TTC #4

[Motherofpugs]

So…I just found out my brother in law and his fiancée are expecting their first child. It was written in a Christmas card to me and my husband and I instantly broke down in tears when I read it (my B-I-L and his partner weren’t present, my husband brought the card home with him from visiting his brother), so it was just my husband present. My emotions were uncontrollable, I’ve never burst into tears so quickly.

I felt so guilty and selfish afterwards for my first emotions not being happiness and excitement for them but sadness for me because that’s what I want more than anything. They weren’t actively trying which knowing that made it harder for me. Of course I am so happy for them and it will be lovely to have a baby in the family but equally it’s a tough one to swallow. I know I’ll be fine and I’ll get over the initial shock. It was an unexpected surprise to the whole family so I can be forgiven for being shocked but I can’t/ don’t want be feeling upset or that constant feeling inside of “I wish it was me” when there’s talk of the pregnancy or the baby with the in-laws or feeling almost jealous of them being in the situation that I would love more than anything to be in.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt similar?

You won’t be the only one who has felt that way. Those feelings are all normal - you can be happy for them and sad for yourself. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel sad about it. It’s hard to see people close to you going on the journey that you so desperately want to be on.

 

[Celeste]

I'm out AF arrived 8 days early. Given that that makes this cycle 50 days rather than 58 maybe it's a good thing. I used OPKs all the way through and not convinced I had a clear peak which is concerning me. Argh what a minefield.

 

[cecedoon]

So this month I actually had a good cycle. 28 days long with 11 days luteal phase. I got vaccinated so I assumed period would be knocked out so maybe it’s done the opposite & regulated everything for me. We took this cycle off due to circumstances so ready to start trying again next month which will be cycle 10.

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

Hey! Hope everyone is okay xx
We’ve had our first appointment with the specialist (a year and a half of trying, 16 cycles), he has requested I go for a HSG xray, anyone had experience of this before? I appreciate it varies between everyone, but I feel a bit nervous!

I am so glad Christmas is over. I found it really difficult, there was pregnancy announcements, happy family matching pj pictures, babies first Christmas posts etc etc. I’m sure you all understand. I briefly came off fb for a short while as it all got a bit too much.

 

[millytint]

Hi all, made a new account to comment, not sure if I’m commenting on the right place but I’m a ball of anxiety today and I really need to get it off my chest

Been trying ttc 3 years and the longest I’ve gone between periods is 35 days
Last period was 1 December so should have been due 5 Jan at the latest

The suspense was killing me so decided on the 7 Jan that I would buy a test. I purchased a pack of 2 tests on my lunch break around 12 ish and took it at around 12.30. It was a clear blue test and sure enough after a few mins a cross was displayed for positive

I was so delighted but due previous losses decided to not tell my husband straight away, I thought I’d prefer to tell him after I’d missed my second period as with the losses they were all before this stage.
I didn’t take a picture of the test as didn’t want to run the risk of him finding the picture on my phone

the whole of Friday afternoon/ evening I was on cloud nine. Saturday I had the biggest smile on my face I was so happy.

my husband went out Sunday afternoon so i decided to have another peep at my pregnancy test and when I looked at it it was negative! I felt sick, the horizontal line was still there in the test box but the vertical line had gone. I felt like I was going nuts. I still had the second test in the box so took it and it came up negative. I’m so annoyed with myself that I didn’t take a picture of the first test.

Sunday evening my head felt like cotton wool I couldnt think straight so today while everyone was out at work I went to purchase more tests. I’ve bought cheap brand 2 packs of 2. I came home and have just took a test and it’s the faintest line you literally have to shut one eye and squint with the other to see anything. I actually feel like I’m imagining seeing a line.

Also I’ve purchased 2 clear blue digital tests on Amazon which are arriving at some point today as I feel I need to see it spelled out in black and white one way or the other.

I really thought it would be easier than this keeping it all to myself and dealing with it alone. The anxiety of not knowing is absolutely driving me insane.

sorry about the essay but I haven’t told a soul and needed to get it all out of my head. I just need to know if I’m pregnant or not

 

[Lola UK]

I think we are due some good luck in this thread! 🤍

I keep having dreams that I’m pregnant, like constantly! It’s horrible waking up and it’s just a dream

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I'm out

I'm giving myself today to sulk, then I'm getting over it and preparing for cycle 7.

 

[moggie96]

Hi everyone

I hope you’re all doing well. Took abit of time off this thread this month as I’ve tried to take a completely relaxed approach. I haven’t tested ovulation, Just looked out for ewcm, and not done any pregnancy testing. I think I’m due on tomorrow as will be CD28 and I’ve just started having bad cramping. Feeling really sorry for myself and losing hope every month that goes by. Really hoped I could do the cliche of ‘Stop trying and it will happen’.

Xx

 

[LMPhun]

Hi all. Six months TTC Baby #2 (baby #1 is almost 8 and was a got-pregnant-on-the-pill baby), and I’m driving myself demented. Currently on 14Dpo and have been wrecked the last few days and eating everything around me but to say the test couldn’t be more negative (a glowing white where a red strip could be). Cramping started earlier so probably out for this cycle but it’s frustrating that it happened SO easily when we really weren’t trying but now that we’re trying it’s not happening. Admittedly I’m now 30 not a fertile 21 year old but still! Am I delusional to hope that this cycle might be it?

 

[make-mine-whiskey]

My next period is due Christmas Eve... PLEASE BE KIND TO ME BODY AND TRY NOT TO BE A COMPLETE KNOB I am not tracking OPKs or BBT this month, just going to eat, drink and be merry

 

[Pumpkin Spice]

I'm spotting already. Cycle 11 for me then.
Never in a million years thought it would take this long.
Sorry to anyone that's going through a much longer journey, I honestly can't imagine

 

[kindregrets]

Hey all, I'm new here and I'm feel like I'm going insane.

We've been TTC for only 6 months and I feel like my body is playing tricks on me. Ever since I started my period well over 15 years ago, I've had pretty regular 27/28 day cycles but since TTC they've been getting slightly longer (30/31, not that dramatic so sorry for being a massive drama queen).
Currently on day 31 and still no sign of AF but have had terrible cramps the last couple of days.
How do you all manage to stay calm during this time?

Wishing everyone good luck on their journey!!

 

[JsMama2019]

AF showed up last week. I guess the good from it, is that I won't have 2 kids with their Bdays withing DAYS of each other. I started my Letrozole and have 2 cycles after this. Wish me luck.

 

[candyland_]

AF has arrived a few days early giving me a short 24 day cycle.

Best wishes to you all.

 

[MarshC]

Afternoon everyone.

Longtime lurker but I feel so awful today that it seemed like the right time for my first post. I feel like I have no right to complain really, we're still quite early in the TTC process but it already feels so disheartening.
We're both 33 and have been trying since we got married in September last year. I'm tracking ovulation and am getting used to working out what my cycle is actually like after being on the pill since I was 16. No joy so far and usually AF arrives, I feel a bit disappointed but I start thinking about the next month and move on.
Had my booster in the middle of December and I think it must have messed me about a bit. My peak has been on CD14 since starting tracking but it was on CD12 last month and not as high as usual. I didn't dwell too much on it and with it being Christmas and having a break from work we DTD more than usual without thinking too much about it.
AF is due to arrive on Monday but I woke up today with cramps and backache and I just lost it and haven't really stopped crying all day. I'm sick of peeing in a pot (and still getting it on my hand most of the time!) I'm sick of people seemingly getting pregnant by accident! My nephew is 19 and he's a troubled kid to put it mildly. His 17yr old girlfriend, who he's known all of 5 minutes, is due in August. My brother met his girlfriend NYE 2020 and my niece was born in October last year. I've even got backdated frustration about that today!

I'm sorry for the essay! I just needed a place to vent today. My best friend got pregnant 2 months after her wedding so I know she'll only have well-meaning words with no understanding

I feel very similar to you. We’ve been trying a similar amount of time and I was so upset when I got AF last week as I felt so sure it was going to be positive news. I made the mistake of telling a couple of friends we were trying and I can’t bear the questions! I was on the pill before too I’m hoping that it’s just my cycle working itself out. Feel like I’ve seen so many pregnancy announcements on FB recently too- it’s driving me mad!

 

[Grigiogirls]

1DPO, here we go again

 

[Sallycinnamon_]

Hey everyone. Hope you’re all okay.

We are still feeling the bombshell of my OHs SA, waiting for an ultrasound appointment to rule out a varicocele. It’s been two weeks but feels like months

 

[Grigiogirls]

AF is a whole 5 days late, I haven’t actually tested since my last BFN, but I really don’t have the urge to as I kinda know that it will be another BFN and then it’s the whole issue of ‘well what’s wrong with my cycle then?’ I’ve had absolutely no symptoms of AF or pregnancy for around two weeks now. This has probably been the hardest month of my journey so far, really feel like next cycle I just need to take a step back and try the whatever will be approach but that’s always easier said than done.

 

[cecedoon]

Me too. I feel like a terrible person.

what’s worse is when they have the baby and I’m still not pregnant..

Or get pregnant a flipping second time. That’s 100% when my happiness evaporates.

 

[JLXRD]

Guys. I’m freaking out. My period still hadn’t come so I just did another FRER…. I’m too scared to get excited after last time. I daren’t even tell my partner and get his hopes up in case it doesn’t stick. I went out at the weekend and now I’m feeling so guilty about it

Spoiler: Preg test

View attachment 761584

Ahhh omg congratulations I’m so so happy for you, I have a little happy tear in my eye. Like someone else said I normally feel jealous, but I’m too happy for you to feel it in this case Don’t feel guilty and please don’t worry, I know it’s easier said than done. We all have absolutely everything crossed for you. I’m so so pleased for you