next year, at a venue that comes with accommodation for 20 people so my fiancé and I are staying there with the bridal party/groomsmen and partners. I'm foreign and my mother tongue isn't English, my entire bridal party (6 girls in total) are from my home country because we've known each other for over 20 years and I still consider to be my closest friends. Our ceremony will be at 1 and we're due to start hair and makeup at 7.

Right then, a few months ago, my future mother-in-law calls me, we have a bit of a chat, and as we were about to hang up, she says that it'd be great if her and her daughter (my fiancé's sister) could be added onto the hair and make up in the morning. Apparently, it would be so much easier for them, that way they wouldn't have to try and find someone in an area they're not familiar with. I was caught off guard so I just said "Sure, no probs" and then had a mini meltdown as soon as I hung up. I got in touch with my MUA who said that we could add two people but would need to start at 6 and my hairdresser said it'd be fine, she can get someone to come with her and not to worry. So technically, crisis averted, all can easily be fixed. I initially thought FMIL and FSIL could get their hair and makeup done first, so they can get out of the way before we all start getting ready but they're not staying on site so I don't want to risk them arriving late and it having a knock-down effect on the whole prep. My fiancé suggested they could just come late morning, already in their outfit, and just hang out at the venue until 1 but I think that's a terrible idea. It probably means that his dad, brother and brother-in-law would come too (they're staying at the same accommodation) and I don't want it to become a family hang out. The venue is dry hire, so it's likely my fiancé and his groomsmen will have a few things to supervise in the morning and I don't know, I feel like his family coming to hang out is going to change the dynamic?
I wanted to spend the morning with my girls, listening to the music we grew up with, walking down memory lane, talking in my mother tongue and not having to worry about whether or not people can understand us or feel excluded... Just being comfortable. I do like my in-laws, but I'm not as comfortable with them as I am with my friends, you know? I also don't want them around for the first look with my bridesmaids and my dad and all of that, I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but I don't think it's their place. I know I won't have the guts to be like "Right you're all dolled up, now please leave, we'll see you at the wedding" and knowing them, I know they'll probably want to stick around because they'll want to share the moment.

Now I'd love to know what your thoughts are... Am I being dramatic? Should I just suck it up? I was thinking of finding them a HMUA in the area and say that in the end, we thought it'd be easier for everyone if we booked someone just for them, that's going to come to their accommodation in the morning. I think it's a good idea because I would have made the effort of finding someone for them so it's not like I'm like "Right soz, I changed my mind, you're on your own." But then I don't want to offend anyone and I'm a bit lost.

Could you tell them they can come to the venue for 5:45am in their pyjamas to have hair/make up done between 6 & 7 and then go back to their accommodation to get changed? That might put them off

 

[Hamburglar]

I absolutely hated dress shopping, and that’s ok too I didn’t enjoy the whole dreamy “omg I’ve found the one” experience all the bridal shops push onto you, I hated being asked all the questions about how does this one feel (it feels like a dress?), and as quite a blunt but very indecisive person I found every assistant I encountered to be way too OTT about how amazing all the dresses looked which was absolutely no help.

I’ve had to do the whole thing twice now cause my original dress doesn’t fit () so I’ve been to PLENTY of shops. In the end I found taking 1 friend who I completely trust and is as blunt as me did the trick for me personally!!

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

what’s the general thoughts on a videographer? Just putting estimate figures together and I feel like it’s potentially a cost we could do without but not sure if it’ll be a regret.

I’m having a videographer purely for years down the line to always have a memory of parents and relatives. I wasn’t going to at the start then changed my mind as my cousin said she regretted not having one as our granny died a few months after her wedding. So that’s my reason really for having one… not even to look back on the wedding lol more just to always have a memory of loved ones.
---

hello, do you have anxiety of people getting drunk and ruin your wedding day?

My dads an alcoholic and him and my mum divorced many years ago and basically can’t stand one another so it’s going to be hard having them both in the same room. More worried about my mum though as I know after a few drinks she will keep making it known she doesn’t like my dad and I just really can’t be arsed with it - I hope I’m worrying for nothing and they both remember it’s my wedding day so to please just behave themselves.

 

[Leo100]

For anyone who saw my jjs house comment, my order arrived and I'm so pleased with everything absolute bargain

 

[Ups27]

I’m not sure if anyone agrees with me, but I always think a weekday wedding is a different vibe to say a Friday or a Saturday. I completely agree that those who want to attend will, but I do think people don’t let their hair down as much! More people will say drive as to not take off 2 days of annual leave instead of 1 etc. I compeletly get why people do it, the money you can save is mad!

 

[LIVINGMYBESTLIFE1]

Do you think this dress is acceptable for a wedding?

 

[dietcokefanatic]

So has everyone else found wedding photographers to be expensive AF? We only want 6 hours coverage and it’s still looking like starting from £1200 don’t know if it’s cos we’re in the south east or if that’s just standard!

They are extortionate- I'm half tempted to go into business!

I'm getting tired of vendors who aren't open about pricing. Finding this so much with photographers especially- please just put how much you charge on your website. I don't want to email you about 'our love story' only to get a ridiculous quote back.

 

[_Laura]

Right, didn’t end up buying a dress but the experience was positive! I’m so exhausted now, I need a nap!

I really love a Wed2b dress and I knew they didn’t have it in my size in my local store, but decided to pop in anyway just to see whether I could see it in person. Turns out, it’s as stunning as I thought it was going to be, but they didn’t have my size or the colour I want. I tried on two dresses there, they weren’t the one, but it was nice to try them on anyway. Showed me that I definitely wanted an A-line and now a ballgown.

Then we went to an independent boutique for a 2-hour appointment. Tried on 8-10 dresses maybe and there were two very strong contenders. I could have walked away with either one of them and been happy, but just couldn’t decide between the two.
Annoyingly, I’ve watched a lot of SYTDD over the years and I was really expecting the “bridal moment“ (I’m a very emotional person and I’ve cried watching other people have the moment, I’ve cried at every wedding I’ve been too, etc). I didn’t have it, and I don’t know if it means I haven’t found the one, if it means that the bridal moment for me will be different to what you see on TV or if the moment is a myth. That being said, the 2 dresses I ended up really liking were the 2 I really liked on the boutique’s social media but I always preferred the Wed2b dress, so annoyingly, I think I’ll need to do the drive to another store. It may not be the one for me, but I think I need to get it out of my system before I can commit to something else! I just don’t fancy the drive

Oh I tried on Rylee I loved it but I went for the Minnie with a bigger underskirt to puff it out a bit I can’t remember the name of the one that I actually wanted!
Just searched up the Raye that is lush!!

Quoting myself there but Raye ended up being the one! It was the only one I tried on that day. Mum cried as soon as they opened the curtains and I cried when they put the hair accessory on Didn’t want to take it off and I’ve been tempted to put it back on so many times already

 

[Mooordgirl]

Girlies it’s my hen party next weekend and I was wondering would anyone have a website that would do some nice white dresses with a bit of sleeve as it’s in the UK so can’t imagine it’ll be the warmest.
Also as the bride, is it a nice gesture to get all my hens that are coming a nice gift?

Also also, one of the girls cancelled today and said she can’t come as she has had to pay deposits for her wedding - fair enough I understand but my hens been booked for the best part of this year now and just to cancel a week before meaning we all now have to cover her fees has just left some of us a little bit miffed.
I just wish she had said she couldn’t come weeks back.

Sorry for that last bit just needed to rant a little haha.

Your friend should cover her own costs if she cant come, thats seriously bad form

 

[Hamburglar]

Bridesmaid dress help.

I feel like I’ve left it too late - my wedding is in march but I’d always planned to just order them and wanted to do it now. However some of the girls want to go to a shop to try them on as they are worried about what some from online might be like and I understand that but it’s just not in my budget for bridal shop bridesmaid dresses.
I did contact quite a few shops and they either didn’t have the colour, or they were starting from £400 and that was without alterations.
We all live quite far from one another too.
I just don’t want to pay a crazy amount of money on 3 dresses when there are other options out there.
I feel a bit deflated as any dresses I send into the group chat they don’t like, so I’ve said they can pick whatever style they want.
I want everyone to be comfortable and happy but its hard when everyone has different styles etc.

What or how did you go about sorting dresses with your girls? I hate all this tbh as im a big people pleaser.

Not at all! I think I got mine about 2 months before the wedding.

Im a people pleaser too so said I would choose 3 styles in the colour I wanted and let them decide which one but I ended up just finding 1 dress that I loved and luckily it was super flattering on all of them.

I’ve been a bridesmaid before and been told what I’m wearing and that was fine.

You might need to be a bit firmer with them, it’s YOUR day after all and if you’re paying for the dress it’s a bit unfair of them to expect you to pay bridal shop prices if that’s not in your budget.

I actually got mine from Club L London if you’ve not looked on there that might give you some more options!

 

[Upintheair83]

So I'm due to get married in Las Vegas next month, me and my partner wanted it this way as we didn't want a big church do, esp as I don't have the best relationship with my in laws. I told my family of our plans and it didn't go down well at all. They are so angry about it and made their feelings extremely clear.... its upset me so much. All I wanted was for them to be happy for me and understanding. I'm completely heartbroken I haven't got their support/ blessing. It's absolutely breaking me and now all my excitement has gone. Any words of comfort would be welcome xxx

 

[BerlinILoveYou]

Im so glad there is a Tattle thread for this shit.

Before I realised that mumsnet was a hellscape I posted a question on there and got sandblasted.

I'm going to go back and read the threads but before I do, can I just say, omfg I am finding wedding planning so bloody stressful and I am sick of everyone's opinions and dancing about trying to make sure everyone is happy.

This is why I like Tattle.life - there are safe spaces, full of regular people.

As you were. Ill be back soon once ive caught up!

 

[RoseyThorney]

Omg would people actually do that?
that would drive me mental.
On hitched they aren’t able to add their own either but that would be so cheeky if they did! I’d probably end up accidentally deleting their name completely

Yeahhhh I’ve got a friend who seems to think that because her partner can’t make the wedding that she can just bring her mum instead. I’ve never met her mum! And my problematic SIL was banging about inviting her random friends that we don’t know, so I locked the whole guest list tightly.

 

[FenellaTheWitch]

When looking for photographers in particular, be sure to ask for portfolios that are not just Instagram pages. Most photographers will offer theirs upfront or gladly show you but I found some were quite rude and just pointed me to Instagram. They were also the least experienced yet most expensive!

Also, for all of this, don't be hard on yourself or feel bad if you don't automatically feel special or in a little bridal cloud when doing venue viewings etc. Some people make out like it's a magical experience but you might find yourself going very logical and almost like a health and safety manager inspecting how you'll get down stairs in a dress or how likely people are to slip on a dodgy dancefloor

It's so much fun doing those early viewings though. My fiancé and I actually bonded so much over them!

This is true!! My daughter got married a couple of months ago and when she was venue viewing she ended up thinking about all those things and the number of oldies she had attending with mobility issues etc.

She also knew that a lot of her guests would be traveling for her wedding so ended up with a large hotel with plenty of parking and disabled facilities. She had looked at lots of pretty barn type venues but they all seemed to lack something. Some were spread across several floors which she didn't want. Some had really tiny dance floor space. Are you having a band or a disco?? That type of thing.

I would say obviously have the wedding you want but do try and take into account who your guests are and their needs.