The poops that come out of my 4yo is honestly shocking.
They're bigger than an adults one.
I don't understand how it fits out of her!
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They're bigger than an adults one.
I don't understand how it fits out of her!
I found I just went from cleaning the potty to cleaning skidders off the toiletFunny my sister is about to start her 3yo using the toilet and I did say my advice is go straight to toilet as cleaning poo out of a potty is a job nobody should ever have to do
@TheBabeWithThePower we’ve found even though he uses the toilet 100% of the time at home and pre-school he still insists on the potty when we’re out for the day so we’re yet to crack that part. At home I started by moving the potty into the bathroom so he got used to sitting in there, then set the toilet up as well so he got used to seeing it ready for him to use but could still use the potty if he wanted then after a little while I just stopped having the potty “available” so it’s just gone and he doesn’t even ask to use it anymore. “big boys use the toilet” is all we said. We did big cheers etc when he went but now he just takes himself off
We have a foldable toilet seat which I pop in the bag for days out for little ones, so they are more comfortable on toilets when we are out. It always made mine a bit happier using toilets when that was our only optionI found I just went from cleaning the potty to cleaning skidders off the toilet
@TheBabeWithThePower we’ve found even though he uses the toilet 100% of the time at home and pre-school he still insists on the potty when we’re out for the day so we’re yet to crack that part. At home I started by moving the potty into the bathroom so he got used to sitting in there, then set the toilet up as well so he got used to seeing it ready for him to use but could still use the potty if he wanted then after a little while I just stopped having the potty “available” so it’s just gone and he doesn’t even ask to use it anymore. “big boys use the toilet” is all we said. We did big cheers etc when he went but now he just takes himself off
Thanks for your reply. I do all of that, but struggle when both children are playing tug of war with the toy. Do I get involved? I can obviously take my child away but that doesn’t seem fair.
At preschool I’m not sure they actually do support her. They couldn’t tell me what happened leading up to her hitting a child but the day before they said she had trouble listening and sharing and she said it was with a farm animal so I’m guessing it was over toys. Everytime I pick her up there’s something. She had a virus last week and when I picked her up they said that she wouldn’t wipe her own nose. We’ve previously had an issue where she had a poo accident where they didn’t clean her up properly and I was told they’d offered her a wipe to do it herself. Her arms aren’t physically long enough to do that. It comes across like she’s too much work for them, but surely that’s all normal for a toddler/preschool room.
I’ve said on a thread somewhere, either this or the baby thread, but my eldest used to strangle me when she was at nursery school, which was really odd and not like her at all (now, at 13 is a completely different story
🫠) anyway, turns out someone was doing it to her and the teachers were well aware of it happening, but for some reason, I wasn’t toldCan you find out if the same thing is happening at preschool? I always take my children out of that situation, whether they had the toy first or not. Which I know isn’t fair, but it’s always my kids who gets seen smacking/snatching the toy back. For instance, at football at the weekend, boy was pushing my 6yo. He was trying to run away from it because he’s not like that, the manager saw and they both got told off. I pulled the manager up and said, ‘no! He was being pushed, so was getting away from the situation’ I’ve told him if it happens again while training to push him back. This kids a right little tit (soz, went a bit of tangent
)They should definitely be wiping her nose and cleaning her up properly whether she’s had an accident or not. Their arms are too little and they’re too young to be able to properly wipe their bums, I would go nuts if my boy came home like that and they told me they’d given him a wipe to clean himself up. She could get sore if she’s left dirty, plus she’s a girl so more likely to get utis
I did think this as it’s so not like her, she used to be so passive. I have messaged the preschool today asking to keep an eye on her and I’ll see how it goes today and then will probably ask to go in and talk to them.I’ve said on a thread somewhere, either this or the baby thread, but my eldest used to strangle me when she was at nursery school, which was really odd and not like her at all (now, at 13 is a completely different story
Can you find out if the same thing is happening at preschool? I always take my children out of that situation, whether they had the toy first or not. Which I know isn’t fair, but it’s always my kids who gets seen smacking/snatching the toy back. For instance, at football at the weekend, boy was pushing my 6yo. He was trying to run away from it because he’s not like that, the manager saw and they both got told off. I pulled the manager up and said, ‘no! He was being pushed, so was getting away from the situation’ I’ve told him if it happens again while training to push him back. This kids a right little tit (soz, went a bit of tangent
After I posted I did think no I need to remove her from the situation until she learns to regulate herself a bit more. I feel like it’s the same with my daughter, I dread picking her up now!
I was furious when I realised when I got her home and they did deal with it properly once I went in and spoke to them about it. She’s not had an accident since but they’ve assured me it won’t happen again. Maybe that’s why they feel they need to tell me every little thing that happens now.
It is so frustrating when you know that’s not how your child reacts. I’m not saying my kids are perfect, far from it, but I know they would never instigate snatching/smacking. Especially my 3yo. I watch how he plays with other children, and he is so timid and always looks at me on how to deal with his situation. And to be honest, it’s much easier to take him away from the situation than other children. He may cry, but I can distract him very easily!
If two kids are in a tug of war and the other parent isn’t there (assuming your kid had it first and the other child is trying to snatch) I would remove my child. With lots of “I know this isn’t fair and you had it first, and I promise we will keep an eye out for when it’s free again”.
Is it a preschool she goes to? Or a daycare? I know the preschool my kids attend (attached to a primary and taught by a teacher) they simply aren’t allowed to clean them up after an accident. They can give them all the things they need, but aren’t allowed to help them, because of child protection. And again they wouldn’t wipe noses either, it would be up to the child (these are kids in both preschool and their pre-pre year).
That’s weird ? My little one goes to a school based pre school and they change his nappy and wipe his nose whenever he needs? Surely you can’t expect 3 year olds to sort themselves out like that on their own?
It’s a private daycare but she’s in the toddler/preschool room so it’s a mix of 2/3 year olds. She was only just potty trained when she started and I did discuss it with them and they said they’d support me with it so I didn’t expect her not to be cleaned up. I’ve dealt with that now, it’s just trying to support her while she’s there and I can’t be.
I feel better about it now and will be more proactive going forward, thank you!
You wouldn’t be able to send a child where I am if they weren’t toilet trained (unless there is a medical reason, of course). Not weird here at all, it’s how it is at all our “proper” preschools ( when I say proper, I mean not daycare preschool rooms, I hope that makes sense).
Ours are led by teachers and classroom assistants who have no obligation (and aren’t protected enough to go around that) to do anything with personal hygiene for children. A few years ago my friend was regularly called up to the preschool as her daughter had constipation and leaking issues, and she’d have to go and clean her up.
Just love the heck out of her when she’s at home, and keep to your normal routine and boundaries. My 4yo started preschool in September and was having a hard time with that, and it was so tempting to let some behaviour slide for an easy life. But keeping everything at home as normal as you can, and reinforcing your rules and boundaries will help stabilise her, in home and at school. We found lots of cuddle time, reading stories and things were we where really concentrating on something nice and cosy together really helped keep her on an even keel.
My boy has just turned 3 and has started going to a new pre-school 2 days a week but getting him there is really difficult. I don’t drive so we have to walk but he just doesn’t want to go. He screams and shouts and cries and runs in the opposite direction, I have a younger son who sits in the buggy so taking him in that isn’t an option. He says he doesn’t want to go because he finds it “scary” and is “nervous”, we’ve tried talking to him about it when he’s calmer (so when he gets home or on days he’s not going) and the most he’s ever said is that it’s scary because of the other children but he can’t elaborate on that. When I took him today he was under the impression that we were going to a stay and play so he was happy enough leaving but when I reiterated to him that it was “school” rather than playgroup he got really upset (maybe I shouldn’t have but I really didn’t want to lie to him because I want him to trust me), I tried picking him up and he just head butted me, kicked me etc. I got down on his level and tried to explain to him that if we got there and he didn’t enjoy it I’d get them to call me and I’d come and get him straight away but he just cried and screamed. I had those pity looks from other parents and other kids staring and that just made me feel like tit. The people that work there have said that he only cried for a couple of minutes once I’ve left and then he’s fine and I believe them because he says his best friend is the name of his key worker.
A bit of background as well, he went to a different nursery from 1 until just before he turned 3 and when he moved to the “big boy” room at 2 there was a boy there who he used to come home and tell us had hit him or pushed him or smacked his face. We didn’t really do much about it because we assumed the nursery would have picked up on it and dealt with it but it recently came out that said child was/is telling the other children that their mummy and daddy aren’t coming to pick them up and said boy is the child of someone who works there so gets away with everything so now we feel awful because we didn’t advocate for our baby and maybe that’s why he hates going to the new place.
Sorry for the massive post, I just wanted to put everything down.
A bit of background as well, he went to a different nursery from 1 until just before he turned 3 and when he moved to the “big boy” room at 2 there was a boy there who he used to come home and tell us had hit him or pushed him or smacked his face. We didn’t really do much about it because we assumed the nursery would have picked up on it and dealt with it but it recently came out that said child was/is telling the other children that their mummy and daddy aren’t coming to pick them up and said boy is the child of someone who works there so gets away with everything so now we feel awful because we didn’t advocate for our baby and maybe that’s why he hates going to the new place.
Sorry for the massive post, I just wanted to put everything down.
I hope you’re ok, this sounds exhausting!
I’m just jotting my “what I’d do” thoughts down-
Can you speak to nursery about this boy? Make your sons feelings validated and explain the boy has been told off.
Can nursery let him take a toy or something in with him to “show his friends” , I’m just thinking of positive things that’ll make your little boy want to go into there.
Equally I think when he’s kicking off about going, I would ignore the behaviour and just get him out the door, you know he’s fine when he’s in there. If he wasn’t, you’d be told. I think there’s a fine line with parenting and if we enable the behaviour of kicking off over going etc, it can make them worse and it becomes a daily thing. Some days my daughter will fake cry in the car to nursery and say she doesn’t want to go but she loves it. It’s hard isn’t it cos you don’t want to him to be sad over goimg and kick off but if he REALLY hated it he would try and get out the door when he’s there x
It’s getting so difficult that I just dread him going and I’m just generally exhausted so I know when he goes he’ll have far more fun than he does at home. I just don’t have the energy to play with him all the time which is major mum guilt.
I really wish I had said something about the boy but we’ve left that nursery now so I can’t do anything about it anymore. He still brings it up now though so I think it must have effected him, I feel guilty about that too
He takes his comfort toy in with him but they don’t let them bring just normal toys in because it can cause upset between the kids, which I get because my boy would be so protective of his toys that if anyone looked at it he’d shout at them.
I think because we have to walk in it sort of elongates the kick off. Like if we were in the car he’s strapped in and can’t run off or stop walking and we’d be there in minutes but because we walk he knows he can play up a bit more and it takes longer to get there so I suppose he has more time to build up his upset about it idk. It’s so hard because I’m trying to validate how he feels and get to the bottom of it all but at the same time I have to keep him and his brother safe next to a busy road x
I've posted many times about it before but please don't feel guilty for not being able to play with him all the time. It's so good for them to learn to play by themselves and in no way is it bad that you can't play with him constantly.It’s getting so difficult that I just dread him going and I’m just generally exhausted so I know when he goes he’ll have far more fun than he does at home. I just don’t have the energy to play with him all the time which is major mum guilt.
I really wish I had said something about the boy but we’ve left that nursery now so I can’t do anything about it anymore. He still brings it up now though so I think it must have effected him, I feel guilty about that too
He takes his comfort toy in with him but they don’t let them bring just normal toys in because it can cause upset between the kids, which I get because my boy would be so protective of his toys that if anyone looked at it he’d shout at them.
I think because we have to walk in it sort of elongates the kick off. Like if we were in the car he’s strapped in and can’t run off or stop walking and we’d be there in minutes but because we walk he knows he can play up a bit more and it takes longer to get there so I suppose he has more time to build up his upset about it idk. It’s so hard because I’m trying to validate how he feels and get to the bottom of it all but at the same time I have to keep him and his brother safe next to a busy road x
Independent play is so important.
I think it's so hard to find the fine line with nursery because I think a lot of the time it's the attention they get from making a big deal of it. So the more response you give him, the more he'll carry on.
But at the same time, you don't want there to be an actual reason for it.
The fact that he's fine once you've left tough, I'd say it's maybe an attention thing
I can sympathise, I posted yesterday how my daughter is struggling being at preschool as she started in sept. I passed my driving test last week but before that walking there was a struggle. I only have the one for now but I let her bring her toy pram and that helped keep her on track to getting there. I’d also leave early with an extra 10/15 mins for daudling so I wouldn’t get as stressed.It’s getting so difficult that I just dread him going and I’m just generally exhausted so I know when he goes he’ll have far more fun than he does at home. I just don’t have the energy to play with him all the time which is major mum guilt.
I really wish I had said something about the boy but we’ve left that nursery now so I can’t do anything about it anymore. He still brings it up now though so I think it must have effected him, I feel guilty about that too
He takes his comfort toy in with him but they don’t let them bring just normal toys in because it can cause upset between the kids, which I get because my boy would be so protective of his toys that if anyone looked at it he’d shout at them.
I think because we have to walk in it sort of elongates the kick off. Like if we were in the car he’s strapped in and can’t run off or stop walking and we’d be there in minutes but because we walk he knows he can play up a bit more and it takes longer to get there so I suppose he has more time to build up his upset about it idk. It’s so hard because I’m trying to validate how he feels and get to the bottom of it all but at the same time I have to keep him and his brother safe next to a busy road x
My preschool gave us some laminated pictures with the support workers faces and we’d go through them before so she felt more secure about who to go to if she needed help.
I messaged them and told them she’s struggling with the other kids (she’s been having a hard time with sharing, has been hitting and at home says she has no friends there), and they set up some group activities this week which seems to have helped. They also send over the activities and toys they have out this week so I always make a big try img of how exciting that will be.
Regarding the previous nursery and other boy, if it’s still bothering him I would go over it all with him and apologise for it happening. It seems like he needs to make sense of it before he can move on.
@bottombanana I feel for you, I really do. My 4yo started preschool this year and we had some hard weeks of lots of crying beforehand, and walking up, and actually when she was there as well
And if the journey got delayed (eg if I stopped to speak to someone) that extra wait time really was hard and caused her to break down entirely. It was just the most awful time. I felt horrendous all day, like a big black cloud was over my head, it really affected my mood far more than I would have thought.
I think validating him, as you say, is really the only way to go. It’s a new, scary experience for a child, and they can’t calmly tell us that so the react the only way their little brain and body can - and unfortunately that’s awful for everyone. No type of discipline or hard line will work, because it’s just huge feelings and we can’t discipline that out of a child (nor would I ever want to).
Things that helped us are lots of calm chats about nursery later in the day when she was ready - allowing her to bring it up
Allowing her to take in a cuddly toy
Lots of cuddles and stories together at home cuddled up - some close connection time both before and immediately after nursery
Earlier bed time as it was worse towards the end of the week when she was knackered
Patience - which is 100% NOT my strong point as a parent. And was something I really struggled with.
Lots of reminders that I would be back in an hour (one finger to visualise) and what I would do when I was at home (“I’m just going to hang up the washing, give the baby a snack and then I’ll be back”)
In practical terms for walking and ensuring safety - what about a buggy board? Or would he scoot or ride a bike if it’s safe? Give him something to concentrate on that isn’t the walk up?
Ours has resolved in time, but it was horrendous, and I really do have huge sympathy right now for you x
Oh and just remembered my daughter (who has great vocabulary and is a chatty thing) didn’t even have the words to talk about why she didn’t want to go. She just knew that it didn’t feel right - but didn’t have the words to say she felt lonely and probably abandoned instead she would say scared, or anything else she could conjure up, but none of them were really how she felt, because she didn’t even know herself
And if the journey got delayed (eg if I stopped to speak to someone) that extra wait time really was hard and caused her to break down entirely. It was just the most awful time. I felt horrendous all day, like a big black cloud was over my head, it really affected my mood far more than I would have thought.
I think validating him, as you say, is really the only way to go. It’s a new, scary experience for a child, and they can’t calmly tell us that so the react the only way their little brain and body can - and unfortunately that’s awful for everyone. No type of discipline or hard line will work, because it’s just huge feelings and we can’t discipline that out of a child (nor would I ever want to).
Things that helped us are lots of calm chats about nursery later in the day when she was ready - allowing her to bring it up
Allowing her to take in a cuddly toy
Lots of cuddles and stories together at home cuddled up - some close connection time both before and immediately after nursery
Earlier bed time as it was worse towards the end of the week when she was knackered
Patience - which is 100% NOT my strong point as a parent. And was something I really struggled with.
Lots of reminders that I would be back in an hour (one finger to visualise) and what I would do when I was at home (“I’m just going to hang up the washing, give the baby a snack and then I’ll be back”)
In practical terms for walking and ensuring safety - what about a buggy board? Or would he scoot or ride a bike if it’s safe? Give him something to concentrate on that isn’t the walk up?
Ours has resolved in time, but it was horrendous, and I really do have huge sympathy right now for you x
Oh and just remembered my daughter (who has great vocabulary and is a chatty thing) didn’t even have the words to talk about why she didn’t want to go. She just knew that it didn’t feel right - but didn’t have the words to say she felt lonely and probably abandoned
instead she would say scared, or anything else she could conjure up, but none of them were really how she felt, because she didn’t even know herselfim glad you’ve mentioned about having no patience. I lose my temper so much over small things sometimes and it’s cos I’ve not much patience@bottombanana I feel for you, I really do. My 4yo started preschool this year and we had some hard weeks of lots of crying beforehand, and walking up, and actually when she was there as well
And if the journey got delayed (eg if I stopped to speak to someone) that extra wait time really was hard and caused her to break down entirely. It was just the most awful time. I felt horrendous all day, like a big black cloud was over my head, it really affected my mood far more than I would have thought.
I think validating him, as you say, is really the only way to go. It’s a new, scary experience for a child, and they can’t calmly tell us that so the react the only way their little brain and body can - and unfortunately that’s awful for everyone. No type of discipline or hard line will work, because it’s just huge feelings and we can’t discipline that out of a child (nor would I ever want to).
Things that helped us are lots of calm chats about nursery later in the day when she was ready - allowing her to bring it up
Allowing her to take in a cuddly toy
Lots of cuddles and stories together at home cuddled up - some close connection time both before and immediately after nursery
Earlier bed time as it was worse towards the end of the week when she was knackered
Patience - which is 100% NOT my strong point as a parent. And was something I really struggled with.
Lots of reminders that I would be back in an hour (one finger to visualise) and what I would do when I was at home (“I’m just going to hang up the washing, give the baby a snack and then I’ll be back”)
In practical terms for walking and ensuring safety - what about a buggy board? Or would he scoot or ride a bike if it’s safe? Give him something to concentrate on that isn’t the walk up?
Ours has resolved in time, but it was horrendous, and I really do have huge sympathy right now for you x
Oh and just remembered my daughter (who has great vocabulary and is a chatty thing) didn’t even have the words to talk about why she didn’t want to go. She just knew that it didn’t feel right - but didn’t have the words to say she felt lonely and probably abandoned
It’s got somewhat better in nearly 3 years but WOW. Some days I’ve had enough Oh I am just awful, it’s one of my worst qualities. I lose my patience so quickly, and my temper too. I hate it about myself and really do try to work on it.im glad you’ve mentioned about having no patience. I lose my temper so much over small things sometimes and it’s cos I’ve not much patience
I freaked the whole family out the other day because all the kids were in a mood, it was Monday afternoon which is a big homework day for the older kids, and it always ends up as chaos and I’m shouting. So on Monday I was super calm, and did lots of breathing
the kids were like “why are you talking in that weird voice?”“This is me calm and keeping my patience”
“It’s creepy”
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