Toddler Advice Thread #2

[Definitelyme]

any tips on saying ‘no’ and being listened to?!
I work part time so spend most of the time with my 18 month old compared to her dad who works full time. she listens to him when he tells her not to do something and just gives me a dirty look and carries on am guessing this is because she spends more time with me

EG today she was jumping up and down on the sofa and throwing herself around and was going to get hurt. I told her to stop and she was laughing. I then also removed her and put her on the floor quietly (cue climbing back up and trying to do it again) she literally completely ignores me. if her dad told her to stop she would stop. I just feel completely powerless which is pathetic, because I’m the adult, but I’m a bit of a wimp at the best of times but don’t want to turn into one of these parents who lets their kids get away with anything!

I know she’s super young to understand not to do stuff but when it’s potentially dangerous / she might get hurt I need a way of getting her to take some notice. Does anyone have any tips or do you just have to distract them at this age?

My experience is that while a short sharp “no” sometimes stops them in their tracks, it’s not actually because they understand “oh wait, I shouldn’t be doing this”, not at 18 mo.
The best three things I’ve found that help me
1) think about why I’m saying no. Is it dangerous? Is something going to break? Or is it just something that you wouldn’t necessarily think they should be doing. Because if it’s the second, then I try and let it go as much as possible. It’s amazing how many times I would say no just because the behaviour is inconvenient/annoying to me, nothing to do with the behaviour itself.
2) redirect without using the word no eg “ you can’t bounce on the sofa, let’s bounce on the trampoline/the floor cushions” “I can’t let you draw on the wall, let’s draw on this paper” “if you feel like throwing let’s find a ball”
3) Have a lot of “yes space”, places in your house where they can basically do what the like as it’s set up for them as much as possible.

 

[Octopies]

Thanks both. Ace advice. Defo feel better and will try what’s been suggested!

Think she will respond really well to some ‘yes’ spaces so I will see how it all goes. Her dad is going away with work so I’ve got 4 days solo with her next week so perfect time to test

 

[al255]

any tips on saying ‘no’ and being listened to?!
I work part time so spend most of the time with my 18 month old compared to her dad who works full time. she listens to him when he tells her not to do something and just gives me a dirty look and carries on am guessing this is because she spends more time with me

EG today she was jumping up and down on the sofa and throwing herself around and was going to get hurt. I told her to stop and she was laughing. I then also removed her and put her on the floor quietly (cue climbing back up and trying to do it again) she literally completely ignores me. if her dad told her to stop she would stop. I just feel completely powerless which is pathetic, because I’m the adult, but I’m a bit of a wimp at the best of times but don’t want to turn into one of these parents who lets their kids get away with anything!

I know she’s super young to understand not to do stuff but when it’s potentially dangerous / she might get hurt I need a way of getting her to take some notice. Does anyone have any tips or do you just have to distract them at this age?

my nearly 3 year old is the exact same even when I shout she just disregards it!! The bit in bold is me to a T

I agree with the “yes space” so mini A has her play room and she can do what she wants in there, make it a tip etc with her toys - it’s her room! I think it helps too x

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Hi all! I've been complaining about my 3 year old (probably not really a toddler? Pre schooler?) over on the baby thread not knowing this one was here! (I do also have a baby, I'm not quite deluded enough to think a 3 year old is a baby).

Our current drama is that she uses the potty brilliantly but will not use the toilet and it's really getting on my nerves! Hoping this week she'll get over herself and try it.
Other than that just the usual 3 year old stuff of not listening to a word I say and being a lovely mixture of hilarious and total attitude!

 

[WhatABore]

Hi all! I've been complaining about my 3 year old (probably not really a toddler? Pre schooler?) over on the baby thread not knowing this one was here! (I do also have a baby, I'm not quite deluded enough to think a 3 year old is a baby).

Our current drama is that she uses the potty brilliantly but will not use the toilet and it's really getting on my nerves! Hoping this week she'll get over herself and try it.
Other than that just the usual 3 year old stuff of not listening to a word I say and being a lovely mixture of hilarious and total attitude!

Have you got a smaller seat on the toilet?
Or even one of the seats with steps up.
My 4yo choosing her own seat encouraged her to use it. She picked a step and seat for the upstairs and downstairs toilet.

Some times it can be quite daunting looking a the massive hole and knowing the flushing can be quite loud.
Getting her to flush the toilet when you empty the potty sometimes works too makes it all less daunting

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Have you got a smaller seat on the toilet?
Or even one of the seats with steps up.
My 4yo choosing her own seat encouraged her to use it. She picked a step and seat for the upstairs and downstairs toilet.

Some times it can be quite daunting looking a the massive hole and knowing the flushing can be quite loud.
Getting her to flush the toilet when you empty the potty sometimes works too makes it all less daunting

Yep, got a smaller seat with a cute design, got steps, she helps tip away the wee and flush it, she sits on it occasionally to practise yet just will not use it! So irritating. I'm sure she'll get there eventually but she's been potty trained for two months now!

 

[WhatABore]

Yep, got a smaller seat with a cute design, got steps, she helps tip away the wee and flush it, she sits on it occasionally to practise yet just will not use it! So irritating. I'm sure she'll get there eventually but she's been potty trained for two months now!

We didn't switch to the toilet until well after being potty trained. Then I realised hmm maybe we should


I'm sure you've tried everything but
can you take her to sit on it when she hasn't been for a little while and take a quick book to read whilst she sits on it?

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

We didn't switch to the toilet until well after being potty trained. Then I realised hmm maybe we should


I'm sure you've tried everything but
can you take her to sit on it when she hasn't been for a little while and take a quick book to read whilst she sits on it?

I'm just fed up of emptying the potty and taking the travel potty everywhere we go!

Yes, tried all of that but thank you for talking it through, it's nice to know I haven't missed anything that might help, I imagine it'll just be one of those things that comes with time and I'll have to try to be patient.

 

[jackieweaver’sauthority]

How do you deal with hitting? My 3 year old started preschool in sept for 2 afternoons a week. She’s gone from being at home with me to dealing with twenty children and not a huge amount of adult help. She’s finding it really hard and has developed hitting as a way to cope.
I took her to playgroup on Friday and she took a shine to a toy. Anytime another child came over she would scream at them and raise her hand. I obviously wouldn’t let her hit them but I’m not there at preschool. She has already hit a child there soon dreading her going back this week.

 

[Definitelyme]

@TheBabeWithThePower my friend’s son totally refused to use the toilet. Eventually they gave the potty to Santa for littler boys and girls, and he then used the toilet fine. Just a thought as we move towards Christmas

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

@TheBabeWithThePower my friend’s son totally refused to use the toilet. Eventually they gave the potty to Santa for littler boys and girls, and he then used the toilet fine. Just a thought as we move towards Christmas

Genius! Might be using this one! Although does that mean another two months of emptying minging toddler poos?!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Argh do you ever feel like a terrible mother. My little one doesn’t listen to me either. This morning he was just being sooo giddy and wouldn’t listen to me at all … and now I feel awful I’ve been telling him off all morning before he goes to nursery. He doesn’t seem bothered but it makes me feel terrible. And also I feel like do i give him enough attention?? He is behind with speech and I feel like it’s my fault cos I don’t always give him attention if I need to get things done etc

 

[Definitelyme]

Argh do you ever feel like a terrible mother. My little one doesn’t listen to me either. This morning he was just being sooo giddy and wouldn’t listen to me at all … and now I feel awful I’ve been telling him off all morning before he goes to nursery. He doesn’t seem bothered but it makes me feel terrible. And also I feel like do i give him enough attention?? He is behind with speech and I feel like it’s my fault cos I don’t always give him attention if I need to get things done etc

I think we all feel like this, we wish we could do more and be more for them. Funny, yesterday my daughter asked what I would clone if I had a cloning machine (she’s 9, not a toddler ) and I said me. So I have one me for doing work, household stuff etc, and one me to play with them all the time. Wouldn’t that be ideal?!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I think we all feel like this, we wish we could do more and be more for them. Funny, yesterday my daughter asked what I would clone if I had a cloning machine (she’s 9, not a toddler ) and I said me. So I have one me for doing work, household stuff etc, and one me to play with them all the time. Wouldn’t that be ideal?!

Yep it really would it’s so hard work being a parent sometimes. They don’t prepare you for it at all. & people wonder why I don’t want another

 

[WhatABore]

Argh do you ever feel like a terrible mother. My little one doesn’t listen to me either. This morning he was just being sooo giddy and wouldn’t listen to me at all … and now I feel awful I’ve been telling him off all morning before he goes to nursery. He doesn’t seem bothered but it makes me feel terrible. And also I feel like do i give him enough attention?? He is behind with speech and I feel like it’s my fault cos I don’t always give him attention if I need to get things done etc

You can't always give them attention.
It's good for them to learn to play by themselves.
You tend to find the kids that have constant attention are the ones who don't know how to play by themselves.

I often put my 4yo to bed and once she's in bed, realise I've non-stop nagged her the past hour and I feel so guilty!

 

[Definitelyme]

How do you deal with hitting? My 3 year old started preschool in sept for 2 afternoons a week. She’s gone from being at home with me to dealing with twenty children and not a huge amount of adult help. She’s finding it really hard and has developed hitting as a way to cope.
I took her to playgroup on Friday and she took a shine to a toy. Anytime another child came over she would scream at them and raise her hand. I obviously wouldn’t let her hit them but I’m not there at preschool. She has already hit a child there soon dreading her going back this week.

Try to preempt as much as possible, so the reaction doesn’t need to be there. So if she is playing with a toy and you see another kid moving towards it, just tell her “this little boy really like the look of what you have, but you can keep it until you’re finished playing with it”. Sticking close by her in those situations to just make sure you can facilitate her moving through those tough feelings.
At preschool, they should be doing similar and tbh I wouldn’t worry too much about it there as there isn’t anything you can do, and they e dealt with it all before.
Once she has settled in, and is probably less tired, she should settle down.
Obviously you can’t always be there so if she does lash out I usually say “I know you’re upset but I can’t let you hit. I’m going to take you over here now until I’m sure your hands won’t hurt anyone” and move them away (with you). I don’t think toddlers think “oh I am gonna whack that kid” I think it’s a - not very desirable - instinct. Their hands move before their brain sometimes.
Also the book “hands are not for hitting”

 

[watermelon sugar]

Argh do you ever feel like a terrible mother. My little one doesn’t listen to me either. This morning he was just being sooo giddy and wouldn’t listen to me at all … and now I feel awful I’ve been telling him off all morning before he goes to nursery. He doesn’t seem bothered but it makes me feel terrible. And also I feel like do i give him enough attention?? He is behind with speech and I feel like it’s my fault cos I don’t always give him attention if I need to get things done etc

we can’t always be the nice, fun parent, sometimes we have to nag to make them learn! It goes straight over their heads as well so don’t worry. It’s not your fault at all that he’s behind with speech, you’re doing as much as you can! We can’t do everything all at once and it’s good for them to play on their own sometimes and not have our attention 24/7 🤍

 

[Definitelyme]

Genius! Might be using this one! Although does that mean another two months of emptying minging toddler poos?!

Funny my sister is about to start her 3yo using the toilet and I did say my advice is go straight to toilet as cleaning poo out of a potty is a job nobody should ever have to do

 

[TheBabeWithThePower]

Funny my sister is about to start her 3yo using the toilet and I did say my advice is go straight to toilet as cleaning poo out of a potty is a job nobody should ever have to do

100% - when it comes to potty training baby I'll be getting him on the toilet within the first couple of days, it's so gross! How are their poos almost as big as them and so smelly too??

 

[Definitelyme]

100% - when it comes to potty training baby I'll be getting him on the toilet within the first couple of days, it's so gross! How are their poos almost as big as them and so smelly too??

My husband is always coming out from wiping the 4yos bum and saying “it was the size of a tree trunk!” Etc. She produces enormous amounts of poo for a) her size and b) how little she seems to eat!