Miscanthus
VIP Member
There are some people who choose to go through life dodging stress and ducking challenges. You are not one of them.Thank you Miscanthus! All hugs greatly received.
I was/am feeling like this as I am completing a law degree, and I received an assessment back which I felt that I had really nailed, and I got a grade which did not meet my expectation. (If I am honest with myself, it was still a very good grade). Most people would agree that studying is different when you are older. You have sacrificed the chance to earn money, and time with your family to do this thing. I've been struggling with trying to improve my grades, and it all seems rather in vain. I suppose I'm frustrated, and I also don't know where to turn for help. I used to work within the faculty so that brings its own challenges that none of my friends/colleagues will touch me with a barge pole (for fear that they look like they are giving preferential treatment an ex-colleague). The issue is that I know I have problems with expressing the 'analysis' part of legal writing - that is, applying the law to the facts. I can make sense of it in my head, but since I haven't really been able to receive any help with it, now when I try to approach it for exam preparation, it fills me with anxiety, and I just cannot do it.I know it's stupid, in the wide scheme of things - it doesn't actually 'matter'. Right now I feel like an imposter. I know I will be a good solicitor, but I also feel too lacking in intelligence to even get to that stage.
I suppose this isn't helped by having constant heart palpitations and other ongoing health things. In all honesty it's likely that I am going through perimenopause, so it's possible that my hormone levels are completely out of whack. I think I'll be popping off to the Doc next week - at least that's an easy thing to do.
Sorry to dump this on you all. I suppose it's just real life. I am grateful to have the love and support of those within this thread. I know I'm always saying 'thank you', but I am thankful!
I showed one of my horses in the cob section, however, looking back, she was actually quite streamlined! (She was a quarterhorse/thoroughbred cross). Extremely naughty! Almost put me off riding altogether. 'Opinionated ponies' - I just love that!!
I am very worried about breaking things. My old dressage instructor has a wee menagerie of horses/ponies/foals, and I pop out to see him yearly (at least) when I need cuddles. There's something about the smell of horses that I just love. And their eyes!
You have made the brave decision to study for a degree as a mature student, knowing that it would be challenging and stressful. This is on top of your other commitments, while sacrificing the opportunity to earn and entering the menopause. You should be congratulating yourself.
You are clearly driven and have very high expectations of yourself. You want to grow, learn and better yourself. You should be proud. Your frustration arises from these high standards. That's good!
Imposter syndrome? We've all had that. You have to keep believing in yourself and hold on to your 'dream'; keep going through the motions until one day you will realise you are no longer the imposter.
Lack of intelligence? I don't think you would have got this far, do you? You can do this! Your grades are good. You might want excellent but good is probably good enough.
Studying when you are older brings with it all these questions because we know all the implications, the risks. It's also so much more rewarding.
On the specifics, you have to practice exam questions over and over and over again. If you feel you are not articulating what's in your head on paper try speaking aloud, try explaining the facts to a willing friend or record yourself, play it back, try again. Then write it down.
Yes, exams are are scary, but some stress is good. You signed up for this and the exam day will arrive and you will be prepared. Failure is not an option!
You need a mentor...is there somebody in another faculty or in the legal profession you can speak to. Can you approach one of your ex colleagues in your facilty and ask them to set aside that personal relationship to help you?
Re the perimenopause, you should definitely seek medical help. Get a blood test, find out what's going on, adjust your diet, get enough sleep, look at hrt. The run up to menopause can do crazy things to your body and head, including rocking your confidence.
We are all here for you, willing you on!
In the mean time, I'll stick to gardening tips
I am Sixteen
makes me put my hands over my eyes in delight. It’s such a lovely vision. Oh - Bless them
Jack will be at Rainbow Bridge waiting for you - be sure of that x
will invite a certain Mr Archer Karcher on our NZ trip. He will need his own bed-in-a-shed (don’t ask)...I mention this merely for the sake of transparency. Discretion forbids I say more... 
Tomorrow is a public holiday (bank holiday) in South Africa 
We have just received bad news about my mum. My (usually tough) dad is devastated. And I am digging deep to find the strength. Have flown to stay with them for the week and will be back in 2 weeks with my kids. 
