Unpopular Opinions #22

[Purrrrrrr]

I hope these posts aren’t implying that adopted children aren’t loved by their adoptive parents as much as children are by their biological parents!
I’d say the majority of adoptive parents may even love their children more (or at the very least appreciate them more) because of what they went through to get them.

I wonder how many of those who say they don't believe they could love a child they didn't birth are grandparents?

I used to believe I could love no one more than I do my own three children I even said it the same when my son had his children. I loved them but not that overpowering love I felt for my own children.. but they live far away from me and we only see each other once or twice a year.. Then my daughter had her children and the love I felt for them surpassed the love I felt for my own children, I would never have thought that possible . I was with them every day. and my life was very different from when my own children were small. I had time, I had money, I didn't have the stress that I had when mine were little.

I don't believe its because they are my grandchildren its because I see them all the time and we grew to love each other. I met someone after I left my 2nd husband and he had three children the same ages as my children (young teens) Two of them I was with every day and grew to love them the other I only see here and there, I never bonded with him. but I did his two children who I see a lot of.. Me and their dad split up but they all still have a place in my heart. I am still friendly with his children and its been 17 or more years since I broke up with their dad.

TLDR I like many others here thought I could never love any children as much as my own, until I did, its not about flesh its about time and investment. When I was with my first husband the love I felt for him was immense and never in a million years did I think I could love another man more, yet I have a few times.

We are humans and have a great capacity of love and to be loved.

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think the problem is not just for adult professional athletes but also for younger women and girls who are going into the sport, who are being put off by the dress codes while they're growing up and these things are more difficult for them than for grown women who are used to dealing with it.

I think sports clothing for women as a whole needs a rethink, like the volleyball players. Women have to play in bikinis but men play in T-shirts and shorts.

I remember at school, we were encouraged to play netball but I felt so self conscious in a tiny skirt and knicker covers that I hated playing. Shorts were not allowed.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I'm in the process of adoption and it's partly because I don't want to be "plugged into their wants and needs." I don't mean that in a cruel way or that the child won't be loved but I don't like the idea of my brain being rewired and hormones being released to force me to be hyper-attentive to someone and super attached to them etc. It feels scary and parasitic and is a major reason why the idea of pregnancy/birth put me off. I feel a lot warmer towards a child that hasn't hijacked my body and mind

 

[PrincessCharming]

My friend met her husband when her eldest was around one year old. They have three kids now. He’s just as close to their eldest as the other two, always has been.

 

[Serene Serena]

this has gone TOO FAR!!!! 1D couldn’t even walk in unison and they’re better than the backstreet boys’ intricate dance routines?! did boyzone ever have a pop masterpiece on the level of the right stuff?! how DARE you?!?!

in, um, all seriousness: us boybands are just super different because they’re built around big epic dance numbers and very often selected members for their dance abilities. rather like the kpop bands do now. we just had westlife slowly rising from chairs on a key change.

1D struggled to sing in unison, never mind walk.

 

[Blue Rose]

I will not take this one direction slander. How can anyone dislike the geniuses who came up with lyrics like “if you ever feel alone, don’t’? Plus Liam Payne is an amazing dancer, just look up his Strip that down dance, you’ll be amazed!

 

[Pipsy]

The majority of mansophere ranting is nonsense, but they're correct that many young women have become ridiculously trashy.

 

[Influenzagirl]

It's certainly not 'just the way it is', for YOU guys it clearly is. But there are thousands of loving adopted parents and children full stop but if you aren't capable of doing this then I agree you should stay away from people with kids

I'm sure you have strong enough feelings for pet you didn't birth

I was more thinking about family break ups rather than bereavement. Everyone's circumstances are different, and it's lovely if a step parent can love the child. But I don't think you can expect someone to love your child, and realistically they will probably never love them in the same way they do their own.

For me personally, I would never love a step child like my own child. I carried and birthed my children, it's completely different to some kid that's just thrust upon you every other weekend who's got their own mum.

Completely agree. I dont think they should be expected to love them either especially when older.
My step dad is amazing has been in my life since I was 9 and is still there more me. He loves me a lot. Even if not the same as his biological child with my mum. But I understand it if that is the case. Even as a child I dont expect the love but very grateful to have it and still consider him my dad in my 30s. Blood isn't always stronger which is amazing thing when it does happen naturally or to that level that is acceptable as long as there is care snd kindness. Of course the bond I achieved with my step dad is very unlikely to ha e happened if my mum had been the monthly weekend pare t

I agree you probably wont love someone else's child like your own. Is just the way it is. But I think if anyone ever thinks and feels that a child has been thrust upon them they probably shouldn't be in a relationship with the parent. Its choice rather than forced.
Not aiming this at you as I know you weren't making this point about your own life.

I hope these posts aren’t implying that adopted children aren’t loved by their adoptive parents as much as children are by their biological parents!
I’d say the majority of adoptive parents may even love their children more (or at the very least appreciate them more) because of what they went through to get them.

Exactly this some narcassism and stone cold hearts really seen here

 

[inkypinkyponky]

It's certainly not 'just the way it is', for YOU guys it clearly is. But there are thousands of loving adopted parents and children full stop but if you aren't capable of doing this then I agree you should stay away from people with kids.
My opinion was if you feel.children are forced on you and you acnt be caring nurturing and kind at the minimum you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone with kids.

I'm sure you have strong enough feelings for pet you didn't birth







Exactly this some narcassism and stone cold hearts really seen here

You have quoted me but I dont even have kids, my phrase just the way its is, is in regards to other peoples feelings. I cant comment or know personally how it feels so that's why I said if that's how people feel than that's just the way it is.

And me saying you probably wont is again just my view on the fact that people do experience and report that difference in feeling between their own biological children and non. If someone has only ever adopted they cant really know whether they they love the child as they would a biological child they birthed because they actually dont have a clue.

 

[Baby Giraffe]

You have quoted me but I dont even have kids, my phrase just the way its is, is in regards to other peoples feelings. I cant comment or know personally how it feels so that's why I said if that's how people feel than that's just the way it is.

And me saying you probably wont is again just my view on the fact that people do experience and report that difference in feeling between their own biological children and non. If someone has only ever adopted they cant really know whether they they love the child as they would a biological child they birthed because they actually dont have a clue.

The thought of being pregnant and giving birth is horrendous to me, having mg something take very body is not remotely appealing and I know I’d have resented the child for it, adopting or fostering is a far more attractive proposition and that resentment isn’t there. I don’t understand this obsession with creating a mini me, it’s rather egotistical to be honest, love the child not their DNA

 

[Serene Serena]

The thought of being pregnant and giving birth is horrendous to me, having mg something take very body is not remotely appealing and I know I’d have resented the child for it, adopting or fostering is a far more attractive proposition and that resentment isn’t there. I don’t understand this obsession with creating a mini me, it’s rather egotistical to be honest, love the child not their DNA

Your last sentence is disturbing. Most people don’t have children to create a miniature version of themselves. Most people have children because they want to create a family with someone they love and intend to spend the rest of their lives with.

Note: I said MOST people. Is it George Foreman who has called every single one of his children George? Even the girls. Now that’s egotistical in the extreme.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

The thought of being pregnant and giving birth is horrendous to me, having mg something take very body is not remotely appealing and I know I’d have resented the child for it, adopting or fostering is a far more attractive proposition and that resentment isn’t there. I don’t understand this obsession with creating a mini me, it’s rather egotistical to be honest, love the child not their DNA

I mean.. we could put a weird twist to adoption too if ya wanna be childish about it?

Its just opinions. Have a kid how you see fit innit.

 

[Emperor]

Unpopular opinions too. I don't get the pregnancy thing which is a good job as there is no one out there stupid enough to want me even able to try let alone succeed. I do not understand why anyone would want to add to this race and planet, nor do I get why people say to someone they are blooming when basically there is a parasite inside them desperate to burst out. Which will then cry, shite, cost money and eventually realise that everyone they have been conditioned to love will die and leave them to arrange the burial. Bleak, but hey, its meant to be unpopular.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Some of these posts made by those who don't want their own children are just awful and its good you don't want your own children, although I would go further and say anyone with that attitude should not be allowed to adopt either.

The way so many on forums etc look at pregnancy, babies and children I would say its a shame their own parents didn't think like them. We are slowly tuning into antisocial people who really believe its the sociable people who are the problem in society. its like a different reality from the real world.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Some of these posts made by those who don't want their own children are just awful and its good you don't want your own children, although I would go further and say anyone with that attitude should not be allowed to adopt either.

The way so many on forums etc look at pregnancy, babies and children I would say its a shame their own parents didn't think like them. We are slowly tuning into antisocial people who really believe its the sociable people who are the problem in society. its like a different reality from the real world.

As a society we are so conditioned that having children is the whole reason for our existence and for some it’s far from that for them. I do agree that if you see a child as a parasite, regardless if that’s only in the womb parenthood is probably not for you.

But I wish we could stop with the expectation that people, especially women must like children and there is something wrong with them if they don’t. I don’t like children and babies but that doesn’t make me a bad person.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Its just opinions. Have a kid how you see fit innit.

I agree with this. My sister is happy with two children (that she had in her late 30s/early 40s, despite hearing from a lot of people that that was too old) and an older stepchild she adores. Adoption is definitely what's best for me but I love my niece and nephew and being able to watch them grow up from babies

Some of these posts made by those who don't want their own children are just awful and its good you don't want your own children, although I would go further and say anyone with that attitude should not be allowed to adopt either.

The way so many on forums etc look at pregnancy, babies and children I would say its a shame their own parents didn't think like them. We are slowly tuning into antisocial people who really believe its the sociable people who are the problem in society. its like a different reality from the real world.

I don't pretend I have a particularly healthy view of pregnancy. I've had bulimia and body dysmorphia and live in terror of losing control of my body or of it working to do something I see as undesirable. All the "Bowel Babe" news has been upsetting me because I view cancer the same way. That probably will never change but I'll do my best to ensure the potential child doesn't have to pick up on it or deal with the fall-out

 

[Purrrrrrr]

As a society we are so conditioned that having children is the whole reason for our existence and for some it’s far from that for them. I do agree that if you see a child as a parasite, regardless if that’s only in the womb parenthood is probably not for you.

But I wish we could stop with the expectation that people, especially women must like children and there is something wrong with them if they don’t. I don’t like children and babies but that doesn’t make me a bad person.

100% agree. I've never asked anyone if they would ever have children not even my own children, its just not my business. Parenthood isn't for everyone its just the absolute hate you read online for babies, children and their parents. The difference I have noticed over the years , is, people who didn't like people stayed away from people, now they don't but expect everyone to conform to their idea of parenting IE going back to Victorian times.

 

[Baby Giraffe]

Most people don’t have children to create a miniature version of themselves.

Unfortunately I think it’s a lot more common that you think, the trend for mummy and me outfits where the mother dresses the child like themselves plays very much into this and several people I know have been quite obsessed with continuing their DNA.

 

[Brigitjonesbuttcheek]

It's certainly not 'just the way it is', for YOU guys it clearly is. But there are thousands of loving adopted parents and children full stop but if you aren't capable of doing this then I agree you should stay away from people with kids

I'm sure you have strong enough feelings for pet you didn't birth







Exactly this some narcassism and stone cold hearts really seen here

Why is it narcissistic to say you don't think you could love a child that's not your own.

No one said no one could love a child that's not their own. Just that they personally coulndt and it's a bit much to expect a new partner to love your kid like their own, being kind should be enough.

UO the word narcissist is thrown around too much.

 

[Serene Serena]

Unfortunately I think it’s a lot more common that you think, the trend for mummy and me outfits where the mother dresses the child like themselves plays very much into this and several people I know have been quite obsessed with continuing their DNA.

But isn’t that a marketing trend rather than an actual thing? The mother and daughter matching outfits I mean? Like the family pyjama sets worn on Christmas Eve? My husband would sooner parade down High Street naked than pose in reindeer pyjamas with me and our offspring