Please do. Good luck, we will be here for you.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I just wanted to share my story. This little lady has been coming to visit me for 3 years now. For a few weeks in April/May, she comes up to my door for some food. She knows me so well she even follows me home from school with the kids.
She obviously nests nearby, but I don't know where it is. It's such a joy to have her come back each year. Last time I saw her in 2021 she was waddling down our drive with her ducklings in tow. It was like she wanted me to see her babies. Then she was gone until this week.
She's usually alone, but this morning she brought Mr Duck, who was making sure she was OK. They are so cute, they wait at my gate and quack to be let in. My kids woke me at 6.53 this morning to tell me they were here
She obviously nests nearby, but I don't know where it is. It's such a joy to have her come back each year. Last time I saw her in 2021 she was waddling down our drive with her ducklings in tow. It was like she wanted me to see her babies. Then she was gone until this week.
She's usually alone, but this morning she brought Mr Duck, who was making sure she was OK. They are so cute, they wait at my gate and quack to be let in. My kids woke me at 6.53 this morning to tell me they were here
Attachments
Oh, @Namima learning tonight that more than 300 killed in the flooding in Durban - dear God - how awful.A massive MASSIVE "Thank you" and the tightest of hugs to all my dearest friends for the kind words @MissMidnight @Oops... @Milking Keynes @Geranium @Miscanthus @Sofie @AmaliaLana .. I am sitting here in tears, comforted by your words of support and love. Your friendship means the world to me, and for once, Lydia has done a world of good in bringing us together.
I have missed you all so much ... your friendship, naughty sense of humour and chit chat ... we are not just "Tattle friends" but actual friends.
My words do not convey my heartfelt thanks, especially to my dear @MissMidnight for her advice and "just being there", @MissMidnight , beautiful inside and out !!
My mum will be terribly missed but we are comforted that she was surrounded by her loved ones and is now at peace.
(Apologies if I have missed anyone out.)
View attachment 1186175
I missed you guys !!!
I just wanted to pop on and wish you all love and peace this Easter Sunday.
Update on the wedding- we have talked to them both, the wedding is still going ahead. Am I convinced it is what they both really want? No.
I am going to have one more private conversation with my daughter and after that I feel I can do no more.
I think my future son in law is possibly depressed so I’ll try to help him with that. I recognise the signs!
I have also told them both very clearly about the arrangements I am taking care of and those that we are leaving to them.
I can’t spend the next few months nagging and hassling them about DJs, photo booths, gift registry etc.
Update on the wedding- we have talked to them both, the wedding is still going ahead. Am I convinced it is what they both really want? No.
I am going to have one more private conversation with my daughter and after that I feel I can do no more.
I think my future son in law is possibly depressed so I’ll try to help him with that. I recognise the signs!
I have also told them both very clearly about the arrangements I am taking care of and those that we are leaving to them.
I can’t spend the next few months nagging and hassling them about DJs, photo booths, gift registry etc.
Happy Easter to you all!
@Geranium, so happy to hear you have taken direct action. So, the wedding is going ahead - at least the decision is made. It could be possible that - as a couple - after postponing twice due to Covid - that they have wedding fatigue and not anything more serious. Lets see if they become more enthused nearer the time. Either way, you had to address your concerns, so well done. It’s not easy. Xx
@Geranium Sending you lots of love at this stressful time
Please please look after yourself.I'm trying to hold it together (I'm still with my dad and younger sister) until I return home in 2 days time. My heart breaks for my dad, he is so down. Thank goodness for my sister's cat who keeps him company (and entertained!!) throughout the day. What would we do without our precious pets!
The death toll has risen to 400.
And mostly underprivileged areas being affected. It is absolutely heartbreaking.So, so true about our precious pets! My teens are breaking my heart atm and my little dog is my saviour. If course, it’s so hard for your dad and so raw but it will get better and please don’t take all the burden on yourself. You can only do so much and remember that. Xx@Geranium Sending you lots of love at this stressful time
I'm trying to hold it together (I'm still with my dad and younger sister) until I return home in 2 days time. My heart breaks for my dad, he is so down. Thank goodness for my sister's cat who keeps him company (and entertained!!) throughout the day. What would we do without our precious pets!
The death toll has risen to 400.
I'm so pleased you have talked to them. Well done..
It could well be that they are dealing with 'couple' things you are not party to (such as his potential depression) and haven't been able to focus on the wedding. I hope it's not the case.
You were right to set out exactly what you are doing and not doing. So proud of you. Keep us posted xx
Loved that!! Thank you xx
We are away on holiday with our daughter. Today I asked about the wedding. Assuming it was going ahead, I have bought a few more things. Very, very reluctantly because she clearly does not want to talk about it, she tells us that neither of them are happy. They are not sure if the wedding should go ahead or not. They are thinking possibly not but nothing is confirmed.
I want to cry and cry. Both because it’s likely that our daughter won’t be getting married but because we love her fiancé and will miss him if they split.
I’m also so anxious as the wedding date is fast approaching and my husband has told them they don’t need to make a decision yet.
Her beautiful dress is hanging in my wardrobe. They have their wedding rings. And people are assuming we are deep in happy wedding plans. I feel a fraud.
Sorry to unload. I know it’s nothing compared to the troubles many are experiencing.
I want to cry and cry. Both because it’s likely that our daughter won’t be getting married but because we love her fiancé and will miss him if they split.
I’m also so anxious as the wedding date is fast approaching and my husband has told them they don’t need to make a decision yet.
Her beautiful dress is hanging in my wardrobe. They have their wedding rings. And people are assuming we are deep in happy wedding plans. I feel a fraud.
Sorry to unload. I know it’s nothing compared to the troubles many are experiencing.
I think this has confirmed what your senses as a mum were telling you all along. Something was up and you knew it.
I hate to say this but the wedding should not go ahead. If they are not ready...it's not the right time... or they are thinking of splitting, it should not happen. This is not the way to start married life.
Your husband sounds as if he likes to see the positive not the negative but you need to talk to him about this again and try to get him to understand that people are making plans, spending money, buying presents and outfits, air tickets etc. You are spending money.
It can't wait...a decision needs to be made now....by your daughter and fiance and you two. It might be painful, but it will be a lot less painful than a divorce.
I feel for you, dear Geranium. I wish I could make it all OK.
Thank you. I agree with every word.
I am grieving for a relationship ending and for a future that won’t be.
I am struggling with another potential 4 weeks of doing nothing.
I want to help two young people I love but I don’t know how.
I’ve tried talking to my husband but he feels we aren’t gaining anything by cancelling now and should just wait.
Dearest Geranium....what a terrible position. I really do understand the feelings of loss.
Ok, if you husband is prepared to wait and risk a backlash and financial loss if it's cancelled then you can either go with that or try to spell it out to your daughter and fiance......or do nothing.
Personally I feel that you have A LOT to gain by cancelling now. Goodwill (suppliers, caterers, family and friends) and less financial risk. You daughter has her head in the sand about this.
At what stage will your husband step in?
It's clear words are not enough. Do you have a list of all the things that are booked and paid for, all the things yet to be confirmed and paud and when, all the people who are travelling and buying presents?
Maybe present that to your daughter and fiance so they see it in black and white.
Ultimately it is their decision, not you and your husband's. It's their wedding, their marriage and potentially will be their divorce.
The question is, why are they not happy? Is it the pressure of the wedding or is it incompatibility. If it's the former it could be ok, if the latter, not.
Please look after yourself xx
Mr Geranium has told them to wait until the end of May to make a decision.
My sister in law is coming specially for the wedding from NZ, she has booked flights and accommodation. I’m just sick when I think of telling her.
They both say they still love each other but that things aren’t good. Her fiancé is in a job he hates but he has handed his notice in- but he has to work until end of July so it’s difficult to know if it will make a difference to the relationship. They seem to be living quite separate lives in the same home.
I have proposed various options - cancelling, postponing, scaling back the wedding - but I’m met with blank looks and “I don’t know” when I ask what she wants to do.
We will lose thousands if we cancel but I’ve accepted that. It’s just this being in limbo, it’s like a slow motion train crash.
I was sat up last night crying over Love Heart sweets. You can order personalised mini packages with the date and bride and groom names on. I was crying because I couldn’t think what I’m going to do with 100 packets of these. I think I’m focusing on this because I can’t deal with everything else.
Sorry again for going on…..xx
Dearest Geranium - I just read your post. I skipped past @Miscanthus reply because I don’t want to be ‘influenced’! You are heartbroken. You have every right to be. So grieve for the end of the relationship - it was ten years and so you should. Your daughter knew you would be deeply upset and that’s why she avoided telling you for so long. But she did - she is not happy and her fiancé is not happy. Therefore, they cannot get married under any circumstances.
Now - not only do you have to accept that but you have to make your husband accept it. It’s over. Next, you are going to have to cancel all plans and arrangements with honesty and clarity. Get it all done and out of the way. Clear the decks so that you can console your daughter. She gave her heart and invested ten years of her life with this man and needs you now.
Wishing you all the very best and sending you a huge hug.
Don't apologise for going on.....sweets
donate?It sounds to me that you have done what you can but your daughter is looking to you and her dad to make the decision.
You should tell her it's their decision, you can't make it for them or you will be forever to blame, either way.
I just read @Milking Keynes post. If it's over, I agree. If it's not over and is circumstantial then that's another matter but it still might be right to cancel.
Edited to add that I feel you should confide in your sister now. If she knows you have been aware for a long time but not told her......well...it will be worse.
@Geranium
Thought......are you close to your sister? Is your daughter close to her aunt?
If you confide in your sister could she contact your daughter and say she's all booked and excited to attend.....and see how the chat goes?
If she has flights booked the sooner she cancels the less cost.
Last edited:
I agree with @Miscanthus and you, in that the limbo is the worst possible position. To me, though, your daughter confiding in you that they are ‘not happy’ is enough to cancel the wedding. I’m really sorry but how are you going to feel the day after this beautiful wedding? Are you going to feel confident that they are starting married life feeling elated, joyful with hopes for their future together? Or are they starting from a point where they have already run out of steam? Are you going to caretake their marriage, trying valiantly to bring them together when she has already told you the relationship has hit a wall.
There can be a milieu of reasons that can ‘fix’ this relationship, ie his employment, etc but where is the iron will to do so? They need to be determined to fix it and that love conquers all - but they seem to be ambivalent. I just think cancelling is unavoidable and @Miscanthus is correct - for goodwill all round - sooner rather than later.
On a personal level - I really feel for you. I can picture you with the love heart sweets in your hand and my heart breaks for you.
I do agree about the cancelling, much as I want this not to be happening I also don’t believe they are ready to get married and very probably the relationship has run it’s course.I agree with @Miscanthus and you, in that the limbo is the worst possible position. To me, though, your daughter confiding in you that they are ‘not happy’ is enough to cancel the wedding. I’m really sorry but how are you going to feel the day after this beautiful wedding? Are you going to feel confident that they are starting married life feeling elated, joyful with hopes for their future together? Or are they starting from a point where they have already run out of steam? Are you going to caretake their marriage, trying valiantly to bring them together when she has already told you the relationship has hit a wall.
There can be a milieu of reasons that can ‘fix’ this relationship, ie his employment, etc but where is the iron will to do so? They need to be determined to fix it and that love conquers all - but they seem to be ambivalent. I just think cancelling is unavoidable and @Miscanthus is correct - for goodwill all round - sooner rather than later.
On a personal level - I really feel for you. I can picture you with the love heart sweets in your hand and my heart breaks for you.
I can’t see why we are delaying doing what we need to do, start the process of stopping the wedding prep.
My daughter is acting cheerful and unconcerned and I can’t console her as she will not admit to any feelings apart from vague sadness.
I’m just treading water waiting until 1st June when the agreed deadline is reached and the final decision made. I can’t overturn that as no one is listening to me.
Xxx
- Status