Toddler advice thread #5

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For those who have children in nursery, can you let me know what is normal to expect of the sessions? We went to a stay and play for an hour at the school nursery my son is going to. He’ll only just have turned 3 when he starts.

I found the experience just chaotic. Kids chucking toys everywhere, not putting anything away, upturning piles of dry pasta and stamping on it. Snatching, a boy shouting in another boy’s face, a boy was in the toilet cubicle and other boys were chucking paint brushes and toys over the door while he was in there. None of the staff noticed.

I just feel like he’ll literally have just turned 3 years old and has never been to nursery before, I don’t want him to pick up bad behaviour or get lost in the crowd.

Am I overreacting? I just didn’t expect it to be like that! On a positive my son seemed to enjoy it.
Is this a daycare or a formal preschool setting? My kids have all attended the preschool attached to our primary school. It is not at ALL like that. They have a class teacher, 2 classroom assistants and it’s run very much as a classroom as part of the school. Behaviour like throwing, shouting, snatching absolutely wouldn’t be tolerated and they would be on it.
I can’t speak to daycare settings as I haven’t experienced one, so just my tuppence as you mentioned it’s linked to the school.
 
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For those who have children in nursery, can you let me know what is normal to expect of the sessions? We went to a stay and play for an hour at the school nursery my son is going to. He’ll only just have turned 3 when he starts.

I found the experience just chaotic. Kids chucking toys everywhere, not putting anything away, upturning piles of dry pasta and stamping on it. Snatching, a boy shouting in another boy’s face, a boy was in the toilet cubicle and other boys were chucking paint brushes and toys over the door while he was in there. None of the staff noticed.

I just feel like he’ll literally have just turned 3 years old and has never been to nursery before, I don’t want him to pick up bad behaviour or get lost in the crowd.

Am I overreacting? I just didn’t expect it to be like that! On a positive my son seemed to enjoy it.
We had the same settling in this week with my sons new nursery, which is attached to the school he will 🤞🏼 be going to. They split it into 4 groups, so he only had about 10 in the settling, which was quite nice and was manic. I was expecting all the kids to be there, which would’ve been a lot (they do full time, am and pm sessions)

I think once the teachers get their claws into the kids, it shouldn’t be as chaotic. As a teacher, you can hardly tell the kids off when the parents are standing there, so maybe they felt a bit awkward?
 
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Is this a daycare or a formal preschool setting? My kids have all attended the preschool attached to our primary school. It is not at ALL like that. They have a class teacher, 2 classroom assistants and it’s run very much as a classroom as part of the school. Behaviour like throwing, shouting, snatching absolutely wouldn’t be tolerated and they would be on it.
I can’t speak to daycare settings as I haven’t experienced one, so just my tuppence as you mentioned it’s linked to the school.
Yes it’s attached to a school. I wish I knew a few other mums and dads who were there so I could get their opinion. I think it’s cause we’ve only ever been to playgroups which have nice kids and aren’t too busy or messy so it was a shock to the system!
 
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Yes it’s attached to a school. I wish I knew a few other mums and dads who were there so I could get their opinion. I think it’s cause we’ve only ever been to playgroups which have nice kids and aren’t too busy or messy so it was a shock to the system!
It sounds like it was very badly organised tbh. For a session like you’ve described which had parents there I would have expected there to be some structure led by the teachers, something for kids and parents to work on together, then some free exploration time.
Ours brings in small (5) kids at a time for their intro session in June, and parents don’t stay. it keeps it small and manageable for the teachers, so a nicer intro for the kids as it’s calmer.
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Eta: but yeah, it’s a bloody eye opener when your kids start school and you realise how feral some children are, and how little their parents seem to care….
 
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We had a visit from a nursery nurse today after I’d called the health visiting team with some worries about my boy’s speech and development. Basically that he’s babbling but not really saying words, not many gestures (hardly any), etc. He’s 20 months.

Anyway she didn’t really tell me to worry or not worry, but said they’d do his 2 year check bang on when he’s 2 so that if he does need referred for speech help they can do it asap. She did give me some links for some activities to help his speech, advised just to keep going with talking to him as much as possible etc.

His understanding is pretty good (he climbed the stairs while she was here and came back down when I asked him 😅) and he’s started to babble at me very intentionally. Eg if I sing a line of a nursery rhyme and stop he looks at me and says BA BA! To tell me to continue 😅

He also today for the first time led me by the hand into the kitchen (no clue what he wanted though 😂) and did imitate me waving when she was leaving.

No point to this other than to get it out really, going to try not to stress any more as I see him developing all the time although I am considering maybe a half day in nursery after the summer and as he gets closer to 2 to maybe encourage his development.
 
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We had a visit from a nursery nurse today after I’d called the health visiting team with some worries about my boy’s speech and development. Basically that he’s babbling but not really saying words, not many gestures (hardly any), etc. He’s 20 months.

Anyway she didn’t really tell me to worry or not worry, but said they’d do his 2 year check bang on when he’s 2 so that if he does need referred for speech help they can do it asap. She did give me some links for some activities to help his speech, advised just to keep going with talking to him as much as possible etc.

His understanding is pretty good (he climbed the stairs while she was here and came back down when I asked him 😅) and he’s started to babble at me very intentionally. Eg if I sing a line of a nursery rhyme and stop he looks at me and says BA BA! To tell me to continue 😅

He also today for the first time led me by the hand into the kitchen (no clue what he wanted though 😂) and did imitate me waving when she was leaving.

No point to this other than to get it out really, going to try not to stress any more as I see him developing all the time although I am considering maybe a half day in nursery after the summer and as he gets closer to 2 to maybe encourage his development.
This sounds a lot like my 3yo. He wasn’t saying much pre 2 and started preschool in at 2yrs 3mths. They referred him to speech & language but by the time he saw them his speech came on so well, and he’s doing really well now. He had glue ear from baby and got signed off when he was around the same age as starting pre school. We only got referred because I’ve got a history of family hearing problems. Could you maybe look into this? I’ve also had an ENT app recently because of his adenoids, and even though they aren’t large, they are bigger than they should be which can cause speech problems

(Sorry, I waffled on there 😂)
 
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We had a visit from a nursery nurse today after I’d called the health visiting team with some worries about my boy’s speech and development. Basically that he’s babbling but not really saying words, not many gestures (hardly any), etc. He’s 20 months.

Anyway she didn’t really tell me to worry or not worry, but said they’d do his 2 year check bang on when he’s 2 so that if he does need referred for speech help they can do it asap. She did give me some links for some activities to help his speech, advised just to keep going with talking to him as much as possible etc.

His understanding is pretty good (he climbed the stairs while she was here and came back down when I asked him 😅) and he’s started to babble at me very intentionally. Eg if I sing a line of a nursery rhyme and stop he looks at me and says BA BA! To tell me to continue 😅

He also today for the first time led me by the hand into the kitchen (no clue what he wanted though 😂) and did imitate me waving when she was leaving.

No point to this other than to get it out really, going to try not to stress any more as I see him developing all the time although I am considering maybe a half day in nursery after the summer and as he gets closer to 2 to maybe encourage his development.
Aww bless him. Mine didn’t say a proper word for years It was just babble. Even when he started nursery it didn’t help. We went to speech therapy ( didn’t get a lot out of that either ). Only since September onwards has he really come out of his shell and started talking properly. He’s doing really well now. It’s not perfect he isn’t speaking proper sentences. Three four words together but considering he wasn’t saying anything he’s doing well. He’s 4 now. he is behind others his age but I’m trying to say try not to worry as they will get there I’m sure. Just in his own time

I’ve been there and worried myself silly about it so I knowhow you feel
 
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Does anyone else’s toddler just hate them 😭😭🙃 It’s getting me so down. His Dad has had to get 12 weeks off work because of a freak accident to his hand so he’s been home a lot more than usual. We both work. used to be me a sahm for 3 years then i’ve gone back to work about 30 hours a week sometimes I do 12 hour days so don’t see my son. Big change. It’s like we’ve swapped round. But he’s just all for his Dad! It used to be a fair divide really, was all over us both and clingy with us both now it’s just his Dad. Like he’ll say ‘I don’t want you here Mummy’ when i join them doing something. He always just says he wants Daddy, daddy to put him to bed etc etc. Last night i went to open his bottle of water for him and he went mad saying he didn’t want me to open it and he wanted his Daddy to 😭 He’s even said he doesn’t love me and he only loves Daddy. I know it might just be a phase but it’s hard. I’ll go give him a cuddle and he’ll push me off and just go cuddle his Dad. It’s made me cry 😭 I know he’s only 3 and doesn’t mean it but it’s hard when you constantly hear it. Sometimes I just wish he’d want me. And it’s made me be annoyed by my partner. Like I’m wishing him back to work or just to go away so I can try and win my son round 😭 Has anyone experienced similar? It’s only really been since my partner has been off. ☹
 
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Does anyone else’s toddler just hate them 😭😭🙃 It’s getting me so down. His Dad has had to get 12 weeks off work because of a freak accident to his hand so he’s been home a lot more than usual. We both work. used to be me a sahm for 3 years then i’ve gone back to work about 30 hours a week sometimes I do 12 hour days so don’t see my son. Big change. It’s like we’ve swapped round. But he’s just all for his Dad! It used to be a fair divide really, was all over us both and clingy with us both now it’s just his Dad. Like he’ll say ‘I don’t want you here Mummy’ when i join them doing something. He always just says he wants Daddy, daddy to put him to bed etc etc. Last night i went to open his bottle of water for him and he went mad saying he didn’t want me to open it and he wanted his Daddy to 😭 He’s even said he doesn’t love me and he only loves Daddy. I know it might just be a phase but it’s hard. I’ll go give him a cuddle and he’ll push me off and just go cuddle his Dad. It’s made me cry 😭 I know he’s only 3 and doesn’t mean it but it’s hard when you constantly hear it. Sometimes I just wish he’d want me. And it’s made me be annoyed by my partner. Like I’m wishing him back to work or just to go away so I can try and win my son round 😭 Has anyone experienced similar? It’s only really been since my partner has been off. ☹
All my 3 boys are daddies boys when he’s around. When he’s not, no one else gets a look in and they’re all my best mates. It is hard, but when I’m so exhausted and it comes to bed times etc, I get left alone coz no one can do it better than daddy!
 
All my 3 boys are daddies boys when he’s around. When he’s not, no one else gets a look in and they’re all my best mates. It is hard, but when I’m so exhausted and it comes to bed times etc, I get left alone coz no one can do it better than daddy!
I know you are right and it is just a phase but it just feels lately like I’m just never the favourite. Like i feel that if i weren’t here he wouldn’t even notice 😔
 
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All my 3 boys are daddies boys when he’s around. When he’s not, no one else gets a look in and they’re all my best mates. It is hard, but when I’m so exhausted and it comes to bed times etc, I get left alone coz no one can do it better than daddy!
I separated from my childrens dad not long before covid hit, they we're both young with my boy being the eldest and maybe around 5?
I was the worst human in the world for the whole duration - my heart was broken because all he wanted was dad, dad, dad and he said he hated my house.
I knew the only reason he hated it was because I have rules, morals, routine and despite my heartache, I knew that I was being a good mum and to have a good kid I had to continue with my way of parenting and continue to hope it would pass.

Me and my son (he's 8 now) have started to have the best relationship I could imagine, a lot of that is down to me sticking to those morals and values and having rules and routine and I'm so glad I stood by my initial parenting process and didn't give in.

I often get told from strangers how polite, caring, considerate etc he is and he has become proud of that, it wouldn't be the case if I lowered my expectations and became a different parent to be the favourite parent.


Your time will come...

Dad's are preferred because they are gentler, rule breaking, "fun" etc.

for example, my kids hate me for making them read cos dad doesn't - but they wouldn't be able to read otherwise and they would hate me for that when their older.

They may grow up and dad still be preferred but you will become appreciated and respected a lot more in the long run.



EDIT TO ADD:

As a parent I see it a little somewhat as a job with certain end goals I have to achieve to know I have been good at it - that happens wether they like me or not for it.
Kids with Manners, respect, consideration, care and a decent education to provide them with the best start in adulthood.
As a mummy I see myself as an emotional protector and that comes naturally wether they like me or not either haha
 
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I know you are right and it is just a phase but it just feels lately like I’m just never the favourite. Like i feel that if i weren’t here he wouldn’t even notice 😔
Oh, he definitely would. You probably do more for him than dad. Mine would get cheesy pasta every night and not a bath or bit of fruit in sight 😂
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I separated from my childrens dad not long before covid hit, they we're both young with my boy being the eldest and maybe around 5?
I was the worst human in the world for the whole duration - my heart was broken because all he wanted was dad, dad, dad and he aid he hated, my house.
I knew the only reason he hated it was because I have rules, morals, routine and despite my heartache, I knew that I was being a good mum and to have a good kid I had to continue with my way of parenting and continue to hope it would pass.

Me and my son (he's 8 now) have started to have the best relationship I could imagine, a lot of that is down to me sticking to those morals and values and having rules and routine and I'm so glad I stood by my initial parenting process and didn't give in.

I often get told from strangers how polite, caring, considerate etc he is and he has become proud of that, it wouldn't be the case if I lowered my expectations and became a different parent to be the favourite parent.


Your time will come...

Dad's are preferred because they are gentler, rule breaking, "fun" etc.

for example, my kids hate me for making them read cos dad doesn't - but they wouldn't be able to read otherwise and they would hate me for that when their older.

They may grow up and dad still be preferred but you will become appreciated and respected a lot more in the long run.
Oh, I know this too well. I split with my eldest dad when she was 1. Dad was always fave until she spent a month away recently on holiday and then realised our house isn’t so bad 😂
 
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I know you are right and it is just a phase but it just feels lately like I’m just never the favourite. Like i feel that if i weren’t here he wouldn’t even notice 😔
He certainly would, I know nothing about you but can assure you of that.
Have faith in yourself, allow this process and continue being the mum you are and it won't be too long before you say "thank duck I listened to tattlers" :)
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Oh, he definitely would. You probably do more for him than dad. Mine would get cheesy pasta every night and not a bath or bit of fruit in sight 😂
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Oh, I know this too well. I split with my eldest dad when she was 1. Dad was always fave until she spent a month away recently on holiday and then realised our house isn’t so bad 😂
A MONTH?!? WOW - that must have hurt a little.

Mine go away tomorrow for a week - they go away a few times a year and always have done - this time is the first time they won't be down the bottom of the path with their suitcases waiting for him (Laughing Emoji) I actually really don't want them to go as I'll proper miss them and I'll be honest, I usually can't wait for the break.

But they're older now, 7&8 and life is just getting easier, parenting becoming enjoyable and my "own" time becoming less and less desired.

They go to Turkey on a Luxury All Inclusive that only he booked the other day to trump and outshine my week at a caravan in Mablethorpe the week after.

I KNOW FOR A FACT which holiday they will prefer.

1 week in Turkey - 7 days by the pool with no stimulation or attention and dad getting saggy when they misbehave cos they're bored.
1 week at the caravan - 7 days of my devotion and attention with days out planned every other day and little bits and bobs booked on site for our rest days in between.

He thinks he's hitting me hard, he always does things like this.
I buy a junior drum kit for Christmas, he buys him an adult one and gives it him the week before.
I buy him the one holiday a year I can afford, he tries spoiling it taking them the week before on a better one.

In his mind he's he's proving to the world he's the better parent when essentially everyone knows they'll have a tit time cos there's no boundaries or respect and its all done for his personal gain and not theirs and therefore just proving to not only myself, but the kids too that being a good parent comes from the heart, not the bank and the ego (laughing emoji)



EDIT TO ADD:

The whole time I discuss this I only really refer to my son, not my younger daughter - you make your own mind up why :p
 
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Does anyone else’s toddler just hate them 😭😭🙃 It’s getting me so down. His Dad has had to get 12 weeks off work because of a freak accident to his hand so he’s been home a lot more than usual. We both work. used to be me a sahm for 3 years then i’ve gone back to work about 30 hours a week sometimes I do 12 hour days so don’t see my son. Big change. It’s like we’ve swapped round. But he’s just all for his Dad! It used to be a fair divide really, was all over us both and clingy with us both now it’s just his Dad. Like he’ll say ‘I don’t want you here Mummy’ when i join them doing something. He always just says he wants Daddy, daddy to put him to bed etc etc. Last night i went to open his bottle of water for him and he went mad saying he didn’t want me to open it and he wanted his Daddy to 😭 He’s even said he doesn’t love me and he only loves Daddy. I know it might just be a phase but it’s hard. I’ll go give him a cuddle and he’ll push me off and just go cuddle his Dad. It’s made me cry 😭 I know he’s only 3 and doesn’t mean it but it’s hard when you constantly hear it. Sometimes I just wish he’d want me. And it’s made me be annoyed by my partner. Like I’m wishing him back to work or just to go away so I can try and win my son round 😭 Has anyone experienced similar? It’s only really been since my partner has been off. ☹
My son can be like this with his dad so we really try and go with a ‘turn taking’ system, it really helps! This explains it quite well.
 
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My daughters nursery posted about their school leavers graduation today and now I’m all emotional about it 😢 got a whole year yet 😂
 
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Oh, he definitely would. You probably do more for him than dad. Mine would get cheesy pasta every night and not a bath or bit of fruit in sight 😂
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Oh, I know this too well. I split with my eldest dad when she was 1. Dad was always fave until she spent a month away recently on holiday and then realised our house isn’t so bad 😂
thissss 😆 I agree. When I be “mean” to my 3.5 year old she wants daddy or grandad, yet she has to be pretty much forced to go to her dads. She realises how better it is at my house even if I am “mean” sometimes when I won’t let her have 10 ice creams for breakfast 😂 but I’m the one who does everything with her so she’s gotta like me sometimes 😂❤ she told me the other day I’m her best friend 🥺
 
God forbid me for being a big lawyer - toddler’s favourite thing at the moment is ambulances (nee naws), trying to get her to sleep and she’s so overtired and wired up. She heard one go past and started shouting “‘mummy nee naw” and getting more hyped up, so I told her the ambulances was driving past to say goodnight and telling her it was bedtime. Small white lies are fine right? 🤣🤣🤣 (fwiw she didn’t go to sleep but when another one went past she did very quietly go “night night nee naw” 😂)
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God forbid me for being a big lawyer - toddler’s favourite thing at the moment is ambulances (nee naws), trying to get her to sleep and she’s so overtired and wired up. She heard one go past and started shouting “‘mummy nee naw” and getting more hyped up, so I told her the ambulances was driving past to say goodnight and telling her it was bedtime. Small white lies are fine right? 🤣🤣🤣 (fwiw she didn’t go to sleep but when another one went past she did very quietly go “night night nee naw” 😂)
Liar not lawyer ffs (although if the shoe fits 🤣)
 
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God forbid me for being a big lawyer - toddler’s favourite thing at the moment is ambulances (nee naws), trying to get her to sleep and she’s so overtired and wired up. She heard one go past and started shouting “‘mummy nee naw” and getting more hyped up, so I told her the ambulances was driving past to say goodnight and telling her it was bedtime. Small white lies are fine right? 🤣🤣🤣 (fwiw she didn’t go to sleep but when another one went past she did very quietly go “night night nee naw” 😂)
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Liar not lawyer ffs (although if the shoe fits 🤣)
Night night nee naw 😍😍😍

One I use a lot when something goes past/disappears is "he had to go home and see his mummy" yes, that ladybird who flew away had to go see him mummy, and the motorbike who drove so fast you didn’t see. Now if something like A spider crawls away h tilts his head and says "go see mummy" 😆
 
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