Vignettes and Pets

[MissMidnight]

That's great news.
I was going to say we are thinking of her on my Elsie thread round up (with blue orchid)...please advise if not appropriate.

I think that’s a really beautiful idea @Miscanthus and I don’t think @Namima would mind at all, but I’ve messaged her just to be certain … I shall update you as soon as I hear back from her.

 

[MissMidnight]

I have heard back from our gorgeous @Namima and she doesn’t mind at all if you mention her in your round up on the new thread, @Miscanthus.

I’m so grateful that she will return to Tattle knowing she is cared about so much by everyone here.

 

[Oops...]

That's great news.
I was going to say we are thinking of her on my Elsie thread round up (with blue orchid)...please advise if not appropriate.

I was thinking the same with Blue Orchid too. I think because Namima is such an integral part of our threads you should say something as people will notice her not being there. Just my opinion of course...

 

[Milking Keynes]

I was thinking the same with Blue Orchid too. I think because Namima is such an integral part of our threads you should say something as people will notice her not being there. Just my opinion of course...

Totally agree. Poor her travelling under such stress and then feeling guilty as well for living so far away. I really feel for her - I didn’t post, though, because everybody else has already said what I would say, but yes, a mention would be a good idea.

 

[Milking Keynes]

Totally agree. Poor her travelling under such stress and then feeling guilty as well for living so far away. I really feel for her - I didn’t post, though, because everybody else has already said what I would say, but yes, a mention would be a good idea.

@Namima You’re back! So good to have you back in our arms. I know you must feel so heartbroken and vulnerable right now. Xx Sending the biggest hug.

 

[Oops...]

Oh darling Namima so goooood to see your name come up...

 

[Namima]

A massive MASSIVE "Thank you" and the tightest of hugs to all my dearest friends for the kind words @MissMidnight @Oops... @Milking Keynes @Geranium @Miscanthus @Sofie @AmaliaLana .. I am sitting here in tears, comforted by your words of support and love. Your friendship means the world to me, and for once, Lydia has done a world of good in bringing us together.
I have missed you all so much ... your friendship, naughty sense of humour and chit chat ... we are not just "Tattle friends" but actual friends.
My words do not convey my heartfelt thanks, especially to my dear @MissMidnight for her advice and "just being there", @MissMidnight , beautiful inside and out !!
My mum will be terribly missed but we are comforted that she was surrounded by her loved ones and is now at peace.
(Apologies if I have missed anyone out.)

I missed you guys !!!

 

[Geranium]

A massive MASSIVE "Thank you" and the tightest of hugs to all my dearest friends for the kind words @MissMidnight @Oops... @Milking Keynes @Geranium @Miscanthus @Sofie @AmaliaLana .. I am sitting here in tears, comforted by your words of support and love. Your friendship means the world to me, and for once, Lydia has done a world of good in bringing us together.
I have missed you all so much ... your friendship, naughty sense of humour and chit chat ... we are not just "Tattle friends" but actual friends.
My words do not convey my heartfelt thanks, especially to my dear @MissMidnight for her advice and "just being there", @MissMidnight , beautiful inside and out !!
My mum will be terribly missed but we are comforted that she was surrounded by her loved ones and is now at peace.
(Apologies if I have missed anyone out.)
View attachment 1186175

I missed you guys !!!

Bless you xx

 

[Miscanthus]

A massive MASSIVE "Thank you" and the tightest of hugs to all my dearest friends for the kind words @MissMidnight @Oops... @Milking Keynes @Geranium @Miscanthus @Sofie @AmaliaLana .. I am sitting here in tears, comforted by your words of support and love. Your friendship means the world to me, and for once, Lydia has done a world of good in bringing us together.
I have missed you all so much ... your friendship, naughty sense of humour and chit chat ... we are not just "Tattle friends" but actual friends.
My words do not convey my heartfelt thanks, especially to my dear @MissMidnight for her advice and "just being there", @MissMidnight , beautiful inside and out !!
My mum will be terribly missed but we are comforted that she was surrounded by her loved ones and is now at peace.
(Apologies if I have missed anyone out.)
View attachment 1186175

I missed you guys !!!

Thank you. Always know that we are here for you.

 

[Geranium]

Ladies, I need some advice. My eldest daughter is supposed to be getting married in August. Postponed twice due to Covid. Her fiancé and she have a house and have been together for ten years, they are both 28. We love him dearly.
I am worried because neither of them are showing any interest in the forthcoming wedding. Whenever we raise tasks that need doing they kind of deflect it away. My daughter recently told me they don’t really talk anymore or do much together. She is very active and he likes more sedentary pursuits like music and reading.
I am worried on a practical level about sorting out wedding decisions. We have already spent upwards of £5 grand on the venue and various deposits which are non refundable but soon balances will need paying, florists booked etc. They just will not engage- invitations need to go out but they are just kind of blanking us when we try to raise it.
On an emotional level I’m just so scared they are going to break up. Her beautiful dress is hanging in my closet, they have their rings, we have ten years of history with her fiancé who we absolutely love. I just can’t imagine them not being together. They have two cats!
Part of me wants to just confront them both and ask them point blank what’s going on but I’m too scared of what the answer would be.
But I don’t want them to feel they have to get married because it’s too complicated to cancel.
My husband is coping by just ignoring the situation. I’m too upset to talk to friends.
I’m struggling to sleep as I’m worrying so much. We are 129:days away from the wedding. Flowers, favours, accommodation for guests, table decor, disco, Photo Booth, food and drink all still need sorting.
I am just desperate for some advice or perspective and I thought of you wonderful people.
I know it is a minor issue given the tragedies going on in the world but it is troubling me xxx

 

[Milking Keynes]

Ladies, I need some advice. My eldest daughter is supposed to be getting married in August. Postponed twice due to Covid. Her fiancé and she have a house and have been together for ten years, they are both 28. We love him dearly.
I am worried because neither of them are showing any interest in the forthcoming wedding. Whenever we raise tasks that need doing they kind of deflect it away. My daughter recently told me they don’t really talk anymore or do much together. She is very active and he likes more sedentary pursuits like music and reading.
I am worried on a practical level about sorting out wedding decisions. We have already spent upwards of £5 grand on the venue and various deposits which are non refundable but soon balances will need paying, florists booked etc. They just will not engage- invitations need to go out but they are just kind of blanking us when we try to raise it.
On an emotional level I’m just so scared they are going to break up. Her beautiful dress is hanging in my closet, they have their rings, we have ten years of history with her fiancé who we absolutely love. I just can’t imagine them not being together. They have two cats!
Part of me wants to just confront them both and ask them point blank what’s going on but I’m too scared of what the answer would be.
But I don’t want them to feel they have to get married because it’s too complicated to cancel.
My husband is coping by just ignoring the situation. I’m too upset to talk to friends.
I’m struggling to sleep as I’m worrying so much. We are 129:days away from the wedding. Flowers, favours, accommodation for guests, table decor, disco, Photo Booth, food and drink all still need sorting.
I am just desperate for some advice or perspective and I thought of you wonderful people.
I know it is a minor issue given the tragedies going on in the world but it is troubling me xxx

Wow, @Geranium, this is not a minor issue. I don’t know if this is what you want to hear but - and this is only my own opinion - you have to tackle this head on.

There could be a number of things going on. One could be that they still want to stay together but don’t want a big wedding. Another could be that Covid made them learn that they are not as compatible as they thought and they might have grown apart. Either way, they have to be clear with you. It’s very unfair to leave you in limbo. If bills need to be paid, you need answers sooner rather than later. It’s tough to confront them if they are being evasive but it’s time to take your daughter out for lunch on her own and ask her out straight. I say on your own because I don’t think you should go as a couple just you and her, especially if your husband is uncomfortable with involving himself in this. Plus, if she thinks you are as close to her partner as herself, she might be nervous to let you down if she is having second thoughts so maybe keep it between you two for now.

Any truth is better than this, though. I would be losing sleep as well. Best of luck - please keep us posted. Lots and lots of love.

 

[Miscanthus]

Wow, @Geranium, this is not a minor issue. I don’t know if this is what you want to hear but - and this is only my own opinion - you have to tackle this head on.

There could be a number of things going on. One could be that they still want to stay together but don’t want a big wedding. Another could be that Covid made them learn that they are not as compatible as they thought and they might have grown apart. Either way, they have to be clear with you. It’s very unfair to leave you in limbo. If bills need to be paid, you need answers sooner rather than later. It’s tough to confront them if they are being evasive but it’s time to take your daughter out for lunch on her own and ask her out straight. I say on your own because I don’t think you should go as a couple just you and her, especially if your husband is uncomfortable with involving himself in this. Plus, if she thinks you are as close to her partner as herself, she might be nervous to let you down if she is having second thoughts so maybe keep it between you two for now.

Any truth is better than this, though. I would be losing sleep as well. Best of luck - please keep us posted. Lots and lots of love.

I completely agree with this advice. If it doesn't feel right it's not right. As a mother your senses know that.
Go to a neutral place and tell your daughter how you feel and ask her what's happening. You deserve to know. Cancelling the wedding is better than seeing it through and feeling guilty for pushing them to marry.
I feel for you. Please let us know how you get on. Xx

 

[Geranium]

Thank you so much for the advice and for listening to me. I have been trying to get her to meet up with me but although she says she will, she also says she is really busy at work ( which she is) and she crams her weekends full of running/seeing friends/more work so no time for seeing me.
I keep thinking if I am stressed and upset about this how much worse they both may be feeling. Neither of them are good at dealing with feelings and both tend to ignore problems in the hope they’ll disappear.
My sister in law from NZ was in touch yesterday, she is organising her travel to attend the wedding which is a lot of money and time off work for her plus we have potential guests coming from Canada, Sri Lanka, Boston as well.
I don’t know what to say to these people.
My younger daughter is also sensing something is up and has asked her sister to go for a drink and a catch up but has been ignored.
I’m getting so uptight about this it’s starting to rub off onto different areas of my life and make me touchy and grumpy and over emotional.
Again, thank you all for letting me get it all out!

@Namima how are you doing? I am thinking of you. Grief is such a horrible exhausting and relentless thing to endure. I hope you are managing to sleep and look after yourself. And that you have people to hold and comfort you. Lots of love xxx

 

[Miscanthus]

Thank you so much for the advice and for listening to me. I have been trying to get her to meet up with me but although she says she will, she also says she is really busy at work ( which she is) and she crams her weekends full of running/seeing friends/more work so no time for seeing me.
I keep thinking if I am stressed and upset about this how much worse they both may be feeling. Neither of them are good at dealing with feelings and both tend to ignore problems in the hope they’ll disappear.
My sister in law from NZ was in touch yesterday, she is organising her travel to attend the wedding which is a lot of money and time off work for her plus we have potential guests coming from Canada, Sri Lanka, Boston as well.
I don’t know what to say to these people.
My younger daughter is also sensing something is up and has asked her sister to go for a drink and a catch up but has been ignored.
I’m getting so uptight about this it’s starting to rub off onto different areas of my life and make me touchy and grumpy and over emotional.
Again, thank you all for letting me get it all out!

@Namima how are you doing? I am thinking of you. Grief is such a horrible exhausting and relentless thing to endure. I hope you are managing to sleep and look after yourself. And that you have people to hold and comfort you. Lots of love xxx

You have a lot on your plate and it seems to me you are carrying this burden alone. It's really not fair.
It may be hard for you, as you are clearly a lovely warm, caring person, but you need to be firm. People are intending to spend a lot of money coming to the wedding and you are paying out a lot to host it. Your daughter and partner need to face up to this. If a few terse words mean that no more money is wasted then so be it. Are you sure your husband won't help you confront them? This is surely affecting him too.
Also, if your daughter won't make time to see you then why not drop her an email or letter saying you are so anxious about the wedding? Thinking of you dear @Geranium

 

[MissMidnight]

A massive MASSIVE "Thank you" and the tightest of hugs to all my dearest friends for the kind words @MissMidnight @Oops... @Milking Keynes @Geranium @Miscanthus @Sofie @AmaliaLana .. I am sitting here in tears, comforted by your words of support and love. Your friendship means the world to me, and for once, Lydia has done a world of good in bringing us together.
I have missed you all so much ... your friendship, naughty sense of humour and chit chat ... we are not just "Tattle friends" but actual friends.
My words do not convey my heartfelt thanks, especially to my dear @MissMidnight for her advice and "just being there", @MissMidnight , beautiful inside and out !!
My mum will be terribly missed but we are comforted that she was surrounded by her loved ones and is now at peace.
(Apologies if I have missed anyone out.)
View attachment 1186175

I missed you guys !!!

Thank you for trusting me to finally let the cat out of the bag about our friendship, @Namima, and for allowing me to share the reason you weren’t posting.

It’s so lovely to have you back, my gorgeous friend!

 

[Milking Keynes]

You have a lot on your plate and it seems to me you are carrying this burden alone. It's really not fair.
It may be hard for you, as you are clearly a lovely warm, caring person, but you need to be firm. People are intending to spend a lot of money coming to the wedding and you are paying out a lot to host it. Your daughter and partner need to face up to this. If a few terse words mean that no more money is wasted then so be it. Are you sure your husband won't help you confront them? This is surely affecting him too.
Also, if your daughter won't make time to see you then why not drop her an email or letter saying you are so anxious about the wedding? Thinking of you dear @Geranium

Brillant advice. I agree completely. The time has come to be firm. I’m sorry you are not getting the support you need from your husband. He sounds a bit like mine. Don’t get me wrong - it’s just men are not great at reading signs and/or emotional matters. He probably thinks you’re overreacting, bless him. Mine is similar in that regard so I tend to take on these things alone and, in your case, I think you need to insist your daughter meets up with you for lunch.

Your neck is on the line here re expensive travel arrangements and other people scheduling time for this wedding. It’s very unfair on you and you need answers. If it were me - I would ask straight out if she would like the wedding ‘postponed’ - it’s a gentler approach than ‘cancelled’and then set about cancelling the suppliers, etc. and informing guests planning to travel - allowing her the freedom to make up her own mind about her partner in her own good time.

Her avoidance of you at the moment added to the fact that she is not engaged in the planning process leads me to believe she is not ready. In the future, though, if she decides she wants a wedding, I would donate some funds towards it but I wouldn’t get involved in the planning of it. Very, very best of luck - it’s very stressful.

 

[Miscanthus]

Brillant advice. I agree completely. The time has come to be firm. I’m sorry you are not getting the support you need from your husband. He sounds a bit like mine. Don’t get me wrong - it’s just men are not great at reading signs and/or emotional matters. He probably thinks you’re overreacting, bless him. Mine is similar in that regard so I tend to take on these things alone and, in your case, I think you need to insist your daughter meets up with you for lunch.

Your neck is on the line here re expensive travel arrangements and other people scheduling time for this wedding. It’s very unfair on you and you need answers. If it were me - I would ask straight out if she would like the wedding ‘postponed’ - it’s a gentler approach than ‘cancelled’and then set about cancelling the suppliers, etc. and informing guests planning to travel - allowing her the freedom to make up her own mind about her partner in her own good time.

Her avoidance of you at the moment added to the fact that she is not engaged in the planning process leads me to believe she is not ready. In the future, though, if she decides she wants a wedding, I would donate some funds towards it but I wouldn’t get involved in the planning of it. Very, very best of luck - it’s very stressful.

Completely with you in this post. Honesty on all sides is the best way forward.
Good luck @Geranium
You must take care of yourself in all of this .

 

[Milking Keynes]

I don't know if any of you have Netflix or what your tastes in tv are but I am watching The Bold Type. It's about three young women who work at a magazine and are very close friends. It's quite feel good and light but it deals with issues we all face.

Thanks for the recommendation! I’ve watched seven episodes back to back - love it, especially Jacqueline!

 

[Miscanthus]

Thanks for the recommendation! I’ve watched seven episodes back to back - love it, especially Jacqueline!

Isn't she fab....a real boss babe! I think the characters are great, the script and story line too. I'm eeking it out because I don't want it to end!

 

[Geranium]

Thanks to everyone who has responded.
I am determined to have a direct conversation about this very soon.
I feel incredibly supported by my friends on here and most of all, I feel heard. Which means a lot.
I’ll let you know any developments xxx